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Ch. III: Away From Home

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Thanks for the reviews, they mean so much! You are all utterly amazing. I´ve done the research I could to make this as medically truthful as possible... Damned thing everyone in my family is a doctor, but I can´t talk to anyone… *sobs*

To Liv (joining you for an "I want to slap msn and I can´t" campaign, hope you got my email… ) and Gwen, love and hugs girls! :D

To Michal and Kel, for being so awesome "bits of a slut"! :D Love ya!

To my cutie lil sis Charliee… cause our lil conversations had filled me with ideas and u´ll see them coming this way!!!! (Note to you all… there´s a lot more planned if you want me to keep going… and let me know so!)

OMG! One more exam and I´ll be a LAWYER! I am right now SO excited :P Don´t expect a happy chapter tough, lol…

*

White walls. Lonely corridors. The tension of the moment was quickly getting into Sam´s head, heart and soul. He had rushed behind Donna when they finally arrived to the hospital and ER, but nurses had stopped him just outside the surgery room. Time had gone by, and no one had come yet to inform about his wife´s condition. He had to fill a form and he had been sat there lonely, counting the minutes slipping away as his despair was starting to physically hurt. He loved Donna more than life itself, and losing her was a thought he just couldn´t bear. The fact he can´t do anything to save her, but sit and wait was a torture never experienced before. So many years have they been apart, so much time had they wasted, and just now… they had found the way to each other. There was no way she could be gone so soon. She couldn´t. Their happily ever after was just starting and a life without her, wasn´t possible in any way.

Being away from the beloved mother of his future child, he just wished he could hold her hand and kiss her forehead, whispering sweet nothings in her ear until she woke and smile. But that wasn´t so, and he only had left endless hours of walking back and forth trough the cold unwelcoming waiting room.

Stay with me, babe. I love you, I need you.

Wiping his tears once again, he checked on the clock one more time. Still wearing the first clothes he could get his hands on, he was feeling well and truly uncomfortable. Even every breath felt the air was moving the wrong way. Uncertainty and lack of any company were growing too much to handle, and then, he also wished one of his children could be there with him. He had already called Pepper so Tanya, Rosie, Sophie and his sons would be informed of the situation when they arrive. Sighing, he buried his face in his hands and for the first time in a long time he felt like giving a prayer.

"Dad?" a young woman´s voice mumbled and he lifted his eyes to look at her.

"Sophie" Sam smiled "Finally you´re here"

He had forgotten about her arrival, but was certainly pleased to see her.

"Yes, can you tell me what´s going on, please? Pepper didn´t know quite much" she demanded worriedly, sitting next to him.

He placed his hand on her shoulder and held her against his chest, kissing her head softly. There wasn´t much he could say, and certainly nothing that could ease Sophie´s heart. Speechless, more tears flowed down his face and when she noticed, she pulled away lightly to look into his eyes, pleading for some sort of answer. She had waited so long to hug someone she could call her father, or a third of it, even more if it was someone that loved her mother as much as he did, someone that would act as a real dad, that now, she didn´t want to break the embrace. Tears were flowing down her face and it didn´t escape Sam´s attention the fact she was showing there all alone.

"Heart attack for what I can tell. She fainted minutes after you called and… we came straight away here. She´s in the surgery room. I have no news yet"

"Oh, my God… Mom!" she cried out, hiding her face on his shirt to hold her loud sobs "I can´t believe it. Why didn´t I come back sooner? WHY?!"

"Sophie, what ifs will do no good" he said, rubbing her back and crying himself too, as he knew how much Donna wanted to have her daughter back "She will be alright, and she will be so happy to see you and tell you…"

"I just… can´t think that she may actually die in there. She´s my mother, I can´t lose her! She´s the only one I always had. I should have been here sooner, I should. I´m a terrible daughter. I promise you dad, I will do whatever it takes, but we are not going to attend her funeral. Not now. Not yet"

"I hope so, honey, I hope so… I wish there was something any of us could do"

"She also told me about some news… but she was talking in riddles about it. I have no clue what it is. Can you please tell me? Please? I can´t take this anymore…"

When all is heart yearned was to have his wife back, Sam couldn´t ignore Sophie´s deep pleading green eyes. They were so alike. Stroking her cheek, he smiled thinking that there were not all shadows…

"Mr. Carmichael?" a man dressed in white asked, clearing his throat "I´m Dr. Flannigan. I have some news for you and your family" he added, looking at Sophie.

"Yes, this is our daughter, Sophie. Please tell us. How´s my wife?" he replied, as they both stood quickly and shook the doctor´s hand.

"I´m Donna´s obstetrician, I can say nothing sure about your wife´s condition yet because she is still on surgery. I´ve been called because the baby was suffering and a cesarean was performed to save the child. I thought you may want to see your son"

Open mouthed, Sophie stared at him without saying a word and tightly squeezing Sam´s hand in shock.

"I do. Is the baby alright?"

"He´s healthy, yes, but he have been born prematurely so he´ll need time on an incubator"

"But he will survive, right? And what about the mother?"

"The baby will be alright, I can ensure you that. About the mother… the defibrillators were damaging the baby and was causing the fetal suffering, we needed to save him, before proceeding with your wife, she have been kept alive artificially, but I don´t how damaged is her heart. She came here pretty quick, so…"

Sam interrupted him with a gasp and the doctor didn´t keep on speaking, just turned and instructed them to follow him to the room the new Carmichael was in.

"A baby? She was pregnant?" Sophie squealed then, grabbing his arm tightly "Why didn´t she tell me? WHY?! I… certainly would have rushed back here. I can´t believe she pulled me away like this. Good lord…"

"Soph, your mother only wanted you to be happy, and she did what she thought would be for the best. We were so happy about the baby, and she thought it would be a nice way to surprise you. She didn´t want you to worry and rush back because of her. She knew, she had to let you go…"

"But I don´t want to be gone. She told me I would be her baby girl… always" she replied, crying into his chest once more.

"And you are"

Stroking her hair gently, Sam shushed her and wiped her tears while they walked into the room. And then, for a magic moment, they didn´t have eyes, they didn´t have a thought, for anything else but the beautiful new baby.

"He´s gorgeous" Sophie said, placing her hand over the glass and peering down at the small human been inside, so peaceful and perfect. It was hurtful seeing him connected to all those wires and machines, but he was alive, he would be fine, and they didn´t care about nothing else "I think he looks like you"

Looking at his son in silence, Sam tried to fight his tears unsuccessfully. Not only was he deprived of hugging his wife, now he couldn´t hold their son neither, that small pretty child they were so lovingly expecting for. Placing his hands on the glass too, he finally gathered some words.

"Welcome to the world, champion. I´m your daddy. Mommy will be here soon. You´re a miracle and you´re granting me so…"

Now, definitely, as he waited to know something about his wife, he wouldn´t left his son´s side. He sat down on a chair and pulled Sophie to sit on his lap, both still looking at baby Carmichael.

"How will you name him?" Sophie asked suddenly, making him look at her in surprise, because they didn´t have the time to agree about a name yet, specially since Donna didn´t want to find out if it was a boy or a girl until the birth.

"We couldn´t agree on a name. What do you think of Athos?"

"Athos?" Sophie whispered, looking to her baby brother and back into Sam´s eyes, smiling "I like it"

"You think your mom will like it?"

"Are you joking? She´s a Dumas´s fan and Athos was always her favorite musketeer. She made me read the book at a very young age. When I was a little girl and Ali and Lisa came to play, she usually joined us. She always left me be D´Artagnan, cause I wanted the leading role. I remember how Lisa was in love with Aramis character… We had fake swords and we fought as if we were dancing, you know, like choreography, I always loved that, and she gave us fizzy drinks and we said it was wine and pretended to get drunk. Of course, Athos was always the drunkest one and for real…"

Her smile widened, at the tender memories of her happy childhood. She was always complaining about not knowing who her father was, but lately she got to know she was making her mother miserable doing so. Every time Sophie brought up the subject, Donna would lock herself in her room and cry herself to sleep. Those were the scarce night mother and daughter wouldn´t cuddle together to have a chit-chat, go through photo albums or watch a movie together. And it wasn´t until she found her diary that Sophie realized why her mom hurt so much about that. She found out Donna had been abandoned for the only man she ever truly loved, and not knowing what she did so wrong to lose him was killing her inside… WHY if she loved him so much he didn´t loved her back? And Sophie knew she had to call him back. She called all of them. For her own sake. For her mother´s sake.

And then, after 24 hours trying unsuccessfully to deny she was still madly in love with him, Donna ran into his arms to find out she had never lost him, at all.

"It seems you have a lot of fond memories together"

"Yes" she said, resting her head on the crease of his neck and crying silently "I couldn´t ask for a better mother. I´ll hate myself for every time I shouted at her, for every time I was unfair, for haven´t been here. I can´t lose her. I just… can´t. I´ve missed her so much this whole year"

"I know, darling, I´ve missed her for 21 years. I can´t lose her neither "

"You know, she loves you terribly, every time I asked about my father she ended up crying so much. I never understood why, until I read her diary and learnt how truly she loved you and how devastated she was when you left"

Tears welled up on his eyes again, as he spoke with a raspy voice.

"I can´t say how sorry I am I didn´t come back sooner, how sorry I am I got mad at her when I thought she forgot me and didn´t call"

"But she didn´t forget you, I can say that. She waited for you all this long. Certainly, destiny can´t be so cruel to take her away from us now, right?"

"I hope so doll, if only I could tell you how much I need her…"

"You promise that, no matter what, you will never leave her?"

"I never wanted to leave her Soph, not back then, not now, not ever. You look so much like her" he finished smiling a moving a strand of hair behind her ear.

He wiped her tear strained face, unable to hold his own tears anymore. They heard the click of heels through the corridor and the door opening cheerfully. Tanya appeared on the threshold, closely followed by Rosie. She was smiling and holding a bottle of champagne in her hand. Meaning to say something, she froze open-mouthed when she noticed the two tear flooded faces looking at her. The sorrow in their eyes resembled a deathly ghost that scared the soul out of her.

Rosie was the first to move, walking to take a seat next to Sam and placing her hand on his shoulder.

"What´s wrong, honey?" she whispered "We thought she was here only because the baby was born"

"Yes, our little boy is already here" he replied with a sigh, looking to his son. All of it, was such a bitter-sweet moment that words could not describe.

Leaving the bottle on a table, Tanya walked to stand by the incubator and looked at him in silence for a very long while.

"He´s gorgeous" she finally said, feeling a knot on her throat, none of them daring to ask what had happened with the mother and why wasn´t she there.

"But… where is Donna?" Rosie finally said.

Holding another sob, Sophie stood and walked to sit next to her brother, fixing her eyes on him and gently stroking the glass.

Walking to take a sit next to her friend´s husband, Tanya also fixed her eyes on him. They didn´t want to push, but they were desperate for an answer. Sighing, Sam rested his elbows on his knees and hid her face in his hands.

"I really could use a glass of that" he said, straightening himself and taking a deep breath, sure she would understand he was asking for the drink.

Walking o the table, she was back with a full glass of the welcomed alcohol, which he downed in once.

"Don´t you have anything stronger?"

"I´m ashamed to say, not at the moment…"

"I can´t lose Donna" he said, handing the glass back to Tanya for a refill "I just can´t lose her…"

Both women looked at each other, even more scared and by then not knowing if they wanted to hear the rest. Donna had always been the light of the party and no one could imagine her not being there. She was just one of those highly energetic souls that you thought would never die. Because there´s something strangely natural in thinking light can´t really fade away…

"Plain and simple, it was a heart attack. She had a cesarean performed first and now she´s still on surgery. We don´t know nothing about her yet…"

His voice trailed off when a red haired woman stepped into the room. She was still wearing her green surgery clothes and a mask on her face, which she skillfully removed before talking.

"Mr. Carmichael? I´m Dr. Alyssa Carrington. I´m a surgeon and I´ve been operating your wife this morning. I´m here to inform you about her condition… As you may know, she suffered a massive heart attack. Thanks to the quick assistance she came in here alive and we saved the baby, but…"

The woman´s voice was somehow shaking and she was clearly walking in circles around the point. The four pair of eyes looking at her made it difficult to say everything, even when she was used to face this kind of situations. That particular case was something the Doctor had not faced before.

Sam´s guts twisting inside made it difficult for him to speak, but his love for his wife was stronger and he needed to know if she was still alive, if she would be alright. It could be good. It could be bad. But nothing could be worse than the sheer soul-tearing doubt.

"Please, tell me, Doctor, will my wife… survive? Is she still alive?"

Sam could feel his body shuddering, he could feel no one was breathing inside that room. And it could be nothing else but the tension of disgrace. Shot in the shortest way possible, her answer was not quick enough…

"She´s alive. But I´m sorry to say her heart have been too damaged, we´re keeping her alive artificially now, as we did since she came in and the cesarean was performed. She needs a new heart or she will not make it, and she needs it now. But A- blood is not common at all, and it is difficult and highly incompatible… I´m afraid there´s no chance we will get a donor as soon as she needs…"

"Does that means…?"

His heart painfully skipped a beat.

"We can hold her for the next hours… I´m sorry, is all I can do"

No one said another word, and the doctor walked out in silence, knowing the family will need time to grieve and get over the facts to make a decision.

All they can do.

That was it, finally they had real information that she may actually… die. Death was now a dark cloud hanging over them and as it was thundering, rain may very soon storm they way.

"Oh my fucking god" Tanya whispered, running her hands through her hair "This is just not happening…"

"If I think what´s happening is happening… It better not be!" Rosie mumbled, shaking her head.

Bursting out crying, Sophie ran out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. Rosie squeezed Sam´s shoulder as Tanya stood and followed the young woman. Their friend´s family would need help and they would have to be there… for them, for Donna.

"She´s strong, Sam, she can make it. She haves to survive… and deep inside she knows it, she will fight for you, she will fight for your children…"

"What am I going to do without her Rosie? What am I going to tell Athos when he eventually asks about her?"

"You´ll tell the truth. You´ll talk about how an amazing woman she is and how much you love her. Don´t talk like that because she is not gone"

"For how long Rosie? If destiny doesn´t send someone rushing into emergency… now, there´s no way we can get a new heart…"

"Something will happen, just you wait, something will happen… They say, the Lord haves mysterious ways, crooked ways to write a straight line…"

"I need to hold her, I need to hold our child. You know how it feels for me having to look at him through the glass? To pray she will survive when I can´t even hold her hand?"

"It´s keeping the baby alive, and he´s gorgeous, and you´ll get to hold him, put him to sleep and play with him and you´ll be so proud. They will both need you, fight for them"

"Why did this ever have to happen?"

"We will never understand why some things happen in this world"

*

Tanya found Sophie sat on a chair, holding her legs against her chest and resting her chin on her knees. Tears were silently cascading down her face and her gaze was lost in some distant spot on space. The sight of the girl remembered Tanya the day Donna had been kicked out of her own house, the day she had too lost her mother. She sighed, hoping deep inside that wasn´t Sophie´s fate.

"How are you Soph?" she asked, taking a sit next to her and placing her hand on the girl´s shoulder.

Sophie wiped her tears to look back at her mother´s best friend.

"I don´t really know, but I want to be alone"

"Will you believe me if I tell you loneliness won´t help?"

"No" she cut, looking away.

"Your father needs you at this moment and you need him too. You wanted to find him, honey, and now he´s there for you to act like his daughter"

"Aunt Tanya, at this moment I seriously don´t need anyone but my mother talking to me" Sophie muttered, but she rested her head against the brunette´s chest and burst out crying.

"She will be alright honey, she was always stubborn…"

And I hope for this time, to be damned right.

Tanya was stroking her golden curls and Sophie giggled softly, breaking apart to look at her.

"Wait… they said the problem was her blood, right? They need someone A- to be the donor?"

"That´s… what the Doctor said, yes. It is very uncommon, and it is not receptive..."

Turning around she covered her mouth with her hand, lost in her thoughts for a few minutes. Suddenly, she stood and walked away through the corridor as Tanya looked at her in awe and stepped back into the room to join Rosie and Sam.

An idea had lightened in Sophie´s head to save her mother. She wasn´t quite sure, but she felt it was the right thing to do. Because if there was something to be done, she would do it, regardless the cost.

*

The dynamos left the room and ran into the cafeteria to get some coffee to keep them awake and buy some for their friend´s mess of a husband before he fell into a total breakdown.

"Gosh, I need brandy and not this stuff" Tanya complained, whilst sipping on her drink unwillingly "I don´t have a hangover"

"Tanya, shut the fuck up" Rosie answered, swallowing an aspirin.

"Did you just say that?!" the tall brunette exclaimed grinning and placing a hand on her hip.

"Shut up" Rosie said, rolling her eyes and hitting her friend´s back for her to start walking.

Watching the two women walk away, Sophie took a deep breath and walked into the room to kneel in front of Sam, taking hold of his hand. As soon as the news started to sink in, he was slowly drifting into a state of shock and it was more difficult every time to get a reaction from him. Squeezing his hands, she bitted her lower lip, waiting for him to look at her.

"I´m going back to the Villa for a couple of hours. Do you need something?"

Smiling, he leaned to kiss her forehead softly.

"Just some clean clothes darling… And a toothbrush"

"Ok… I´ll be back soonish. But please, please, keep her alive"

Sam nodded silently and she started to raise, when he grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Christ, I´m losing my mind! Ow can this happen? I nearly forgot… Can you bring Azaria with you please? I want to see her…"

Shaking her head, Sophie frowned at his last statement.

*

A/N: Not expecting that, huh? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know!

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Love to you all! Mel.