Of all the possible reactions from Aubrey, Beca has to admit she hadn't seen 'leave me alone with the ghost' coming. Especially not when she can still see flashes of fear in her aura and face, not quite soothed by Chloe's calming influence. It's clear that Aubrey still isn't comfortable with the thought of ghosts existing, but equally obvious to Beca is her determination, the same drive that fuels every aspect of Aubrey's life. She's got her mind set on doing this, and isn't going to let a little thing like fear get in the way.
Apparently Chloe can tell that just as well as Beca, because she doesn't even hesitate before she's nodding and asking Beca if that's okay with her. And really, what choice does Beca have? She doesn't particularly want to face Aubrey alone, but she knows how important this is to Chloe. So of course she agrees, though she doesn't say anything else while Chloe leaves, the redhead shooting one last glance over her shoulder as the door closes. She doesn't want to give away her own trepidation, not to Chloe and definitely not to Aubrey. Besides, Aubrey is the one who wants to talk to her, and so Aubrey can be the one who starts the conversation.
"Are you still here?" Aubrey asks eventually, a slight tremor in her voice now that Chloe's calming influence is gone. Even with the tremor she's remarkably calm, and Beca's surprised at how well she's doing. The calm is all on the surface, but it's still a remarkable feat of bravery, and despite her ingrained tendency for sarcastic responses, Beca tries to honor that bravery by keeping any attitude out of her voice.
"I'm right here" she says from a few feet away, far enough to keep the energy of Aubrey's fear from reaching her, but close enough that she doesn't have to put any extra effort into making sure Aubrey can hear her. Without Chloe and the energy from her reactions, this is going to be a lot more difficult. At least she's strong enough now, has gotten enough practice over the last few months that it's even possible to have this conversation, because ducking out on Aubrey in midsentence probably wouldn't go over that well. "Chloe wanted me to talk to you so you could be okay with everything, so I'm here until you've asked all your questions. Or until I'm out of energy. You know, whichever comes first."
Even with all the practice speaking over the last few months, Beca can't help wincing as she starts to ramble, if she takes three sentences to say everything she needs to say for every question, she's going to be out of energy well before Aubrey is out of questions.
"Why do you care so much about what Chloe wants?" Aubrey asks after a long second of thinking that over, some of her fear subsiding as she focuses on the puzzle rather than the fact she's talking to a ghost. "It's fairly obvious you don't want to be here any more than I do, so why are you here, talking to me?"
Beca has to hand it to the woman, as annoying as she can be, and as much as Beca tends to find her intensity overwhelming, she has a knack for seeing through a situation to the root. They could probably have danced around that question for hours without Beca willingly offering any insight, but now Aubrey has asked her directly, cutting short any attempt Beca could come up with to stall.
Not that she knows how to answer, when it comes right down to it. She knows why, knows that keeping Chloe happy has become the main focus of her days. She can't even begin to pretend she doesn't, even if she doesn't know how to actually say it out loud.
"I owe her" is what she ends up saying, knowing that it's as close to the whole story as she can come without more prodding. "She saved me, even if she didn't know it at the time, and after she did know, she still welcomed me. She uh, she made the whole situation seem normal." There's so much understatement and unspoken detail that it almost isn't the truth, almost more an excuse.
"She does tend to have that effect on people" Aubrey says with a small laugh that sounds unforced, and the fear in her face eases a bit more. "I just don't want to see her get hurt." That last was said without the laugh; threat clear in her voice despite the absurdity of someone threatening a ghost.
While there are ways to get rid of a spirit or at least force them away from you, most of the secrets are just that, secret. There's almost no way Aubrey could know them, or get close enough to use them effectively. The only person who could remove her current anchor would be Chloe, unless Beca removes it herself, and as far as Beca is able to move from the redhead's side, most of the methods of making her leave an area would be ineffective. There's just no way for Aubrey to know where she is at any given time to even have a chance to make them work well enough to force Beca into releasing her anchor and leaving.
Still, the reason Aubrey is threatening her is valid, even if the threat itself is empty. "I don't want to see her get hurt either" Beca admits without the reluctance such a concession would normally cause her. "It's more than the fact that I owe her, we both know Chloe doesn't deserve to be hurt. She's been my friend, and I want to do right by that." That's more of the truth than she'd given earlier, but this time there's less reluctance towards opening up. She's not ready to tell Aubrey everything, especially things she hasn't even told Chloe, but they see to have reached some common ground that makes the situation that much easier.
"Do you know she's in love with you?" Aubrey asks after a moment of awkward silence during which Beca had debated how best to end the conversation without brushing the blonde's concerns off. The question comes out of nowhere, bringing up possibilities and thoughts that Beca had refused to consider before this.
Even with Aubrey no longer giving her the option of avoidance, Beca has no idea how to address the question or the issue itself. Every reason she has for hiding her feelings only grows more immediate if Chloe somehow feels the same way. Which really, how could she? She's never even seen Beca, has only ever known her as 'the ghost who follows me around' and nothing more. Beca has at least seen how Chloe looks when she wakes up in the morning, the sparkle in her eyes when she gets excited about something, the crease of her brow when she focuses on schoolwork. She's seen anger bring a flush to her cheeks as she stands her ground, seen tears threaten to fall for herself and others. She's seen the whole picture of who Chloe is, in a way that the redhead will never be able to experience with her.
And it isn't fair to hold her back from the chance to find someone she can share that with.
That doesn't mean she can admit that, any more than she can admit her own feelings. The situation is impossible, a cruel joke from the universe, and that's all there is to it. "I take it you didn't know" Aubrey says when Beca doesn't reply, not bothering to ask if Beca is still there. If the way she's gripping her arms close to herself, she can already tell, and Beca is surprised to find she's affecting the temperature around her without realizing. "You love her too, don't you? That's why you're still around."
"I-No, of course not" Beca tries, knowing that Aubrey will hear the lie in her voice as easily as Chloe would. "That's like, totally ridiculous. It would never work, in like a million years. And I'm the only one who would be around then, so it's double impossible."
"I didn't say it would work, obviously we both know it wouldn't" Aubrey says with a shrug, clearly seeing through Beca's excuses. "But I know Chloe, and I know Chloe in love. The only reason I missed the signs this long is because there wasn't anyone I could see in her life. Now that I know you're here, and have been for months, it's not hard to see." There's no judgement in her tone, but Beca can tell Aubrey definitely doesn't approve of the situation. Even without the swirls of color shading the blonde's aura, it's clear in her face that she feels Beca is no kind of companion for Chloe.
And Beca can't disagree. She might have different reasoning behind her conclusions, but she knows she isn't right for Chloe. It hasn't been fair to either of them, her sticking around this long, and it's been entirely because of Beca's selfishness. And if somehow Aubrey is right and Chloe does love her, that just makes it worse, because Beca can never be the person the redhead needs. She can never be a person again.
"Yes, I love her" Beca admits when it becomes clear Aubrey isn't going to leave or let her leave without answering. Or at least, if Beca does leave without answering, she's likely to go straight to Chloe and have this conversation with her instead. And Beca knows that conversation wouldn't go in her favor any more than this one will. She's trapped, well and truly, and there's no way around that. "I never meant to be, but she never really gave me a choice."
"So what are you going to do about it?" Aubrey asks, accepting the admission without visible reaction. "You and I both know it can't work, you're a ghost, and she isn't. She's human, and has so much to live for." Beca bristles at the unspoken implication that she has nothing to stick around for, not caring that she by definition can't have anything to live for because she's dead.
"And what, you think because I'm dead I'm some aimless wanderer who latched on to Chloe in order to drain her life dry of possibility? I would do anything for her, not because I love her, but because she's the kind of person who deserves that. I had things to live for, I had a future and dreams. I was going to college, my father the professor managed to make sure of that, and then I was going to make something of myself. You think I would take that chance away from Chloe just because I don't get it anymore?" Beca's anger is sustaining her now more than anything else, the effort of getting that speech out more than she'd been expecting. She knows she should pull back on her emotions, get control of her anger before it changes her, but she can't. Not after what Aubrey had implied.
Apparently something of her anger is getting to the blonde, because the fear that had mostly faded is back, swirling around her tightly. She obviously wants to run for the door, and even through the red wash of emotion Beca knows its dedication to Chloe's well-being that holds her in place.
That care and concern is what gives Beca the strength to pull back on her fury before she does something she'd regret, because if Aubrey can face her fear to make sure Chloe is happy, then Beca can face her anger. Even if it's only out of a desire to avoid being less than Aubrey, Beca will manage.
"I'm sorry" Beca apologizes once she knows she won't be tempted to lash out rather than speak, her voice soft and sincere. "I know Chloe has a future, and I know it shouldn't involve me. But I couldn't bring myself to walk away, even if that was the right thing to do." She can't believe she's telling Aubrey that, can't believe she isn't trying to hide what she's feeling the way she always has in the past. This woman isn't Chloe; she doesn't owe her anything more than an apology. She certainly doesn't owe her an explanation for something that has nothing to do with her. And yet, here she is.
"So again, what are you going to do about it?" Aubrey asks, this time at least managing to sound supportive rather than blandly accusatory. "Because if you don't do anything, then Chloe will be the one who ends up hurt, and I don't want to see that happen."
As much as it hurts, Beca agrees with Aubrey. If she sticks around, Chloe will never have the chance to truly experience her life. She'll always hold the woman back, always be a burden. Chloe might even welcome her, be more than willing to deal with that fact, but Beca can't do that to her. Welcome or not, Beca can't be the one who puts limits on Chloe's life.
"Don't-don't tell her I love her, okay?" Beca asks rather than answering, knowing that Aubrey will know what she's decided. "Don't make it harder on her than it has to be. And if she needs me, if by some chance she needs me someday, tell her to put out a red carnation, and eventually I'll see it."
"So you're not actually going anywhere? And why a red carnation?" Aubrey asks in confusion, and if it weren't for the sheer sense of pain and loss Beca is already feeling, the look on her face might have been amusing.
"I know myself well enough to know I won't be able to stay away, not completely. There are some people you can't walk away from, no matter how hard you try." Beca doesn't mention that no matter what she does she'll be hurt, and that the pain will never diminish or disappear, so seeing Chloe every few months won't make anything worse. Even knowing she won't be able to talk to the woman, that she'll be separated by an even greater distance than already lies between them, doesn't seem to matter right now. She doesn't explain the flower; years of living with an English professor had taught her the meaning and symbolism of most flowers, and that's the only signal that comes to mind right now.
"You're doing the right thing, you know" Aubrey says softly. And Beca knows that, but it doesn't make it any easier to reach for her anchor and pull it away. There's a sickening lurch in her stomach as she does, and if she still had a body, Beca knows she'd probably be throwing up as a wave of pure nausea rolls through her. But it's done, and she can't throw up, and the nausea will pass. Even if the pain won't.
Her resolve nearly crumbles when Chloe comes rushing into the auditorium, eyes wide and a look of loss in her eyes that matches the way Beca feels. "Aubrey, what happened? Where's Beca?" One look at the redhead and Beca can tell she'd felt the anchor's removal as much as the ghost, that she feels as much pain at its absence as Beca does. And now Beca wants to kick herself for not considering this possibility. She hadn't known Chloe would feel it, she'd thought Aubrey would have a chance to explain before Chloe realized she'd gone.
"She left." Aubrey says quietly, not meeting Chloe's eyes.
"But she can't leave" Chloe whispers, eyes closed against the thought. "She can't leave me. I need her."
Beca can't take any more, not when she sees tears beginning to coat Chloe's lashes, and leaves, quickly regaining the knack of drifting where she wants to go. At least this time she remembers to stay conscious of her energy levels, despite her emotional pain she makes her way to her father's study, anchoring in place and working to gain control of her feelings before she tries to talk to him.
Her apology to her father is long overdue, after all.
I am so sorry it took so long to post this, I kept wanting it to go a completely different way and nothing would cooperate. And between that and the 11 hour days I've been putting in, it was a very big pain to get through. Hopefully the next chapter will take far less time to get through, I have a pretty good idea of where it's going to go and how it's going to get there. I am still pulling long shifts though, so I don't think it will be up tomorrow or anything.
Also, I'm thinking two more chapters, unless the next one isn't long enough and I combine the two major plot points I have left into one longer chapter.
As for the meaning of a red carnation, the most common phrasing I can find is "My heart aches for you", though I learned it as "I need you here with me".