Chapter 21

The start of dinner was a relatively silent affair, with both Lizzie and Darcy very focused on their plates, occasionally casting surreptitious glances at each other.

"This is wonderful," Lizzie said quietly, about half way through her plate. Darcy gave her a smile.

"Thanks, it's an old favourite. It reminds me of being home at Pemberley," he responded.

"Do you miss it?" she asked, trying to uphold the conversation. She wanted them to be able to talk comfortably, even if they still hadn't established a direction for their relationship yet.

"Immensely," he answered immediately, "You would like it there Elizabeth, the house itself is grand, but I should think you'd appreciate the grounds more than most,"

"Oh? What makes you say that?" She asked,

"I'm not ignorant to your love of the outdoors Lizzie," he teased, "You grew up in the country too, didn't you?"

"I did, but I would hardly compare my upbringing to yours,"

"Maybe not," he agreed, "But I think you would feel quite at home there," in his head, he though 'hope' instead of 'think', but his meaning was obvious and Lizzie flushed slightly.

"When Georgiana is well enough to travel, I'd like to take her out for a week or so, if you were so inclined,"

"I think the escape to the country would do her recovery very well," she answered avoiding personal inflections on the discussion, "I could not deny her that, if she still required my assistance,"

She returned the smile that he was casting at her, and returned to her plate.

"I don't want you to worry about work either Elizabeth," he said a few moments later.

"Your job is safe, I wouldn't dream of replacing you, even if you weren't doing this for my sister."

"Thanks," she murmured, "I mean, most of what I need to do can be done from here," she continued.

"You're more than welcome to set yourself up anywhere you would like," he said, "And I don't want you to think you'll be left alone to care for Georgiana, I'll be here as much as I can, so you can still have your own time. If you need to go to the office, then I'll make sure I'm here, we'll work it out together," he assured her, and she smiled.

"I'm sure we won't face many difficulties. Your dedication to your sister is obvious. I only hope I do it justice."

"I can see how much you care for her Elizabeth," he said, brushing her hand with his own. She glanced down at his motion and he pulled his hand back, and began collecting items from the table to clean up. Without exchanging any more words Lizzie joined him in clearing the table.

"I'll clean up the kitchen," Darcy said when she'd placed her plate by the sink, "You go up if you like,

She hesitated a moment, feeling like she should pitch in and help, but also needing a few moments to think and clear her head.

"I'll go and help Georgiana get ready for bed then, thank you for dinner," she said, and then disappeared from the room.

Upstairs Lizzie helped Georgiana to the bathroom and helped her get ready for bed. She needed help changing into a clean nightgown and getting her toothbrush ready as she only had one hand. Then Lizzie tucked her in, it was still quiet early, only about eight o'clock, but Georgie insisted she was exhausted and settled in for sleep.

Half an hour after she'd ascended the stairs, Lizzie took the dinner tray back down to the kitchen, but Darcy wasn't there. She cleaned up the plate and put the tray aside then went looking for the man. As she approached the closed door to his study she heard his muffled voice, he was on the phone. Deciding not to interrupt she went back upstairs to her room, brushing her teeth on the way, before shutting herself in the guest bedroom. She changed into her pyjamas to get comfortable and then pulled out a book to read until she got tired enough to sleep. At nine thirty she heard movement outside in the hall, and looked over to her closed door, expecting Darcy to knock on it. But he didn't, she heard his own door click shut and she tried to turn her attention back to her book, but she was too distracted. Distracted by how close she knew Darcy was right now, just across the hall, was he getting ready for bed?

She found herself wondering how he slept. Did he wear pyjamas? Sleep pants or boxers? Or did he sleep naked? Some of her past boyfriends had always slept in the nude. Lizzie never felt comfortable enough to do that, unless there was a reason to of course. She felt herself blush remembering the last reason she'd slept naked. The very man in question was right across the hall! Knowing she'd never be able to focus on her book now she marked her page and put it on the bedside table, she turned off the light and settled into the comfortable bed to wait for sleep.

It didn't come.

After lying awake for what felt like several hours she threw back the covers in frustration. Her mind had been a livewire of thoughts ever since Darcy had closed his bedroom door, too bad she still hadn't managed to come up with any conclusions about him.

Although after three hours of thinking of nothing else but William Darcy, Lizzie was sure of one thing. This was not going to go away. Her feelings were not going to stop, and she also realised, they were continuing to grow. She decided that next time they were alone together she was going to broach the subject of their relationship. She desperately wanted to know what had happened three years ago to change their friendly bantering relationship, which she was sure was progressing towards a romance, to one of silent disdain! For now though, she was going to go down to the kitchen and make some herbal tea, in the hopes that it would relax her.

A short while later, Lizzie sat in the kitchen and nursed her tea while she contemplated her situation, again. Surrounded by this house and everything that screamed William Darcy, she wasn't sure if it was making things clearer or fuzzier.

Certainly today she had seen more of her boss than she'd ever known. More, she expected, than most people knew of him. By looking around this place, and seeing the reverence in which he treated it, how perfectly everything seemed to fit together, Lizzie could tell that his house was Darcy's temple. It was his retreat from the busy world that demanded so much of him and she felt a little warm and gooey inside at having been invited into it.

This house, while grand and certainly emanating a status of wealth, was homely and warm. It was inviting, and while she could see that clearly, this was a man's home, the man was clearly one of a kind, with a caring nature, who nurtured his sister. For the first time in their acquaintance, Lizzie saw that Darcy was a family man.

"Can't sleep?" A husky voice broke her reverie and she looked up to see Darcy standing in the kitchen archway. Lizzie shook her head in reply and Darcy crossed the room, taking up the seat beside her at the square table, occupying one of the three remaining chairs.

"Nor could I," he admitted with a smile. He looked sleepy, but his ruffled hair indicated that he'd been tossing and turning for some time. Lizzie noted that he was wearing soft flannel sleep pants. They were navy blue and sat low on his hips. He wore an old grey t-shirt as well, but it looked crisper, as if he'd just thrown it on to come downstairs.

She blushed at herself as she looked down at her own pyjamas. Flannel pants as well, a light yellow colour decorated with colourful cupcakes and cherries! There was a matching tank top, the same yellow, with a big cupcake on the front. She crossed her arms self-consciously. 'At least I'm still wearing my sports bra' she thought.

Upstairs, Darcy had been lying awake for hours, tossing one way and then the other, but unable to find comfort and drift to sleep. He knew why, of course, after all he'd had trouble sleeping these past weeks since the benefit. It was almost, he thought, as if once he'd had Lizzie in his arms, he'd never sleep the same without her. He should have known that having her in such close proximity to his bed would be more of a hindrance than a help to his situation. He desperately wanted to cross the hall and climb into her bed. Or to bring her back to his own, because this was, after all, where he knew she belonged. Now that she was here, would he be able to let her leave?

This was their home. Or at least it was supposed to be. Supposed to be their home, their room, and their bed! He'd been such an idiot, for three whole years, thinking he could forget about her, and just be her boss. He was stupidly in love with that stubborn woman, and now he didn't know how to get her to see that.

Giving up on sleep, he tossed off the sheet that covered him and pulled on a t-shirt, just in case, now that he wasn't alone in the house 'The way it should be,' he thought. Out in the hallway, he hesitated a moment outside her closed door. He had to mentally chide himself for even considering opening that door. Instead he moved down the hall and checked in on Georgiana before descending the stairs. He'd intended to retreat to his study or the sitting room, but he saw the soft glowing light coming from the kitchen, and went there instead. And there she was, sitting at the breakfast table toying with the mug in her small hands. He couldn't resist joining her, and so he had.

Now, she took a sip of her tea as he watched her with sleepy eyes, she decided that he looked good, ruffled with sleep. His jaw was spotted with stubble, and in the dim light of the kitchen, for Lizzie had only turned on a lamp or two, the face that she had usually thought so harsh, looked much softer. Perhaps it was seeing him in his element, but she felt as if this man was the truer impression of Darcy than the one he showed when he was at work.

They sat in, surprisingly, comfortable silence for a few minutes, Lizzie sipping her tea and Darcy fingering the edge of the placemat that sat before him. It was Lizzie who finally found the courage to breach the silence.

"I was hoping we could finish that conversation we started last week," she said, only glancing at him. He stopped playing with the placemat and angled himself slightly more towards her.

"Me too," he admitted, "I've been hesitant to bring it up. I didn't want to upset anything once you were staying here,"

"Nor did I, but I do think that it is important Darcy," she said, "I feel like there this massive block between us, and there's this lingering awkwardness that just won't go away. We said we'd talk out our situation, I don't see why we should wait."

Darcy took in what she said, but was still hesitant to continue. If she got upset, and decided to leave then he didn't know what he'd do. Least of all with caring for Georgiana, but mostly because he was sure he'd become a wreck himself. Now that she was here, he never wanted to let her leave, as inevitable as that was.

"I promise, whatever happens, I'm still here for Georgiana," she assured him. He looked into her eyes and knew she was being honest. He hoped she wouldn't change her mind. He was hopeful, of course, that once everything was out in the open, they'd be able to move forward with their relationship. Not backwards.

"Alright," Darcy agreed, and she gave him another reassuring smile.

"What happened at the benefit three years ago?" She asked, and finally, they had the conversation that they had both been hiding from all this time.