I'm not sure when I had this idea, but I created the document for the story on August 31, 2007.

The basic premise runs that with the end of the television series the cast needed a new project. Since there seems to be a market for remakes of classic (and sometimes less than classic) movies the crew film a remake of Cat Ballou. Because the Kim Possible cast contained many women there will be some cast changes. In the original movie 'Cat' Ballou was the only woman in her outlaw band. While Ron gets the role of Kim's love interest the other members of the band include Bonnie, Monique, and Shego. You, the reader, are asked to pretend they are men as you read the story/watch the movie.

Drakken isn't listed in the cast, but appears as a bit player in several scenes - usually complaining about the fact he didn't receive a real part.

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Columbia Pictures own rights to Cat Ballou

Cast of Characters

Kimberly Ann Possible . . . . . . . . . . Catherine 'Cat' Ballou
Shego . . . . . . . . . . Kid Shelleen
Ron Stoppable . . . . . . . . . . Clay Boone
Bonnie Rockwaller . . . . . . . . . . Uncle Jed
Monique . . . . . . . . . . Jackson Two-Bears
Mr. Dr. Possible . . . . . . . . . . Frankie Ballou
Camille Leon (as Shego) . . . . . . . . . . Tim Strawn
Monte Fisk . . . . . . . . . . Sir Harry Percival
Wade Load . . . . . . . . . . Professor Sam the Shade
Josh Mankey . . . . . . . . . . Sunrise Kid

Prologue, A Hangin' Day

Wade and Josh fill the screen as the story opens. They stand side by side, pretending to play the banjos they hold. Behind them the set resembles a Western town of the late 19th century, and townspeople in suitable attire walk around on the set. Each of he two young men has a guitar on his back with the strap across his chest. Professor Sam the Shade (Wade) is dressed like a riverboat gambler in a purple coat with yellow stripes and a yellow vest. He wears a top hat. The Sunrise Kid (Josh) looks like a ragged bum. They begin singing immediately.

Well now friends just lend an ear
For you're now about to hear
The ballad of Cat Ballou
It's a song that's newly made

Wade: And Professor Sam The Shade

Josh: And the Sunrise Kid are singin' it for you

Cat Ballou, Cat Ballou

They stroll as they sing. They pause, underneath and behind a wooden structure of some sort and a heavy bag suddenly drops through a trap door, brought up short by the hangman's noose tied around it. Clearly they are standing behind a gallows being tested before an execution.

It's a hangin' day in Wolf City, Wyomin'
Wolf City, Wyomin', eighteen ninety-four
They're gonna drop Cat Ballou
Through the gallows floor.

The two resume their stroll down the main street.

Wade: She killed a man in Wolf City, Wyomin'
Wolf City, Wyomin', killed a man it's true

And that is why they're a-hangin'
Hangin' Cat Ballou

Wade: She has the smile of an angel
Josh: Fights like the Devil
Wade: The eyes of an angel
Josh: Bites like the Devil
Wade: The face of an angel
Josh: I say she's the Devil

She's mean and evil through and through
Cat Ballou, Cat Balou
She's mean and evil through and through.

A large group of women, singing songs of salvation, march toward an unidentified building. Wade and Josh stop their singing and head in the same direction as the women. Eventually they end up outside a window to the jail. Inside the cell Kim, dressed in a petticoat, sews on the dress she is to hanged in. Outside the women sing songs urging her to repent. Kim stares out the cell window to where work continues on the gallows. After giving the Salvation Army band some time to present its message Wade and Josh begin singing again.

Wade sings slowly: Cat, your time has come
As you stand on the brink
It's sure makin' you think
'bout your life of sin

How come they're now going to hang you
and how did you begin

In her cell Kim looks at a tintype of herself, dressed as a proper young woman of the era, as a change in music announces we are going into a flashback

Disney owns the characters from Kim Possible. Columbia Pictures own rights to Cat Ballou.

Chapter 1 - The Way It All Began

"All aboard!" the conductor called.

A heavyset woman pushed her way through the crowd in the train car, a demure Catherine Ballou in her wake, "Here you stand, Catherine, on the threshold of life. You have graduated from my academy with a first rate education. Teach as I taught you."

DNAmy looked around for a place for Kim to sit down. She saw two men with a vacant seat opposite them. Steve Barkin wore a striped suit. Ron, dressed like a typical cowboy, had his hat low over his eyes.

"Hmm," Amy muttered, "Well, at least they look clean."

With his right hand Ron tipped his hat.

"This here man is in my custody," Barkin informed her, "and I don't want nobody near him." He emphasized the point by raising his right arm, handcuffed to Ron's left wrist. "And what idiot did the staging for this scene? I'd never put my gun hand in a handcuff." Barkin muttered

"Don't look at them Catherine," Amy scolded, and turned Kim around.

As the two retreat from Ron and Barkin Ron leaned over to watch the sway of Kim's dress.

"She looks good coming and going, doesn't she, Mr. B?"

"That's why she's the star, Stoppable. I don't know what Amy was thinking. Her bustle is way too big."

"Uh, I don't think she's wearing a bustle."

"Promise me you won't tell her I said that."

Amy found an open space in in the next passenger opposite someone dressed as a parson. Bonnie Rockwaller looked only slightly uncomfortable dressed as a frontier parson, and more than a little silly behind a fake moustache.

"Oh, a man of God. Sir, would you look after this girl?" Amy asked.

Bonnie, obviously in ill humor, nodded her head yes.

"You'll be a good teacher, Catherine. I must go."

"I'll miss you, Mrs. Parker."

They kissed each other on the cheek, and DNAmy departed.

Kim took the seat opposite Bonnie. With a whistle and a lurch the train began to move. Bonnie stared somewhat vacantly at Kim. While other passengers adjusted to the movement of the locomotive Bonnie continued to sway a little than necessary. Kim leaned forward, "Miss Parker didn't introduce us. I'm Catherine Ballou."

Her eyes slightly unfocused Bonnie leaned forward, "I'm drunk as a skunk." Kim looked shocked. "I apologize for bein' in this disgusting condition." She hiccupped loudly, "I promise not to inflict myself on you any further… First time in my life I ever drank. I took the pledge at the big temperance meeting in Crooked D, Montana. Do you remember the meeting? It was a great outpouring of the Spirit." Bonnie sank back in the seat, "And I won't inflict myself on you any further."

"Thank you." Distinctly annoyed Kim pulled a thick book from her bag and held it up between herself and Bonnie. The spine of the book read 'Tennyson'.

After few minutes Bonnie mused, "Tennyson… Does he spin a good yarn, that Tennyson?"

"He's a wonderful poet."

"Poet?" Bonnie reached over and took the book from Kim. "May I?" With effort the parson focused on the page in front of 'him' and began to read out loud, "I stepped out of the dark barroom into the street, where the sun beat down unmercifully and Bent stood a-hollerin', 'Come on out, Kid Shelleen I'm gonna blow you clear out of Tombstone and into hell! I had been upstairs at the bawdy house, enjoying the favors of--"

"Bonnie!" Kim objected. "That's not in the script! You're supposed to look at the magazine I had hidden in the book and read the title, 'Kid Shelleen and the Massacre at Whiskey Flats'."

"More fun my way," the parson retorted, then slipped back into drunken character, "Ma'am, I apologize for my disgusting condition. I assure you, I will not inflict myself on you any further."

Kim sighed, "I wish there was something I could do for you."

"You're very kind," Bonnie hiccupped and patted the cover of the thick Bible on her lap, "but I got here all the help I'll need."

"That's very true."

"There's good in the Bible for these times."

A blue man in a Pullman porter's uniform interrupted their talk. "I'll be making up this berth, please step into the aisle." As Kim and Bonnie stood the porter could be heard to mutter, "I'd have made a great Kid Shelleen."

Some sort of temporal anomaly strikes the film as somewhere between half an hour and an hour pass while Bonnie walks the seventy feet from the train car where she had sat opposite Kim to the next train car with Mr. Barkin and his prisoner. The Pullman berths are now all down, made up, and everyone who had a berth reserved is safely tucked away and sound asleep. The parson finds the two men in the sort of washroom that probably didn't exist on passenger cars for trains in the eighteen-nineties.

"Hallelujah, Brother!" Bonnie began, "I am here to comfort the sinner and return the stray lamb to the fold, let him who is troubled--"

"Got a match?" the sheriff interrupted. Bonnie fumbled through her pockets and found one. "Go on."

"Hallelujah, Brother! I am here to comfort the sinner and return the stray lamb to the fold--"

Barkin lit a cigar. "God, I love these old movies where you could smoke." "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"You were saying?"

"Hallelujah, Brother! I am here to comfort the sinner and all that..."

Writing ended. I just couldn't get into writing a story where the characters are actors pretending to be characters. I thought there was potential for humor, but simply lost interest. Opening and closing scenes were in present tense, while the body of the story (flashback) would be told in past tense.

Chapter 2 - You Can't Go Home Again

Cat Ballou, she lived
In Wolf City, Wyomin'
And folks here in Wyomin'
Live high off the hog
That brand-new firm, Sears and Roebuck
Sent them their catalogue

Wade: It's an upright town
Josh: Yeah!
Wade: With kind, wonderful people
Josh: Oh?
Wade: Reliable people
Josh: Sure
Wade: Friendly as can be
Josh: So they say
Wade: When they say, "Howdy," they mean it
Josh: Ha!
Wade: Yep, they're neighborly
Josh: Yep, yep, yep!
Wade: If only Cat had behaved
Josh: These folks would befriend her
Wade: If Cat had behaved
Josh: Their hearts they would lend her
Wade: But Cat was depraved
Josh: To hell now they'll send her

She could have lived like others do
Cat Ballou Cat Ballou,
she's mean and evil through and through.
They'll now be hanging Cat Ballou

"Kim, I can tolerate everyone calling me Jackson for this role," Monique complained. "And I appreciate not being identified as a Native American--"

"Native American Anti-Defamation League would have been all over us for not hiring a real Native American for the role."

"I figured it was 'cause we didn't have a Native American token on the cast--"

"You're not a token character, you were integral to story lines."

"I know, but you're not going to tell me we didn't have tokens on the show. Now, my question is, why in the heck does the script call me an ex-slave? I mean, I'm eighteen. This story is set in eighteen ninety-four, the Civil War's been over for twenty-nine years!"

Kim shrugged, "Go with it. Most people watching this movie don't know when the War of eighteen-twelve started.

Chapter 3 - A Call for Help

Then there came to town A gun deadly and frightening
A gun quicker than lightening Fastest gun you've seen
It was the gun in the hand of
Steel-Eyed Kid Shelleen
Just one look at him
Had folks starting to booger
Wild, wild as a cougar
Proud and fierce and mean
There was no man who was tougher
Tough as Kid Shelleen

Wade: He had the eyes of a killer
Josh: Cold as the devil
Wade: The look of a killer
Josh: The look of a devil
Wade: The face of a killer
Josh: That man was the devil

Just wild and ornery and mean

Wade: Kid Shelleen
Josh: Kid Shelleen

The fastest gun you've ever seen.

Shego struck it lucky getting the Kid Shelleen role. Lee Marvin won an Oscar for the part. I think Shego has the ability to do a wonderful drunk.

Chapter 4 - Cold-Blooded Murder

Wade and Josh sang slowly:

There are teardrops in her heart
But they can't make her cry
There are teardrops in her heart
But they can't make her cry
She's lost all the kin that she's known
And the tears will turn into stone
All the teardrops in her heart
'Cause they can't make her cry
It's not very hard to grieve
When you're a little girl
It's not very hard to grieve
When you're a little girl
But they made a little girl feel
Like a woman made of steel
Makes no difference how they try
They'll never… make her… cry

Chapter 5 - Kim Ballou: Outlaw

So that mournful day
Became part of a legend
The real start of a legend
Known as Cat Ballou
They'll never make her cry
The day the law filled her heart
With a hate that grew
Makes no difference how they try
They'll never make her cry
When you have no tears
Then you've gotta have something
Hate really is something
Blood is what you need
They'll never make her cry
And Cat Ballou made her mind up
To make this country bleed
Makes no difference how they try
They'll never make her cry

[Kid Shelleen makes her interest in Kim even more obvious than in the original.]

"Mom," Kim yelled, "this wasn't in the script."

"But she is keeping it in character, Dear," the director called. "Go with the scene."

Shego grinned and put her hands on Kim's hips, "Listen to your mother. Maybe we can try for an R rating."

"Oh, Kim?" the director called.

"Yes, Mom?"

"You can ad-lib too."

Shego sat up after Kim knocked her to the floor and rubbed her jaw, "Just remember, Princess, next film we remake is Barbarella and I'm directing and playing the Great Tyrant. We'll need a lot of takes on our love-making scene."

"Mom!"

Chapter 6 - Kim's Revenge

It took a crafty female brain
To stage the holdup of a train
She planned it to the last detail
Until it couldn't fail
This dash and daring desperado
Lead her gang with cool bravado
They would follow where she lead
They made the country bleed
Round and round and round they went
Till man and gal and beast were spent
Round and round and round they rode
Oh, what an episode!

Chapter 7 - The Hanging of Kim Ballou

As Kim prepares for her hanging she is startled to hear a familiar voice, "Hallelujah, Brothers and Sisters!" and looks up to see Bonnie back in the parson's disguise - although without the mustache.

The descriptions of Shego always mention they are back views. Kid Shelleen has returned to the prior state of drunkenness. But the final shot, before Wade and Josh return to the screen for the closing, is a close-up of Shego's face. She is wearing Bonnie's mustache and a broad grin.

So she rode away
Just where now is a mystery
But Cat rode into history
And her legend grew
She was the queen of the outlaws
Her Highness Cat Ballou
Well, our story now is through
We'll say farewell to Cat Ballou