It was midnight. Which meant Callie had walked out three hours ago. Arizona didn't blame her. She couldn't believe the words had come out of her mouth. The blonde had finally decided to try and sleep but she was now staring at herself in the mirror. She just stayed standing their even though she had finished cleaning her teeth about fifteen minutes earlier. All of a sudden Arizona heard the front door open and close, followed by the bedroom door.
Without saying a word the brunette walked into the bathroom, already naked and turned on the shower.
"Calliope." Arizona whispered pleadingly. She watched the Latina's shoulders start to shake and realised that her girlfriend was crying as she stepped in and closed the door behind her. The surgeon pulled her shirt over her head and stepped out of her shorts. When she opened the shower door she found Callie sat on the floor. She closed the door and sat down next to her. Arizona was relieved when her partner didn't resist her embrace. She wrapped one arm around Callie's back and used the other to move a wet lock of her from her face before stroking Callie's arm.
She was sobbing.
"I'm sorry." Callie sniffed.
"Don't. Don't you dare Calliope."
"I'm sorry I'm such a burden." She turned her head and locked eyes with Arizona.
"Baby. No. You're not. I just... I don't even know. I'm sorry. I felt like you were slipping away from me. I shouldn't have let myself lose control like that. I'm sorry."
"I should have told you where I was."
"You forgot to. That's okay."
"I mean since I ran out after we argued."
"As long as you were safe and as long as you come back to me then it's fine."
"I was at the hospital."
"What?" Arizona asked suddenly worried all over again.
"Sarah didn't come to the centre today. Turns out she spent all day drinking. She got rushed to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. Her parents phoned Adams's House. I was there looking for my phone." Callie's sobs had stopped but the fatigue in her voice was now evident.
"So you went to see Sarah?"
"Yeah; but now I..."
"Smell like hospitals which is why we're in the shower." Arizona finished with a sad smile. "Is Sarah okay?"
"She will be." The brunette closed her eyes. She was ready to fall asleep right there and then.
Arizona reached up and took the shampoo off the shelf and passed it to Callie before grabbing the body wash.
"You do your hair and I'll do your body. Yeah?"
She got a nod in response. The Latina worked the shampoo into her hair and leant forwards under the spray to rinse it out. She then sat back as Arizona straddled her hips and squeezed the gel into her hands. Arizona started washing Callie's shoulders. She then worked down one arm then the other.
Callie's eyes were closed again as she enjoyed her girlfriend's hands on her tired body. She heard a whispered: "I love you Calliope." And opened them again. The surgeon had moved onto her chest now.
"I love you too." She said almost as a reassurance before closing the gap between them and kissing Arizona's lips. They broke apart before kissing again as the blonde moved her hands back to Callie's shoulders.
"Come on." Arizona stood as she spoke and encouraged Callie to do the same so she cold rinse off.
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Callie buried herself under the covers and waited for Arizona to join her.
"Do you need anything? Do you have a headache?" The surgeon asked as she stared at her girlfriend in the bed from the closet door.
"No. I could do with some water though."
"Right I'll go get you some. Have you eaten?"
"I'm fine Arizona."
"Yeah I know." She returned a few minutes later with a bottle of water. "I'll be on the couch if you need me."
"What? Why?"
"We had that fight and things are still..."
"Stay with me?" The other woman almost pleaded.
"You're not mad with me?" Arizona asked as she came to stand by the bed.
"No, I'm mad and frustrated and upset with you and me and the world but right now I'm tired. As always that overwrites everything else. I'm scared Arizona. I'd like you to... lie with me."
The blonde didn't need to be asked twice and got under the covers. The two women lay facing each other but not touching.
"I'm sorry for what I said; about you being tired."
"I know. You wanna talk about the other stuff?"
"Not now."
"You seemed pretty insistent... earlier." Callie was beginning to slur her words.
"I wasn't seeing what was really important. You need to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."
"About everything?" The Latina closed her eyes. They felt heavy from the day.
"Yeah."
"This morning seems like forever ago." Callie mumbled. "I was taking care of you for a change."
"You take care of me more than you realise." Arizona lay staring at her partner for a while before tentatively whispering: "Calliope?" To see if she was asleep.
"Yeah?"
"Can I hold you?"
Without a verbal reply Callie shuffled closer to Arizona and rested her head on the blonde's chest as two arms came up around her body.
"I get why she did it." The brunette whispered.
Arizona knew instantly to what she was referring.
"Sarah."
"Yeah. It's not because I used to be her. I'm still her. At moments like this I hate my life."
Arizona tried not to be offended; she knew it was hard for Callie to express her feelings and had to let her talk. So she just stroked the dark hair on her shoulder.
"I mean I have successful businesses and a great apartment and people who love me. I have you for God's sake but still right now I hate it. Not feeling like you're connected to anything. Like you could say or do whatever and it won't reach anybody else. Sorry I don't really know what I'm saying."
"You feel like you're inconsequential." Arizona summarised.
"Yeah."
"Honey you're not though."
"I know. It just feels sometimes like the rest of the world should stop because..."
"Because you have to."
"Yeah and I get why Sarah did it though; the pills and drink. It's harder sometimes not to do something self destructive. Easier to drink yourself stupid."
"Because you're inconsequential."
"Hey you're getting good at this."
"Do you want to do something self destructive now?" Arizona couldn't stop the worry in her voice.
"No. An hour ago I did but not now. I almost told the cab driver to take me to the bar."
"I'm glad you didn't. You aren't gonna get to sleep as long as you keep thinking what you are."
"And what's that?"
"That you let Sarah down."
"How long have you been in my head?"
"A while."
"I should have done more."
"You did more than anyone else."
"It wasn't enough. I should have checked why she didn't show today. I should have realised she was depressed."
"Calliope you know that wouldn't have stopped her. Would it have stopped you when you were that age?"
"I didn't have anybody claiming to look after me other than my parents. Parents are easy to fool. I shouldn't be."
"Hey !" Arizona lifted Callie's chin in order to get eye contact. "You can't be a super hero all of the time Calliope. Sarah is a smart teenager. A smart teenager with serious problems. Getting around people like you is what she is best at. Think about everything you've kept hidden from your parents, from Jonathon and from me. I know it's more than I will ever know. You coped the best you could and so is Sarah. You do more for those kids than anybody ever did for you and that makes you awesome. There is a reason her parents called you when their daughter was rushed to the ER. Calliope this wasn't your fault. Say it."
"It wasn't my fault."
Arizona held the woman in her arms a little tighter.
"Now we both need to sleep."
"You know I didn't realise how much I needed you till you showed up. I love you."
"I love you too."
