Chapter 26

"It was what you bargained for."

"I was promised safety. Handing me to Thanos leads to my death."

"My solution was for temporary use."

"Then my offer was also temporary… And no longer valid."

"Your behavior is irrational Don't fret over things that won't happen.. Given the same sentence you would do the same if our places were swapped. You are a survivor after all. "

That is where Loki is wrong. I wouldn't trade him so I could continue my miserable existence. I remember how I felt about him at the start and things didn't change much, I've only accepted him for what he is. Some people are unable to change or they change as boomerang, temporary at one side and then return to where they started. Not Loki, if I compare his ways, to mine, the god of lies has told more truths. I appreciate that about him and I wouldn't trade him for my life, even if he was twenty times worse.

"Our places aren't swapped and we are here. You just have to decide what you want to do with me."

"And when will you decide what you want with me? Or better what you want from me? I am not a blind man, Isabella, and I know how you women think, even mortal ones. It is not uncommon for your gender, you catch feelings so easily." I wanted to slap him, but I refuse to show how much he affects me.

I once loved a perfect man. I loved him as much as my heart allowed me too and when we were over, I felt as if a hole has been punched through my chest. Edward is no longer perfect to me, I see the faults of our relationship and at times I wonder if I will ever get so close to anyone. Love is what makes somebody perfect and lovers blind, but I see Loki clearly. I know what he has done by now and partly what he will do in future, and still, I want him near him. Not necessary skin to skin, but close enough so I can check if he is alright.

''You think I want your love?" Poor, poor Loki. "What is the love of somebody like you to me? You need nobody and nothing. you will rather kill a person than bother to love them.''

''Would you rather I am like Thor? Thor, who loves everyone and everything. How would you feel competing with whole world for his affection?''

'' This is not about Thor-...''

''Is it not? You call yourself a Queen, but where is your king? You exist with the sole purpose of taking self-interest, you came to destroy Asgard, take vengeance because your kind wronged you. The stone gives you means for malice, you destroy things due to your foolishness and yet, you remain what you always were, a pitiful tramp. You would throw yourself at first who seeks you.''

"You confuse me for somebody who would deliberately want to spend time with you."

"And you confuse my patience with kindness."

Granted, Loki was ready to say anything that would make him appear less guilty. He made me feel as if I just met him, he willingly reminded me of every reason why he deserves to be hated. I gave him just as many reasons to detest me. I made him weak, blackmailed him with Odin, emptied the vault and sent one stone to Thanos. Whatever I did, he saw as a threat and it was how I needed it to be, but loathing in his voice bothered me. I wanted his acknowledgment and respect, but I don't see a way to get any of that now.

"Why don't you end it all?" I wanted to see how far I can push. "Grant me mercy, take your dagger and end me." I stepped way into his personal space, my breath hitting his neck and pulled a dagger from his pants. "You could take the stone to Thanos and save your skin." I pushed the mentioned dagger in his hand. ''If that is what you want.''

I watched his face harden and wished to reach out and see what troubles him. I saw him adjust his grip on the weapon. Standing so close to him, I clearly saw how each of his muscles moved. None of his actions alarmed me. I knew, or at least hoped, Loki won't strike me. We both wanted theatricality and it seemed like we were on a stage playing husband and wife about to divorce. Their marriage cannot survive, both of them cheated you know. In real life, Loki and I lost each other's trust, if there was any ever between us.

"You spend too much time thinking about your death. I wonder how much you spend thinking about mine?" Too much, way too much. "Why don't you show me how you would do it?" Loki pushed the dagger in my hand.

"Any last words?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What?"

"What?"

"You would do it." Was that disbelief in his voice?

"Don't be offended. I like you and all, but as you said it, I'm a survivor." I placed my hand on his chest. "So, heart or throat?"

"Put it away. No one is killing anyone."

"Why?"

"Because neither of us wants to kill another. And because we are not done with each other. We can play cat and mouse all day long, we don't have to admit anything, but you should know I won't hurt you."

"That is easy to say."

"Maybe, but without me you'd be unable to say anything at all." Fucker. "You've been in my head, you know very well what I want."

"How is that reassuring?"

"It isn't." At least we agree on something."But you cannot ignore what we-..."

"Feel?" I interrupted him. "Speak for yourself. You wiggled in my bed."

"You kissed me." That was the accusation.

"After poisoning you."

"Don't take us back to start. I will only admit my sins if you admit yours."

"Fuck your diplomacy. This isn't love."

"Then give it another name."

"Desire."

"Lust."

"Death."

Erratic?