Author's note: This chapter mentions attempted suicide. Just a warning.

Callie and Arizona had been together officially almost a month. It was going great between them. They had started going on actual dates but were already spending almost every night with each other. Callie was sat at a table waiting for her girlfriend in the bar in which they had first met. They often met here because it was halfway between the hospital and Arizona's apartment.

Suddenly, a man was stood by her table. He was tall and handsome and probably very popular with women.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"No thank you."

"Come on, what have you got to lose?"

"I'm waiting for my girlfriend."

"That's very dismissive of you."

Before she had a chance to respond, a voice shouted.

"She said no Mark Sloan!" The blonde then came into view.

"What are you doing here, Robbins?"

"Meeting my girlfriend." She answered with a smug grin as she nodded towards the Latina.

"So I'm gonna leave you two lovely ladies to it then."

"Smart move." Callie chipped in as she stifled a yawn.

"Are you okay babe?"

"Tired." She responded plainly.

"Well then," Arizona pulled her up by the hand, "How about we go back to mine for an early night?"

"Mmmmmm, I'd love to but I'm a bit tired to, you know..."

"I know, I meant like have a bath."

"That sounds like heaven."

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She sat in the warm bubble bath watching Callie getting undressed.

"Will you stop that?" The brunette requested.

"What?" She knew exactly what.

"Checking out my naked body."

"Well, you make it so easy... and delicious." Arizona giggled as her lover positioned herself between her legs and leant back against her front. Immediately, pale arms wrapped around Callie's waist.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, honey."

"Why is it called Gregory's? The bar we met in"

The Latina laughed. "After Gregory Peck."

"As in To Kill A Mockingbird?"

"Yeah, it was Jonathon- it's his favourite book. I lost that arguement."

"Okay, what about The Acorn?"

"The Bay we had to rely on my Dad in order to get started but that was our next one. We got it off our own backs and it was really the start of our success. Acorns start of small but grow into huge oak trees. That's what we wanted."

"Who knew you two were so poetic hey."

Arizona moved her hands up the strong arms of her partner and began to work at the tight knots of her shoulders whilst kissing Callie's neck.

"I'm sorry about tonight." She offered as she moved her neck to give Arizona more access.

"It's okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah, after last night I could probably use the rest anyway."

"Was I too much for you?" The Latina teased as she caressed Arizona's sculptured legs.

"Almost. Tell me you've cleaned your dining table." Both women broke into a fit of hysterics.

"You know there is a lot of glass in my apartment."

"You think somebody saw us?"

"Well, I've always thought that the guy opposite was a perve."

"Well, you didn't mention it last night."

"My mouth was otherwise engaged."

"Oh well."

"I didn't have you down as an exhibitionist."

"Got an issue with that?"

"Nope, it's as hot as hell."

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That night they fell asleep cuddled close together. Life, it seemed was in a kind mood at the moment.

The moment though was fleeting.

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Arizona had had a rough day and she really needed to see her girlfriend. She was stood outside of Callie's office at The Acorn about to go in until she heard the voices inside. An unfamiliar woman was speaking.

"Come on Callie."

"I said no."

"We've gone a few rounds in here before."

"I have a girlfriend." Arizona smiled from the other side of the door.

"So?"

"So, I don't want to have sex with you because I'm happy with her."

At that point the blonde opened the door to find the red head from a month ago sat on Callie's desk.

"You need to leave now." Callie directed her statement at the woman.

"Fine, you can miss out if you want to."

The Latina wasn't even listening though because of the look on the surgeon's face. "Arizona..." She had disappeared though. Callie found her lying on the bench on the roof. She kneeled down in front of her.

"Nothing was going on you know that right?"

"Yeah."

"I mean she just turned up and I told her to go."

"I know."

"So what's wrong darling?" The brunette stroked her cheek. "Bad day at work?" Arizona nodded. "Wanna talk to me about it?"

"An ex patient of mine was in the hospital today."

"Right."

"She... how many of my patients... she's got an ABI."

"Right."

"She overdosed on pills."

"That's not uncommon, unfortunately."

"Sarah won't speak to anyone though, says nobody understands."

"Again, not uncommon. Do you want me to try?"

"It could help. Her parents are so worried and I told them about the centre and they just seemed so lost."

"Okay, I'll come by tomorrow and see if I can get through."

"Thank you. I love you, you know that?" Callie laughed.

"You have mentioned it."

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Arizona and Callie walked into Sarah's room together and whilst the blonde spoke to the parents, the other woman sat by the bed.

"Not another shrink." The young girl protested.

"Far from it." Callie replied. "You aren't going to believe me but I'm here to help."

"Ha," She scoffed "You gonna give me your brain?"

"Well I would but it would be as good as yours." When Sarah didn't look convinced she explained. "I get it."

"Yeah right."

"Don't believe me?"

"Nobody gets it. That's why I'm in a psyc ward."

"You're in a psyc ward because you took a bunch of pills."

"Excuse me." Her mother tried to halt this conversation.

"Well wouldn't you." The girl screamed back.

"Oh I did. A lot of them. Everyday. From the age of fourteen to nineteen. All different types."

"Everyday?"

"Yep. Pain management. It's bad enough, losing your mind everyday that you just... try. That's it. You get up and go to school like everybody else and for your effort, you lose control of the very thing that makes you, you. It feels like you're under water. The rest of the world carries on but your trapped. On top of it though, your head hurts like a bitch. Feels like it's gonna explode. Am I close?"

"Is this really helping." Sarah's Dad asked.

"Yes, yes you're... but this wasn't that." Everyone relaxed when it was clear that Callie had gotten through.

"I know." She stated clearly. "It became unmanageable. Too painful. Too lonely. And you try your best to deal with it on your own because you think that you have to. It's all going on inside your head and nobody else can see it. Especially if they usually see you on a good day or your grades aren't terrible. You must be fine."

"But I'm not."

"I know."

"You're like me."

"Yeah I've got an injury."

"That's not what I meant."

Arizona was stood in the corner of the room just listening. She had always marvelled at the way Callie handled her kids. And the way she talked about her injury was nothing short of inspiring. The conversation had taken a different turn though.

The Latina dropped her head. What was about to come out of this strangers mouth was something she had never told the blonde.

"You've tried to kill yourself too." Sarah stated.

"Once when I was seventeen." She couldn't bring herself to look around at her girlfriend.

"Was that it?" Callie shook her head.

"I've come close a few times."

"How did you?"

"Pills. Management became a cry for help. There were times where I just didn't wanna get up the next morning so I took enough to knock me out. My parents would let me sleep and I'd miss school. Then it just all got too much. It wasn't just tomorrow I didn't want. It was forever. My parents never found out though. My friend found me and sorted me out. Thirteen years later and they are still in the dark."

"You want to protect them."

Arizona had stayed in the room for as long as possible but now she had to get out. From where Callie was sat, she heard a faint:

"Excuse me." The door opened and closed again. She was gone.

Once Callie had given the family all the information about Adams's House, she tried to find her girlfriend but was unable. Eventually she left the hospital to sort some work out.

The blonde ignored her calls and texts, in a state of shock. It wasn't till later that night that they saw each other.

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Callie walked into her apartment but was genuinely surprised when she saw Arizona sat on one of the stools by the breakfast bar. She was sat motionless, the wine bottle in front of her was half empty and she didn't speak a word. Sad blue eyes made contact with the Latina's.

Making her way forwards, Callie took of her jacket and perched on the arm of the sofa. She broke the silence.

"I could have handled it better."

"Yes."

"You shouldn't have found out like that."

"No."

"I should have told you before that kid."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you?" The brunette had never been so happy to go from a one word response to three.

"My only significant attempt was when I was seventeen. It was a lifetime ago and you were so upset about your old patient that I didn't think you'd cope well with finding out about me."

"So I found out whilst stood in the background."

"I know, I'm sorry... I'm."

"Stop saying you're sorry!" Arizona screamed her interruption before her voice cracked. "I know that you... are sorry. You said that you've thought about doing it again. Since you actually tried it."

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Arizona." Callie was pleading with her not to ask.

"When was the last time that you wanted to..." She couldn't finish her sentence.

"You don't want to go down that road."

"Because it was since we met." The brunette dropped her head. "After we had sex." Arizona realised aloud. A tear fell down her cheek when she wasn't told otherwise. "What happened?"

"I'm not gonna..."

"Talk to me! You're so worried about scaring me off, well now I'm scared so please explain to me. Please." She begged.

The Latina took a deep breath. "However you feel about that night... It was still wrong. You'd just left your girlfriend of two years and I felt like I'd taken advantage. I have lists in my head of what I should, shouldn't, can and can't do. You, you started off on the "can't" list because you had a girlfriend and that was fine. I could manage with that. Then... then you got in my head and you were on the "shouldn't" list because I had fallen for you. And then I did the worst thing possible."

"What had sex with me?"

"No not the sex!" Callie shouted in frustration. "Just..."

"Just what?"

"I've... I don't know how to explain. I've never had to before." She began to pace in front of her girlfriend.

"Try." Arizona whispered.

"Involving you. A part of me knew that if we slept together, we'd always be each other's or, I'd always be yours anyway and that scared the crap out of me. It still does cause look," she threw her arms up; "I'm hurting you. Add to the fact that my head was in such a state that night and I can't really remember it... Then I left. I'm such a coward that I left and that made me feel like shit!" She was screaming again. "I'm a fuck up and I didn't want to be a fuck up anymore!"

"So what did you do?"

"I bought a bottle of scotch and stood out on the balcony." Callie had stopped her pacing directly in front of her. "And I wondered how long it would take to hit the pavement and how much scotch I'd have to drink not to feel anything."

"Because of me."

"No."

"Because of what loving me does to you."

"No! For the same reason I wanted to all the other times."

"What reason Calliope?"

"I couldn't live like this anymore!" The Latina's voice had lost its fight. "When I wake up, I don't have a choice but to live this life and I screw things up. Screwing up with you was the thing this time and yes, it was bigger than any other time before but it was what I had done. It was my actions. Nothing about you could ever make me want to jump from the tenth story, Arizona. It was the same thought as always." Callie sat down and leant against the sofa. "I got ill. It wasn't as if I was playing in traffic and got hit by a car. I just got ill. And I was eleven. I hadn't even lived long enough to do anything to deserve it. Okay? That's what was gonna make your miracle jump, her own self pity and selfishness."

"What stopped you?" Arizona asked as she lowered herself next to the brunette.

"Same thing as always. My family. They went through hell when I was just ill. If I was actually dead then... well you know that kind of loss. And if I had done it to myself, they'd have never gotten over it. And you." She turned to look the blonde in the eye. Both had tears in them. "Waking up alone after the equivalent of a drunken night is bad enough. If I had gone through with it after that night..."

Arizona shook her head, "Don't... I can't..."

"And as much as my other plan was to run, I knew that I should explain and well, you deserved more than a note. Then I got a phone call the next morning from James's family and I couldn't do it to those kids anyway."

She sighed, exhausted from the emotional trawling of today. "You sure are good at picking girlfriends."

The surgeon moved as close to her as possible and took her hand. "What, going from the cheater to"

"A train wreck." Callie finished.

"You're not a train wreck Calliope, closer to a small car crash." She joked. It got the desired effect as she felt Callie relax into her embrace more. "And you're still easier to love."

"Wow, okay."

"What?"

"You're too perfect. I really wish that you had more flaws. You're always having to deal with my crap."

"Well, now it's our crap." She kissed her on the cheek before continuing. "You were right by the way."

"Really? When?"

"I will always be yours. I have always been yours."