notes: Some Jeltear? I don't know…I've been trying to execute this drabble for about three months (aka avoiding it) but I think I'm lacking the skill to decently put it together. Incidentally I've also been distracted with silly other projects. I need to get my act together.
seven years of grey
They don't know how started but they know it has to end.
"I'm sorry," he suddenly says. He breaks away from this kiss, the one they fell into.
She touches her lips discretely, as if she isn't sure that the moment that had come between them actually happened. Is it all a dream?
And if so, whose dream?
"What are you apologizing for?"
"This wasn't the way it was supposed to be," he says. He discretely wipes his mouth, but he finds he can't erase the taste of her bittersweet tongue.
"No—I should have known better," she replies.
They don't know why this is wrong, but they know that it shouldn't be. Too much history, too many open wounds, too many broken scabs, too much heartache, and timelines of destroyed futures to fix.
"No," he says. "This isn't about the kiss."
She just looks at him, and there's a moment she sees her reflection in his eyes—a brief second where she thinks that despite their touching lips, their grazing skin, their whispered secrets, it will all be okay in the end as long as he is there in hell with her.
"This is about what had to come before it," he continues.
She doesn't say a word, but she feels his every syllable tug at her chest.
Since when did she was his puppet, her self-worth swinging on the pendulum of his lips?
"I'm sorry," he repeats. "I never meant to fall in love."
His words don't change the potential. She already knows where their relationship would be headed if it were at all to be had. She's invulnerable to the messes of whatever is going to come because she's already decided that she'd wholeheartedly take his heavy package of sin and fall fall fall after him.
But in his eyes, she can see a new deeper, darker, growing realization that darkens the rims of his irises. He used to see her in black and white but now she sees that she's just grey. A dark dark grey that he is trying hard to ignore and to blend into the shadows of his regrets.
And it hurts so much because all she wants is to be seen for more than just her color.
notes: Literally I don't know what just happened. Make what you will of it. Throw the tomatoes.
thir13enth