Echoes
In the early hours of the morning, Loki lay awake in bed staring blankly at the ceiling. The events of the day weighed on his conscience - something which Loki hated. He could not banish the image of Nell's cold, stony gaze from his mind and it made his breath catch in his chest. He needed to do something to combat this. So he focused his mind on one other thing that was currently driving him mad: the broken TARDIS gathering dust in Madame Vastra's training room.
Loki had hoped to regain his powers by now so that he could safely enter the TARDIS (or at the very least, be better equipped to defend himself from whatever dangers lay within). But he was still powerless and he did not think he could last another second without at least trying to examine the data in the TARDIS system.
He wanted to know exactly what had caused the crash. If there was one thing Loki hated more than a guilty conscience, it was ignorance. If he could get into the TARDIS, even just a few precious morsels of information could be enough to find the source of the power surge in the time vortex. Maybe he could even find a way to restore himself to his former glory.
Now resolute, Loki leapt out of bed, dressed himself and crept downstairs.
The training room was locked as always, but Loki had not spent centuries of getting into mischief without learning how to pick a lock.
Loki peered into the darkness of the training room. He could make out the shapes of various weapons lining the left wall, but he could not see the familiar box shape of the TARDIS, the rest of the room was empty.
Closing and locking the door behind him, Loki stepped into the centre of the room with a puzzled frown. Then he spotted a door in the far wall sporting an impressive looking lock and his frown turned into a satisfied smile. Picking the lock on the door (with a bit more difficulty than the training room door), Loki opened what turned out to be a closet - with the TARDIS residing inside.
Loki drew in a deep breath. The TARDIS was damaged and unstable, who knew what could happen with a leaking TARDIS core? Dare he go in?
"Open the door you coward" Loki scolded himself, "this cannot harm you. You are a God". But in his head he could hear Odin's voice "we are not gods. We're born, we live, we die, just as humans do". Loki gripped the door tightly as Odin's voice echoed in his head. As if to defy his adoptive father, he opened the door and stepped determinedly inside the TARDIS.
When Loki had been young, he had used to snicker in his sleeve whenever the Doctor spoke to the TARDIS or gently stroked the console. Now, gazing at the broken room, scattered with debris, of what had been a most amazing machine, he did what he once had thought so very silly.
"Oh old girl" he breathed, "I am sorry, I am so sorry". He walked tentatively toward what remained of the console, turning in a full circle as he did. Support beams had crashed to the floor. Looking up Loki could see wires and broken bits of ceiling dangling precariously above his head. The console itself was missing large chunks which Loki could see lying scattered across the floor (or in one case, embedded in the far wall). His gaze shifted to the TARDIS core in the centre of the console, it stood cracked, splintered and silent.
Loki gently placed his hand on a broken screen still attached to the console "what has done this to you?" he asked, "what has it done to us both?"
Loki tried to turn on the screen. Nothing. With a sigh, he stared at his feet and the grating he was standing on. A thoughtful frown came across Loki's face; he bent down and, lifting the grate, dropped down into the power cell area below the console. Loki groaned as he looked at the blackened cells and ripped out cabling, wishing that he had stolen the Doctor's sonic screwdriver as well. With some effort (and a few Asgardian curse words) he managed to reattach some of the cabling. Slowly a dull green glow came back into the set of power cells. Loki grinned in the green light. The TARDIS was not dead.
Hauling himself back up to the console level, Loki replaced the grate and tried to activate the screen again. It remained dark. "Argh!" Loki thumped his fist on the TARDIS console in frustration, "work damn you!"
He glowered at the broken console, perhaps it was his imagination but it seemed to be 'looking' at him disapprovingly. "I am trying to help you!" Loki growled at the TARDIS. The console sat silently judging him. "Do you think if you protest I will take you back to him?" Loki sneered, "Never. You are mine now". He slammed his hand down on the console again "obey me!"
"Have you ever thought what it's like to be wanderers in the Fourth Dimension?"
Loki nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice. Startled he turned around to see an old man standing next to him but looking in another direction. "Have you?" the old man addressed an unseen audience, "To be exiles?"
Loki walked slowly around the man until they were face to face. He waved his hand in front of the man's face, but there was no reaction.
"Susan and I are cut off from our own planet, without friends or protection" the man continued, unable to see Loki. "But one day we shall get back. Yes, one day. One day."
Loki looked carefully at the old man's eyes. He had never seen the man's face before, but he knew the look in the eyes. Oh yes, he knew that well.
"Doctor?" Loki whispered.
In an instant, the image of the old man dispersed like smoke.
"Er, the inside's bigger than the outside?"
Loki's head snapped in the direction of the new voice. He looked to see a young woman with dyed blonde hair and a startled expression on her face.
"Yes."
Loki looked away from the girl and saw a man in a leather jacket holding a plastic human head. It was the Doctor again, Loki was sure of it.
"It's alien" the girl stated.
"Yeah" the Doctor replied.
Loki walked towards the girl with a frown, "you're Rose, aren't you? He used to talk about you".
Rose could not hear him. "Are you alien?" she asked the Doctor.
"Yes" the Doctor told her. "Is that all right?"
"Yeah" Rose said breathlessly. Loki reached out to touch her shoulder but his fingers ran through her like mist. She and the Doctor vanished.
"What is this?" Loki demanded, looking around the TARDIS. "Echoes of the past?"
"I haven't the faintest idea" a female voice responded, it was an American accent this time.
Loki turned to speak, ah but no, again this woman was not speaking to him.
"Of course you don't. You don't even know what a peri is, do you, Peri?" another voice spoke.
"No" 'Peri' responded.
Loki turned to look at the Doctor and burst out laughing. He was a man with a head of golden curls and a horrific multi-coloured jacket. He looked utterly ridiculous.
"I'll tell you" the Doctor addressed Peri. "A peri is a good and beautiful fairy in Persian mythology. The interesting thing is, before it became good, it was evil. And that's what you are. Thoroughly evil".
Loki frowned at his cruel words. He had never seen the Doctor like this before.
Peri was upset. "Doctor, stop it!"
The Doctor began to look dangerous and manic. "No. No, not even a fairy" he rambled. "An alien spy, sent here to spy on me. Well, we all know the fate of alien spies!"
The Doctor lunged at Peri and grabbed her around the throat. Loki gasped. Instinctively he tried to grab the Doctor by his collar and both the Doctor and Peri disappeared.
"Did he kill her?" a shaken Loki demanded of the TARDIS, "tell me that a least!"
Peels of delighted laughter came from the TARDIS door.
Loki turned his head towards the door and a small sad smile came to his face. There, with his back towards him was a regeneration of the Doctor he knew well.
The Doctor looked out beyond the front door as did a young red haired woman standing beside him in a nightgown.
"You must be Amy" Loki said to the echo. He had not met Amy Pond or Rory Williams, but he had met Rory's father Brian when the Doctor had taken the man travelling. The young Loki had even liked Brian Williams. He had been a simple man who loved his family and the only thing he ever truly craved was a decent cup of tea. Loki knew what had become of Rory and Amy, and a small part of him wondered if he should visit Brian and pay his respects – if he survived this.
"Now do you believe me?" the Doctor asked Amy.
"Okay, your box is a spaceship" Amy replied excitedly. "It's really, really a spaceship. We are in space! Whoo!"
Loki shook his head with a sardonic smile. "He has always been quite the ladies' man hasn't he?" He looked around the TARDIS again "are there any other girls you want to throw at me?"
The Doctor and the Amy disappeared. An apparition with short blonde hair and a blue coat appeared, seated on the top step of the console. She sat cleaning a set of pistols, and singing in a clear, sweet voice.
"I thought I heard the Old Man say
Leave her, Johnny, leave her
You can go ashore and take your pay
And it's time for us to leave her
Leave her, Johnny, leave her
Oh, leave her, Johnny, leave her
For the voyage is done and the winds do blow
And it's time for us to leave her"
Loki walked slowly towards the girl and knelt down in front of her. She was young, either a teenager or just barely an adult. Loki didn't need to guess who this was. He had already recognised the blue coat.
"Hello Eleanor" he said.
"I'll thank you to put those guns away please Miss Bennet" a voice from the console called. Loki looked up and was surprised not to recognise the Doctor. He had a gentle face and a mass of soft brown curls atop his head. He wore a waistcoat, laced up knee high boots and a long green jacket. A scarf was tied around his neck.
"You knew the Doctor before I did?" Loki asked Nell's echo with surprise.
In response Nell aimed her gun in front of her. Incidentally it was pointed at Loki's face, although she couldn't have known that.
"I'll not have guns on my ship Miss Bennet" the Doctor told her, a little more sternly this time.
Nell rose from her seat and turned around "this gun saved your life" she said waving the gun in her left hand as she replaced the other in its holster.
"You saved my life" the Doctor said pointedly, "with good aim and a very lucky shot. The weak point in a Sontaran's neck is an extremely difficult target, so I applaud your marksmanship. Nevertheless, in the wrong hands, those weapons are monstrous things. Please, put them away".
Nell merely turned the pistol in her hands and gave the Doctor a cold humourless smile, "the wrong hands you say?"
"Yes" the Doctor said absently as he pressed buttons on the console, "now I'm taking you back to London. Hopefully you will remain far away from pirates and the hangman's noose. You are a bright girl Miss Bennet" he continued as he began to turn from the console to look at Nell, "I'm sure you have a bright fut-" the Doctor stared at the Nell's gun, which was now aimed at his head. "Ah".
The same cold humourless smile stayed on Nell's face as she aimed the gun.
"I saved your life Nell" the Doctor told her coolly, "I could have let those guards arrest you, but I didn't".
"And I saved you from those potato men" Nell replied evenly, not lowering the gun, "as far as I see it, we're square. Now I'm making a new arrangement, and if you agree to my terms, you'll get to live".
Loki stared, his mouth hanging open. He looked at Nell's face. He stared at her cold smile and her steely eyes. Who was this girl? This was what Nell had been when she had met the Doctor? The woman Loki knew was honourable and kind. Above all, she loved the Doctor and was fiercely loyal to him. Yet here she stood, pistol cocked and ready to kill him.
"I'm not going back to London" she told the Doctor, "I won't go crawling back there. And you're right; I can't stay in Nassau. I'd surely be for the rope".
The Doctor gazed at her impassively and said nothing.
Nell frowned at him, "this is the part where you ask me what my demands are".
"Not while you're pointing a gun at me I won't" the Doctor replied smoothly, "put it away and I'll be happy to negotiate with you".
Nell's aim stayed steady, but Loki could see the resolution in her eyes waver. She was wondering if she could trust the Doctor. The Doctor could see it too. "I am not your enemy" he told her kindly, "I promise".
Very slowly Nell lowered the gun and slid it back into its holster.
"Good" the Doctor said with a calm smile, "now you may tell me what it is you desire".
"You said you were from another world" Nell said to the Doctor, "far away in the stars".
The Doctor nodded.
"Well I'd like to see them".
"Them?" the Doctor looked puzzled.
"The stars" Nell explained, "the stars and the worlds out there. I went to sea to explore new worlds. See amazing sights. What could be more amazing than travelling through the stars?"
The Doctor looked at the thoughtfully for a while and then slowly a warm smile spread across his face, "what indeed?" he said with a laugh, "by the way, did you know I can travel through time as well?"
Loki turned to the Doctor and smiled jeeringly "so she is one of your successes is she? Is that why you chose her to be my keeper?"
The Doctor did not answer. He turned to smoke and vanished, as did Nell.
Loki looked around the TARDIS with an expectant smile. He wondered what little story it would show to him next.
"Well then Loki" he heard a cheerful voice say, "Seeing as this is your very first trip in the TARDIS is there anywhere special you would like to go?"
The colour drained from Loki's face. "Oh no" he whispered, "please no".
Slowly he turned to look at the dark haired boy. The child's face was alight with joy and excitement. "I don't know" he gushed, "anywhere".
The Doctor, in his familiar brown pinstripe suit, gave the young Loki a broad smile. "Anywhere and everywhere" he said, "that sounds fantastic". He pressed several buttons on the console and pulled a lever. The TARDIS core began to pulse, whir and groan. It was only then that the adult Loki realized the debris had vanished, and the TARDIS seemed repaired.
Curious, Loki walked over to part of the console he knew had been missing when he initially walked into the TARDIS. He brought his hand down and it went through the console like mist. "More smoke and mirrors" he murmured.
Little Loki looked at the TARDIS core in wonder. "Can I fly it?" he asked the Doctor. The Doctor gave Loki a horrified look "it? It?!" He patted the TARDIS console, "don't listen to him old girl, you know what Asgardians are like". Little Loki giggled into his sleeve.
"No you can't fly her" the Doctor said firmly and then his expression softened, "perhaps when you're older". Little Loki's eyes lit up "you mean you'll come back again?" The Doctor grinned. "Of course I will. It was never going to be just one trip" he told the boy, "trust me, it never is".
Loki looked at the boy with his sweet face and shining, innocent eyes. He felt his hands clenching into fists of rage. He whirled around and faced the Doctor who still stood smiling at his younger self.
"Liar!" He spat at Doctor. "You made me believe you'd always come back for me! You made believe that you cared for me, that I meant something to you! But it was all lies!"
Loki watched as the smiling Time Lord disappeared, he didn't have to turn around to know that his younger self would have vanished too. Turning his head to side, Loki saw the Doctor's next regeneration with his ridiculous bow tie approach the console, a cup of tea in hand.
Loki looked around the TARDIS, this time the Doctor was alone. The phone on the console began to ring. The Doctor walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?" He listened to the person on the other end and beamed "Thor is it? How'd you get this number? Has your brother got himself into trouble?"
Loki watched the Doctor as he listened to Thor. He watched the smile fade and the eyes glaze over. He watched the cup fall from the Doctor's hand and smash on the floor. The phone receiver slipped out of his other hand as his grip went limp. The Doctor swayed slightly and placed a hand on the console to steady himself. He stared blankly ahead, numb with shock.
Loki could hear the sound of Thor's voice coming from the receiver but couldn't make out the words. He didn't need to. He knew that Doctor had just been told that he, Loki, had fallen into the abyss between worlds and was presumed dead.
"This means nothing!" Loki called out, "grief and regret. He has always been in a constant state of grief and regret!"
Loki looked around the console room with an impatient glare. "I know you can hear me! This little show is for my benefit isn't it? You were just trying to unnerve me at first weren't you? But now you're trying to teach me a lesson. Trying to show me how wonderful he is and how ungrateful I am?"
Loki gestured to the grieving Doctor "you'll have to do better than this. Go on" he challenged the TARDIS with a sneer, "show me how much he truly cares".
The Doctor faded and the air was filled with a blood curdling screams. Loki turned to the direction of the screaming and gasped. There he was, strapped into the Doctor's machine, being turned into a human. The screams were his own.
"Enough!" Loki barked at the TARDIS, "I do not need to see this. I remember it, every agonizing moment!"
"Aaaahh!" The past Loki screamed as if to emphasize the present Loki's point. He glared at the Doctor with unbridled rage and hatred "this is not finished" he hissed through gritted teeth, "I will make you suffer. I will hunt down every one of your little human pets and eviscerate them! Then I'll turn your precious Gallifrey to ash! You'll beg me for death when I'm done with you!"
"Perhaps" said the Doctor impassively, "but I'm hoping you'll change your mind about that. I'm hoping that you're a good man".
The Doctor turned away and busied himself at the console. From where he was standing, the present Loki could see the pain and anguish on the Time Lord's face but he barely registered it. Instead he stared in horror at his own face, twisted and snarling in vile hatred. He had never seen his face like that before, and the sight left Loki reeling. His heart was racing and he could barely breathe. "Stop" he begged more than ordered the TARDIS. "Stop it now!"
Past Loki was thrashing in his restraints. "I am not a man, I am a God!" He screamed.
The present Loki squeezed his eyes shut "stop!" A thought suddenly hit him and his eyes flew open. "The crash!" he exclaimed, "show me the crash! No wait, show me the moments before it".
He watched as his past self continued to thrash and scream in pain. "Please" he whispered.
And suddenly the screaming stopped dead. The Doctor and the past Loki vanished, in their place a newer version of Loki appeared, grinning menacingly. The present Loki turned and looked behind him. There stood Nell in the same blue coat he had seen he wear earlier, but she was older and pale faced. "Where's the Doctor?"
Loki didn't bother to listen to his response. Instead he dashed to the console and skirted round it quickly until he found a screen displaying the data he was looking for. Few but the Doctor could have understood the code populating the screen. Fortunately Loki was one of those few. Across the console room he could hear Nell speak "are you going to kill me?"
"Oh don't be so predictable" he could hear himself reply.
There!
Loki gave a sharp cry as he looked at the console screen. There it was!
His eyes widened "that can't be!" A wailing alarm began to sound. For a moment he thought it was an echo of the explosion, but then an acrid burning smell filled his nostrils. What was left of the TARDIS operating system was overloading.
Sparks flew from the console. Loki shielded his eyes and with a gasp he bolted for the door, grabbing blindly for the handle. Finally he found it and yanked the door open. Immediately he smacked into the cupboard door that he had forgotten was there. With trembling hands he opened the cupboard door and staggered through. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Breathing heavily he closed his eyes, and quietly appreciated the fact that he was still alive.
"Bloody hell! You were in the TARDIS this whole time?!"
Slowly Loki opened his eyes. In the middle of the training room, which was now well lit, stood an amazed Nell and equally amazed Jenny. They both had wooden staffs in their hands and appeared to have been sparring.
Nell turned to Jenny. "Maybe we should let Madame Vastra know that our prodigal err... 'God' has returned?"
Jenny nodded. She looked at Loki reproachfully as she left "you must have nine lives Sir".
Nell watched Jenny walk away. "Damn it, I just lost 5 quid. Madame Vastra said you'd probably gotten into the TARDIS but I thought you'd run off".
She scowled at Loki "you are a complete and utter idiot, do you know that?"
Her scowl faded when she saw Loki's ashen face. He was staring into space and did not appear to have heard anything she had said. "Loki?" She asked moving towards him and reaching out to touch his arm "are you OK?"
Loki gave a startled yell as Nell touched his arm, his hand shot out and grasped her shoulder so tightly it hurt. "Ow! Loki!" Nell yelled indignantly.
"You're real" Loki murmured in a confused voice as he stared at her arm. He raised his eyes and met her gaze "Eleanor" he said sounding almost relieved.
Loki frowned recalling what she had said earlier. "The whole time? How long was I in there?"
Nell shrugged her shoulder to make Loki release his grip. "Three days, thereabouts" she told him and looked at his surprised expression. "How long did it feel to you?" "No more than an hour" Loki mused, "the TARDIS is extremely unstable".
"You don't say?" Nell said sarcastically, "Because I thought that when Madame Vastra told us that the TARDIS was too unstable to enter, she just joking about. Did you at least find out what caused the crash?"
Loki gave her an acidic look and said nothing.
Nell frowned. "Are you sure you're OK?"
"Yes I'm fine" Loki replied quietly. He studied Nell's worried expression and thought about the girl he had seen in the TARDIS.
Nell had changed in many ways since then, yet he could see that hints of that girl still remained. The wild fury that burned in her eyes when he angered her, the cool logic she had employed when she had doubled crossed her own people to ensure his escape, the way she had once held a blade to 'Alex's' throat...
"Tell me Eleanor" Loki asked quietly, "what do you think your life would have been if you had not met the Doctor".
Nell leaned on the wooden staff as though it were a walking stick and gave Loki a side long glance. "Shorter, Loki" she said flatly, "much shorter".
Nell began to ask Loki why he wanted to know this but was interrupted by Madame Vastra entering the room. "Well, well. Not dead then?" She addressed Loki. "How nice. Strax will be serving dinner at six".