Cosima barely got a wink of sleep. Despite her body slowing to a crawl, her mind raced, calculating the possibilities that allowed her the most time. A gene therapy could take months. It wasn't impossible, but it was infinitely harder without the marrow. She couldn't ask Sarah to let Kira make that kind of sacrifice again. She wouldn't allow it.
Each breath was slow, and deliberate, as though she were maintaining the façade of control over her rebelling body. Sarah could practically hear the wheels spinning beside her. She turned over, checking in on her sister.
"Hey." Cosima snapped out of her daze.
"What were you thinking about?" Thoughts and feelings weren't the usual conversation fodder for Sarah, but this was a special case. Her sister was chugging on borrowed time, she yearned for every thought in that beautiful, intelligent, resourceful brain of hers.
Just my inevitable death. No, Cosima couldn't tell her the truth. It had to be something random, geeky even, enough to keep her from heaping on to her worry pile. "Oh, Buckminster Fuller, and sacred geometry." She rolled up her sleeve, showing off her nautilus tattoo. "See this? It's called the golden ratio." She traced the outline slowly, lingering on the thick, brushed curves. "and it's this mathematical pattern that just repeats itself in nature, in flower petals, in honeybees, all the stars in the galaxy, and every molecule of our DNA."
Sarah couldn't take her eyes off of her. Few people could make a concept she'd slept through in school so enthralling. She was beyond brilliant, and she was slowly slipping away. "God, we're so different, all of us." It made her wonder just how many 'us-es' there were. A scientist, a soccer mom, a man on the run. How could they keep all of them safe? "I don't even know how to look at art. Don't tell Fe." She deflected with a glint of humor.
Cosima held out her hand, magnetically drawing Sarah's to it. "You're the wild type, Sarah." Their fingers laced together, Sarah sending every morsel of energy she could. "You propagate against all odds. Y'know? You're restless, you survive." Sarah needed her full blown support, but she'd never want to ask.
"I can't do this without you, Cosima." She couldn't hold the tears in any longer. It wasn't about the science anymore. She'd spent years trying to isolate herself, trying to keep her family safe, and then suddenly, her family grew. How could she find a way to carry on if she lost her sister?
"You'll be fine." Her tears were heartbreaking. No matter the corner she found herself painted, she found a way out. Whether she had to pose as another person, or literally break through a wall. She was stronger than she'd ever take credit for. She could be anything, or anyone. Sarah had the keys now. Cosima needed her to believe she knew how to use them.
"Yeah." Easy to say it when you're not the one left behind.
"You just have to keep moving forward." Without her. The science told Cosima she was staring down the end, and wasn't afraid anymore. She was so used to being the knowledge keeper, a fountain of answers, but she'd hit an impenetrable barrier. But here, she was taking a stand. She refused to be Jennifer Fitzsimmons. She wouldn't let herself waste away, bald and gasping, while scientists poked her with sticks. She just wished she'd uncovered more of the science. She loved Sarah too much to leave her unprepared.
"Forward through the looking glass with Marion Bloody Bowles." A mysterious woman in an obscure position of power, holding what seemed to be vital intelligence on all of their origins.
"What could go wrong?" Her lips curled in a lazy smile.
"Don't suppose there's a dungeon they can throw me in." She joked, brushing away the tears.
"Slay a dragon, whatever." Her eyelids were feeling heavy again. She needed to do better at conserving her energy.
"Get some rest this time, yeah?" Sarah tried to pull herself together. Cal was on his way. "'Cause I don't know what I'm about to find out, but I know I'm gonna have a pissload of questions to ask you when I'm done." There was no one else she could trust to give her the unfiltered truth.
"Have fun storming the castle." Cosima gave her hand a weak squeeze before slowly slipping back in slumber. Sarah reached over, gently sliding off her glasses. Just a little longer, Cos.
Meanwhile, Helena slowly stirred, trying not to wake the rest of the apartment. She was grateful to have met her other sestras, but there was someone else on her mind. She held the beaten trucker had close to her chest. Jesse was still waiting for her. She would see him again, and he would meet her family, and they would live happily ever after. Just like in Kira's bedtime stories.
She pulled the heavy tank out of her knapsack. Her babies would be safe here until she returned. She slipped through the door without a sound, taking in the lingering musk on Jesse's hat. Soon she would be reunited with her love. Then suddenly, darkness. Hands grabbing at her shoulders, a shock, then nothing. Not again.
For the first time in ages, Cosima felt peace. She'd spent so much time feeling angry at Delphine for making deals with her health without her knowledge. The deep-seated rage had blinded her from seeing her true motives. Delphine wanted her to live so badly, she was willing to sacrifice their relationship for a cure.
Don't be afraid. I'll never leave you. The hand on her cheek felt so warm, so inviting. She missed feeling Delphine's touch. Those smooth, manicured hands, miraculously unscathed by years of lab gloves and chemicals. She'd teased her for stocking a supply of French creams and lotions with unpronounceable names, but now, she'd give anything to have her back from her 4,000-mile trek to Frankfurt. She was just as lost without Delphine, as Sarah was without her.
"Auntie cosima!" Her eyes finally fluttered open, revealing a very relieved Kira.
Just a dream, nothing more.
"Ali? The kids are at your mother's for the weekend, what's with the feast?" Donnie asked after sampling a spoonful of the sauce on the stove. It's not like he was complaining, though.
"Not for you." She whacked his hand with a spatula without even looking. "Sarah's been a little too busy to cook, so I told her I'd help." She sliced through vegetables with ninja precision. "And Cosima's not doing well, so…"
"Oh…" The news took Donnie by surprise. It was one aspect of the Clone Club life she'd neglected to share with him. "Anything I can um, do?" His trip to DYAD wasn't quite fruitful, Rachel turned the tables on him before he could realize what hit him. He dipped a spoon in the skillet, giving the contents a stir.
"Yes, don't crowd the mushrooms." Maybe Alison wasn't ready to spill her feelings just yet. Instead, she chose to stuff them down, channeling her fear into the only way she felt she could help. If making dinner and keeping watch over the apartment was how she could contribute, then so be it. This was the role she could play to keep her sister alive, and she would not shrink away.
The Island of Dr. Moreau. Man, did that take Cosima back. She was barely older than Kira when she read the same chapters by nighttime flashlight. She flipped open the cover, revealing a labyrinth of diagrams and notes. Words boxed. Molecules. Amino acid sequences. "Where did you get this book?"
"Professor Duncan gave it to me for a present." Cosima flipped through the pages even faster. Holy fucking eureka. He wrote it all down and left it right under their noses.
"You're right, Kira, this book is very, very special." She flashed that warm, brilliant smile. More than that. This book could literally save her life. Suddenly, she had hope. But, she couldn't crack this alone. "Um, hey, Felix?"
"I told you I'd bring breakfast when it was ready." He waltzed in, clad in his apron and oven mitts. "Everythin' alright?" His tone warmed, seeing the pair in bed. They were peas in a nerdy little pod. After growing up so lonely, she had a new flock of Aunties to smother her with love.
"Yeah, yeah, we're good." But, she'd be better if she spread the news to the only person left who could help them. If Scott really was still safe at the DYAD, he could get a head start. "Can you bring my laptop over?"
"So demanding." He left with a sarcastic grin, quickly retrieving it. "More research on Marion?" He wondered what brought on the urgency.
She shook her head, typing away, her fingers trying to keep up with her brain. "No, look." She picked up the book again, revealing the cryptic notes in the pages. This was their new lifeline. "It's Ethan's."
"Ho-ly fu…dge muffins." He struggled to censor himself around Kira. A real breakthrough. It was no bone marrow transplant, but it had to help, right? With all this clone business he was starting to wish he'd paid a little more attention in his science classes instead of doodling his teachers in the margins.
"Yeah." Cosima's sentiments, exactly. "Scott already knows how to decrypt some of this stuff, maybe he can find something here." She was back to the brink of a real treatment, thanks to Kira and her special book. "Good job, little scientist." She gave her a squeeze in her one-armed hug, beaming proudly, grateful that Ethan could recognize her genius. With any luck, Sarah would be back to pile on the good news.
Her Skype alert went off, showing a blocked number. She clicked it quickly, hoping it was Sarah with some sort of update from Marion's lair. Instead, she was floored by the familiar French lilt.
"Cosima?"