Missing You
Daryl was on the road early Saturday morning. Visiting hours were from ten o'clock until two and he always made sure that he was through security by ten. That way he could spend as much time with Merle as possible. He missed his asshole brother.
He stretched a little in the seat. They had worked late last night. Rick and Andrea had come over to help. He and Rick had finished putting up the last of the drywall. Carol and Andrea had followed taping and mudding the walls. Rick had brought over a bottle of whiskey and the four of them had sat on the floor and drank a Dixie cup of whiskey. That and exhaustion had made Carol giggly. It wasn't even a whole cup either. Like a half of the cup.
She wasn't the only one either. Andrea decided that they all had to say what they were celebrating before they took a drink. Apparently Andrea had to have a reason to get hammered on Friday night. Andrea held her cup up, "I'm celebrating being almost out of law school."
Rick had smiled at her, "I'm celebrating being married to someone who is almost out of law school and because that someone is Andrea." He positioned his cup a little higher and leaned over and kissed Blondie. There you go, Rick. Making it all how damn happy you are that you met Andrea after the disaster of your first marriage. What the fuck am I going to say?
Carol hoisted her cup high, "I celebrating that the drywall is finished, that I wake up every morning knowing that I am working toward something and not running from it, and most of all that I have friends like you in my life." She glanced at me when she said that. Is that what we are now? Friends?
Give it a go. Daryl held his cup high, "I'm celebrating there isn't any dry wall left to put up tonight, that tomorrow I'm going to go visit my asshole brother, and that last Saturday Ms. Frosty and Sophia moved in next door. Now all my empty hours are filled with work and more work." Everybody laughed and took a sip. She's not used to whiskey. She choked a little on a sip.
The drive seemed longer this morning. Carol hadn't been up this morning before he left and he had planned to tease her a little. He peeked into the refrigerator and was amazed again at how much food was now in there. Paper bag with his name on it. She must have put it in there while he was taking a shower last night. She had been so damn cute. Not drunk because he had never found a drunken woman attractive. She had drank just enough to loosen up a little. She and Andrea were both silly. Laughing at each other's jokes and teasing him and Rick. Carol had been all snarky and funny and he had laughed out loud a couple of times.
Daryl slowed down as he entered a small town. The cops in this town must be getting a kickback for every speeding ticket and he had never been through this town without seeing two or three cars pulled off. The light turned red and as he stopped he noticed that the corner store window display was mission style lamps and ceiling lights. Some cornball had put a sign up, "Our Mission is to bring you light." Carol wanted some lights like that to put in the kitchen. The store was open until five and he decided to stop on the way back.
Merle was waiting for him in the outdoor reception area. Daryl felt that pang he always did that Merle was trapped in this place, unable to be outside enjoying spring in Georgia. They were allowed by the state of Georgia and by their Dixon Code of Behavior one hug. Just one and then they sat down in some seats that faced the morning sun.
Merle stared at him and leaned over and sniffed him. His brother sat back in his seat and grinned, "You gotcha a woman."
It was useless to argue but Daryl tried to set the record straight even if he wasn't quite sure what the truth was anymore. "I don't have no woman."
"Clean clothes, clothes that were washed with fabric softeners, your nails are clean and trimmed, your hair isn't in your eyes, and there is the smell of a woman about you. It smells good, light and airy like a spring breeze through a peach orchard." Merle smirked at him, "What's her name?"
Game over. "Her name is Carol and she ain't mine. We're roommates." Daryl went on to describe how it came to be that a Dixon was platonically cohabitating with a woman.
"You're telling me that you are living in a house with Miss Peach Blossom and you ain't nailing her. You ain't even trying? What does she smell like to you? She ugly?" Merle always cut to the chase.
"Not peach blossoms. More citrusy? Can't describe it. She smells like Carol and I like the way she smells. It don't matter how she smells. She's too good for my sorry ass. She's pretty. Got some gray hair but she is my age. Blue eyes and she's smart." Shut your damn mouth, Daryl. You are talking too fucking much. Merle is going to make this all about sex and satisfying itches. He don't know Carol. He don't know how she makes you feel when she thanks you for helping her. He don't know how sweet she is with Sophia. Or how she makes you laugh when she and Andrea get together. He don't know her.
"Maybe she isn't too good for you. Maybe she likes your sorry ass. Maybe you ought not to be such a damn pussy and let her know that you think she is pretty. Women like to know that their man thinks they are pretty." Merle should be giving him a list of ways to fuck Carol. Merle telling me to show Carol that I think she is pretty is just so wrong.
"I'm not her man. We're friends." Okay, maybe I wasn't thinking of being her friend last night in the shower.
"A friend that you want to fuck. I see that look in your eyes when you talk about her. She's got you by the balls so you might as well give her the rest of your junk." Well, that sounded like the old Merle. Maybe they could stage an intervention and bring him back to normal. Which was not normal. Twisted and crude was normal for Merle.
Merle was enjoying this. Once he got an idea in his head there was no talking him out of it. Daryl gave it one more shot, "Carol is my partner. We're going to fix up these two house and then we are both selling them for as much as we can get. She wants to buy a little farm and live in the country. I am taking my money and buying us some land in the mountains. We'll build a cabin and we'll be able to hunt and fish as much as we want."
"That sounds awful good to me right now. I'm just finishing my third month of the drug rehab program. Got three more months to go. Father Gabriel runs it; he don't know shit from shinola about being a junkie but he tells the truth. I either quit all drugs and get straight or waste the rest of my life." He stood up and stretched and Daryl knew that Merle was struggling to find the words which was weird because usually there was a constant river of words pouring out of his brother. Merle's not conning me. He is struggling to be truthful. That don't come easy with Merle.
Merle leaned on the concrete block wall that kept him from seeing the world outside this place, "I hate it here. It's all men and the man smell gets so strong that it makes me want to puke. It smells of body odor, cheap soap and shampoo, dirt, shit, piss, and too many men pushed too close together, but mostly its fear and desperation that I smell. I never want to smell a man again as long as I live."
"I'm going to do what I need to do to get out of here. I can't be the way I was. Can't pick up women in bars when I have the itch. Can't be around alcohol but I ain't giving up women. Just want to find a woman who smells right to me. Treats me right and demands that I treat her the same way. We ain't him you know. You ain't going to hurt Carol. It ain't in you to hurt her except how you might hurt her by not being her man."
"I've spent a lifetime running from him. Father Gabriel says that I have to forgive him and move on. That all this fear and hatred have poisoned my life. I don't have to like him, or love him, or any of that shit. I just got to recognize that something poisoned him and made him a monster. Forgiveness just means that I ain't spending the rest of my life accusing him of what he has already done. What he did to us can't be undone, but the energy I spend hating him doesn't get me anywhere I want to be. I just need to let it go." Merle sat back down.
"Have you forgiven him?" Daryl was pissed off at Merle. Hating their father was part of their bond.
"I'm working on it. It ain't like it happens all at once. Just a piece at a time. I haven't had a nightmare about him for a while. Now tell me about your job."
Merle wanted to know about his life. The time passed quickly and Daryl hugged Merle goodbye, "See you next month. I miss you, Merle."
"Bring Carol and her little girl. Be good to see something pretty for a change. You all get busy on those houses. I might get out of here early. Good behavior, you know." Don't be sniffing around Carol. I don't care if you have been in prison for a year.
Daryl thought about Merle getting out of anywhere for good behavior. That never happened. His brother was up to something. Merle pretending to buy into drug rehab to get out made sense, but Merle wouldn't bother to lie about it to him. It worried him. What was Merle going to do that would persuade the Georgia prison system to let him out early? "
He didn't forget to stop at the "Our Mission" store. Carol was always looking at those lights in magazines and pricing them online. Maybe he could find something here and if she didn't like it he would use it in his house. I don't have to buy anything. Just want to tell Carol what they have in here.
The store owner was a guy about his age who introduced himself as John and shook his hand. His hands were calloused too and that put Daryl at ease. The store was larger inside than Daryl had thought It was and he could see that half the store was lamps and the other was ceiling lights. Daryl assured the owner that he was "Just looking". He wandered down the lamp side. This stuff was handmade and it was expensive. Daryl picked out ceiling lights for the kitchen and one that he really liked to go over the dining room table. He winced at the price but these lights were the right colors and the right style. They were ready to paint the kitchen and the dining room. It was time to put the lighting in.
John approved his choices, "I designed those lights to go together. I have two wall sconces that go with them and if you'll buy these I'll throw them in. Hell, they spent their whole life together. Don't want to break them up now."
Daryl found himself smiling, "Thank you. We're renovating a house and we'll have to do some rewiring to put in the sconces. Carol is gonna love them." Her eyes are going to light up like a damn Christmas tree.
"Happy wife, a happy life". John was wrapping everything in heavy paper so that it wouldn't break on the way home. Daryl didn't even bother to tell him that Carol wasn't his wife. I just like making her happy. I don't have to have a claim on her for that. It's America. I get to do shit because I want to.
The drive home seemed long today. Daryl decided to stop and fill up the truck, maybe get a coke. He pulled into a gas station and began filling up. There was a guy standing by a minivan on the other side of the pumps. Baby in the car seat. A woman holding a little girl's hand came out of the station and smiled at the man, "Go ahead. I'll just get Callie in her car seat."
Mr. Minivan smiled back, "I'll just be a minute." The woman put the little girl in her car seat and checked on the baby who had slept through it all. Mr. Minivan came back and held his wife's door when she got in. Then, he came around and got in and they drove off.
Daryl realized that he was standing there like some kind of an idiot holding onto the gas nozzle. The pump had clicked off and he was still standing there watching some strangers. I miss Carol. I've been missing her all day. I want to talk to her and tell her about Merle and I want to go to that store with her. Maybe I want to hold her door when she gets in my truck and I want her to smile at me like that woman smiled at that man. Like she is damn happy to see him even if she saw him five minutes ago.
Carol's van was in her driveway when he got home. He didn't see Aaron's vehicle and he was glad. I don't want them to see the lights before we them up. I don't need their approval. I know these are lights are going to be perfect.
He parked in his driveway but started over to the other house. The bags of trash were gone and that meant Aaron had picked them up. Carol opened the kitchen door and smiled at him. Been waiting for that all day and I wish I had the nerve to hug her. Take a big ole whiff of her smell.
"How was your trip? Your brother doing okay?" Carol was wearing a long sleeved blue t shirt and he wanted to rub his face into the soft cotton of her shirt. Would you mind if I just drooled on you for a bit?
"Long drive. Merle is doing good which makes me kinda nervous. He don't do good for very long."
She smiled at that. "You hungry? Dinner is ready at the other house."
"I'm starved. Where's Sophia?"
"She's helping me." She stepped back in the house and called for Sophia.
He waited until all three of them were trooping toward dinner. "Got something for the house today". I got it for you. 'Cause you and Sophia do more than fill up my empty hours. Makes me happy to see you even if I just saw you five minutes ago.
She waited by the truck as he unwrapped the dining room light. He handed it to her and she held it up to get a better look. Her face was solemn and she looked at the light from every angle, "It's beautiful and it is perfect for the dining room." She looked at him like she wanted to hug him but tears came into her eyes instead. "Daryl Dixon, you amaze me." He unwrapped the kitchen ceiling lights and last the two sconces. You can hug me anytime. I won't put up much of a fight. I'll come along peaceful.
Carol was still wiping away tears when she saw the two sconces and he knew exactly what she was going to say, "We're going to have to run some wire in the dining room."
Nothing would do but that they would have to take the new lights into her house right now. Sophia went on to the other house to wash up for dinner. Wall sconces don't rock her pre-teen world. Or maybe she is letting me have all of Carol's attention right now.
"I know this was expensive and I will write you a check this evening. Where did you get them?" The woman was almost babbling. She's out of her comfort zone. Carol said, "Daryl Dixon, you amaze me." Oh, sweetheart, I would really like to amaze you right now but you aren't there yet. What was that Merle had said about forgiveness, "It ain't like it happens all at once. Just a piece at a time." Guess I have to let you get to that place where you want me to amaze you.
"I'm not taking a check from you. It was a gift. You have to feed me all the time. That was the deal and you don't get to weasel out. I'm hungry. How about we go eat dinner and then we can come back here and work on the wiring later?"
Carol touched the dining room light, "I am going to start looking for a dining room table and chairs." Of course you are. "Where did you buy the lights?"
He headed for the door, "Come on, I'll tell you about the place at supper. Maybe the next time you and Sophia could go with me? You would love this store."
He held the kitchen door open for her and he closed it behind her. She smiled at him and he felt his heart jump in his chest. This is what it feel like to love a woman.
AN
I do apologize for being all syrupy and not nearly snarky enough. The Muse didn't want to amuse on this chapter. She fought me tooth and nail (she plays dirty she does) and made me go all fluffy on this one. Even with Merle which is almost unforgiveable because Merle being all Zen is just so wrong. The Muse disagrees. She insists that Merle's has tough hide but a tender heart.
I always want to stretch out the time before I put the Carol and Daryl together but I never quite make the slow burn. Carol is going to take a little longer to get the memo. Maybe.
So Mission lights porn. I did restrain myself from describing the lights. But I do have a dining room table to think about.
Review? I do appreciate your feedback.