"Uryuu... don't leave me. Don't go before I can tell you..."

Uryuu found himself hanging on those words, waiting to hear what came next from the somehow gentle tormentor. He would have held his breath if he weren't afraid of being found to be awake, and had to fight himself to keep his breathing steady, even as he heard Ichigo's voice hitch, almost as if...

As if he were trying to speak while crying. Somehow, that thought hit him just as hard as the words that came next.

"I... Uryuu, I want... I want you to know. I... lov-..."

Uryuu felt a forehead placed on his hand for a second, heard him swallow, before saying quickly after,

"-ve the fact you're going to recover. I was so worried, everyone was. But it's good that you're okay, because I don't know what I'd do if you... died."

It was only then that Ichigo quieted down finally, leaving Uryuu to combat the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings rushing through him. That hadn't been the first thing Ichigo had meant to say. Yet... he'd changed it. As if he didn't have the heart to say it.

'He loves... torturing me? Is that it?'

The thought was chilling, but still at odds to the heavily breathing man beside him, holding his hand like Uryuu was a child on his deathbed. He didn't understand it. He couldn't understand it. But somehow... the words were also a promise. Things were going to be alright, as long as this stayed their little secret. That's what Ichigo wanted. Apologizing for putting him in the hospital, and asking him not to say anything. That sounded like Ichigo.

He heard more words coming from the male beside him, but somehow they were now far away sounds and distant murmurs. As the darkness behind his eyes became deeper and he felt his body relaxing further into the bed, he barely felt the hand slip away from his.

He would be good. His life had been spared, so he would be good.

That's what Ichigo wanted.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ichigo's POV)

" - don't know what I'd do if you... died."

His words were lame, he knew, but his heart was beating erratically against his chest, and he wasn't able to force the words he'd wanted to say past the lump in his throat. There were tears in his eyes, even as his mind continued to rationalize that Uryuu was indeed in the hospital with severe wounds.

'I had to have done this.'

The steady beeping of Uryuu's heart monitor drowned out everything in the room, except his thoughts.

'It's... my fault that Uryuu is like this.'

Somehow the thought only made his chest tighten considerably, making it even harder to breathe. So when the door to Uryuu's room opened, his breath caught, his eyes flying toward the black haired female, staring like a deer in front of an oncoming car. Rukia only gave him a glance, however, before placing a nice bouquet of lilacs on the table next to Uryuu's bed. It was only after she'd arranged the flowers just so that she finally turned to Ichigo, speaking softly,

"I thought you'd be here."

Dumbfounded, Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off with a wave of Rukia's hand.

"I hope you don't think I'm stupid. I knew why you were asking about Uryuu. That's also why I didn't stop you. But I think we need to talk."

Looking back at Uryuu, Ichigo gave a soft sigh before slipping his hand away from the sleeping male and standing up. Together, Ichigo and Rukia walked quietly out of Uryuu's room, taking care to shut the door softly, so as to not wake him up. Thankfully, the walk out of the hospital was an uneventful one, and before long, both of them were sitting on the curb of the parking lot.

Removing his hat, Ichigo used it as a distraction for his hands even as he blurted out,

"Look, Rukia, I know what you must think, but I-"

"I know." came her reply, startling Ichigo.

When he looked up at her, she seemed to be studying him, but her face was gentler than last time; less accusing, and more... seeking, almost. It startled him enough that he could only listen as she spoke.

"You wouldn't hurt a fly unless it tried to destroy one of your friends. That's just how you are. But there's a few things I've been noticing, Ichigo, and you can't deny them. You've been disappearing off and on for the past four weeks, mostly at night. The next morning, you say you've been sleeping the entire time. At first, I put it off as sleep walking, like some people of this world do. But it kept happening.

"At the same time, around when your disappearances started happening, I noticed a change in Uryuu. Surely you did too: he was more jumpy around you. Quieter, more withdrawn... and I remember one time, when he came in wearing that long sleeved shirt, there was a bruise on his wrist. It made me wonder if maybe he was having family problems, but most of the time whenever I'd call him, he'd brush it off as nothing. That I was worrying for no good reason.

"Then there was that day you went missing and I called Uryuu to see where you'd gone, and found out you'd gone over to his house. Ichigo, he was scared when he found out you were there."

He felt the dread pooling in the pit of his stomach as he listened to Rukia, but even when she paused, his mouth was too dry to form an answer. So she just continued.

"He sounded so shaky, so... terrified. So when I got there only to learn he'd passed out in front of you... I'm going to be honest. I thought you really were hurting him. But what reason would you have to do so? None that I could think of, at least. So I tried to talk to him; to give him someone he could talk to. But that last time seemed to spook him so much, that he wouldn't even answer my calls after that. Then... this. It looks really bad, Ichigo."

Even before she'd stopped, Ichigo's head had found its way into his hands. His body was trembling, not because he was cold, but because he himself was terrified of Rukia's words. It was one thing to suspect yourself, but to have one of your best friends accuse you of almost killing another one of your best friends... it was hard to take. So when Rukia spoke up next, he felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach.

"Ichigo... I want you to look at me and tell me... tell me you didn't do this. Tell me you wouldn't hurt Uryuu."

What could he say? It felt like someone had jabbed a knife into his heart and shattered it, leaving behind a pain that would never heal. He tried to discreetly wipe away tears that were threatening to fall before he looked up at Rukia, but her expression only brought them back to the corners of his eyes.

"I... I..."

The words just wouldn't form.

'I can't tell you that. I'm afraid I really did do this. I'm afraid I'll kill him and never remember it. I'm so afraid.'

Any one of those would have done. Hell, he could have said anything else, and have it make more sense that just blurting out,

"I love him."

But he'd said it. The words out of his mouth, too little, too late. He hadn't been able to say it to Uryuu, or even to himself before today. Groaning, he hid his face in the hat, feeling like he'd just incriminated himself to one of the only people who might have believed him.

So this was it. It was all over.

So Rukia surprised him when he felt an arm come around his shoulders, and he was pulled into a sideways hug. His eyes widened even as he tried to look up at Rukia, wondering what was going through her head when she spoke.

"At least you finally admit that much, if nothing else."

"What do you... huh?"

It just wasn't registering; Ichigo's brain had finally ceased all motion and thought process, and left him stunned, hanging on Rukia's words.

"Dummy. It would take a blind person to miss how you look at Uryuu, even before all this started up. It's kind of bad that it took this happening for you to realize it, but the future's what you have to worry about. Whether you did this, or someone was setting you up, Uryuu's going to take a long time to recover from this. Are you prepared to wait it out, and help him along the way?"

He felt the first tear finally making its way down his cheek, only to drip onto Rukia's shirt. Was he ready? That was the real question here. Could he take responsibility? Even if he couldn't remember what happened, could he manage to help Uryuu recover?

That was an answer, at least, he didn't have to think about.

"I'll do whatever I can."

He didn't see Rukia's smile, but her hug became tighter for a few seconds.

Like she was telling him everything was going to be okay.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ (Ryuuken's POV) [The next Morning]

He sat in the chair at Uryuu's bedside, sipping quietly on his steaming cup of coffee. He felt more rested than previous days, maybe knowing it was because there was no longer a stench of blood in Uryuu's room; only the smell of bleach lingering. He was leaving running the hospital to a few of his colleges, against his better judgement, but he couldn't help but face the fact it was hard to stay away from Uryuu.

He had looked horrible that day: barely breathing, beaten and bloody... even when he'd woken up the first time after surgery, his eyes had seemed dull and lifeless. He had changed so rapidly in the past month, Ryuuken found it hard not to berate himself for turning a blind eye like he had. In part, he blamed himself for what happened, simply because he wasn't there to stop it. Because he'd chosen not to be there to stop it.

Contemplating that thought, he took another sip of his coffee, letting it scald his tongue and throat on the way down, but even the almost boiling liquid couldn't drown out his thoughts. That first night Uryuu had come home and called him 'father'; that had to have been when it started. If he remembered correctly, Uryuu had been away from the house for a day or so. He should have called Uryuu's bluff then and there. He should have figured out what was really going on instead of letting the boy go off in a rage at his taunting. He should have been...

Ryuuken gnashed his teeth together at the thought that flitted through his mind, but he couldn't deny it any longer.

He should have been a father.

Why it took Uryuu nearly dying for him to remember what it was like to feel love for family, he might never know. Still, he forced himself to sit there beside Uryuu until his coffee was gone, trying to figure out what he would say when the boy woke up. According to his staff, he had the day off today, but Ryuuken had no intention of making it a day of rest.

No, today... he would get some answers from his... son.

And maybe tomorrow, he would avenge that very son.