Dr Shepard drummed his fingertips repeatedly on the arm of the black, leather chair. It had been twenty minutes since the start of Quinn's session and not once had she said anything to the psychiatrist. She sat in an opposing chair with her arms crossed and a stubborn look on her face as she stared directly at the psychiatrist.
She studied the age defining lines on the shrink's face, each one seemed to add another year, but also seemed to emit a knowledgeable persona. His hair was short and Quinn could just tell that the ash-brown colour was from a bottle, most likely to cover grey hairs. But the most defining feature about this man that Quinn took in was his eyes. They were a pale blue but as they stared right back at Quinn, she thought they harboured a cold, closed minded quality. As he stared at Quinn she knew that he had already made assumptions about her without her even saying a word. She couldn't wait to see what she would be labelled as this time; surely they couldn't tell an eighteen year old that they had an over-imagination.
Dr Shepard sighed as he rubbed his shaven, squared chin and he cleared his throat. Quinn kept her eyes firmly placed on the man, hoping to make it as uncomfortable for him as possible but he didn't seem fazed by her behaviour which made Quinn wonder just how many people had sat in this chair before her.
"There are forty minutes left of your session and you've not spoken a single word. Is there anything you'd like to do with the rest of your time, or would you just prefer to sit here in silence for the remainder of the hour?" His tone was bland and slightly sarcastic, holding little emotion- but Quinn knew that he was growing tired of the silence. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she realised that he was quite the impatient man. Quinn simply shrugged and remained silent.
The man licked his lips and broke eye contact with Quinn to collect a slim folder from the table beside him. He opened it up and began flicking through pages with various things scrawled onto them until he came across a certain one. "You say you can interact with the dead. What can you tell me about that?" Still she said nothing, only narrowed her eyes at Shepard's attempt to make her talk. "Tell me Quinn, the people you see and hear, what do they say to you?"
Quinn ran a hand through her golden hair as she glanced at the ticking clock. Her father would be angry if she went the whole hour without saying anything and she doubted she'd ever hear the end of it. "They tell me what they want from me," she said quietly but firmly. Immediately, Dr Shepard began to scribble on a note pad.
"What do they want from you?"
"They want me to help them move on, or sometimes they're just lonely," Quinn replied.
"Can you give me an example?"
Quinn huffed as she tried to recall something a ghost had wanted from her. "I met this ghost at my new school who wants me to write a letter to her mom to let her know that things weren't her fault."
Dr Shepard nodded and again wrote on his pad. "It's to my understanding that you're having…difficulties with your own mother at this moment in time, is that correct?"
Quinn's eyebrows knotted in confusion. "Yeah, so? Every family fights," she said, not quite sure where he was taking this conversation.
He swallowed and cleared his throat again before continuing. "Your parents have told me that you have always had trouble making friends, so could it be that because you find yourself with no one to talk to and express yourself with, that you're actually projecting your worries and stress?"
"I don't-" Quinn started but Dr Shepard cut her off, making her huff with frustration.
"You said that this ghost wants to make amends with her mother yes?" Quinn nodded, finally starting to see the route this conversation was heading and she felt the spark of anger ignite in the pit of her stomach. "So it may be that you're projecting the issues with your mother into this 'ghost' and her mother so by writing that letter for her mother, you're really saying all the things that you wish you could say to your own mom," he said blandly, as though he had cases like Quinn's every day.
Quinn gritted her teeth as she tried to contain her budding anger. He was basically telling her that because she felt 'alone' she created these ghosts up and made her own issue theirs- only Quinn knew that that wasn't true. She knew for a fact that the ghosts she saw were real, especially Rachel. Quinn could even feel her touch and that kiss was defiantly not fabricated. She had felt Rachel's soft, plump lips against hers, the way that their lips had moved perfectly together, even though their encounter was brief. Quinn swallowed hard and pushed the memories back, not particularly wanting to deal with them now, though she knew she'd have to eventually.
"I'm not crazy," she said bluntly after a few minutes.
"I didn't say that you were Quinn, it's interesting that you perceived that though," he said as he scribbled again on his paper.
Quinn's anger was bubbling and she could feel the hairs on her skin rise as her anger tingled along them. "Can you stop that?"
He stopped writing and looked up at Quinn. "Stop what?"
"Writing every damned thing down!" She snapped as her annoyance peeked.
"It's my job Quinn, I have to make notes about you and analyse the things you say."
"Look, you can sit there and tell me all you want that I 'project my feelings' but I can tell you that the things I see are real. I'm not crazy and I don't need you to sit there and undermine everything about me as you obviously have already made up your mind that I must have some sort of disorder because normal people don't see dead people, but you know what? Science doesn't have a damn answer for everything," she scoffed as she seethed in her chair.
Dr Shepard stared at her for a long time, as though mulling over each and every word she had just said, finally he reached for a smaller piece of paper and began writing on that one. Quinn rolled her eyes and slumped back down into her chair. She eyed the clock on the wall. Only twenty minutes left and she could get the hell out of there.
"I'm going to prescribe you Risperdal," he told the blonde.
Quinn's heart seemed to jam in her chest and she suddenly felt nauseous. "I don't need medication! I'm not-"
"Miss Fabray," he said as he tore off Quinn's prescription and laid it on the table in front of her. "You show a vast number of symptoms for Schizophrenia." The word hit her like an oncoming truck and she was pretty sure that she forgot to breathe. He really didn't believe anything she was saying, though why would he? He was so used to working with people that really did have disorders, so why should he think Quinn to be an exception? She sat there, unable to say anything, only stare at the piece of paper in shock. "Visual and auditory hallucinations are a common symptom, as well as social withdrawal, sudden outbursts of anger," he looked at her and raised an eyebrow, indicating her display only moments ago. "Take this to the pharmacy and they'll give you the tablets. Take them three times a day and continue to see me for weekly sessions and we'll see how you go along. Now, is there anything else you want to talk about or ask?" His expression was smug, as though he'd just won a game of 'crazy or not crazy', obviously defining Quinn as the former.
Quinn grabbed the prescription and bit her lip so hard she could taste blood and she shot to her feet as she headed to the door with fifteen minutes to spare. Before she left she turned around scowled at the psychiatrist. "Go to hell."
"See you next Thursday at half past eight," he calmly replied before Quinn stormed out, slamming the door behind her. She knew she was only fueling his thoughts about her having the disorder, but she couldn't care less in that moment.
Later that night, Quinn sat on the edge of her bed with a Risperdal between her thumb and finger. It was oval and green, probably the same colour as Quinn in that moment as she thought about her new label. She glanced up at her mother who was waiting patiently for Quinn to take the pill, seeing as she couldn't be trusted to actually take it alone. Quinn out air as she reached for the glass of water and reluctantly knocked the pill back- wincing as it proved difficult to swallow.
Judy smiled at her daughter and placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. "It'll be worth it honey, I promise. Dr Shepard knows what he's doing." She left after that, shutting the door gently behind her.
Quinn remained sat on her bed, staring numbly at the glass in her hands. Tears began to well up in her eyes and her chest heaved with rage. She launched the glass at the door, watching it shatter off and sparkle under the artificial light coming from her ceiling.
She buried her face into her pillow and screamed, wanting to drive every single emotion out of her mind. She didn't want to feel like this, she didn't want to be labelled and she definitely didn't want to take those tablets when she knew damned well there was nothing wrong with her.
She cried and yelled into her pillow until it actually felt as though everything had bled out of her. She suddenly felt tired and subdued and she grew apathetic of everything else. She didn't know if it was the medication or the fact she'd spent all of her energy crying about it. Either way, she allowed herself to close her eyes and rest until morning.
"Is that everything you want to say?" Quinn asked Amy. They were hauled up in the school toilets as Quinn finished writing Amy's letter to her mom.
Amy nodded slowly. "I think so, read it back to me and I'll tell you if I want to add anything?"
"Mom, don't freak out as you start reading this. It's me- Amy. I wanted to tell you that I'm happy, and that my death wasn't your fault, so don't blame yourself for anything! You are the best mom in the world and I'm sorry for everything I put you through, including this. I want you to take this letter seriously and I want you to move on with your life, stop dwelling on the past, you can't change it. It's only holding you back and dragging you down and I don't want to watch you suffer so please, let me go. You know I'll always love you and I'm really sorry for breaking the microwave, I didn't know you couldn't put metal in there. –Amy." Quinn looked at a teary eyed Amy; she didn't even know ghosts could cry. The ghostly cheerleader licked her lips and nodded in approval.
"I'll take you to my house and you can just leave it on the doorstep for her," Amy sniffed. "You know, I'd give anything to be able to hug someone right now," she said half serious, half laughing. Quinn smiled sympathetically and went to hug her anyway, even though she couldn't feel anything and her arms passed through Amy. The ghost grinned and giggled whilst managing a quite 'thank you'.
Quinn hadn't bothered to tell Amy about the shrink or even her situation with Rachel for that matter. She didn't want to put extra pressure on the girl right at this moment- that and she didn't even know how she was going to explain her feelings for Rachel to someone else when she couldn't even explain them to herself.
Amy led Quinn to a semi-detached house. The front garden had been hugely neglected and she guessed as much for the back. The windows were dirty and the curtains were drawn. Huge, overgrown trees shrouded the house and kept it shadowed; Quinn shuddered at the negative vibe the place gave her. She could practically sense the sadness radiate from behind that paint-peeled door.
She walked up to the door step with Amy close behind her. She was about to shove the letter through the letter box when the door suddenly opened and she came face to face with a middle aged woman. She had red hair like Amy, though the woman's looked brittle and lifeless. There were dark circles under her eyes that indicated many nights of tossing and turning and she looked as though she could fall asleep at any moment. The woman glared at Quinn and tugged her bath robe tighter over her PJ's as a chill swept through the air. Her gaze slipped down to the letter in Quinn's hand with was titled "Susan"- the woman's name.
Without warning, she snatched the letter from Quinn. "What're you doing here? What is this?" she said slightly angry as she shook the letter. Quinn's nose wrinkled as she smelt the faint scent of alcohol on the woman's breath but she felt nothing but sympathy for her and she just hoped that she'd take the letter seriously. It was saddening to see someone suffer alone like this.
"Your daughter wanted you to have it," Quinn told her.
"My daughter's dead," Susan replied coldly.
"I know. I can," Quinn paused and took a deep breath as she hoped that the woman wouldn't laugh at her or chase her off of her property. "-I can see ghosts and I've been talking to Amy. She wanted you to have this letter because she thinks if you read it then she can be at peace."
The woman scoffed and shot Quinn contempt look, but still took the letter from the envelope. Quinn watched as the woman's distant eyes slowly became focused as she moved back and forth across the words on the page. By the end of it Quinn stood there, shifting uncomfortably as she waited for Susan to say something. This wasn't supposed to happen; Quinn wasn't supposed to be here when she read the letter.
"Is this some sort of joke?" Susan asked Quinn with a slight tremor of fear in her voice. "Did you come here to taunt me? I lost my daughter and you have the audacity to saunter up to my doorstep and leave this here for me to find? Who the hell do you think you are?"
Quinn didn't know what to say, she was literally lost for words but then Amy spoke up. "Tell her I'm here," she said to Quinn whilst remaining her fixed gaze on her mother.
"Amy's here," Quinn said quietly and watched as Susan's eyes clouded with rage.
"Ask her if she remembers the time I was seven years old and she took me to the Zoo and I cried because the tiger wouldn't come out of its shelter."
"She wants to know if you remember when you took her to the zoo and she cried because the tiger was in its shelter," Quinn told Susan, who looked at the blonde girl in bewilderment.
"How did you…?" The older woman began.
"Ask her about the time I was twelve and she got me a puppy for Christmas and the first thing it did was pee on the new rug, that's why there's a stain there," Amy said again and Quinn repeated it for Susan.
For a while, the woman didn't say anything, she simply stood there and stared at the blonde in shock but Quinn noted the belief behind her eyes and internally smiled. "Amy?" she spoke at last and looked around Quinn as if her daughter would materialise.
"She's here," Quinn said and motioned to her right. Susan's eyes locked onto the air at the right of Quinn and she smiled through tears.
"I'm not upset with you sweetheart," she addressed the air but soon looked back at Quinn when she spoke.
"I know, and you shouldn't be upset with yourself, please mom, let me go and stop hurting yourself, you did everything you could as a mother," Quinn struggled to get the words out, feeling a lump build in her throat.
"I will sweetheart, I will I promise, I just miss you so much and if I had just been a bit stricter then maybe you'd still be here," the woman broke off into sobs.
"Don't," Quinn started reciting Amy, "it wasn't your fault! I was the one who sneaked out of the house and got drunk. It was my fault entirely and you need to understand that, please mom, don't do this to yourself."
Susan nodded fragilely and whispered, "Okay darling, okay."
Quinn was torn from her emotions as a huge rush of air swept past them, making Quinn stumble. The air seemed to become heavier and she glanced at Amy. Quinn's eyes went wide as she saw Amy was engulfed in a bright light and she understood that her mother had finally let her daughter go. She smiled sadly as she watched the light grow and she noticed Susan was squinting.
"What is that?" Susan asked with a tremor in her voice as she took a couple of steps back into the house.
Quinn snapped her attention to the woman. "You can see that?" she asked sceptically. Susan nodded and looked at the light then back at Quinn for answers. "That's Amy, she's moving on, thanks to you." Just then, the air around them turned white as the light grew and grew. There was a flash, almost like lightning and when Quinn and Susan were able to open their eyes, both of their jaws dropped as they saw Amy standing there.
Amy looked stunned herself and looked at something invisible that seemed to be situated in the trees, though Quinn could see it too. It was a large, faint glow of pulsing light- it was the door to the afterlife.
"I'd like that hug now Quinn," Amy grinned. She flung her arms around Quinn and to the blonde's surprise, she could feel Amy. Unlike Rachel who felt cold, Amy felt…human. "Thank you Quinn, thank you so much. I owe you everything. I hope you have a good life, 'cause god only knows you deserve it!" Quinn couldn't help the tears flowing down her face and as Amy let go, Quinn wiped them out of her eyes.
"Amy? Oh my God, Amy?" Susan kept repeating the same thing over and over as shock and disbelief completely overrode her brain. Amy chuckled and moved towards her mother who stayed rooted to the spot.
"Yeah mom, it's me. I can move on now, I can finally be at peace," she didn't have chance to say anything else before her mother embraced her in a tight hug, crying as she buried her face in Amy's copper coloured hair.
"I love you so much sweetie, please don't leave me again!"
Amy smiled sadly. "I have to mom, I can't stay here anymore. I'll love you always mom, you know that. I wish I could stay but I can't." She gave her mother one last hug and reluctantly shifted out of the embrace and began to walk towards the glow in the trees.
Before she stepped through, she cast one more reassuring look over her shoulder at the two women. She grinned, baring white teeth as she turned around and walked through the light, disappearing from Susan's sight and Quinn's. They were alone together.
Quinn's face was covered in salty tears and nearly yelped with shock as the other woman clasped her hand. "Thank you," the woman said to Quinn as their eyes met, sharing the same emotion. Quinn nodded, unable to summon words and the other woman let go, retreating to her house.
The blonde sniffed and wiped her tears on her sleeve, looking once more at the place where Amy had ascended and whispered, "Goodbye." She felt an overwhelming sense of achievement and pride at the fact that she'd just helped her first ghost cross over. The only thing Quinn didn't anticipate was how attached she'd gotten to Amy. She'd come to think of her as a friend, however short-lived it was.
The last week before Christmas break soon passed and as Quinn walked home through the chilly air, she realised that she hadn't been to the abandoned house in a week, meaning she also hadn't seen Rachel in a week. She kept putting off going. She had no idea what she was going to say to Rachel or how she was going to explain these new found feelings for her, but she knew that she'd have to try. It wasn't fair on either girl.
Quinn looked up at the sky and chewed her lip as she wondered if she'd have enough time before dark to get there and say what she wanted. Desire to establish clarity with Rachel won out and Quinn promised herself that she'd be out before dark so she started running at top speed towards the house, not caring that the frosty air was burning her lungs.
She ran up to the front door and gave the icy handle a twist, stepping through when the door opened. "Rachel?" She shouted as loud as she dared. "It's Quinn! I'm sorry I haven't been around in a while but I need to tell you something." She waited for a reply of any kind but everything in the house remained still except Quinn who was breathing heavily from the run. "Please Rach, please talk to me," she begged as she began to run upstairs. She stood outside Rachel's door and began hammering on it with the palm of her hands. "Rachel! Open up, I know you're in there, come on! I'm sorry for running, please just come out so we can talk about this!" Suddenly, the door opened but Quinn's face dropped when she saw the room was empty. She looked out of the window in the room, anxiously noting that the sun had begun to set. "Rachel?"
Quinn stopped dead and stilled her breathing as she heard a faint whisper in her ear. It sounded like Rachel but somehow it wasn't right. The voice sounded faded and fizzled out, like something was blocking it but she heard one thing clearly. "Get out now!" Quinn's eyes grew wide as she turned and sprinted for the stairs. She had nearly made it to the door when she felt something collide with the back of her head.
The hit made her collapse to her knees as her vision began to cloud over with moving, black splodges. She tried to stand up, but a second blow knocked her to the ground and her vision totally fizzled to black, the last thing she saw was the door shutting on its own, casting out the fading light from outside. But the last thing she heard was a girl's voice- Rachel's voice- shouting her name over and over.
A/N: I know... I'm cruel to leave it on a cliff hanger ;D