This is the final chapter - thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favourite or just read.
X-Sammii-X, I'm hoping we might see more of Cal and Ethan's bond tonight, but in the meantime, at least we get to read and write about it! Thank you for your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter.
Gillian Kearney Fan, thank you for your review. I think Ethan usually finds it easier to stay strong than Cal - which isn't necessarily what you'd expect.
CBloom2, thank you for your review - I'm so glad you enjoyed it. If we don't hurt them, at least we can make them cry and cuddle! Let's hope there's some more of that tonight. Especially the cuddling.
20BlueRoses, don't worry - it is difficult to keep up when someone's posting a chapter a day. I wanted to do that so it would be finished by the time we found out what 'really' happened tonight. I'm so glad you liked Ethan's breakdown - I had to send Cal to him after that! It's really good to know which parts you particularly liked. Thank you for your review.
tracys dream, I'm glad Cal went to find Ethan too - I didn't really want to take Cal away from Emilie, but Ethan needed him, so I had to fix it somehow! Thank you for your review. I'm happy you liked the moment between them.
LittleBritishPerson, thank you for your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I was thinking Cal found Ethan by accident, but I love your idea of him knowing Ethan well enough to guess he needed him - so now that's officially what happened!
As Ethan approached Emilie's room, a nurse was just leaving.
She smiled at Ethan. "Your mum's awake now," she told Ethan. "But she's very tired."
"I'll try not to tire her further," said Ethan earnestly.
The nurse patted his arm. "Don't worry, Ethan. I know you'll look after her." She held the door open for him. "Go on. In you go."
"Thank you, Molly." Ethan smiled at her and went inside. Emilie was lying still, her eyes closed, and for a moment, his heart squeezed painfully.
Then Emilie opened her eyes. It was only for a moment, but he didn't miss the happiness that flooded them. "Ethan. You're back."
"Yes. Cal's getting us some food," said Ethan. He sat in Cal's chair and held Emilie's hands. "We don't have to talk. I know you're tired and I'm happy just to be with you."
Emilie looked concerned. "You've been crying, Ethan."
"I'm all right now," said Ethan. "I'm sad, of course, about some things, but I'm so happy to be here. So happy to have the chance to get to know you again."
"Do you want to ask me anything?" asked Emilie.
Ethan hesitated. There was so much he wanted to know and hardly any time in which to learn it. "Of course I do, but I don't want you to get tired."
"I'm not tired now," said Emilie. "I would like to answer your questions, Ethan."
Ethan prepared to ask her some of the many questions that had been crowding in his mind ever since he'd learned of her existence, but he didn't ask any of them. He had to consider Emilie's comfort first. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can bring you? Anyone you'd like to see?"
Emilie shook her head. "Only you and Cal. If I am still here tomorrow, I would like to see Shelle again."
"Of course," said Ethan. Emilie's carer had been the nearest she'd had to a family. He had a feeling Shelle was planning on coming tomorrow anyway, but he would make sure. "Is there anything else I can do?"
He could tell Emilie was trying to squeeze his hand. She couldn't quite manage it, but the intent was there and that was all that mattered to Ethan. He squeezed her hand gently, feeling sad again as he felt her fragility.
"Do you have pictures?" said Emilie. "Pictures of you and Cal? Matilda used to send me pictures. But then she stopped."
Ethan felt his chest ache as he saw how much that had hurt. "I'll bring some tomorrow." He closed his eyes for a moment in a silent hope there would be a tomorrow.
"Thank you," said Emilie. "Now you have questions for me? Things you want to know?" Her voice was fuzzy with exhaustion.
"There's a lot I'd like to know about you. Everything really. About the things you've done. The things you've enjoyed. The things that make you happy. But I don't want to tire you."
"I'm not tired," said Emilie, and started to answer his questions. She spoke calmly and matter-of-factly as though she no longer cared about how lonely her condition had been, but Ethan heard it in every word.
Once the depression had lifted – both that caused by the Huntington's and by the devastation of losing her boys - and her condition had finally been diagnosed, Emilie had found the courage to live some of her dreams. Visit the places she had never been. Return to the places that held happy memories. Ethan heard the happiness in her voice as she recalled those moments, but he couldn't help realising that a lot of these moments had been spent alone or with a carer. It broke his heart still more.
He blinked away tears, aware that Emilie's voice had slowed and her eyes were closed. "Thank you for telling me, Mum. I hope you'll tell me more later, but you're nearly asleep. Rest now, okay? I'll be here."
"I knew you were kind," said Emilie. She couldn't keep still but she somehow radiated contentment.
"I'm sorry I wasn't always kind to you," said Ethan, his voice catching.
Emilie smiled. "You weren't unkind. It was too much to take in. You needed time. But you're here now. So I'm happy."
"I'm happy too," said Ethan. "But now, will you rest for me, Mum? Please?"
"Will you talk to me?" said Emilie, as she closed her eyes. "Tell me more things about you and Cal? Tell me your childhood was happy?"
Ethan stroked her hands, then started to massage them as Cal had been doing earlier. His childhood hadn't always been happy, but Matilda had ensured there were lots of happy memories to share. After a while, he realised Emilie was asleep and stopped speaking. Ethan smiled down at her, feeling so many emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Fear. Love.
But no anger. No more anger.
"I love you," he whispered, and hoped he'd find the courage to say it out loud. He hadn't said the words for such a long time. Not since the last time he'd been alone with Matilda.
Emilie was still sleeping when Cal returned.
"5p!" he began, but stopped as Ethan put his finger to his lips. He dropped his voice to a whisper. "5p for a plastic bag, Ethan! Can you believe it? 5p of my hard-earned money. I probably had to take someone's pulse to earn that!"
Ethan smiled and decided to tell Emilie when she woke up. He thought it would amuse her too.
Cal sat beside him and put the bag on his lap. He gave Ethan a bottle of water and offered him a choice of sandwiches and crisps. Ethan thought about saying they supposed to eat in here, but he realised there was no point. He wasn't going to leave and he knew Cal wouldn't either.
Cal opened his packet of crisps and one of his sandwiches, putting a layer of crisps on top of the cheese.
"Cal, that's still disgusting," said Ethan.
Cal shrugged and started eating. He looked more relaxed than he had for days, but Ethan noticed he was looking at Emilie. Ethan turned to look at their mother too as he nibbled his sandwiches.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" said Ethan.
Cal looked startled, but then he leaned forward and looked at Emilie some more. "Yes," he said. "She is. That's obviously where I get it from."
"I thought she looked a lot more like me than you," said Ethan.
Cal laughed very softly. "In your dreams, Nibbles. In your dreams. Though there is something a bit feminine about you, I have to admit." He paused as Ethan glared at him. "But anyone can see you're her son. That we're both her sons."
They both watched and smiled. Emilie jerked in her sleep and Ethan moved closer, knowing the force could take her right out of bed, but she seemed to settle slightly as she felt Ethan's hands on her shoulders. Ethan sat back down thought about the moments they'd shared and trying to commit every word to memory.
He hoped she would wake up soon so they could talk again. It was natural for her to sleep a lot, but Ethan was aware that time was running to out. However much or little there was remaining to him, he didn't want to waste it.
"Ethan, her breathing," said Cal urgently.
Her breaths were shorter and harsher than before. Ethan checked her pulse, then her temperature. "She's very feverish, Cal. I'll call the nurse and ask if we can give her more oxygen and paracetamol."
His voice was calm, but he was a bundle of raw emotions. It was coming and they couldn't pretend everything would be all right. If it didn't come now, it would be very soon.
"Okay," gulped Cal.
In unspoken agreement, they put their food aside and each took one of Emilie's hands. Ethan put his free arm around Cal, rubbing at his shoulder as he felt him shaking.
"Oh, Ethan… I don't… I can't…" moaned Cal.
"I know you can," said Ethan. It was himself he wasn't so sure about. Cal had done this before.
Ethan pressed the button to call the nurse. They held Emilie's hands and waited. When Molly arrived, they moved aside so she could examine her. Her observation and examination confirmed what Cal and Ethan already knew.
"Let's make her more comfortable," she said.
Ethan's hands shook as he and Cal helped her. Cal held the oxygen mask against Emilie's face as more intravenous paracetamol was administered.
Ethan didn't want to believe it, but he knew. As a doctor, he was trained to recognise it, but he thought he might have known anyway. It wasn't his brain telling him what was going to happen. It was an ache deep inside him.
He would never have the chance to ask her those questions now.
The nurse left the room, giving them some privacy, though Ethan knew she would remain close by. Ethan and Cal took Emilie's hands again.
"Cal…" The name was a whisper. "Ethan…"
"We're here, Mum," said Ethan, as Cal gave a choked sob. Ethan put his arm around Cal.
"I love you," said Emilie. "I always loved you."
"I love you too," sobbed Cal.
Ethan rubbed Emilie's hand with his thumb. "And I love you too. I'm so glad I got to meet you again. We'll always love you and remember you. If we adopt little Matilda we'll tell her about you. We'll tell little Emilie too. We'll make sure everyone knows. We're so proud of you, Mum."
Cal sniffed. "Don't worry about anything now, Mum. We're both here. I'm going to look after Ethan and I know he's going to look after me because that's what he always does. Just rest now. We're here and we love you."
It looked like Emilie was trying to say something else. Cal began to soothe her, but Ethan sensed it was important. "Please tell us whatever you need to. We're here."
"I… I…" Her voice was a sigh; a breath. Her eyes were unfocused. She breathed noisily between each word. "I will tell Matilda what fine boys we have."
Her eyes fluttered closed. She didn't speak again.
Ethan called for medical assistance, but he knew the end was near. So did Cal. Ethan held Emilie's hand and spoke to her comfortingly as her breathing became more laboured. After a while, Cal began talking too. They talked and they waited. They comforted one another. Several hours passed. Then Emilie took her final breath.
"Good night, Mum," whispered Ethan, through a flood of tears. He rubbed Cal's back as he brokenly repeated the words. "Sleep well. I love you."