Crane was nervous. But he was doing his best not to show it as he followed a few steps behind the Leftenant as he entered her bedroom, stopping as soon as he crossed the door and waiting for her direction.
This was unchartered territory. As had been the case with many events of the evening between the two Witnesses. But this was different.
It was personal. Intimate.
He could count on one hand the number of times he had been in the Leftenant's bedroom since he had moved into her home. It wasn't a room he felt was his place to enter.
He looked over at her as she turned to face him, her face soft and a bit unsure.
"I've been ummm… sleeping on the floor." She said abruptly. "I tried sleeping in the bed the night I got back but I just laid there awake the whole night. Almost like the bed was too comfortable… I guess I grew used to rougher environments."
She sighed deeply, turning her attention to the queen bed that still looked as fresh and unbothered as the day she disappeared.
"But uhh, I'm growing tired of sleeping on the floor." She laughed softly. "My back is starting to hurt."
Crane smiled tenderly, innately bothered by how much pain she had been hiding from him these past few weeks.
"So I was going to try to sleep in the bed tonight." She paused.
"You don't have to hold me or anything…." She blurted out. "I could just use some company."
Unsure that words would flow from his lips because of his emotions, he simply nodded, and watched as she peeled the covers back on the left side of the bed and began to get in.
Crane took her lead, still fully clothed but comfortable in his favorite shirt and breeches, and moved towards the other side. Still in awe of how open and honest she was being with him about her struggles.
He tried not to allow his mind to wander, when she reached over and turned the nightstand light off. The room suddenly full of darkness and silence. The only sounds were their rapid breaths as they faced each other on opposite ends of the bed.
He wanted to thank her. For allowing him this and trusting him with so much of herself. Even though he still did not deem himself deserving. And he felt the need to be as honest with her as she had been with him. For even though there were things Miss Jenny had told her, she couldn't possibly know the extent of his agony when she went missing.
"I violated your space…." He said softly. "When you were away."
Crane heard her shift slightly in the bed, but continued on.
"There was one particular day when you were missing that I thought we had stumbled upon a good lead. And with the help of Agent Foster, I tracked it down only to discover it had been something perpetrating itself as you to gain entrance into this world.
"That evening was rough… for me. It was the first time I allowed myself the thought that maybe your return was not a certainty. That perhaps we would fail in finding you and you would be lost to me. Forever."
He sighed.
"Tonight is not the first time I have laid my head in your bed, Leftenant. That night, I couldn't sleep and found myself in this same position. Needing to be as near to you as I could… Of which, I hope you will understand and forgive me."
He heard a snicker from her mouth.
"That first night, Crane. That I tried sleeping in my bed after I returned from the Catacombs…. I smelled you. Your scent. On my sheets." She paused. "I thought I was going crazy."
Crane was bewildered for a moment. So she had known all along.
"I kept wondering why you would be in here, in my bedroom, when I went missing." She said. "But I get it. I do. I held onto everything I could of you when I was gone as well, Crane."
"Hmm…" He said, slowly. "It seems that we are both of which the other can not live without, Leftenant."
His eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the midnight hour and he thought he saw her ponder his statement. Her eyes closing briefly to reflect on his words.
"So what does my 'scent', as you so cleverly called it, smell like?" He asked amusingly.
He heard a low rumble in her voice as she processed his question.
"It's hard to describe. But it's most uniquely yours." She said teasingly. "When I first saw you in the Catacombs, before I knew you were an astral projection, and I ran to you. I couldn't wait to touch you… smell you."
She spoke honestly. And admittedly, as much as Crane longed to hear her inner thoughts, the conversation terrified him equally. For he knew his true feelings for the Leftenant went far beyond their bond as Witnesses. And he still was unsure if those feelings were reciprocated.
"I'm so tired of fighting this alone, Crane." She said, her voice shaky.
He reached out to her, grabbing her hand under the covers and caressing it gently with his thumb.
"I am here, Leftenant." He whispered. "And I will never leave you… As long as you have me."
They stayed in that position for a while. Crane caressing her hand in his, as she relaxed in his comfort. Abbie knew he was telling the truth. The Crane that had left her side for nine months without a word was not the same man in front of her today. He had once been unsure of the importance he held in her life. But he knew now their intrinsic bond was not only important…. It was a necessity, far greater than either was capable of realizing until just recently.
She let go of his hand and gradually moved closer to him, noticing his eyes opening wider, startled by her proximity. But Abbie needed to feel him. To touch and hold and be near to him.
Crane watched as she turned over and laid directly in front of him. Her back to his chest. She allowed herself to get as close as she could without directly touching him. And Crane lay frozen, wanting so desperately to reach out and hold her but worried it would over-step the boundaries she so dearly prized.
But he also knew this was an offering. Of herself, her vulnerabilities. All of the things she had so desperately held back from him since she had returned. And knowing this, he placed his hand on her left arm, softly caressing her skin as he closed the distance between them.
He heard her take a breath, her body relaxing in his touch. She reached her hand up, grabbing his from her arm and pulling around her waist. Crane closed his eyes and sighed.
Never in a million dreams would he have imagined the comfort and safety and love he felt in this moment. The Leftenant's return had been a miracle. Thwarted only by her resistance to grieve and acknowledge the struggles she faced. He had hoped beyond reason that she would come to him one night. Like this. Allowing him to share in her hurt. To unburden her of some of her pain.
Because they got through things. Together.
As if reading his mind, she squeezed his hand a little tighter. And Crane gently brushed his nose in her hair. Soaking in the scent of her shampoo as if it were the very oxygen he needed to breathe.
"I've missed you so much, Abbie." He said, his emotions getting the best of him. And he felt her freeze. The use of her first name still only something used in states of peril. Or adoration.
It held a certain intimacy in its own right. Although the world called her by it, thru Crane's lips, it meant so much more.
She turned over slightly, facing him in the dark as she stared into his eyes. His hand still wrapped around her, holding onto her desperately.
"Show me." She said softly to him in the darkness.
She watched his face beg for clarification, knowing the full meaning behind her statement but needing her to say it plainly for him.
"Show me how much you missed me, Crane."