I am the Holy Spirit.

Suddenly all the pieces connect in my mind like a ghastly puzzle.

"…hollies were adorned on doors as a method of preventing persecution. However, it was truly used as a method of preventing unpredictable misfortune. It has been said that the power of the holly is not limited to the problems that earthly creatures could inflict, but also demonic forces."

I can hear Rebecca's voice speak from a distant memory.

She wasn't just telling me a Christian parable about hollies. She was trying to clue me in to who I was. I was the one that was meant to prevent demons and otherworldly forces from causing torment on Earth. She named me after the very thing I was symbolized for.

I smack my forehead with the heel of my hand in disbelief. "Rebecca, you are a damn piece of work."

"Rebecca has something to do with this?" Sam squints his eyes at me. "Did she…know?"

"In a way, yes. I just didn't know she knew at the time…and uh, that also reminds me. I have a few more things to confess." I reply sheepishly. "Look guys," I heave a sigh, "Rebecca told me a lot about myself before she died. A last confession if you will." I meet their gaze, trying to keep my chin up high. "And knowing that she lied to me in the whole time we spent together like I was some mindless fool, hurt, you know? But then again, I'm pretty much doing the exact same thing to all of you." I shake my head slightly before standing up a little straighter. "Now, I understand her reasons for putting me through all of it." I realized that Sam and Dean are the closest thing I have to a family now that she was gone. They are all I had left and I didn't want to lose them either, like Rebecca didn't want to lose me. "She thought she was protecting me like I think I'm protecting you. But none of this is my choice to make. The only way we will ever work together is if we trust each other. You deserve the whole truth before going through with any of this. So, here it goes." I confess blowing out a breath I didn't know I was holding in until now. "Rebecca wasn't human."

"What was she then?" Bobby questions.

"She was an angel." Castiel answers for me. Irritation is evident in his tone of voice and face. Cas was never one to be patient. "Her name was Sariel. She was supposed to bring the humans back towards their faith in God after the first apocalypse" He explains, the rush of words escaping his mouth easier than you would've handled. "She was dismissed from the garrison because of her failure in completing her mission as she fell in love with a human. He was one of the prophets she was working with at the time." He sighs heavily as he continues on, his head slightly shaking in disapproval. "She was deemed disloyal because of her corrupt feelings for the human. So, she was casted down to Earth and the prophet smited in return."

"Yeah." I shrug, "What he said." I had to admit, Cas had a better way of summarizing traumatic experiences than I was.

"Huh, a couple of dicks-with-wings killed her lover boy because they were pissed she found Earth better than their alleluia-loving crowd. What's new?" Dean rolls his eyes scornfully.

"So, Sariel took the real Rebecca's body as a vessel? Why?" Sam inquiries. "Isn't that a little strange to choose a fuzz as a meat suit?"

"Once Rebec-Sariel was banished from heaven, she seeked revenge on the ones who betrayed her." My tongue trips over speaking the unfamiliar name. I didn't want to think of Rebecca's real title because it made her a celestial soldier of Heaven, not the compassionate woman that grew to be my mother. It showed that my entire life was devoted to someone I hardly knew anything about. "She heard the talk about the Fallen One and found that demons were searching for me. She rebelled by making a deal with them. To find and retrieve the Fallen One, in order to bring her love back from the dead in reward. She took the nearest body she could find in order to keep me in sight. Besides, an officer compared to a stranger is no competition. She obviously used the badge in her favor."

"Damn." Bobby whistles. "So, she was playin' you the whole time then?"

"In the beginning, she was." I declare with a tight voice. However, despite the anger I used to feel, there was only longing for the woman. "But then something changed. While we lived together, she grew to care for me as a mother would a daughter. She helped me build up my own life before I left her. She must've known I could only be safe if I wasn't near her anymore. She fell in love with me…and she let me go. She gave up the man she loved for me."

"Now, I get it." Dean claps his hands together, breaking me out of my moment of reverie. "That's why those demons were after you. Why they attacked you at the diner that night, right? Since she bailed on their deal, they tried to get a piss poor of a delivery group to do the job."

"Seems about right." I affirm.

"But who were they going to bring you to?" Bobby asks. His fingers scratch at the course hairs of his beard. "That's the main question here."

"As far as the intel in heaven goes, we are still working on it." Castiel reports.

Dean scoffs, his green eyes harsh with accusation. "We don't know who or what we're working with? Come on Cas!"

"I'm sorry Dean. No one knew a second apocalypse was even possible without being caused by Lucifer himself. Yet, we know now that the apocalypse can't be prevented. Not like the last time. There will just be another cause for it. We must beat this new source of evil, permanently."

"Are we even sure that this isn't Lucifer?" Sam asks, his eyes quizzical. "Maybe he found a way to get out of the cage?"

"We are sure Sam. I know where my brother is and he is still located in the cage."

"So, if it's not...Lucifer..." I shudder at the thought. "Then, who could it be?"

"That is what we are trying to figure out, aren't we?" Cas bitterly replies, irritation crossing his features.

"I'm just saying, you guys have faced Judgement Day before. There has to be a pattern somewhere. You guys aren't exactly hellfire friendly. There could be a multitude of suspects' right under your noses."

Dean nods his head in agreement. "I think you're onto somethin'. Sammy, do you still have that map?" He turns towards his brother. "Like the one that marks all the stranger-than-usual crap that's been happening lately?"

"Yeah. I left it in my bag." Sam claims. "I was gonna let Bobby take a look at it."

"Good, we're gonna need some extra eyes." Dean states before walking up towards the house and we soon follow after him. We all trail inside except Castiel, who stays glued by the door's threshold looking uncomfortable.

"Um, you coming?" I stop in my tracks to glance at his feet pointedly. "Or are your feet not functioning?" His eyes squint at me as I cock my eyebrow. "Ohhh…right. Bobby has the house warded against angels." I chuckle lightly at his exasperated glare. "A warrior of God and a tiny spell keeps you grounded?"

"It's not a spell." He scoffs as I try to hold in a laugh at his offended tone. "It's a powerful sigil that bans any angelic being with my kind of power to be forbidden from entering a sanctuary that I has not-"

"I was just kidding." I smirk. "Loosen up. I'll go get one of the guys to let you in." I reassure him before going to retrieve help, but stop mid-stride, wanting to get something off my chest first. "Castiel, I know we may not be the best of pals, but I'm glad you're here." I turn my head to look at him over my shoulder. "I know you didn't do this for any of my benefit, but I still appreciate what you're doing. So, thanks." I give him a small smile before walking away. Once I reach the living area, Sam, Dean, and Bobby bent over a table, surrounding a map that has been sprawled over a huge cherry wood desk.

"Here, here, and here." Sam's fingers skim the red dots splayed over certain regions on the map. "We've been in all these places before. It's just like the last time. The omens and murders are in the same spots where we had cases."

"Well, it seems to start at random cities then circulates around this town, Alliance." Bobby points out, jabbing his finger into the left corner of Nebraska. "That might be you're best bet at finding something, but you might as well check out the other places on the way there boys...and girl." He tacks on, meeting my gaze.

"Alright, guess we got ourselves a case. Let's start packing up." Dean straightens from his bent position. "We'll set off tomorrow at day break." He states grabbing the map and rolling it up, handing it back to Sam. "The faster we finish this, the sooner it's over."

"Since you all have a big trip ahead of ya, might as well eat a home cooked meal while you can." Bobby announces, walking towards the way of the kitchen. "You guys want some burgers?"

Dean's eyes light up instantly. "That sounds awesome. Thanks Bobby."

"Don't mention it kid."

"We should get all our bags in the car to save us the hassle tomorrow morning." Sam advises, grabbing his duffel bag that was thrown onto the couch. "Oh, Dean, I need the keys." He turns towards him, palm out after slipping his strap onto his shoulder.

"Yeah." Dean responds, digging his hand into his pocket until he felt what he was searching for. "Get my bag while you're at it and this time don't lock the keys in the car dude." He eyes his younger brother sternly, throwing the keys to him, which he catches easily.

"Shut up. That was one time." Sam rolls his eyes, grabbing his brother's bag, before leaving.

"Oh, Sam!" I shout for him, almost forgetting the angel waiting outside. "Cas needs a little help getting into the house!"

"Got it!" He hollers back before slamming the front door shut.

"So…" Dean speaks once silence fills the space.

"So..."

"How you feelin'?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you." He quirks an eyebrow. "What? I'm not allowed to ask?"

"No, no. It's just-" I shake my head, blowing out an uneasy breath "I don't know." I scrape the bottom of my shoe against the carpet, avoiding his stare. "Out of everything that has happened, I just feel tired, you know?" I shrug. "I just want to be secure for once. To be sure of myself."

He purses his lips, casually leaning on the edge of the desk behind him. "Well, from where I'm sittin', I think you're taking this pretty damn well." He crosses his arms across his chest, his green eyes thoughtful.

"Well," I mimic his tone and his posture, leaning on the desk beside him. "I think I've reached the standard limit for life changing revelations. I'm bound to be desensitized to it by now, don't you think?"

"Touché." His lips lift into a small grin.

The room grows silent as we get lost in our own thoughts. After a couple minutes, he pushes off the desk to stand on his feet and I follow him, doing the same.

"You're gonna be okay though." He states. "Maybe not now, but you will be." His eyes search my face, assuring. "You're tough. I know you don't think it, but I do. You just gotta keep up hope, Hol. We're in this together now and we'd be damn fools to let you go at this alone. " He touches a hand to my shoulder comfortingly. "We will always have your back. No matter what."

My lips form into a smile, my heart warming at his words. My arms instantly pull him into a hug, my face in his chest. "Thanks." I mumble timidly against the smooth leather of his jacket, the thick fabric smelling of whiskey and cologne. I feel him tense against me for a moment before relaxing and wrapping his arms around me in return, a sigh escaping his lips.

Dean wasn't a consoling type. It wasn't hard to notice. Yet, it was moments like this where I felt like I was finally getting to see the real Dean Winchester. The one his brother looked up to as a child and now. Not the egotistical stud that he claims to be, but a man with a honest heart.

A good soul.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, hugging each other. It isn't until someone clears their throat nearby that we quickly release our embrace and turn towards the interruption, seeing Bobby with a spatula in hand, eying the both of us. My cheeks flush despite the fact that Dean and I did nothing indiscreet, and my eyes glue to the ground. I see Dean's feet shuffle awkwardly under Bobby's gaze as I stare at the carpet.

"What?" Dean huffs.

"Nothin'." Bobby replies, aching a bushy brow. "Just came to tell you dinner's ready. That's all."

"Oh." Dean rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "I'll go get Sam and Cas then." He adds, quickly turning on his heel to leave the room.

I continue staring at the ground, embarrassed to meet Bobby's eyes, but move my feet forward as he walks his way back into the kitchen.

"You hungry?" He asks as I follow him.

I let out a quick sigh of relief for the change in subject. "Surprisingly, no, but it smells amazing in here." I sniff the air appreciatively. I pull out a chair and plop down into it. "I'm willing to force down on a couple burgers."

"Good, 'cause I cooked enough for a family of ten." He drawls, placing a mountain of patties in front of me. "But you better get your share now before Sam and Dean get here. If you don't eat fast enough, you don't eat. Just so we're clear."

I laugh, grabbing a warm patty and pulling it up to my mouth. "Crystal."

By the time Dean, Sam, and Cas get to the table, I am only a few bites into my burger.

However, despite the mouth-watering aroma of the sandwich in front of me, it tasted horrible. The delicious and fatty juices dripping off the hunk of meat tasted like paste and mush. I had to swallow a couple times to actually get it to go down.

It worried me since the last time I had a decent meal was the night Sariel was killed. Technically, I should want to eat as much food as Dean and Sam are, but the hunger just isn't there. Maybe I'll ask Bobby about it later.

While Dean and Sam demolish the tower of food, Cas watches in disgust. The absolute abnormality of an angel of the lord having a BBQ dinner with a bunch of humans, well, besides me of course, was comical.

"Cut it out Dean! I grabbed it first!" Sam shouts, elbowing his brother away from his plate.

"Oh, come on Sammy! You know that burger has my name on it. When did you start eating meat anyways? Usually you're a twig eater."

"Yeah, but sometimes I like to get some protein in every once in a while." Sam scoffs. "Why do you need it? You eat these every day!"

"Yeah, but that don't mean I don't appreciate a good home-cooked patty." Dean smirks at him, knocking his leg against Sam's chair.

While Sam stables himself, Dean quickly steals the burger off his plate. "You snooze, you lose." He winks before devouring the burger in two bites.

"Seriously?" Sam retorts. "Are you five?"

"Actually I'm four in a half." Dean murmurs around a mouthful of food.

My cheeks ache from smiling at their banter, enjoying how relaxed they seemed to be here.

"Idjits." I hear Bobby mumble under his breath, but his own lips carry a smile as he brings a burger to his mouth.

I stare around the table. Bobby still grinning like a proud parent and Dean giving Sam a playful noogie, while Cas shakes his head in disapproval.

This is what it was like to be in a family. It might not be the perfect example, but it is what it is.

And now...it was mine.

After dinner, I wash up for bed and pack my clothes into a backpack that Bobby gave me. I didn't have much besides the clothes that Dean just bought so I finished within a couple minutes.

"I need to buy some toiletries while we're on the road." I mutter to myself, peering at my bag pathetically. Half of the bag is occupied by clothes and the other half by empty space. I sigh, flopping down onto my bed, hoping that the packing process would have went longer to keep my mind distracted. I glance at my bag beside me. "Well, I guess I should bring you to the car then." I speak to it, rolling my eyes at my willingness to talk to inanimate objects, before strapping it to my back and heading down the hallway to the stairs. As soon as I reach them, hushed voices sound below. I kneel down by the wood railing and press my face into the bars to see the boys lounging around the living room. The first voice I pick up is Castiel's.

"Even if my Father did send her, why should we trust his plans?" Cas huffs. "My Father disappeared and we haven't heard from him in years. Now he sends some girl to be our savior?" He grumbles. "God has been nothing, but a disappointment. What he has done was unforgivable. And she is still a part of that, memories or not. So, who's to tell she won't do the same?"

"That isn't fair Cas. What he did wasn't her fault." Sam speaks. "And besides, we should be looking at this as an advantage. With her capabilities, we have more of a chance than we ever did before."

"That might be true, but we can never be sure Sam." The angel mumbles so quietly that I had to stop breathing just to hear him. "Because what if she is false hope for Earth?" He questions harshly. "I don't want us to pay the price of her actions. We saved the world once, we can do it again without her help." He declares. "And without my Father's."

"Oh really, tough guy?" Dean counters. "I don't know if you remember, but we barely made it out by the skin of our teeth last time this happened. Lucifer blew you up like an atom bomb for roasting Micheal and Sam…" He pauses for a moment. "Sam was freaking soulless until a couple months ago so, don't you tell me we can do this on our own because we can't. Look man, your dad is deadbeat. We can all relate here, but at least he gave us a fighting chance this time around and we'd be dumb enough not to take it, alright?"

"…Alright." Cas complies. "I'll trust you until I find her irredeemable, but she will be no friend of mine. "

"That's the spirit man." Dean replies whole-heartedly, ignoring Cas's last comment. "Now that we are all the same page, let's hit the hay. We don't know how long it'll take finding this hell-raising douche bag so, we should get as much shut eye as we can."

"Good idea." I hear Sam yawn loudly. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

I quickly scramble to my feet as the sound of his boots thumping against the wood tiles coming closer, not wanting to explain myself if Sam caught me eavesdropping. When I reach the safety of my room, I shut the door quietly and press my back against it, sighing in relief. I slip away from the door and lay on the rumpled sheets of my bed, throwing my bag to the floor and switching off the lampshade beside me.

"So, I guess this is it then. This is what you wanted isn't it? For me to just accept my fate?" I stare at the dark ceiling above hoping that if I gazed at it long enough, it would answer, but obviously, it remained the same. I exhale in frustration.

How do people even talk to God in the first place? Praying? Asking for a sign? I knew I had to connect to him through my powers, but the last time I did that resulted in me turning into a ticking time bomb. The pure look of terror on Dean and Sam's faces was something I would never forget. I was monster. I couldn't become that thing again. Not now, or ever. There had to be another way.

"Okay Holly…" I say encouragingly, "don't think about it, just do it."

I sit up in bed, determined to make my own way of tapping into the heavenly vortex, work. I let my knees dip into the mattress and clasp my hands together, copying the way I saw people pray on TV. I close my eyes and breathe in and out deeply. Opening my mind and willing it to focus on one thing. My Father.

I force my palms together and search for the field of energy hiding under the surface. Once I think I feel something, I push out. A vein in my neck bulges from the effort and my breathing becomes harsh with exertion, seeing stars behind my eyelids. I almost give up until the tiniest feeling of a spark tingles under my skin. I clench my teeth and forcefully shove against the veil that was holding me back from the other side, grunting with the effort. Beads of sweat drip down my face, until finally, the curtain lifts.

A rush of goose bumps form over my entire body as a strange sensation overcomes me. My eyes slowly open to reveal my room glowing with white.