Warnings for mentions of past rape (underaged) and domestic violence (physical and mental). Not explicit don't worry!

Just to explain the tear at the end of the last chapter: it was out of relief and happiness more than anything! Sherlock did not regret the experience or feel pressured in any way by John, he just felt a lot of emotion after the experience, and the only way I believe Sherlock would have acknowledged his emotions was by not being able to hold back a small tear :)

"Who is she?" Sherlock asked, looking down at the photo in his hands.

"Irene Adler. Professionally known as, The Woman." Mycroft replied.

"Professionally?" John asked.

"There are many names for what she does, she prefers, Dominatrix." Mycroft said almost dramatically.

"Dominatrix" Sherlock mused to himself, eyes still locked on the picture.

"Don't be alarmed, it's to do with sex." Mycroft mocked, looking to Sherlock knowingly.

"Sex doesn't alarm me." Sherlock answered, almost too quickly.

Mycroft let out a mocking laugh. "How would you know?" He drawled.

John's eyes were trained on Sherlock's. He saw his partner draw back slightly, a spark of emotion bolting through his eyes. Before John could read what the emotion was, his usual mask of indifference pulled his features into check.

Mycroft swiftly moved the conversation on, but John's thoughts stayed on the raw emotion he had just seen his partner display. Something wasn't right.

Another long case finished, and they were relaxed in their usual place on the sofa. John was sat at the end, newspaper in hand, whilst Sherlock was sprawled out, head resting in the doctor's lap. John, thankfully, had managed to keep his jealousy in check throughout the entire case. The Woman seemed to have a hold on Sherlock that the doctor did not like one bit. But he trusted his partner. Sherlock had ensured John that whilst he was definitely fascinated by her intelligence and power; he did not have romantic feelings for her. Which was great, but Irene definitely had feelings for him, and she was definitely an extremely attractive woman. That, paired with the fact this was the only person other then himself that Sherlock had shown any interest in, slightly disgruntled the soldier.

"Your jealousy is adorable, John. But it's rather distracting." Sherlock pouted, keeping his eyes closed as if still in his mind palace.

"I can't help being jealous when a beautiful, intelligent woman takes up all of my partner's attention." John joked. He may be jealous, but Sherlock was here curled up in his lap, not running off with The Woman.

How many times had John studied Sherlock? Not enough, that was for sure. The soldier was still getting used to the fact that he was attracted to a man. However, it was easy to see why. Sherlock had many of the features he looked for in a woman: high cheekbones, long eyelashes that brushed his cheeks when he fluttered his eyes shut, soft, curly hair he could run his fingers through. Nevertheless, there were many features that were undeniably masculine, that John also appreciated. For example, Sherlock was surprisingly strong for such a lithe frame. John loved the detective's defined arm, shoulder and chest muscles that threatened to rip through his well-fitted shirts. He loved the trail of hair that started at the younger man's belly button, disappearing under his trousers to a place he hadn't had the privilege of exploring yet. He desperately wanted to run his fingers down the trail of hair, letting it lead his hand down into Sherlock's pants.

John did not linger too much on what being with Sherlock meant for his sexuality. He still considered himself straight. Sherlock was the only man he had ever had romantic feelings for. Maybe he was that sexuality where you are more concerned with who you fall in love with rather than their gender? That sounded about right to him.

Sherlock let out a disgruntled sigh, bringing John out of his wandering thoughts. "You're much more my type." He said, finally opening his eyes and looking up to the soldier.

"Good." John smiled, looking down at the gorgeous man in his lap. In that moment, John realised he didn't know anything about Sherlock's relationship history, his sexuality, anything. Sherlock was an enigma; he did not used to be able to imagine Sherlock in a relationship, which was mostly the reason he never imagined anything happening between the two of them. That in mind, Sherlock had now shown John he was not adverse to relationships, and even though Sherlock was hesitant, he definitely seemed slightly experienced.

"What is your type, Sherlock?" John questioned.

Sherlock once again looked up at the doctor, this time bemusedly. "You."

"Yeah, but what about before me?" John pushed.

"Is this your way of asking about my sexuality, John?" Sherlock chuckled.

"Maybe." John smirked. He knew he wouldn't get away with obscure questions with Sherlock.

"I do not believe in the concept of giving yourself a label. It is much too restricting. Look at yourself for example. You're straight, yet you have feelings for me, a man. Sexuality is a human construct; we're driven by the need of putting ourselves into categories, and anyone straying from those norms are penalised. What you are asking is if I have had any previous relationships, and what gender they were." Sherlock almost lectured. He was definitely having fun at John's expense right now.

"You're intolerable sometimes. Just answer the damn question." John huffed, this was much more embarrassing and difficult than he had imagined.

Sherlock chuckled again. "I have only been with a man."

"So you have had a relationship in the past?" John asked.

"I wouldn't call it that. There was one person back in my university days, but it was short lived. From then I haven't met anyone who I deemed worthy enough to distract me from my work and experiments." Sherlock said steadily, though his body tensed slightly in John's lap.

John did not know how to phrase or even bring up his next question. There had been many throwaway comments made about his partner being a virgin, mostly by Donovan taunting him. However, Mycroft's recent mocking was much more interesting. They both had the ability to deduce other people; so was it true? It did not bother John either way; it would just be good to know for the sake of how their relationship progressed. Whilst their situation was not normal, being that they were already living together, the sexual side of their relationship had not progressed to the speed of the usual adult relationship. Therefore, John's gut told him that if Sherlock had any previous experiences of sex, it wasn't extensive. John noticed how his partner was uncomfortable when the subject was breached, even now speaking about it with only John, Sherlock was anxious. Factoring in Mycroft's recent teasing, John had come to the conclusion Sherlock must be a virgin. He just had to let his partner know that was fine, and he definitely didn't have to be embarrassed around John about that.

"It's ok, Sherlock, you know. It's perfectly ok if you are a virgin. You don't have to be embarrassed." John said carefully.

Sherlock stayed extremely still in John's lap. "I know it's ok, John"

"Sorry, I must have got the wrong idea. It's just you cringe every time someone says it to you." John blushed. He felt like he was just digging himself deeper and deeper into a large hole, and Sherlock was not making any move to help him out of it.

Sherlock took a deep breath. Whilst he was trying his best to hide it, John could see the detective was bothered by the conversation.

"Well anyway, either way, I hope you will become comfortable speaking about it with me." John said with finality, hoping to show Sherlock he did not have to continue the conversation when he was so agitated about it.

"I'm not, John." Sherlock finally spoke.

"Not comfortable?" John worried. The green eyes flashed from frighteningly full of emotion, back to completely blank within seconds. John could recognise Sherlock's perfected mask, hiding all emotions from the world. For the hundredth time, John wished he had the ability to read people like Sherlock could. It would make life a hell of a lot easier most of the time.

"I'm not a virgin." Sherlock said, closing his eyes, denying John from seeing any emotions that threatened to push past his pretence.

"Right. That's ok too, then." The doctor appeased. He was growing more and more confused. Sherlock was definitely affected by something, and John had mistaken that as embarrassment. If he wasn't a virgin, what else could the detective troubled by?

Sherlock still had his head rested in John lap, eyes fixed closed, looking peaceful, yet the soldier knew he wanted to be anywhere but here. John threaded his fingers through his partner's hair, massaging his head softy to try diffuse some of the tension Sherlock was feeling.

"So is that why you're bothered? Because people just assume you are?" John asked. He didn't want to carry on the conversation, but something told him he should. John wanted to be able to comfort his partner, and that is a hard thing to do for someone if you do not know what exactly you are comforting them for. The soldier had never seen his partner so affected by anything. It left an unsettling feeling in John's stomach.

"This is a long story, John. One I'm sure you really don't want to know." Sherlock sighed, only making John worry more.

"Sherlock, I am always here to listen. If you don't want to talk about it, that is honestly ok, I understand and I will never push you. But anything you say isn't going to make me care for you less. I just want to be able to understand and help." John pleaded.

John kept playing with the detective's dark curls, hoping it would help calm him. There was a long silence, and John could see that his partner was in deep thought. His eyes were still closed, though they were now scrunched together tightly, as if with pain. Also, his hands had started to wring together anxiously. The rest of his body was trying to portray an air of calm, but Sherlock was anything but. It almost killed John to see the detective so restless.

"It's ok Sherlock, we don't have to talk about it anymore." John said, no longer able to watch his partner in distress.

At that, Sherlock opened his eyes and looked deeply at John. He tried to convey that his hesitance was not because he did not trust his partner, but because he didn't want to bring it all back up. Sherlock had worked hard to lock away all these feelings in his mind palace. Unfortunately, memories, even for the genius, did not work that way. Sherlock hated being vulnerable. It had been drilled into him from a young age; caring is not an advantage. In case he forgot, his brother and parents were always around to remind him. There was a reason Sherlock strove for indifference. Emotions, sentiment, caring; they were all weaknesses of the losing side. Nothing good had come of sentiment for Sherlock. It was the reason he had turned to drugs, why he found it hard to trust, why until now he had never let anyone in.

But John was different. John cared for Sherlock, and he definitely wasn't a disadvantage. If anything, John brought out the best in Sherlock, in all aspects of life. Even on cases, with his doctor around, Sherlock worked increasingly more efficiently. And that was why he was able to let him in. Sherlock trusted John.

If Sherlock were to be honest with himself, this was a story in his past that John would have to know for the sake of their relationship. He had already trusted the soldier with his nightmares, with his emotions, and now he had to bring down all his walls and trust his partner completely.

"I am not bothered by the fact people think I'm a virgin. I am bothered by the fact that I am not one." Sherlock said with resolve, finally opening his eyes. John could see the detective was ready to talk. Seeing the absolute trust in his partner's eyes caused John's heart to pull with emotion. However, he couldn't disguise the lost expression on his face. Sherlock wasn't making any sense whatsoever.

"I-it was never consensual, John." Sherlock said in no more than a whisper, his eyes fluttering closed again.

Feeling his fingers clench into fists, John moved his hand out of Sherlock's hair to ensure he didn't hurt him. The soldier was finding it hard to breathe. Anger boiled in his blood for the man who had done this to his partner, but also, anger at himself. It should have been obvious to the doctor. The nightmares with pleas of 'don't', his averseness to touch, his ability to know exactly what to say to a victim of rape. It broke John's heart that he couldn't even say the word. John tried to calm himself down. Now was not the time to let his emotions get out of check; he should be comforting his partner right now.

Opening his eyes, John saw Sherlock had been closely watching his reaction.

"What…? When…? Who…?" John tried to form words. He had so many questions, but he didn't want to push Sherlock just as he had begun to open up about it.

He brought his hand back down to thread through Sherlock's hair. The familiar motion calmed the doctor, as well as hopefully calming his partner. Sherlock leaned into his partner's hand, steeling himself to recount the past.

"I was fifteen, and I had just started university. I was intellectually ready to go earlier, but my parents had held me back a few years in hope I would be able to fit in better with a smaller age gap.

"I was an intolerable student." Sherlock mused, granting a smile off John. "All the professors were either idiots, or I had already learnt everything about he topic they were lecturing. I rarely went to classes, and instead hung out in the laboratories all day.

"Vic-" Sherlock stumbled. John did not interrupt, but instead kept playing with the detective's hair. His other had moved to Sherlock's arm, lightly tracing patterns.

"Victor was a PhD student at the time. He let me use his lab throughout the week, as he had to be in everyday nine to seven. Back then, he was the only person I was able to call a friend. He was smart, gave me ideas for new experiments, and after a few months we started spending time together after class.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do have human reactions. I was young and impressionable. He was older, popular and physically attractive. It also didn't help that I was an outcast; I craved the attention he gave me. He saw straight away that I had a crush on him, and he seemed to love the attention I gave him. When we were alone, we started to have a relationship. But I was never to speak to him in public.

"One morning, I had been up all night finishing an experiment, one he had suggested I do. I got amazing results, so I ran though the halls to find him and show him them. He was sat at the computers with his friends, and when I ran up to him and started talking about the experiment, he gave me this extremely cold look that made me stop in my tracks. I apologised and said I mistook him for someone else. All of his friends laughed, but Victor was still giving me this dark, scary look.

"Later that day I went back to the lab to apologise. He was acting really weird, and then he lashed out at me, throwing a glass cylinder in my direction. It hit the table in front of me, causing shards of glass to come flying at me." Sherlock's voice wavered, but his resolve to tell John the story held strong.

John on the other hand wasn't fairing as well. He was working hard to portray an air of calm for Sherlock, but inside he was ready to hunt down and murder this Victor.

"As soon as he saw I was hurt, he ran over to me, saying how sorry he was, how he hadn't meant to hurt me.

"That was the first time he told me he loved me." Sherlock sighed, pausing in his story to let the memories of the encounter he had worked hard to suppress, drift in front of his eyes.

"Looking back I can see how stupid I was. Seeing his temper, I should have left then. But he was the only person that would put up with me. And he was always so nice to me every other time. For such an intelligent young man, I was cripplingly stupid when it came to Victor.

"This carried on for a few more months. It started to get to the point where I didn't have to do anything wrong to receive physical violence from him. But he was all that I had. I craved for the times where he told me he loved me, where I felt like someone cared for me."

John held Sherlock tighter. He could feel the worst was about to come. He was devastated his partner had to go through this. He was only fifteen. Fifteen. If this monster was doing a PhD, he must have been at least twenty-three, probably more. John felt physically sick.

"But finally, I told myself enough was enough. Another PhD student who didn't like Victor said I could work in her lab. She was nice to me, and I realised I didn't need him. I was meant to be spending the night at his, so I went over like normal, intending to break it off. But…" Sherlock took a deep breath, looking at John for strength.

His partner almost looked unaffected in his arms. However, John knew Sherlock, and the effort to hold his mask of calm and triviality was beginning to break. There was more emotion in his detective's eyes than he had ever seen him display.

"I'm here, you can tell me." John comforted. Sherlock had never told his story. He needed to share the burden, so John's feelings took a backseat to his partner's right now.

"Victor wasn't happy I was trying to end things. He said I could only leave when he said so, that he hadn't put up with me this whole time to get nothing out of it. I started to feel really uncomfortable to where this was going, so I turned around to leave. But he was much older and a lot stronger; I didn't really have a cha-nce." Sherlock's voice broke, and he took a few seconds to steady his breathing.

"He was indistinguishable from the Victor Trevor I knew. I never thought he would be capable of this. Somewhere along the line I had let my feelings for him blur my deductions. He had a hold over me until the end of the academic year. Once I spent time away from him, I promised myself to never let sentiment distract me so much that I left myself completely open and vulnerable. I blamed myself." Sherlock admitted. A single tear fell from the detective's eye, all he would allow himself to show. He felt embarrassed that now, as an adult, something that happened so long ago still affected him so strongly. He was even more embarrassed by the fact he was letting someone see him so human.

"Don't you dare do that, Sherlock. Don't blame yourself. You may be a genius, but you're not bloody perfect. He took advantage of you in every possible way, and you were too young to know any better. And don't you dare feel embarrassed to still be affected by it. It seems to me you worked so hard on locking it away, you never let yourself feel and get past it." John said, feeling his heart expand. He would not let his partner blame himself for this.

Sherlock buried his face into his partner's warm, fluffy jumper; hiding the tears forming there that he was unable to hold back. He hated weakness, but he could not deny he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder now he had told John. He took in a deep breath, breathing in John's musky cologne. He played with the bottom of the beige jumper, focusing on John's hands making relaxing patterns on his arm and threading through his hair. He had never felt so close to a person in his life.

"I'm guessing this is what the nightmares are about?" John questioned, softy. Sherlock nodded in response.

They remained in the same position, John letting the story sink in, Sherlock trying to dispel his interfering emotions.

"Wait. Does Mycroft know?" John demanded, suddenly extremely angry. How could his brother tease him about something like this?

"Of course not, John. We may dislike each other at times, but he would never tease someone about such matters." He whispered into John's jumper.

"Hasn't he, you know, deduced it though?" John asked, trying to understand how the all-knowing Holmes brother didn't know this.

"Things can be hidden. And obviously I haven't had sex. The usual signs aren't there like you would expect of a sexually active person. And then of course, he takes my avoidance of the subject as embarrassment." Sherlock explained.

"I'm glad and honoured you confided in me, Sherlock." John said, truthfully, after a comfortable silence.

Sherlock's tears were falling more steadily now. He tried to stop the tears, but his attempts to hold them in only resulted in his body shaking dangerously. He tried to figure out why he was crying. Yes, he had just recounted an awful experience, but he only felt relieved for finally letting it out. Was it possible to cry from relief? Feeling the aching in his head subside from the steady fingers massaging there, he felt more tears fall. Was it possible to cry because he was happy to have John?

"Stop holding back, Sherlock. I'm not going to think of you any differently if you let yourself cry." John soothed.

Finally letting go, Sherlock let himself be held by his partner.

I hope this chapter met your expectations of where the story was leading!

Just an explanation about how realistic Sherlock's experiences are: I cannot speak for all people who have experienced rape and child abuse, but it is possible and accurate for people to become to enjoy sex again after an attack. Also, it is hard for those who have been a victim to completely open up to their partner at the beginning of a relationship, and many have some sort of sexual experience before they do. In Sherlock's case, the abuse was 20 years ago, and he suppressed it for years, which is why I believe his reaction in this chapter to recounting his story, is realistic. However, I still believe he would have been fine with the sexual encounter in the last chapter. Firstly, he will have been thinking about John in that way long before they got together, and after spending many nights in bed with him he has gotten used to his partner's presence. Further, the sexual encounter was nothing like he experienced before, mainly in that it was manual sex rather than penetrative and it was someone he has a stronger romantic relationship with. I have based Sherlock off personal experiences, hearing about other people's experiences and Internet research. Please do let me know your thoughts about this; it would be great to know other people's thoughts/experiences.

Stay tuned for John's complete reaction...