Sorry about the wait, for those of you who don't know I work retail, and my holiday season is still ongoing, or at least holiday recovery is still going on. So I've had limited time to write, and even less energy and motivation. But hopefully the next update won't take as long, even if it might take longer than I'd prefer. I've also finally found an apartment in the last month that adds a decent amount of transit time to my evenings, giving me less time there as well, though it is great for brainstorming.
Beca ends up staying near Chloe not only through the planning session with Aubrey, but through her classes the next day and the hood night party after a strange initiation. She'd even let Chloe convince her to take part in the initiation, making the candles flicker and the new recruits feel a cool wind as they repeated the lines of the Bella oath. The whole thing seems a little ridiculous, but Beca can't bring herself to deny Chloe anything, especially something as easy as making a few college students shiver and feel that there's something important about the initiation.
It's not the introduction to college parties she'd expected, most of the ones she's crashed over the last month she hasn't stuck around for, just dropped in to scare a few drunken idiots then headed somewhere else. She's never actually spent time at one, but this is where Chloe is and so Beca is here too.
She actually manages to have a decent time, given that no one can see her or knows she's there, and given that that alcohol making the party enjoyable to everyone else is sadly out of reach for her. But watching Chloe enjoy herself is entertainment enough, especially as she makes friends with the new Bellas. She's so happy to welcome them that even Beca, who has no real stake in the Bellas success or failure, can't help but smile for them.
The music isn't bad either, though the few times Beca does leave Chloe's side it's to change a song, unwilling to put up with a few of the less inspired choices that start playing. She'd feel guilty about making the student in charge of the tunes think his laptop is broken, but she can't quite manage after a few of the songs on his playlist. Maybe an unnecessary repair bill will help fix his taste in music.
She sees Chloe smirk every time she changes songs, and can tell without asking that she knows exactly who is behind it. But since she doesn't seem to care, even nods in appreciation at a few choices, Beca figures she doesn't mind either Beca's presence or the musical interference.
Chloe's smile is really the only thing that keeps the night from slipping into a boring ordeal, every time Beca starts to wish the night was over she'll see Chloe smile at something, pure enjoyment lighting up her face and the air around her, and suddenly Beca won't want to be anywhere else. It's even enough that she grudgingly begins to appreciate the press of people around her, laughing at Fat Amy's jokes or Cynthia Rose's blatant ogling, taking pleasure in spilling drinks on Bumper and chasing Trebles away from the new Bellas, having already seen how intense Aubrey gets about anything Bella related and not wanting to face the drama that would come from someone breaking the oath they'd just taken.
She's glad when the night ends, relieved when Chloe leaves without anyone accompanying her other than Beca. As much as the ghost tells herself that Chloe can do whatever she likes with whoever she likes, she'd been fighting down jealousy every time someone tried to drunkenly come on to the smiling redhead. It doesn't bode well for the rest of the year, or however long Beca manages to stick around given that she already feels sick at the thought of seeing Chloe happy with someone else, but Beca will deal with that possibility when it comes up. For now, she'll settle for making sure a tipsy Chloe makes it back to her room safely.
That of course turns into a late night tour of the campus, with Chloe pointing out some of her favorite spots as Beca drifts next to her, trying to pretend she's more interested in the tour than she is the woman giving it, even though she's been over every inch of this campus between her visits to her father and the wandering she'd done the first few weeks she'd been here. But Chloe is drunk and emotional, and Beca doesn't want to upset her by seeming disinterested.
She is glad they've managed to come up with a least a few signals to communicate without the need for audible speech on Beca's part, it makes it easier on her and keeps Chloe from being able to pick up anything from her voice. She can just tap the redhead's shoulder, once for yes and twice for no, touch her hand to say go on, little things like that. Chloe had insisted on adding one so that Beca could tell her to stop talking, but Beca can't imagine ever needing that one. No matter what Chloe is saying or whether Beca actually finds it interesting, the sound of her voice is musical, and that's the one thing Beca has always loved, one of the main things she shares with Chloe.
"So what do you think of the new Bellas?" Chloe asks as they finally turn towards the dorms, slowing her pace to stare up at the stars. "God the sky is beautiful tonight, you can see so many stars" she adds before Beca can remember which signal means 'good'. The sudden change in topic is enough to startle a laugh from Beca, and since she's been focused on communicating, it comes out where Chloe can hear it, startling the redhead after the relative silence of their conversation so far.
"Sorry" Beca adds after a quick look to make sure they're alone, no one close enough to overhear. "Just wasn't expecting the topic change." That's all she has time to say before another group of drunken a capella nerds come stumbling up the path, singing along to one of the songs Beca had skipped at least five times over the course of the party.
Apparently Chloe is sober enough to remember that fact, and stifles a laugh as Beca debates scaring them, obviously knowing Beca well enough already to guess what's going through her mind without a word being said. A good frightened reaction would more than make up for the energy it had taken to speak to Chloe, even though she doesn't particularly need it given how short the sentence had been, not when Chloe had been startled by the laugh and then smiled at the apology.
After one of the men in the other group tries and fails to hit one of the higher notes Beca can't help herself, giving Chloe a 'be right back' signal with a soft touch to her forearm before moving to the middle of the singers and dropping the temperature as abruptly as she can manage, trying not to laugh as they shiver, looking around in bewilderment.
Seeing how drunk this group is and deciding they're not likely to remember much detail of the walk home in the morning, Beca decides to play a few more tricks, making leaves rustle when the wind stops blowing, brushing against arms as they start walking uneasily, and whispering right at the edge of what they can hear, too quiet to be understood. It works better than she'd anticipated, especially the whispers, and before long the entire group is running headlong down the path to get away from her.
With a smug smirk Beca returns to Chloe's side, noticing that the redhead looks torn between laughter and concern, and immediately starting to worry. "What's wrong?" she asks immediately, the energy from their reactions more than enough for a full conversation, if that's what Chloe needs.
"I've never actually seen you scare someone like that is all" Chloe says after a moment of thought. "You never scared me, but you terrified those freshmen. And if it hadn't been so amusing, I don't know, it might worry me." Beca can tell Chloe is reluctant to admit that, probably afraid that she'll somehow offend her. But Beca has to agree, had struggled with the same hesitation when she'd realized that scaring people was the easiest way to keep her energy up.
"I don't usually like scaring people" she offers, trying to think of how to explain herself without making Chloe regret her presence. "I only went that far because I could tell they won't remember it well enough to freak out about it when they wake up. And because anyone who sings that song that horribly deserves what they get." She puts enough humor into her voice to make it clear that she's teasing, hoping it will put Chloe at ease.
It seems to work, the concern fading from her face to be replaced by laughter, and Beca smiles in relief. "Well good, I'd hate to think you're only a nice ghost to me" Chloe teases once she finishes laughing.
"Dude no, a ghost has to have morals" Beca says in mock offense, managing to get in the last word before they're too close to the dorms to continue the conversation. But as Chloe gets ready for bed and Beca prepares for a night alone with her thoughts, she realizes just how much fun she's had all night, not just at the party but on the walk afterwards.
It makes her realize that what she'd said to Chloe days ago is true, more than she'd realized at the time. Chloe really is a friend, a good and true friend, despite their different states of existence. No matter what other emotions Beca might have for her, they've become fast friends, and Beca loves that as much as she is surprised by it. She's not used to friends at all, and hadn't expected that to change after death, hadn't expected there to be any chance.
It's ridiculous on the surface, a ghost becoming friends with the woman she's technically haunting, but Beca wouldn't trade it for anything, not even her life back if it meant not having Chloe in it. And that scares Beca, scares her more than almost anything else ever could. She can face down the thought of eternity, not comfortably but well enough to manage, but the thought of caring this much about another person is entirely foreign to her.
Maybe being a ghost makes all of her emotions more intense, not just the negative ones. It's the only explanation she can come up with for why she's so okay sharing her past with Chloe, why she can't stand the thought of losing her. Because yes the redhead is amazing, so gifted with people that even someone like Beca can't possibly be immune to that charm, but Beca had always been able to keep from giving in when people tried to get close. But her walls had failed her this time, she'd let Chloe in with barely a moment of hesitation, and damn the consequences.
Even now, standing in Chloe's room watching the redhead settle into her bed with a soft sigh, Beca feels drawn to the woman, with no good reason or explanation she can think of. She doesn't need energy, isn't actively interacting with her, and yet it's almost an effort to stay on her side of the room, perched in a corner next to Chloe's laptop in case she gets bored during the night.
It's not until Chloe slips into sleep with a soft "'night Beca" that she realizes what she's feeling. It's nothing to do with Chloe's energy or aura, and everything to do with a desire to curl up next to her, fall asleep either holding Chloe or in her arms, to share the ordinary experiences that are irrevocably lost to her. It's not even a desire for romance, not at the heart of the longing at least, though Beca has to admit that there's more than a bit of that as well. It's a vague memory of childhood friends and sleepovers, of curling up next to her mother for comfort on lonely nights, of the sheer sense of connection that comes from being so close to someone, from trusting them that much.
That's the clue Beca needed to solve the various puzzles about why she's so drawn to Chloe, why she reacts so strongly to Chloe's moods and emotions. Chloe is the first person to accept her for who she is, in life or in death. And when that's added to her personality, her sense of humor, and the hundred little things that make Chloe unique, not even walls ten times stronger that Beca's would have been able to resist giving in.
And with that revelation, Beca's churning thoughts finally settle into something resembling peace, and she's able to let go of the almost obsessive focus on finding answers she's slipped into over the past few days. She isn't exactly comfortable with the realization, not when it doesn't come with a reprieve from the emotions it causes, but it's at least enough of a break that she can shift focus to the various music programs on Chloe's computer for the rest of the night.
The next few weeks settle into a rhythm after that, with Beca following Chloe to classes that slowly capture her interest, then to Bella practices that don't, and then back to Chloe's dorm so the redhead can study and Beca can mix. Chloe had downloaded a few basic mixing programs when she'd woken up to find Beca using two default audio players to mix songs, and Beca had for once been grateful that Chloe can't see her, because if she'd had a body she knows she'd have been blushing in a highly embarrassing fashion.
It's comfortable enough to put off any thoughts of the future, though Beca does occasionally wonder what will happen next semester. After all, Chloe is a senior this year, and once she graduates, how can Beca expect her to be okay with a random ghost following her around her entire life? But every time the thought comes up and Beca starts to worry, something Chloe says or does will push it down, letting Beca focus on the moment rather than worry about the future. What might happen isn't important right now, she tells herself. Chloe has every right to make decisions about her life without worrying about Beca's involvement, and whatever she decides will be what Beca goes along with.
"I'm going to tell Aubrey" Chloe says one day shortly into her second semester, interrupting the comfortable silence that had fallen between them as she studied and Beca toyed with various music programs. It's as out of the blue as anything Chloe has ever said or done, and that throws Beca for a second as she tries to understand what Chloe has actually said, because surely it wasn't what she'd thought she'd heard.
"Tell Aubrey, about me?" she finally asks, needing to hear Chloe confirm what she already knows. But she only gets a nod, Chloe focusing on the blanket in front of her rather than look around for a sign of Beca's presence like she usually does. "You said she probably wouldn't be okay with it" Beca says carefully, searching Chloe's face for any sign of what the redhead is thinking.
"I know, and I still don't know how she's going to take it. But she's my best friend, and I hate hiding something this big from her." Beca tries to ignore the pang of hurt that comes from how easily Chloe calls Aubrey her best friend, knows she's being irrational. "I mean, as long as you're okay with it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, and if you don't want her to know, then I won't tell her."
"I just don't want you to get hurt" Beca says before she can think about what she's saying, hurrying to explain as soon as she realizes she'd spoken aloud. At least talking is easy for her now, at least talking to Chloe, because she has a feeling this is going to turn into a full conversation. "I mean, what if she doesn't believe you, or thinks you're crazy or something? I mean, to most people, hearing voices from nowhere isn't exactly a good thing."
"That's why I was hoping you'd go with me" Chloe says quietly, still staring at her notes. "I mean, you obviously don't have to, but I thought I could, I don't know, introduce you two? Maybe if you talk to her, it won't be as bad." Chloe's face is as carefully blank as her tone, but Beca can tell from the shifting colors of her aura just how much she wants this, just how much it's costing her to keep Beca's existence a secret from her friend.
"If you want me to talk to her, then I can do that" Beca finally agrees, watching as Chloe's shoulders lose their tense posture. Even if Chloe wasn't smiling up at her now, looking around the room to find where exactly she is, that relaxation would have been enough reward for Beca. But when she shifts the chair and Chloe turns that brilliant smile directly on her, the rest of Beca's misgivings melt away, leaving her not just agreeing to the plan, but completely okay with it, whatever may come.
After all, she'd been prepared to reveal her existence to Aubrey before, shortly after she'd actually begun talking to Chloe, so there's no good reason for that to have changed now. She trusts Chloe, and if this is something that Chloe needs, then Beca will go along with it.
She was half expecting for Chloe to jump out of bed and track down Aubrey as soon as she had Beca's agreement, but instead the redhead seems to keep putting it off, making excuses after practices and between classes, until Beca finally threatens to just start talking in the middle of a Bella rehearsal, no matter who's around to hear. She's agreed to this, and Chloe had clearly wanted it to happen, so despite her own misgivings Beca doesn't hesitate to give her that little push, knowing it will work.
It does, Chloe pulling Aubrey aside after practice while the other Bellas leave, grumbling amongst themselves about cardio and the set in a way that makes Beca smirk. She's on their side, not that she'll admit that to anyone, still pretending that she's thoroughly uninterested in a capella and everything to do with it. Everything but Chloe, of course.
"So, what do you want to talk about Chloe?" Aubrey starts, when Chloe has been silent for a long moment, looking around like she's searching for Beca's presence, as if hoping for some emotional backup. And Beca is right beside her, but she doesn't want to jump in just yet, not until Chloe has a chance to explain, without the possibility of Aubrey potentially seeing some sign of her presence and getting creeped out.
"I-um. I wanted to… Look Aubrey, I know this is going to sound weird, and crazy, and like I'm going insane, and maybe I am. But it's not because of this, so I'm really hoping you'll let me finish before you freak out. If you do freak out, that is. Which I really hope you don't, because god would that be awkward." As amusing as a rambling and nervous Chloe is, Beca can tell Aubrey is starting to get worried, and that won't help the eventual explanation, so Beca risks a gentle touch to the small of Chloe's back, out of Aubrey's sight, holding contact just long enough to see Chloe settle.
"Chloe, what's going on?" Aubrey asks as Chloe takes a deep calming breath, and now it's Beca's turn to tense, knowing what's coming.
"Aubrey, do you believe in ghosts?" is what Chloe starts with, a direction Beca hadn't expected her to lead from. Still, maybe it's the best way, and it's not like this is Beca's conversation to run, not yet at least.
"Chloe, you know I don't believe in ghosts. There is zero scientific proof, and no reason for anyone to believe in them" Aubrey says definitively, looking at Chloe questioningly. "Why would you ask me that?"
"What if someone showed you proof of ghosts? Would you be okay with that?" Chloe's hesitation is obvious now, and Aubrey clearly notices, stepping closer to Chloe's side and reaching for her hand to offer reassurance.
"Hey, Chloe, what's wrong? Are you okay, did something happen?" Once again Beca is impressed by how well Aubrey is able to put aside her own problems when Chloe needs her, and that makes her a lot more willing to go along with the whole thing. Hopefully when Aubrey sees how important this is to Chloe, it won't be such a big deal.
"I'm fine, Bree" Chloe says with a shrug, forcing a smile that clearly doesn't convince the blonde. "I promise, you don't need to worry about me. I just have to tell you something, and I want you to listen before you make up your mind."
"I'm your friend, I'm always going to worry when it's obvious something's wrong" Aubrey says with a soft laugh, which manages to ease some of the tension in Chloe's posture. "But it's clearly important to you, so of course I'll listen, okay? You can tell me anything."
"I'm friends with a ghost" Chloe says in a rush, as if wanting to get that out as quickly as possible. "She's well, technically she's haunting me, but it's not like an actual scary haunting situation, she's just…she's my friend." Beca hears the hesitation in Chloe's voice when she'd started to describe Beca, and wonders at it for a moment before pulling her attention back to Aubrey and her reaction. She can figure out what Chloe was going to say later.
"Chloe, that's ridiculous" Aubrey finally says, the look of shock on her face fading into one of concern, and the tone of her voice sets Beca on edge. This is important to Chloe, and she's not going to let anyone belittle that. "Ghosts don't exist, so how can one be haunting you? It's probably some freshman playing a prank on you or something."
"No, Aubrey, it's not a prank. I know it sounds hard to believe, but ghosts do exist. And she's been around for months, I've gotten to know her pretty well. That's why I said we're friends, we've talked a lot over those months, and you can't fake that." The certainty in Chloe's voice helps to reassure Beca, at least she's not backing down and denying Beca's existence just because Aubrey isn't taking it well.
"Maybe you should talk to someone" Aubrey starts with a voice full of concern, and Beca can't take it anymore. She'd been waiting for Chloe to signal her to chime in, but she's not going to wait if it means Aubrey thinks her friend is going crazy.
"You know, you really should start listening to and believing your best friend" Beca says, fighting to keep as much bite out of her voice as she can. She isn't entirely successful, but at least she doesn't sound ready to rip Aubrey's head off, so she'll count it as a win.
And she has to admit, seeing the blonde jump in shock and whirling around to find the source of her voice brings her a little thrill of joy, not because she dislikes her at all, but because she's sat through enough Aubrey rants to enjoy getting the best of her, at least for a second.
"Beca, please." Chloe says with a sigh, pulling Aubrey back around to face her. "Look, you two are both my friends, so can we all play nice here? Aubrey, this is Beca. She already knows you thanks to following me around, and I thought it was time you met her."
"Oh my god, you really are being haunted" Aubrey says, looking ready to panic. "I thought you were joking, or someone was playing a joke on you, but there's actually a ghost here. How are you okay with this?"
"I'm only technically haunting her" Beca says, trying to calm the blonde. "And I don't like the term, because it's not like I spend my time creeping her out and yelling 'boo' or something." And okay, so maybe she should have left the explaining to Chloe, because the sound of Beca's voice is definitely not helping to calm Aubrey. If anything, she looks ready to bolt, with only Chloe's grip on her hands holding her in place.
"Aubrey, there is nothing to be scared of" Chloe tries, pulling her closer and looking her directly in the eyes. "Beca is not going to hurt us, I swear. She isn't going to hurt anyone. She's just like you and me."
"Are you serious right now? She's dead, how is that anything like us?" That one hurt, and if Beca wasn't set on following Chloe's lead with this, she probably would have given up right then and told Aubrey exactly how wrong she is. Then probably followed her for a week or two, just to make sure she couldn't forget that Beca existed.
"She'd be a freshman at Barden this year if she hadn't died" Chloe says calmly, and Beca can't help but be impressed by how matter of fact Chloe can be about the fact that she's dead. Beca still can't manage to say those words without hesitating, but they don't seem to bother Chloe. Aubrey though, Aubrey is definitely bothered by them, not that it stops Chloe from continuing. "She loves music, you should hear what she's been doing with my laptop and a few programs I got from the web. And she still has feelings, Bree, so please be nice."
"How do you be nice to a ghost?" Aubrey says, still clearly scared but visibly trying for Chloe's sake. "How are you okay with talking to her, with all of this? How is she able to talk to us at all?" Beca isn't sure how much Aubrey actually cares versus how much she cares about Chloe, but it's at least an improvement.
"For starters, I'm right here and you can talk to me rather than about me" Beca says before Chloe can answer, knowing she probably should've waited but slightly annoyed by the way Aubrey seems to be ignoring her presence. "As for how I can talk to you, that's a lot more complicated, and hard to explain in a way humans can understand."
"Beca, not helping" Chloe says when Aubrey panics again, the reminder that Beca isn't technically human anymore pushing her back over the edge and into hyperventilating. "Come on Aubrey, breathe through it, you got this."
Beca takes the hint and backs off, physically moving away from the two and giving Aubrey some space. It also helps her avoid taking any of the energy Aubrey's panic is giving off, the primal nature of it as dangerous as the energy from Chloe's long past anger had been, far more potent than the energy Beca gets from scaring frat boys. And once she realizes that, Beca realizes just how scared Aubrey really is, and can't help but feel sorry for jumping in before Chloe had a chance to explain. Maybe if she had, Aubrey would have been more prepared for her.
It takes less time than Beca would have expected for Chloe to calm Aubrey down, and it makes her realize just how strong Chloe's talent with emotions really is. She's literally glowing to Beca's sight with concern for her friend, as well as with an unshakeable confidence that helps push down Aubrey's fears. They aren't completely gone, but at least Aubrey is willing to talk to her now.
"I'm sorry I was talking about you as if you weren't here" Aubrey starts awkwardly once Chloe has called Beca back over, somehow sensing that she'd moved away rather than just falling silent. "It was a bit of a shock."
Beca stays quiet until Chloe nods slightly, not wanting to startle Aubrey now that she's calming down. "And I'm sorry for startling you, I should have waited for Chloe to explain a little more before jumping in."
"It wouldn't have made any difference" Aubrey says with a forced laugh, obviously uncomfortable talking with a ghost even if she does believe now. "I never would have believed Chloe on this one without hearing you, and probably would have made an ass of myself trying to convince her she was wrong while you waited." Given that Beca had been afraid of that herself, as well as being protective of Chloe, she can't bring herself to disagree even in word only, not even to smooth the situation. But that doesn't mean she needs to start a fight over it either, no matter how much everything Aubrey said had gotten to her. Not when all that a fight would end up accomplishing is upsetting Chloe anyway.
"Then I take back my apology" she says lightly, watching as Chloe laughs and Aubrey narrows her eyes, clearly trying to decide whether Beca means it seriously or not. "Now that no one is in danger of being an ass, at least not any more than usual, Chloe wanted me to tag along so you could ask whatever questions you need to convince yourself I'm not some evil spirit or something."
"I'm pretty sure I said 'a negative impact on my current focus' Beca, I know I didn't call you evil" Chloe interjects, and Beca realizes that the redhead somehow hadn't caught the fact she was joking. It's strange, because Chloe always catches that, catches anything with even vague emotional overtones. And that in turn makes Beca realize that she might not have been joking after all, at least not beneath the surface. But that's a thought for a later time.
"Whatever the phrase, Chloe wants me to answer questions, and I admit that it might make things easier now that you know I'm around. So you know, shoot or whatever." She hopes Aubrey at least can't tell how reluctant she is, and wishes she'd phrased it differently when it becomes clear Chloe definitely can tell. She hadn't exactly told the redhead she didn't want to answer Aubrey's questions, or that the only reason she's willing to is because Chloe does want her to. It's another conversation that's best saved for another time. Or never, Beca thinks.
"Why are you haunting Chloe?" comes the first question without any hesitation, and Beca isn't surprised. Clearly they both have the same priority in this situation, though nothing Beca has seen from Aubrey indicates they have the same reasons for that priority.
"It was an accident at first, then unavoidable for a few weeks, then I wanted to wait until I could explain, then everything just sort of kept going." Beca knows that isn't the kind of detail Aubrey wanted, but she can't really explain everything about anchoring and energy today, even if she did want to. She still isn't sure Chloe completely understands, doesn't know how she could. There's just no way to put the experiences into words without losing something in translation. And to be honest, she doesn't think telling Aubrey that the first time she met Chloe was in the woman's shower.
"Aubrey, I gave her permission to follow me around" Chloe says when Aubrey's eyes narrow; obviously realizing that Beca doesn't want to explain in depth and Aubrey isn't reassured by the lack of detail. "Like I said, she would have been a Barden student this year, and following me around gives her as much of that experience as she can get, given the situation."
Aubrey's eyes are still narrowed in thought, and Beca can tell the woman has figured out that the 'college experience' has little to do with Beca's decision to stick around. And if the blonde had known her better at all, Beca would have been relatively fine with that assumption. Hell, she's sure Chloe has figured it out by now, even if they both pretend that it's just the experience keeping her around. But given that Aubrey had only learned of her existence thirty minutes ago, she isn't sure what reasoning is leading her to the conclusion, and whether it puts Beca in a positive or negative light. But given her earlier reaction to learning ghosts exists, Beca isn't holding out much hope.
"As to why I follow her around at all, I kind of have to" Beca adds before Aubrey has a chance to ask the next question, already knowing what's coming. "I have to connect to the world, and interact with it in order to continue to exist. It doesn't have to be Chloe, but she's okay with it, and you know, it's like hanging out with a friend."
"It is hanging out with a friend" Chloe says firmly, pulling Aubrey close into her side and draping an arm over her shoulder as she looks towards where Beca's voice is coming from with a determined and almost defiant look on her face. "It's just like hanging out with you, Aubrey. Except the way Beca explained it to me, since she's tied to me at least for now, there's a limit to how far from me she can move, so she doesn't go back to her dorm at the end of the night. And I can't paint her nails and steal her ice cream after saying I didn't want any."
Beca's glad that Chloe trails off into silence rather than continuing to list things they can't do together, even the few things she'd mentioned were enough to make Beca feel bitter about the whole situation. And she thinks maybe Chloe feels the same way, because there had definitely been a note of sadness in the redhead's voice beneath the cheerful insistence that Beca is a friend like any other, as if she was forcing at least some of that cheer.
"Look, if you want to talk to Chloe without me right here, I can give you two some privacy" Beca says when the silence stretches on, Aubrey clearly thinking and Chloe nervously waiting for a response. "Chloe knows how to let me know it's okay to come back, and if you want to talk to her without worrying about how I'll react to something, that's cool with me." She's not as okay with the idea as she tries to sound, even though she's now fairly certain Aubrey won't try to convince Chloe she's crazy and needs medication or something. She's still worried that Aubrey will be totally against her continued presence, and if she knows Beca isn't nearby might try to convince Chloe to make her leave. But it's always been Chloe's choice, and Aubrey has been her friend for a lot longer than Beca has. So if Chloe listens to her and decides she wants Beca gone, then that's what will happen. No matter how sick the thought makes Beca feel.
"Actually, I think I want to talk to you, without Chloe."