"Natasha Isabel Stewart" she smiled. "I like it."

Holly smiled fondly at her girlfr-fiancée. That was something she had to get used to, it'd been three weeks since Holly proposed and she still wasn't over the high of that moment. The pure love and joy of the promise of having Tash by her side for the rest of her life.

"I like it too."

"Bradford just doesn't have the same ring to it, Stewart is so much prettier." Tash continued with her comparison of their last names but Holly was too captivated in watching her lips, watching the slight upwards curl every time the daycare worker said Stewart. Tash knitted -her dirty little secret which was only a secret to those without babies- without looking down, her eyes locked with Holly's as she rambled. One of Tash's kids was about to be an older sibling and she'd wanted to make the new baby something, just as she did with all of the children with infant siblings and any of her and Holly's family. It was something that reminded her of her Aunt that passed away when she was a teen.

Holly watched the delighted twinkle in Tash's eyes as she figured out Holly wasn't paying attention after asking a question three times in a row.

"Sorry." She flushed slightly.

"As you should be, it's life and death what I'm talking about here, Hol." Tash faked seriousness.

"Oh, well then please do repeat yourself, Tash. I promise to listen and not just stare this time." She held a hand over her heart and the other up in promise.

Tash squinted in thought and apparently found what she was looking for. "What colour should I use for the next stripe?"

Holly was excited to get home. Normally she hated surprises but by the why her fiancée had told her she had news, good news, very very good news, Holly was excited. She had weaseled her way out of the hospital earlier then normal, made a quick stop at the store for the odds and ends Tash needed for dinner and was itching to get home. Tash had been teasing her all day about the surprise she had in store. She'd been texting at least once an hour, telling Holly to pick up things, to touch up before getting home, telling her how hard it was not to just tell her in a text. Holly had offered a face time call, but Tash shut that down quickly. Something about how it wouldn't feel right and how Holly would definitely want to be there for it.

Pulling onto their street drew some concern. It was packed. Cars were lined farther than she could see, people littered the spaces between cars and sidewalks were packed. That's when a flash of lights caught her eye, the red white and blue no one ever wants to see so close to home. Home.

Ice shot through her every being. Holly ripped her seat belt off and whipped her door open, not bothering to close the door. All the possibilities of the terrors ran through her mind at almost the same pace as her feet drug her home. She pushed and shoved and didn't look back. She'd later glimpse a thought at those who might have been injured by the animalistic way she ran home, but not one bone in her body would have done a thing differently. A police officer caught her at the yellow tape perimeter, telling Holly she had to go back behind the bordered lines. Holly hadn't heard a word. She'd pushed the officer out of her way, luckily catching him off guard and he fell to the ground with a loud thud, and she ran towards her house, her fiancée, her home.

Holly's mind went blank at the sight of her house, only one thing screaming at her and that was her need to make sure Tash was safe. So she didn't think twice about pushing away anyone in her way to the kicked in front door, the front door that was lit in reds and oranges, a heat emanating so hot her skin had felt like it was melting after just passing the entryway.

Holly bunched up her sleeve and covered her nose and mouth, she could feel the smoke beginning to line her lungs. Everything was either burned or in the process of it, everything she'd collected, everything she'd kept because of sentimental value, every belonging she'd cherished. Gone. Holly took a heaving breath, most of which was smoke. Her eyes started to sting and she knew she had to work fast or else the vast amount of smoke inhalation symptoms would really start to kick in and she knew the death rate by experience.

Holly made her way to the hallway, intent on finding her fiancée. A firefighter came out with Tash over their shoulder and she fell to her knees in relief that the brunette had been found, she started to feel weak, all fight leaving her body at the sight. And then everything went black.

"Tash!" Holly sat straight up into a sitting position. Her head exploded with searing pain, she grabbed at it, squeezing to try and make it stop.

"Holly honey, it's okay. Tash is in ICU right now, she's not doing so well but she's alive and fighting." Lila calmly said as she sat herself on Holly's bedside and poured her sister a small cup of water. "Drink this slowly."

Holly did as she was told. Her throat and lungs ached with each breath, with every drop of water.

"I need to see her." Holly horsed and began ripping out all of her iv's.

Lila stopped her by holding onto her wrists tightly. "You can see her when Dr. Sullivan says you can. I'm not letting you out of this bed until she gives the go."

"Lila, I need to see her. I'm not going to be able to breathe until I see her heartbeat with my own eyes. You have to let me see Tash. Please." Tears rolled down her cheeks during her plead.

"Let me do an exam, Hol, and then I'll wheel you down to Tash's room myself. Okay?" Dr. Sullivan aka Holly's favourite attending asked as she waltzed into the room.

The first time Holly met her eyes was the first of the saddened 'I'm sorry for your loss' looks, the look that would haunt her for years to come.

She relented, the doctor in her knew the risks and that they wouldn't be above knocking her out for her own good, and that was not something she wanted to happen -it would make seeing Tash that much further away.

The exam went well and Holly practically jumped into the wheelchair, commanding that Jess speed walk as fast as should could -pointing out twice that she'd seen the redhead walk faster than what they were doing. Once in the room Holly's entire being fell. Her heart grew heavy, breathing not even a thing in her biology anymore, and her world was turned upside down. Her heart and home lied in a hospital bed in ICU covered in gauze and tubes, tubes that breathed for her and kept her alive, tubes she'd be dead without. She didn't have to imagine what was under the gauze either, Holly knew what her beautiful dark skin would look like, she knew the tattoos that coloured her arms and back and hips and ribs would now break Tash's heart. The hours of pain and money and meaning would be reined. Holly knew Tash would be heartbroken but would say so, she'd say something about how she needed to touch them up anyway, the were faded and it'll be cool to maybe change the colours.

A sob roared out of Holly, burning her chest and throat which only added to the rush of pain racking through her body. Her fiancée was in bad health, really really bad health, health that could take a literal miracle to bring back. She knew what Tash would have wanted but she couldn't bring herself to even go there. Holly couldn't let her go, not like this, not when they hadn't gotten married or had the family they started the process on months ago, not when they hadn't saved a dog from a shelter and given them a funny name, not when they hadn't built a tree house or toured Europe, not before they had lived their dream.

"What're you doing?" Gavin raised a brow as he walked into the living room.

"I'm putting a picture into the big album." Tash replied off handedly, too engrossed with what she was doing.

"Who is it?"

"It's Holly and Gail." She smiled lightly when she said their names.

Gavin plopped on the floor beside her, glancing over her work. "Why? I've never heard of Gail so why is she being put in the family book?"

Tash chuckled. "Gail is very special to your Aunt Holly and I love this picture, so it's important enough for the book." She brushed her long fingers over the plastic covering the small picture.

"Why?"

"And here I thought the whole 'why' with kids was a myth." She laughed to herself and then shrugged. "Gail is special because she was Aunt Holly's first love, the only other person she's loved other than me. It was that adorable puppy love that only the lucky ones get. Gail had a big impact on Hol. And I love the picture because Aunt Holly is so dopily infatuated that it's disgustingly adorable."

She glanced at the boy beside her, noting the confused expression. "Infatuated means she really really really liked Gail. And I find it super adorable when I'm not jealous that I'm not the first person she's kissed."

"Oh" Gavin leaned over her lap to see the picture close up. His face scrunched up, "ewww."

"It was their wedding under the big oak tree Gail later got stuck in and Aunt Holly coaxed her down. And you know that scar on her arm?"

Gavin nodded, looking up into her eyes.

"The whole camp was out on a hike and a girl jumped onto her back, which made her lose her balance and she sliced it on a sharp rock. Gail carried Aunt Holly all the way back to the campsite and sat with her the rest of the day."

"Gail actually just wanted to sit the rest of the hike out, she didn't want to go in the first place and my getting hurt was an excuse to stay." Holly smirked from the doorframe she was leaned against.

"I think that might have been part of it but from the stories and pictures I'd say she was just as into you as you were her. Puppy love, darling, puppy love." Tash smiled fondly at the brunette, Holly's cheeks a light pink just as they always were when they talked about Gail.

"We were just friends, Tash. Gail didn't like me like that." Holly brushed it off.

"Just friends" she laughed. Actually laughed. "Hol, friends don't get married, friends don't smile at each other like you did. Hell the consolers even knew you were together! They let you do everything together despite you being in different cabins, and they called for you when something happened with the other. There's also a heart with your and Gail's names in it, on a wall in your dad's flower shop."

"It says BFF." Holly pointed out sheepishly. She knew it was futile, they'd had this talk many times before.

"Babe," she stood. Noticing that Gavin had blocked out their banter and instead stared at the dozens of photos spread out on the floor. Tash swayed over to her girlfriend and placed her hands on Holly's hips, pushing her flush against the doorframe. "There's no doubt in my mind she liked you, anyone would. One whole summer with you is a godsend, no one could resist that crooked smile and long luscious hair, the twinkle in your eye when you get sciencey and that gentle selfless heart of yours."

Holly's head was swimming with the heat of Tash's breath ghosting her lips. "I love you."

She felt the smile on Tash's lips as they gently brushed against her own. "And I love you."

She laid next to Tash and hugged her tightly, as tightly as she could without hurting her. Holly cheeks were tear stained and the only sound was her sobs. She'd turned off the monitors, not wanting to her the consistent beeping, not want to hear the last beep that turned into a flatline. She wanted to feel the last beat, to hear it from Tash's chest not some machine.

Holly moved her hand from her fiancées chest down to her belly, placing her ear in the warm spot her hand had been. Soaking in the steady -albeit slow- beat of her heart, the same beat she'd fallen asleep to countless nights over the years. It was weird to think someone else would have her heart, someone else would use the same beat to coo their love to sleep. She was jealous of whoever they were, it was a beautiful heart they'd be getting.

Holly was numb with pain. She couldn't feel anything and yet she couldn't not feel the raging pain that racked her body into sleepless nights and screams of loss. She didn't care that it ripped her throat or that her lungs were still recovering, none of that mattered. None of of mattered because she was going home to be told her fiancée was pregnant. She was going home to be told that their prayers had been answered and the months of work had finally paid off. They were going to have a baby.

A new wave of harsh sobs roared through her. Holly clutched to Tash's limp body, muttering about how unfair it all was. They haven't gotten married, they haven't made their family, they haven't toured Europe, they haven't rescued a dog and given him a silly name, they haven't built a tree house, they haven't lived their dream. They were just about to start their life, their dreams just starting to be real and come to life.

One minute she'd been on her way to kiss her -pregnant- fiancée and be told their dreams were coming true and the next she was fainting onto a burning floor watching said fiancée be carried out of their burning house.

"We were just about to get everything we'd ever wanted and then..." Holly numbly mumbled into Gail's neck. She'd cried through the whole story, cried more than she thought she could. Holly had thought the gut wrenching sobs were over after the second year, the past year and a half had been bearable. She thought she'd let them out and was empty to such intense cries when it came to Tash. But she'd given Gail a side she'd never shared, told her parts she'd never been able to say out loud.

Gail listened and rubbed Holly's back soothingly. The brunette had pulled her into a tight hug the moment she came to realize Gail was real. And they soon were cuddled under the blankets, Gail on her back with Holly snuggled into the blonde with one leg hitched over her hip.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I'm sorry you didn't get your dream and I'm sorry you lost Tash, especially the way you did. Neither of you deserved that." Gail whispered almost inaudibly and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

They were quiet for a while, light seeped in through the curtains giving the room a warm glow, both content to just lay there.

"Gail?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for ruining your shirt."

Gail breathed a laugh. "That's quite alright Lunchbox, you can make up for it later."

"Okay."

Before she knew it Holly's breath smoothed out into even puffs of air against her neck, sending a tingle through her veins. Gail tightened her grip on the brunette and closed her eyes and let sleep take hold of her.