Chapter 9

By five o'clock the following morning, Elizabeth was lying awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling, having been woken for the fourth time that night by her vivid dreams. As the sun rose, throwing shadows across her dimly lit bedroom Lizzie tried to think of anything except for William Darcy, to no avail. He was all encompassing, as was her guilt and self-hatred. She couldn't believe she'd gotten herself into this situation. That she'd fallen into bed with a man as abhorrent to her, as deceitful and manipulative as Darcy!

It hadn't helped her sleep after she'd listened to Darcy's voicemail's last night before bed. The first two had been as she'd expected. Pleading her to call him back, to explain, to talk to him. It was the final message that had thrown her for a loop, that was what stuck in her head like a bad show tune, that message had hit her like and arrow through the heart.

Elizabeth, this will be my last message. It's clear that you don't want to speak with me right now, but I do hope that you will want to soon. I don't know what happened this morning, I don't know why you ran away. But I do know that I don't regret what happened last night, and I hope that you don't either. Maybe it's not the way it should have happened, but honestly… I can't be disappointed that it did. I'll see you tomorrow Lizzie. Goodbye.

She hadn't told anyone about that message.

By the time Jane woke up at seven, Lizzie was onto her third cup of coffee and was watching the morning shows, or rather staring through the television. She mumbled a good morning to Jane's hello but didn't move from her position, she was still in her pyjamas and had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"You aren't actually planning on skipping work today are you?" Jane asked an hour later as she was leaving for work.

"Thinking about it," Lizzie mumbled back.

"Lizzie." Jane admonished, "You must go to work. You cannot avoid Will forever, and you can't shirk your duties because you made a silly mistake."

"Excuse me?" Lizzie cried, finally moving from the couch "I made a mistake?"

"You seem to think so," Jane countered, raising an eyebrow, she was daring Lizzie to challenge her.

"So, this is entirely my fault is it? The almighty Darcy is blameless?" Lizzie yelled. Jane almost laughed.

"Of course it's all your fault. You kissed him. You slept with him. You thought he was someone else. Not the other way around. Gosh Lizzie, please don't tell me you actually think you're not to blame?" Jane asked, Lizzie was silent for a moment, fuming as her head and her heart raged an argument within her. After a moment, she sighed, defeated.

"Of course not," she sighed "I know it was all because of me, and no I'm not going to blame him," she admitted, "But it doesn't mean I'm not upset, and it doesn't mean I'm going to be nice or talk to him or see him or anything!" She added.

"You have to see and talk to him Elizabeth. He is your boss, and it's not fair for you to ignore him. Will is a nice man, and he's very fond of you, whether you think so or not, but he did go to bed with you, knowing it was you, so for heaven's sake, go and get ready for work!" With that, Jane spun on her feet and left the flat. For a long minute Lizzie stood staring at the door in shock. But then she realised that Jane was right, and she was being immature. She knew she was the one who had to fix it. But that didn't mean she had to like it. Lizzie hated to be wrong.

When she did finally get to work she was half an hour late and the morning meeting was already well underway, although, that might have been intentional. Lizzie slipped into the conference room through the back door, and instead of pushing through to her regular seat near the head of the table, she remained standing by the wall with the secretaries and assistants.

From where she was standing Darcy couldn't see her properly, and she didn't have to look at him. Because now that he was in proximity those memory flashes she'd been having all night in her dreams were suddenly much harder to suppress. While he was going on about the budget projections Lizzie was being swept up by the thought of his lips on her neck and had to keep pinching herself. By the end of the meeting she was sure she would have a bruise. As Darcy wrapped the meeting up Lizzie ducked back out the rear door and high tailed it to her office where her assistant Lily was laying out the files she needed for the client meetings she had today. The first of which, she was glad, was out of the office. She grabbed the files she needed from her desk and collected her handbag.

"Lily," she said as she was rushing out the door "Do me a favour and forward Mr. Darcy's schedule to my blackberry while I'm out."

"Um, okay?" her assistant frowned at this unusual request "I'll do it right now," she added when Lizzie smiled.

"See you after lunch," she called dashing towards the elevators. Unfortunately the path to the elevators went right by the main door to the conference room, so as she dashed past Darcy saw her and stepped out.

"Elizabeth!" He called after her.

She threw a look over her shoulder at him and immediately regretted it, he looked as good as always today, in his crisp grey suit and blue button down shirt, even though his eyes made him look like he hadn't slept for a week.

"Sorry Darcy, I've got a meeting. Have to run," she called back, stepping into the waiting lift, reaching out to hit the door close button.

"Elizabeth!" He called again, sounding closer.

Not now, not now! She thought, he was reaching out to hold the doors. But they closed before he could get to them

"We'll talk later!" Lizzie called as they shut, and she let out a sigh as she descended to safety.

"I know I'm being ridiculous Jane," she said into her mobile two hours later as she took an early lunch at her favourite café. "You don't have to keep reminding me."

"Well, if you know, then why do you keep doing it?" Jane asked, she was on her own lunch break when Lizzie had called ten minutes ago and was now trying to talk her sister into talking to her boss.

"You can't run away from him again Lizzie," Jane said, for the fifth time. Lizzie rolled her eyes.

"I can't help it," she confessed "It's like every time I think about having that conversation, or realize that he wants to have that conversation I just panic. It's so awkward!" she said, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

"Well, it is your fault."

"Mmhm, stop reminding me," she said through a mouthful of tuna.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Jane scolded. "Just talk to him Lizzie, at least apologise. And do it today. You can't keep the poor man suffering."

"Why are you so convinced that he's such a nice guy?" Lizzie asked.

"Why are you so convinced he's not?" Jane countered.

"You know exactly why."

"That was three years ago Lizzie, you need to get over it. You don't even know that he was talking about you."

"Yes. I do," she said "Are we honestly having this conversation?"

"No," Jane replied, "We're not, because I have to go. Talk to him Liz, or I'll tell mother what you did."

"You wouldn't!" Lizzie gasped. But she was talking to dial tone. Jane had already hung up.

She checked her blackberry again for her emails and knew that she couldn't justify wasting any more time out of the office. Darcy should have left for his lunch meeting by now, and he usually left early on Monday's, so even though Jane had sort of gotten through to her about apologizing today, maybe she wouldn't have the opportunity, not that she minded.

Luckily most of her floor was out of the office for the rest of the afternoon, including Darcy, so she shut herself up in her office and began working on the obligatory thank you notes for the donations made at the ball. It was mindless work, and soon Lizzie found herself immersed in the mind numbing routine of it all, she didn't notice it was five o'clock until Lily knocked on the door to say goodbye.

"Do you need anything before I head off?" She asked as Lizzie pulled herself out of her work, she stood up to stretch out her back after leaning over the desk for so long.

"Oh, no thank you Lily," She said, checking her watch "I'll see you tomorrow"

Lily left with a smile and Lizzie followed her path to the elevators through the glass panelling of the office walls, her eyes buggered out as Lily stepped onto the lift, none other than Darcy stepped off with Charlie. He caught her eyes for a fraction of a second and Lizzie panicked, while Darcy turned to say goodbye to Charlie, she hid.

A few moments later, while she was mentally slapping herself, for once again being utterly ridiculous, he knocked lightly on her door. She could see his feet in the doorway and she sighed, albeit silently.

"Elizabeth?" he called, and again she couldn't move "I know you're in here," he said, she didn't reply.

"Elizabeth, you're not seriously hiding under the desk are you?" he was beside the desk in two strides and she groaned.

"Maybe," she said, it sounded like a squeak.

"Honestly!" he sounded fed up, "Would you please come out of there? I'm not going to talk to you whilst you're hiding from me. Which is ridiculous by the way, I'm not going to bite you," he ended his rant and Lizzie reluctantly crawled out from her hiding place. He was looking down at her, and seemed so much taller than usual. She stood quickly and straightened her blouse.

"Why would you feel the need to hide from me anyway?" he asked, crossing back across the room he closed the door, suddenly making the situation feel much worse.

"I panicked," she admitted, then she jumped into her apology "Look, Mr. Darcy, I really am sorry about everything that happened…" she'd practiced that a hundred times in her head and it still sounded pathetic and awkward. He stared her down for a long moment before he broke eye contact and paced back to the desk.

"What exactly did happen Elizabeth?" he asked, and she shrugged.

"It was a mistake," she said, as if it were that simple. Her head was screaming at her otherwise, or was it her heart? Either way, she'd said it.

"A mistake?" he repeated.

"Yes," She said, "A mistake. It shouldn't have happened."

"Elizabeth. It did happen. You and I, we slept together, and it was… well frankly, it was amazing. But now you're acting as if you didn't want it. So just tell me what happened, were you drunk?"

"No!" She cried without hesitation "No I wasn't drunk."

"Then what is it? You changed you mind?"

She remained silent looking everywhere in the room except for at him.

"Elizabeth," he said her name so softly is almost broke her, it did get her to look up at him for a second. Until she realised the hurt in his eyes and had to look away again.

"Elizabeth, just tell me what the hell is going on," he pleaded,

"I didn't know it was you!" She whispered, exasperated.

"Excuse me?" he asked, the look on his face was utter confusion for a moment.

"I thought that you were someone else," she said, and his eyes darkened a little.

"And who exactly did you think I was?" he asked, she stood still with pursed lips and didn't speak.

"Elizabeth," he sighed "I don't think you can make this situation much worse" Lie. "Would you just tell me?" he asked with an edge.

"George Wickham," she admitted, so quietly it hardly sounded like words.

"What?" he asked, but by the tone of his voice, she knew that he'd heard her.

"George Wickham, ok?" she cried, louder this time, trying to suppress tears "I thought I was going to bed with George Wickham!"

"Wickham?!" Darcy seethed, suddenly he seemed so angry.

"I'm sorry Darcy!" she pleaded, a tear escaped despite her efforts "It was a mistake!"

"Clearly!" he yelled, he was pacing the room, clenching and unclenching his fist.

"Can we just forget it?" she asked, furiously wiping away at her traitorous tears.

"No way!" he yelled, he wouldn't stop yelling.

"Why not?" she asked, desperation evident in her shaky voice.

He turned to face her, and his face flashed with a look of concern, as if he only just realised she were crying.

"Because, there is no way in hell that I'm walking away this time Lizzie!" he was still shouting, but somehow his voice seemed softer as he directed it at her. "Especially not for the likes of George Wickham! I won't lose you to a scoundrel like him!" He suckered his breath and stopped talking suddenly, as if he realized he'd said too much. He turned away again quickly before he could get too close.

"This time?" she asked her voice quiet.

"Never mind" he muttered angrily, and then he was gone. The door slammed against the wall as he flung it open and Lizzie was left feeling confused and drained. He was gone before she could follow him, and she was alone again.