Callie awoke to an all too familiar feeling; cold tile against her face. It was strangely comforting. She knew that lifting her head off the floor and attempting to achieve a sitting position would result in a wave of nausea. She was correct.
After pulling herself up she soon had too vomit but luckily waking up in the bathroom meant that the toilet was in reach. She faintly heard somebody enter the small room, over her dry heaving.
"You're gonna need this." Jonathon said.
Leaning against the shower behind her, Callie gladly took the large bottle of water and drank enough but not too much so as to provoke another round of vomiting.
Her head felt like somebody had rammed a very sharp spear right between her eyes.
She needed to take something.
"Can you pass me that?" She requested, pointing to her jacket.
He handed it to Callie before sitting down opposite her. As she found a packet of small blue pills in the inside pocket, her friend spoke again.
"What happened to you last night?"
"College." She responded after throwing a handful of pills into her mouth and washing it down with water.
"No. I'd say College happened to me."
"You don't look too bad."
"Exactly; whatever you got up too was beyond anything 'College'. Who was that girl you disappeared with?"
Callie groaned and pulled a cigarette from her jacket.
"One minute you were... grinding and stuff and then you were gone."
After taking a drag, she explained as well as she could.
"I don't really remember much of it."
"Well there's a surprise."
"We went to a few different clubs." She spoke vaguely.
"Did she spike you or something?"
"No, I don't think so. There were definitely some pills though... And sex... it might have been in a bathroom." There was a pause as Callie took a couple more drags and rubbed her temples and eyes. "I think I had to pay."
"For the sex?" Jonathon asked surprised.
"No for the pills." She responded calmly.
"How was it?"
"The drugs?"
"No, the sex."
Callie shrugged. "It was okay. She was hot."
"You don't remember, do you?"
"Not really."
"Seems kind of pointless if you can't remember."
"Oh, like you remember every guy you've fucked."
The man conceded and gave a small smile before Callie spoke again.
"Now fuck off. I need a shower."
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Callie woke up to an altogether perfect feeling; with an arm around her and a warm body nestled against her back. Well it was almost always perfect. Today it was uncomfortable and stifling.
The brunette hated this feeling.
Her entire would was fitting into place but she awoke feeling out of place. Not in this world and she desperately wanted to be. Arizona was her fiancé. Her gorgeous fiancé but she just needed to get out.
When it is five in the morning and you're feeling like you don't fit into what is around you, you just want to get out. So Callie skilfully got out of bed, jumped in the shower and got dressed without being heard.
After leaving the apartment she started to walk. Something in the back of her mind should have told her to leave a note but that didn't happen. So she walked.
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Knock! Knock!
The door swung open and Amber stood in the doorway for a second before lurching forwards and pulling Callie into a hug. With her arms still on the brunette's shoulders, Amber spoke.
"Merry Christmas Cal."
It was then that Callie noticed the mistletoe above the door.
"Is this your grand plan to get my tongue down your throat?"
Amber let go and began walking into the house towards the kitchen. After pulling her suitcase in and closing the door, Callie followed her.
"Please. If I wanted to make out with you I'd just give you some of that punch from my seventeenth birthday party again."
"Oh God." Callie opened the fridge door and helped herself to a beer. At this point Amber's home had practically become Callie's. "Don't remind me. I thought you were Jessica. Which shows how wrecked I was."
They both sat at the table.
"I saw her the other day. She's pregnant."
"Really?"
"Yeah." The red head insisted as she finished rolling a cigarette. When Callie reached over and took it, there was no complaint. Both the beer and the tobacco were probably paid for with the last lot of money she lent her anyway.
"All I remember was that she was beautiful and spoke really good Spanish."
"So how's College?" Amber asked, trying to hide her bitterness and failing miserably.
"You can't still be annoyed that I went. And it's intense."
"You left me. Everybody leaves me." Amber suddenly turned serious as she did from time to time.
"Then everybody is an idiot." Callie said before taking a sip.
"So your parents don't know you're back yet?"
"No. I told them I get back in a few days. I wanted some time here for old time's sake."
"By old times you mean like three months ago?"
"Trust me it feels like ten years ago."
"I know you're here because my folks aren't coming back for the holidays."
Callie shook her head and grabbed her friend's hand."
"I'm here because you are the most important person on the planet and I love you. And I don't love anybody."
Amber smiled sadly.
"I hope that's not true forever Cal."
"Well I hope it is and I have way more control over my destiny than you do, so don't think you'll ever be baking me a wedding cake."
"Oh, but I've already found my bridesmaid dress." She replied sarcastically.
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By seven o' clock, Callie had returned home. She sat in the chair in the bedroom and watched her partner sleep. In her hand she clutched two take away cups of coffee from a coffee shop she passed.
Something caused Arizona to stir. When her eyes fluttered open, Callie began to sweat and her breathing became difficult. Now she'd have to share. Now somebody would be affected. Somebody she loved.
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"Cal get down!" A voice screamed from behind her. "Please." It begged.
Her vision slipped out of focus again and it took all of her concentration to make her eyes work properly once more. That caused her to almost lose her balance and she decided stable legs were more important right now than being able to see.
So the world disappeared again and became this hazy, other thing. Everything was a million miles away, including the voices of her two best friends.
That made this easier.
Standing on a ledge when the only thing you're sure of is that there is a ledge beneath your feet but with an overwhelming feeling that stepping off the ledge would lead to much a better existence.
Even if there was no existence, it would be better than this.
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Author's Note: Sorry if this is intense and somewhat of a stream of consciousness.
I've been thinking a lot about depression and addiction in relation to brain injury and I wanted to sort of show Callie as she was in comparison to now.