Hi Guys, I don't have a beta, so I own all my own mistakes. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries.

Just functioning day to day seems like so much more effort now. I know I should be relying on my friends, let Bonnie and Caroline in, but avoidance seems to be what I now do best.

I wish I could talk to Stefan about Jenna and John but now he is gone too. Damon seems to be living life as normal and Ric is just drowning his sorrows at the Grille as per usual.

I feel like there is something I should be doing, rather than just wallow in my misery. I have decided to enlist Bonnie and Caroline to help me find Stefan. If that is even possible. Klaus seems to be fairly good at hiding when he wants to. I'm just hoping he doesn't.

Even though I could drive, a walk to the Grille seems like the best way to clear my head, while also being the most likely place to find Caroline and Bonnie.

As I enter, I automatically look towards the pool tables in back, keeping an eye out for my friends. My eye catches at the bar and I see Ric, eyes focused on his drink, oblivious to the world around him. He is sitting there all alone, without even Damon for company and my heart aches thinking about just how often he may have been doing that lately.

He took a sideways glance at me when I sat next to me and slid his glass towards me. I'm pretty sure it was to say 'I've had enough. Stop me', but I knocked back the drink in one mouthful while he stared at me open mouthed.

"You know you're beyond underage. You're only seventeen for Christ's sake."

"I know." I replied.

"I think you're a little too young to become a day drinker. Or a drinker at all for that matter."

"Well it seems to be working for you."

"It's not." Ric sighed. "It really really isn't. The pain is still there, it's just my vision that is blurred, not the memories."

I felt for him then, more than I had in recent times. This was a man that was not coping at all. Even his normal vices couldn't cut it, but he had no other solution.

"Ric?"

"Yep?"

"Let's get out of here. Come back to our place, you can sleep it off on the couch."

He stood, shakily.

I wouldn't let him drive and wouldn't drive myself, so we slowly wandered back to the Gilbert residence on foot.

"I wish I had been there" Ric mumbled.

It came out of nowhere.

"Been where?"

"With Jenna. Maybe he would have taken me instead?"

"No, he wouldn't have. It was revenge and spite that made him take her."

I wanted to talk about anything else. Jenna's death weighed heavily on my conscience as well.

"It was my fault that he took her. And Damon's. But if it wasn't Jules and Jenna, it would have been Tyler and Caroline. There is no right answer."

This was the first I had talked of this. Saying that out loud, I realised that it truly wasn't the fault of any one person. Sans Klaus.

I spoke again, stronger this time. "It was Klaus' fault! Not ours. I've spent so much time being sad and regretful, when I just should have been angry."

We had arrived home. I helped Alaric into the living room and we both collapsed on the couch.

I continued, "All the people I missing, Jenna, John, Stefan, are all due to Klaus!"

Ric looked up at me with a soft expression in his eyes. "How are you doing about Stefan?"

"Not good" I replied honestly. "I just don't know what happened to him. I have to believe he isn't dead but he has literally disappeared. I want to talk to him but he just isn't here."

"I'm not sure what is worse. Knowing your girlfriend is a dead vampire that was sacrificed to create a monster or not knowing whether your boyfriend is dead or just a slave to said monster. We make a pair. Elena," he looked into my eyes "I really hope we can find Stefan. He is one of the good ones and you deserve that."

I hugged him, a full body hug that I just didn't want to let go of. He gathered me into him arms and we sat like that on the couch for a few minutes.

I looked up at him. "Déjà vu? All we need is some bourbon and I'm pretty sure we've been here before."

He chuckled. "I have a stash. Third cupboard from the fridge in the kitchen. Behind the onions."

I got up to retrieve said alcohol. "I'm pretty sure you're corrupting a minor here." I batted my eyelashes. "I'm just an impressionable young thing, not yet eighteen and you're giving me hard liquor?"

"Pretty sure you're just as jaded as anyone Elena, you just don't have the wrinkles to prove it. "

I poured us each a shot before I sat down again. "Together then?"

"To the demise of Klaus" One shot down.

"To finding Stefan" Two shots down.

"To love" Three shots down. I was starting to feel it.

"To us" Shots number four. I looked at Ric at the same time he looked at me.

I leaned in, unsure what exactly it was that I was doing.

"Elena?"

"Yes?"

"What are you...?" I leaned in and closed that final gap. His lips felt warm on mine and I could taste the combined liquor on my tongue. It felt so right and so wrong at the same time. I was in love with Stefan. I was looking for Stefan. He was mourning the loss of my aunt.

He pulled back abruptly. "Elena, no. We can't. God, I'm your teacher." He looked so repulsed.

I felt unbelievably guilty. "Ric, I am so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I think I'll just go to bed. Are you still OK sleeping on the couch? Oh God, can we please just forget that ever happened?"

He looked conflicted for a moment before he smiled softly again at me. "Of course, goodnight Elena."