Early the next morning, Arizona stood outside the doors of her girlfriend's apartment complex.
"Coward." She whispered to herself as she reached for one final cigarette. Just then Jonathon walked out of the doors; a cigarette in his own hand. After they had acknowledged each other and lit up, she spoke. "Didn't know you smoked."
"Cal's always on at me to stop. What about you? Shouldn't doctors know better?"
"I only smoke when I'm really stressed. How is she? Is it okay, you leaving her?"
"Yeah, I only came down because I saw you from the balcony. She's not okay. I found her on the floor in the foetal position, screaming. What the hell happened?"
The blonde shook her head as the image formed in her head. "If... you're her friend so if she hasn't told you then, I won't."
"Well she hasn't told me but she hasn't said anything. She managed a few hours sleep but now she's on the sofa watching cartoons like a twelve year old. It's weird."
"I left." Arizona's voice was full of shame. "How can I walk back in there, I left?"
"If this was a few months ago, I'd be having a go at you. Or if something small had happened then I would be too but judging from the marks on your arms, it got heavy. I remember what she was like the last time."
"How was she then?"
"She..." Jonathon stomped out his cigarette. "You're gonna go back into that apartment because neither of you would be acting like this if it wasn't for the situation. You know she loves you and she knows it's hard for you."
The surgeon nodded and followed the dark haired man into the building.
When they got to the door, he entered first. "Hey Cal."
"Arizona's here." She declared. The blonde was stunned; from the door, she couldn't see Callie but it was her voice. Last night it had been like a train, steaming towards her with so much force. Now it was so quiet.
"Yeah," Jonathon confirmed. "How did you..."
"Her perfume." Arizona smiled at that, even if Callie's tone had not been loving.
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked to the room.
The Latina answered, "No you can go."
He turned to the blonde. "What about you?"
"If she feels more comfortable with you gone, then go."
"Okay, see you later Callie. Call me if you need anything."
"Goodbye." Her voice was so fragile.
"Thanks for last night Jonathon."
"Any time." With that the door closed. They were alone together again.
She made her way around the sofa, finally taking note of what Callie was watching. As she sat down on the coffee table, she spoke again.
"Looney tunes hey? Me and Tim always used to argue about who was funnier, Bugs or Daffy."
"Daffy." The brunette responded instantly. Arizona studied her appearance. She somehow seemed so small, like one tiny thing would make her crumble completely. Her eyes were fixed on the TV.
"You two would have got on well."
"Yeah I'm sure he'd have taken one look at your arms and decided we should be best friends."
"Calliope..."
"You can go empty your dresser drawer; I'm not gonna stop you."
"I'm not going to do that."
"Yes you are." Callie insisted, still not forceful in tone. The only word for it was sad.
"I love you." Tears were starting to fall down Arizona's cheeks.
"I love you too, I love you enough to say goodbye."
"No! Look at me Calliope." The other woman just stayed staring at the screen. "If you're doing this, you need to actually look at me." The brunette slowly sat up so that she was mirroring Arizona. "I'm sorry I ran."
Callie shook her head. "I made you. I'm sorry for what happened... I don't really know how I... I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"No, it's far from okay. Anything but okay Arizona."
"You'd never hurt me. If I know anything it is that."
"But I did!" The Latina was getting more frustrated.
"No. Pain changes us; it can make us behave irrationally, like a totally different person. For you to have let what happened last night happen, to even threaten me, you must have been in agony. I shouldn't have tried to stop you taking any painkillers."
"I've only been taking them every four hours, like the prescription." Technically speaking, Callie wasn't looking her partner in the eye. She was staring at the bruises forming on her fair wrists.
"I know, I just got scared."
"That's why you left."
"Yeah." Arizona raised one of her hands and gently stroked a lock of raven hair behind Callie's ear. She followed the hand with her eyes and willed herself to stay calm when she felt it against her face. When she finally looked into those blue eyes, she didn't see the fear or anger that she was expecting. The surgeon spoke again. "But I'm here now and I can't lose you, Calliope."
"I don't really want you to go."
"Well that's good." The blonde was satisfied with the small smile that played on the Latina's lips.
"You don't trust me." The sadness had returned again. "I think I need to show you something but I don't know if I should."
"I do trust you."
"No not about one thing."
"Okay, well you can show me anything you need to then. First though, can we go to the hospital?" Arizona watched her girlfriend's face drop. "I know; I know you hate them but it won't take long. Just get a scan and let Derek look at you. I wanna be sure nothing's changed up there." She said as she ran her hand through Callie's hair.
"Okay."
"Really?"
"I know that last night is just a part of this, of having another trauma but if you need me to get a scan to give you piece of mind then I'll do it."
"Thank you."
"I'll just go get in the shower quickly." Callie positioned herself to stand up as easily as possible with her ribs in their current condition.
"Wait a sec." Arizona placed her hands on the other woman's thighs. She slowly leant forwards, giving her partner plenty of time to move. Callie didn't, in fact she was overjoyed. It was like electricity passed between them when their lips made contact. Tanned hands found their way into blonde curls. They only separated when they needed to breath. "Morning." The surgeon whispered.
"Morning darling."
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A few hours later and Callie and Arizona had stopped for lunch on the way back from the hospital. As the brunette had said, nothing showed up on the scan but she had seen her girlfriend visibly relax when she saw the image. Derek too had been glad to check up on her. They were now sat opposite each other finishing off the last of their coffees.
"So, I spoke to the chief." Arizona started.
"Yeah?"
"He said that if I go back to work in a few days and work for about a month, catch up on scheduled procedures and tie up some loose ends, I can get another week off. If you still want to go to London."
Callie shook her head.
"Oh, okay. I'll tell him to scrap that plan then. Don't worry." She couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice.
The Latina laughed and took Arizona's hand. "No, I was shaking my head because I can't believe you still wanna go with me. This morning I thought we were done."
"Never."
"I'll talk to my Dad about the dates."
"Really? You're gonna call them." Callie hadn't really spoke to her parents since they left, instead relying on Arizona to keep them updated.
"Yeah, at some point."
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When they got back to the apartment the brunette disappeared momentarily after telling Arizona to wait in the living area. After a few minutes, she called the blonde into the bedroom. She found Callie sat on her side of the bed with a book in her hand and took a seat next to her.
"Nobody's ever seen this before." The Latina seemed to be weighing up whether or not she should hand it over.
"You don't have to show me." The blonde insisted.
"Yeah I do, actually. You get freaked whenever I take a pill or go and stand on the balcony. Especially since I fell down the stairs. That's what you don't trust me about."
Arizona couldn't argue with that point. "So what's that?" She prompted as she pointed at the book.
"When I was younger, I'd write down the things that I couldn't tell anybody. My deepest, darkest moments. I was pretty sure that if I told people I'd get sectioned. If you read this you'll see the difference between then and now. Maybe you'll see that I'm not that seventeen year old kid anymore. I've got a whole lot more to live for now."
"So do you trust me enough to see it?"
"Yes." Callie replied without hesitation. "Yes." She repeated as she passed Arizona the book.
It felt heavy in the blonde's hands and not just physically. The thoughts and feelings of a teenage Callie were kept inside. The other woman knew that this could backfire and Arizona would never take an eye off her if it did. She had to give over the last piece of this nightmare. If only so that the surgeon could make a fully informed decision.