Chapter 27

"I want you out of my head."

Bruises and bloody marks faded, only a small trail of blood on sheets proved what happened between Loki and me. I had his blood and skin under nails while some of my hair Loki pulled out was around his fingers. I couldn't look at him, and it wasn't due to shame or regret. My eyes were on the ceiling, but not looking at Loki didn't help me with ignoring his naked body in bed to mine. Shallow desires have taken over us and whatever this between us was, it was fragile. I deemed him important to me and I believed it wholeheartedly that he wouldn't lay with me without caring for me.

The silence between us was putting me off. My night with him certainly wasn't act of love, not from my side and not from his. I had trouble understanding if feelings like that are allowed. My heart and head didn't work together in the past, and they will never even now when my head is in charge rather than heart. There is no scenario in which I don't get hurt. I wish for simple things, but I need great things. The pulsating blue in my chest wants to rip me apart. Stones need to be united, only if I collect them all before Thanos, only then will I be safe. That mission is far more important than screwing Loki.

"Out of my head, thoughts and out of my bed."

"Are you kicking me out?"

"For now I am asking you, but I won't hesitate to show you the doors."

"Isabella-…"

"It is Lady Swan for you."

Feelings are useless. And so is the man I have them for. Loki won't kill me, he is weak under my blackmail, but his debonair will. I cannot have peace, settle down by his side with this knowledge. Months passed in silence, but I know Thanos lurks. He is heading my way, I feel the rest of the stones moving across the universe to meet at one place. When Thanos comes, I won't run because if I run from Asgard then I will spend the rest of my mortal life running. Thanos needs to be eliminated, going against him is like courting death, and sweet irony is strong here.

"You used me."

"Did I?" He wasn't protesting earlier, he seemed to enjoy himself. "How does it feel?"

"Do you find this humorous?" A little. "Tricking a trickster?"

"This is not a trick, Loki… I think of it as of motivation."

"Motivation for what?"

"Don't sound so angry, I am breaking more than your heart here. Do not think I am doing this for selfish reason… Well, maybe, or indeed I am doing this for very selfish reasons, but what can one do? It is-…"

"It is time you tell me why I am getting kicked out of my own bed."

"This is my bed, Dearest King. The previous owner is dead." Details, details. "You will let me go and not interfere with my plans. Only after I win a race to death, will I seek you out."

"Don't speak in riddles."

"I give you up."

Whispering sweet things on the pillow… One can only dream. It was never my plan to cuddle with Loki and I need to be clever about this. Pulling away and standing before equally naked Loki seemed like a prelude to something, but it was the end. What is true about us, is that we will hurt each other one way or another. Sadly, we cannot protect each other from darkness coming our way. Each of us got seduced by darkness, we are hungry for power and it will never be enough. I don't want to be vulnerable and overruled, I want to be in charge.

"What gives you right to decide for me?"

"I am not deciding for you. But I could."

"You can't walk straight, how can somebody like-..."

"Like me? You mean mortal who holds more power than you can dream of?"

Be the god, be the most powerful creature that walks across the universe, but no one can duel the power of infinity stones. I have one and at times I am sure that it is killing me, but I realized the real power comes with sacrifices. You lose yourself, your beliefs and innocence. Thankfully, what you get in return is to suit all needs. May the tyrants be tyrants and oppressed oppressed, but in this story I am the tyrant facing another. Loki doesn't fit the category, so it is better he is kept away.

"Stop this madness Isabella... Whatever got in your head-..." I interrupted him again.

"But you've been in my head. Is your belief wrong?" His face, total joke. ". We lack time to bother with confusion. What happened here means nothing."

Lie, lie, better. That is what my mind yells at me. Even if I could speak freely, I still wouldn't admit that this could change everything between us. But I cannot have this now. Loki is my motivation, small glimpse what I will have after the defeat of Thanos. While I do not regret being with Loki, I worry that our feelings could bring us doom. Thanos will use everything he can against us. I am only needed for the stone, but Loki on the other hand is awaiting his punishment. I don't want to find myself in a situation where Loki's life will depend on me. I've become selfish, I fear that I will pick saving my life after his.

"Agree to my terms."

"I do what I want."

"Then I will make you."

Happy holidays.

27/30