Clarke swallowed nervously. For a moment, with the children there, she had been ok. Seeing their joy had distracted her from the situation she was in. Now, looking at the Commander toy with a dagger, everything came back to her in a rush. Her mind raced. Shit. What should I say? Am I supposed to bow, kneel, fake a curtesy, or what? Do I speak first or am I supposed to wait for her? Crap. Did she just look at me? I think she just looked at me. Is that a cue for me to talk first? Should I? Clarke bit at her lip indecisively. What's the protocol for this anyway? Am I supposed to refer to her as sir, or ma'am? Dammit. Why couldn't they have taught us something useful instead of calculus?!

She took in a breath, then hesitated. The breath alone had been enough to catch the Commanders full attention. Even across the room Clarke felt captivated by her gaze. She's beautiful. There was something about the Commander that drew her in, that made her want to confide in her, want to trust her. Keep it together Clarke.

She pressed on, through her nervousness. "Why did you stop me?" Crap. She had intended to thank the woman for her hospitality, but her eyes... It was impossible for Clarke to hide anything from them. They pulled the truth from her very soul.

The Commander looked back to her dagger, as though the question was of no concern to her. "If your words proved true my people would be indebted to you. You cannot pay what is owed to the dead, all you can do is live for them." She sheathed the dagger and looked back at Clarke. "If I had allowed you to die Sky Girl, after you had let yourself be captured in order to save them, they would have owed you a Lifedept. I will not allow for our children to bear that burden. Especially not for an Outsider."

"Oh." Clarke said softly. I should have known. She thought, remembering the guards words from earlier. Still, the words stung. When the Commander had given her the bandage, she thought she had seen just a hint of compassion in her eyes. A glimmer of concern for her alone, not as a leader but as a person. That she had been mistaken was a bitter pill to swallow. She pushed it aside and pushed herself aside too, summoning her leader persona to handle the conversation instead. Leader Clarke was strong, confident, practical, and her stance reflected it, it was their in the subtle straightening of her back and shoulders. "Thank you by the way, for letting me see them. I was worried." She said, hoping to continue the conversation on better terms. "Did you find their caretaker?"

"Part of her." The Commander replied grimly. "They had been tracked by predators, man eaters. It was lucky that the fog came when it did, else they'd have been eaten too."

Clarke grimaced, remembering the panther she had encountered on their second day on the ground. "Why were they so far from their village?" She asked.

"Are you familiar with the red water leaves? The ones that fight infection?"

Clarke nodded.

"The waters close to the village have been over harvested, as a result they had to travel farther out than usual to get more. It was fortunate for them that you were close." She rose from her chair, walking over to Clarke with purpose. She stopped a pace before Clarke, tilting her head. "And you? What were you doing there, and why were you alone? I thought Sky People always travelled in groups."

Clarke flushed, remembering. "I went for a walk." She said, carefully not making eye contact. It was the truth, she had gone for a walk. The fact that the walk had followed a panicked dash through the woods didn't matter.

The Commander quirked an eyebrow. "A walk." She echoed dryly, clearly not believing her.

"Yeah. A walk." Clarke insisted, nodding firmly.

"Alone."

"Uh-huh."

"Unarmed."

Clarke flushed at the reminder. She had been armed, until she panicked. "I... Uh... Forgot?"

"Riiight." She drawled.

Clarke did a mental double take. The sarcasm was a match for her former guards. She ignored it, playing the role of the ditzy blonde as she parroted the word. "Right. I saw the kids, heard the horn, got them to shelter, patched their boo boos, gave them some food, and walked off to find some Grounders hoping I wouldn't get killed. The rest, you know."

Clarke wasn't sure exactly what happened after that. One moment she was standing under her own power, the next her back was to a pole and she was standing on the toes of her good foot, the Commander pressed against her, dagger held to her throat. Clarke gasped, the fierceness in the Commanders eyes at that moment frightened her more than anything she had encountered so far. Leader Clarke shattered, leaving herself fully exposed to her gaze.

"Don't play games with me Clarke. Tell me, what were you doing there alone? Speak true! I will know if you lie." The Commander ordered.

Clarke swallowed, hoping to moisten a throat dry from fear. Those eyes, inches from her own, pierced her to her core. As though the Commander could see to her very soul. Maybe she could. "It's not... Important..." She gasped.

"I will judge what is important or not. Speak." Unyeilding.

"Please..." Clarke begged. She would never respect me if she knew.

The Commander just stared, impassive. A slight increase in pressure from the dagger at her throat the only indication that she had heard. Clarke bit her lip. Closing her eyes, she tried one last time to sway the Commanders mind. "It doesn't matter." She whispered.

The dagger slid. Not much, just enough to draw blood. Just enough to give her an idea. Leader Clarke returned with the fierceness of a lion, protecting her weakness once again. She opened her eyes, giving the Commander a challenging look. "I thought you didn't want the children to have a Lifedebt? Let me go, or wash your hands in my blood. You choose."

The Commanders eyes narrowed. "Do you know what that means, Sky Girl? To have a Lifedebt?" She cocked her head. "No, of course you don't. A Lifedebt is a death sentence, Clarke. As blood demands blood, life must have life. If you were to die before the dept could be paid in full, the children would have to follow you into death so as to be able to pay the dept in the next life instead." Her voice softened, expression almost gentle as she searched Clarke's eyes. "Do you really want that? Do you want for me to slit their throats with the same blade pressed to yours? After all you did to save them?"

Of everything, it was the gentleness that did her in. Leader Clarke retreated, leaving herself exposed once more. "No... of course not. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

The Commander nodded, accepting this. "Well then?"

Crap. There's no way out of this is there? Clarke searched the Commanders eyes, looking for something, some hint of anything that would convince the woman to drop it. The gentleness had disappeared so quickly that she may well have imagined it, a figment created by her mind out of a naive desire to be cared for. A childish part of herself that had stubbornly refused to grow, despite everything that had happened on the ground. She sagged, closing her eyes in surrender as she confessed, exposing her weakness, her shame. "...I ran away."

The Commander blinked, not having expected that. "You ran away?"

Clarke would have nodded if she could. Instead she opened her eyes, glancing to the side so as to not see the Commanders face when she replied. "Yeah. I ran away. I'm a coward, ok? The group I was travelling with stopped for a meal. They had killed two rabbits, and when they started cooking the meat... The smell... I lost it. So I ran away."

The Commander considered this for a moment. "Roasted meat makes you ill?"

Clarke's eyes closed again. "It makes me remember. The memory makes me ill."

"Is that why you fed your two meals to the dog?"

Clarke's eyes flew open as she looked at the Commander, gobsmacked. "You know about that?!"

The Commander smirked. "Of course. We assumed that you were attempting to win him over for an escape attempt. It wouldn't have worked, but it would have been amusing to watch you try."

She stepped back, releasing Clarke, and moved back to her throne. Seated, she played with the dagger idly as she gazed at Clarke. "Your words proved true. The children are safe and well because of you. You can go free. However." Her gaze turned piercing. "I do not like being indebted to you, Clarke of the Sky People. Claim your reward."

Clarke's mouth opened, a request for an alliance on her lips, Mount Weather on her mind. The Commanders raised hand stopped her.

"This reward is for you alone, as you alone helped them. What is it that you want?"

Clarke closed her mouth. What do I want? She wondered. It had been so long since she had thought about herself that she didn't know. She thought about when they had first landed and everything was new. Her awe and happiness, how beautiful it all was. Then she remembered the spear sticking out of Jasper. No... I can never go back to that. The worlds beauty was tainted by danger, no matter how much she wanted it she could never be free like that again.

She remembered her friendship with Wells, and the child who ended it. A child who later died because of her, taking the part of her that longed for friendship with her. A part of herself had died that day, and there was no going back.

Her mind flashed to when she had made love to Finn. A distraction. She remember the villagers that had been slain, the gun in Finn's hands, and shoved the memory away ruthlessly. A breeze passed through a part in the tent, bringing the smell of roasting meat with it. She shuddered, her stomach rolling as another memory came in like a wave. Was she really in any position to judge Finn? She shoved that memory away too, and the unwanted question that had come with it. Finally she looked up at the Commander.

"Nothing. I want nothing."

She turned to leave.

The Commanders voice stopped her.

"Everyone wants something."

Clarke froze. Even the Commanders voice drew her in, made her want to bear her soul. I can't. "Not me."