She hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night, the nightmares decided to make a visit again. It probably had something to do with inviting Gail to go to BC with her, hell she knew that was why. It wasn't nerves of introducing her to the other Stewarts, -Holly was actually quite excited for that- no it was having Gail in the same place she had lost her everything. For the blonde to see how everyone looked at her, acted around her, the very reason she left. And with that came questions, things she wasn't sure if she was ready for Gail to know just yet. But the date was creeping up. Seven days till they were to fly out to Vancouver. So she was stressing and thinking of home and it wasn't a big surprise that the night terrors started, leaving her without any sleep and an early morning run.

Young Hot Wife: Need sustenance?

Holly smiled, like she did every time the name popped up on her phone. Gail edited her contact with a special ring tone, picture and name on one of the many nights they'd hung out.

Sustenance sounds amazing right about now. What kind are we talking here?

Young Hot Wife: I was thinking burgers

Burgers it is. You remember what I take right?

Young Hot Wife: Yes Holly (to be read in my eye roll voice)

There's no other way to read that

Young Hot Wife: Well there is but it's probably inappropriate at work

Holly spit out her mouthful of coffee, effectively getting it all over herself and her desk. "Oh my god." she mumbled quietly for both the text and the mess. What was she supposed to say to that!?

No comment

Young Hot Wife: Leaving you speechless. Looks like I've done my job

She shook her head at the phone before tucking it back into her pant pocket and getting back to work. She didn't get much in before giving up and just texting her sister, maybe Lila could shine some light on her night stress.

Do you have time for big sister guidance?

It took a whopping sixty seconds for her to reply.

Lala: I think I can pencil it in

Lala: What's up chickie?

It's a lot to explain so call

There was enough time for Holly to slump back into her chair before her phone started singing. "Hey."

Lila was taken back by the deadliness in Holly's voice. "Wow, this is really bad."

"I asked her like you said and she said yes, also like you said, and now I don't know-I don't think I can handle Gail being there." Holly let the floodgates open and placed her forehead on her desk, feeling the need to curl into a little ball, and closed her eyes.

"Why not?"

Holly laughed darkly. "The very reason I left. It's been two years and everyone still looks at me like it happened last week. I know it's from a good place but I can't deal with that all the time, I'm better. It's... you know? And that's not going to have changed during the wedding, everyone is still going to tilt their head when asking me how I've been, they're still going to have that sadness in their eyes and Gail is going to see it. She's going to have questions and that's what the problem is."

"You aren't ready to tell Gail?"

"That's the thing, I'm fine with telling her, I want her to know. It's a huge thing and it's going to be with me forever. I just don't know if I can have her look at me like that." She explained sifting in her seat to rest her head on it's side. Holly saw a brightly coloured something from the corner of her eye, sitting up she found a bag from Carson's Burgers and her heart dropped. "Fuck."

"Are you having a revelation of your feelings for the cop?" Lila half teased half questioning what her sister was on about.

Holly let out a frustrated groan, followed by more cussing.

"Really leaving a girl hanging here Hols"

"Gail was here and heard, I don't know what part or how much but it was enough for her to leave without a sound."

"Look Hols, I can only imagine how scary it must be for you but I think Gail is different and I think you know that too. Just lay it all down and take one minute at a time, remember first reactions might change as they think more about it and if this doesn't work out than it never would have and getting out asap is better. You got this, deep breaths and patients. Now go get her." Lila hung up the second she was done. Leaving Holly frozen in thought, until she remembered what Gail must be feeling and she bolted from her office.

Holly stopped at the security station at the end of the hall.

"Burt, did you see Officer Peck?"

The older man nodded with a sympathetic smile. "Yeah she came in maybe five minutes ago and left, not very happy about two minutes ago. You might be able to catch her in the parking lot if you hurry."

The door was already closing when he finished. She messed up, kind of, was it really a mess up? Doesn't matter, it felt like one. Holly ran up the stairs two at a time, her mind only focused on catching the blonde and apologizing. She threw the last door open and ran out to the parking lot, out of breath she scanned the cars. The car she was looking for was just pulling out. Holly pulled her phone from her pocket and fumbled to get to the right name.

It went to voicemail on the second ring. She tried again, this time it was three rings.

Please let me explain

Gail it really, really isn't what you think

Holly tried calling again. It rang all the way through, making her heart race in hope the blonde would pick up.

Please Gail

She started to make her way back to her office, calling again and again but to no avail. Burt gave her a sad smile as he watched her slug past him. The rest of the day was spent mopping and failed attempts at talking to the blonde officer.

Holly covered her eyes as she walked around the big oak tree, scanning the endless branches for the ponytail of blonde hair. It didn't take long to find and she smirked to herself, shaking her head in both amusement and deep thought.

"Want to explain what you're doing up there?" Holly called up to her friend.

"I'm taking in the view of course." Gail replied, every word dripping with sarcasm making the brunette chuckle.

"And the real reason?"

Gail moved, -slowly and carefully- laying her stomach on a long branch and hugging onto it for dear life, so she could get a better look at the brunette. "I may or may not have been hiding from Stacey and gotten higher than I thought."

Holly smiled at the sheepish blonde, "afraid of heights?"

Gail thought it over for a moment and nodded. Holly had never seen her friend scared before, well not this scared, she'd seen her frightened and startled but never scared. She wasn't sure how to handle it, how to help. She knew it was a delicate subject from previous experience and not to focus on it, not to bring much light to the subject.

"Need help down" Holly asked, sizing up the tree.

"I really don't suggest we both get stuck up here Lunchbox, besides I don't even think you'd be able to get up here and I don't see you with a ladder."

"Nope. I was thinking I could tell you where to step" she suggested lightly.

Again Gail thought this over.

"You trust me right?" Holly smiled warmly.

This time Gail didn't hesitate, she knew the answer without having to think. "Yeah. I-I'm scared though"

"Okay, then you tell me when you're ready to get down and I'll help you." her smile growing at Gail's admission. Holly laid out on her back, staring up at the blonde and made a funny face when their eyes met. Gail giggled despite herself and shot an even sillier face back at the brunette, making sure to tell her would weird she is. The two fell into easy conversation like usual and before Gail knew it she had both feet planted soundly on the grass and her arms wrapped around her wonderfully strange friend.

A week went by without any contact. She'd called at least twice a day, morning and night, and she'd given up on texting after she'd typed out her explanation. She knew Gail was a runner, the blonde had told her so a few times, but she didn't know it attained to friendships too. Holly sighed and threw her to the opposite side of the couch.

"What more can I do? Just tell me what to do." she groaned to the empty room, rubbing her hands over her face in frustration. She'd gone over the phone call again and again, trying to figure out which part Gail had heard. How it would have sounded to her, how she probably took it. Every night Holly had fallen asleep picking each piece apart, thinking of ways she could get Gail to listen, and if to get that lucky what she would say.

A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts.

Looking through the peephole she sighed. Holly was really hoping she'd be met with a shock of blonde and was very disappointed to find the black hair of someone she hadn't seen since she first moved to the city.

"It's late Dom, what're you doing here" Holly asked opening the door to face her cousin.

"Nice to see you too Hols." he replied, ducking under her arm and entering the house.

Holly shut the door with a bit more force than needed. "I lost my manners at about 10pm."

Dominic wasted no time in getting comfortable, meaning he wasn't leaving until he got what he wanted. So she slumped into the green chair next to the couch and waited for whatever he was there for to begin.

"Lila sent me to a)get a rundown of the cop situation b)make sure you're packed for your flight tomorrow and c)get a general conciseness of how you're holding up so she can prepare for your arrival. So, where would you like to start?"

That was one thing she had always loved about her cousin, he got right to the point.

"A) is not going to happen, b) I'm thinking of not going, and c) is all you."

"Holly." he sent her a look of 'we both know that's not good enough' and 'cut the shit'. Even though Dominic was three years younger he'd always felt older, the more mature one of the pack of kids.

Holly sighed in defeat and jumped right into what had happened with Gail. By the end she was in tears, and explaining how she wasn't sure if she wanted to go anymore because everything is just going to make her sad thinking about how Gail was supposed to be there.

It was in that moment, listening to herself cry, feeling the loss, hearing herself from his point of view that it hit her. Really, really hit her why it all mattered so much. She had feelings for Gail. Real feelings, not just 'I used to have the biggest crush on you' feeling. These were I smile like a lovesick teenager whenever I see you, my heart sings when I think of you, my skin burns when we touch and I don't ever want to live without you in my life, type of feelings.