a/n: I do not own any rights to the Madonna song quoted below.
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you,
My heart will be broken.
Love is a bird
She needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen when your heart's not open
Frozen - Madonna - Ray of Light
This is what I need right now…
…I need him near me...
…close to me…
…to remind me...
Light's lips trailed up L's neck breathing deeply of the Alpha's scent, suddenly aware that it wasn't the same as what he'd smelled in his room. B's scent had been slightly different, like another faint sweet layer had been placed on top of L's familiar one. He just hadn't picked up on it at the time in his half-awakened state. Now that he was inhaling directly from the source, there was no comparison...he was home when he was in L's arms.
A small smile graced the brunette's features at that realization, as he nuzzled the detective's scent gland, eliciting a surprised sound from L. The younger man crawled into the other's lap before he could voice a protest, feeling safer and calmer as he drew physically closer to L and bathed in his pheromones.
No, B...you aren't going to drive us apart...all you did was make me appreciate the man in front of me even more. Light released a content sigh, languidly running his fingers through L's soft, untamed hair. He silently reveled in the quiet moan that escaped the other man's lips.
"Light..." The raven haired male's hands found themselves tentatively poised above the Omega's waist, appearing hesitant to touch him.
I'm going to erase every memory of your touch on my body…and in L's mind too, Beyond. I'm going to erase you completely. Light tried to ignore the flash of anger that ran through his mind. A rapid succession of ideas...a plan for revenge...his highly intelligent mind had it all worked out already. What I'm going to do…
He felt one of L's hands on his back, retrieving the Omega from his dark thoughts with a gentle touch. Later... The burning fires of retribution could wait, he could let them lay dormant for now.
"L...I want to take a bath...come with me." Light murmured, kissing the hollow at the base of the Alpha's neck. L's breath caught, his fingers tightening reflexively on the young man's back. Light stiffened, a sudden flashback hitting him of B's hands gliding down his back, then digging in.
Even as the brunette fought the fear away and began to relax again, L felt the tension in the other man's form and had already removed his hands completely.
No…don't be afraid to touch me…please…
"Light, you've been through so much tonight." He said quietly, shifting out from under the brunette on his lap, not meeting the other man's eyes. "Let me help you to the bath and then to bed, ok?" L's gaze finally locked with his again, and what Light saw there turned his stomach.
Pity, guilt, sorrow. It's like he's given up…does he not want this..me...anymore? Light stood abruptly, a wave of frustration and sadness roiling through him at L's reaction and seeming rejection when he needed him most, wanted comfort and closeness.
"I don't need any help." The younger man snapped, turning on his heel as L continued to sit on the couch with an expression of surprise evident on his face before he schooled it into his typical unreadable mask again.
"Whatever you need Light…" L murmured in reply.
"I wish you meant that." Light retorted as he reached the bedroom door, slamming it behind him quickly before L could see the tears that had begun to roll down his cheeks.
xxx
Oh Light… The detective's heart constricted as he watched the younger man go. I just don't want him to confuse me with Beyond, can't he understand that? I could feel his whole body go rigid when I touched him The raven haired male decided to give him some space for the moment and picked up his phone to call Watari and check in.
"How are the surveillance team members doing? Have they woken up yet?" L was still amazed to find that they were alive. Of course B's focus wasn't them, it was his little quickie attempt with Light, so maybe that's why he didn't troubled himself with killing them, could've drawn too much attention or taken too long.
"I just got off the phone with the hospital. They're still out. Whatever Beyond gave them was potent, probably something of his own creation. He always was brilliant when it came to chemistry and pharmacology." The older gentleman sighed. "He clearly didn't want to take a chance that they would wake up at an inopportune time."
L heard the sound of water running and noted that Light had in fact decided to take a bath after all. "No, Beyond was very thorough in his planning, wasn't he?" The bitterness seeped into his voice unbidden as he stood and began to pace the room. He rubbed his weary eyes and sighed.
"L…I know what you're doing right now and you can't let Beyond do this, make you feel like it's your fault this happened to Light." Watari's quiet voice of reason steadied him as the guilt threatened to bury him. "You are a victim in this as well and it is not your fault that you and the people you care about continue to be terrorized by this man."
"I know, I know…but god, Watari…when I think about what could've happened…"
"Have you watched the video yet to determine what exactly did happen?"
"I told him I wouldn't watch it if he didn't want me to…that I'd let him tell me in his own time, but I can tell he's afraid when I do certain things, touches or gestures." L let out a small growl of frustration. "I hope he opens up soon and shares what happened, what B did to him. It's terrible not knowing what I might do that could trigger a bad memory for Light. I feel like I need to be really careful around him until I know more about what actually happened tonight."
L bit hard on his thumb as considered the situation. "What Beyond truly underestimated was how much I care about him. No matter what B's done, it doesn't change anything for me…my feelings towards Light. I'm sure he was hoping for me to be absolutely revolted, and never want to be with Light again. B's a disgusting monster."
"I'm glad to hear that. Just be open and honest, let Light know you're there for him and allow him to set the pace on what he's willing to share with you about what happened and how much physical contact he's comfortable with. Trust that he knows what's best for him, until something happens to prove that's not the case. He is a very intelligent young man after all."
The older gentleman's common sense rang true in L's ears and he suddenly felt terrible for pushing Light away earlier, somewhat dismissing his need for physical closeness. He should've remembered that Omegas in particular benefit from close comfort after traumatic events. Everything had just been so overwhelming…
"Thank you Watari." The detective replied with heartfelt gratitude, already thinking about how he could try to make it up to Light after his bath.
"You're welcome L."
xxx
Shit, I left my bag out there. Light bit his lip, not really wanting to go back out to the living room after his dramatic exit. Stop being a little bitch and get your bag, Yagami. He ordered himself, grabbing the door handle of the bathroom and heading through the bedroom to go out to the living room. As he approached, he heard L talking to someone.
Who could he be talking to-
"…absolutely revolted, and never want to be with Light again. B's a disgusting monster." Light felt like he'd been punched in the gut as his hands flew to his mouth to quiet the cry that flew out of his mouth.
That's why he wouldn't…why he couldn't touch me. L thinks I'm… After everything else, it was all too much. He felt the bile rise in his throat and ran to the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet until there was nothing left.
Light eventually rose shakily from the cold tile and turned off the water on the bath. He moved in a daze, wiping off his face at the sink and flushing the evidence of his eavesdropping away.
He felt strangely numb at the moment as he went through the motions, exhausted as he was from a full day of school, going to work, what had happened with Beyond, then the latest horrible revelation of L's true feelings around tonight's events…
Light tried to focus on one thing at a time. Take off my shirt, take off my pants, socks…
Finally Light was undressed and slid into the hot bath, glassy eyed as he curled up into a ball in a corner of the massive tub, making sure to keep his neck above the water, so the bandage covering the bite stayed dry. It's nice and warm here, safe…I wish I could just float here forever. He leaned his head against the side of the tub and closed his eyes.
xxx
"Light…Light…wake up Light." He sleepily opened a half-lidded honey gaze to view L, who currently kneeled next to the bath with a smile on his face, looking at him with caring concern. "You fell asleep in the bath. I came to check on you when I realized you'd been in here for 45 minutes. You didn't answer when I called your name. I hope it's alright I came in to check on you."
L gently brushed some hair out of the young Omega's face, grazing a perfectly sculpted cheekbone with his thumb as he did. Light smiled back at him lazily, before recalling what he'd overheard earlier. His good humor swiftly grew as cold as the water that the brunette was now immersed in.
"Can you hand me a towel please." Light asked abruptly. L nodded and crossed the room to grab the requested item.
Why is he being so…if he doesn't want me anymore, why is acting like he cares? Light wondered irritably. Then it came to him.
Ah, it's because of the case…like he said from the beginning, I'm their best chance of catching Beyond. He glared daggers at L's back, his face returning to an unreadable facade as the other man turned back around and came over with the towel.
Fine, you know what? You think you're making the right choice pushing me away? I disgust you? Light fumed silently. You didn't even give me a chance to tell you what Beyond actually did like you said you would and you've already shut me out.
Light thought quickly in his anger, rashly. His pride driving him to determine how he could potentially get to the other man, hurt him or cause pain in some way. Alright, well I'm going to show you just what you'll be missing. Just how un-revolting I am.
I'll make you regret your choice to push me away. I'm fucking Kira, bitch. There are plenty of Alphas who would love to be with me. Even as he raged inside, a part of him knew that he was redirecting all of his feelings, to avoid being upset about what had happened with Beyond.
But if Light had a choice, he'd choose being angry or competitive over being sad or upset every time. This was no different than when he'd put all of his energy into fighting for guardianship of his sister and managing their lives after their parents died instead of letting himself feel the grief of their loss…the overwhelming anguish and hurt that had threatened to swallow him had to be shoved aside. By now, Light was a master of avoidance.
The brunette stood up and snatched the towel from L's hands, staring him straight in the eye as he stepped from the tub and began to dry off. He watched the Alpha's jaw drop open slightly as he viewed the dripping wet body before him and felt a smug sense of self satisfaction. The golden eyed young man took his time slowly patting down every toned limb as L continued to stand there dumbstruck and staring. As Light gave one last swipe across his chest with the towel, drawing attention to his nipples, he looked to L again, as if realizing he was still in the room.
"Is Watari here?" Light inquired off-handedly, watching in concealed amusement as L had to swallow hard and clear his throat before answering.
"No…" The detective's voice was rough as he shook his head, eyes wide. "Light, I-"
"Great." Light smiled and tossed the wet towel into L's arms before walking from the bathroom, naked as the day he was born to retrieve his bag from the living room. He noted the low, hungry growl that L let out as the older male got a delicious view of his entire backside when he strode away. It was a double edged sword for Light , however, as that sound made Light's gut clench with need. The young man quickly brushed it off, trying to ignore it as he continued on his way to the other room.
Upon finding his bag, the brunette took a deep breath. Well, anything worth doing is worth doing well. I better go for it if I'm going to teach him a lesson. At least that's what he told himself as he bent over to rummage through the bag.
He had to bite back a laugh the moment he knew the detective had entered the main room, when a pitiful groan emanated from near the bedroom door. Light was fully aware that the raven haired Alpha was getting a nice look at his perfect ass perched high in the air invitingly as he continued to search in the bag. The smooth slightly tanned skin of the supple globes was parted just enough as he bent over, so that L could see the younger man's tight little entrance.
Yeah…say goodbye to getting a piece of that. Light thought bitterly. Remember, L? You think I'm revolting…
Ha! Perfect… Light had been looking for boxers, but came upon a pair of black satin boy shorts he must have accidently grabbed along with them. He ignored the boxers, pulling out the silky panties instead and slipping them on, letting the elastic snap against his skin just a bit as they fell into place at his hips.
He picked up his bag and strode back towards the bedroom. He very deliberately ignored L, stepping around the man where he stood just a couple feet outside the room, looking like his brain had been fried by Light's display of nudity.
"Goodnight." Light murmured, sending out a pulse of his scent before closing the door behind him. The young man smirked to himself in the dim light of the room as he walked to the bed, tossing his bag on the dresser on the way. Still feel the same way L? Maybe you should've taken me up on my offer when you had the chance.
Light replayed the other man's reactions to his little 'show' in his head as he turned off the lamp and climbed into the cozy bed, pulling the soft fluffy comforter around him. The tired Omega felt like he was missing a crucial piece of the puzzle…something didn't seem right. The mixed signals of what he'd overheard L say versus how the man was acting were confusingly different. Maybe he's just a better liar than I realized. He thought sadly.
The young man began to pull the blankets tighter around him as he swiftly became aware of how quiet the room was. It's so dark…I can't see anything…I don't know what's in here…who could be in here. The heavy drapes blocked out any moonlight that would have peeked in to provide visibility.
All he could hear was his breathing and it sounded loud in the stillness, as his heart began to pound faster. Fear gripped him as he lay there, fear that somehow, someway, Beyond would get to him even there, in that room…
Light's breathing grew more and more ragged as his panic mounted. He began to imagine he heard the telltale shuffling sound that had signaled Beyond's arrival and woken him at his home. Although he was angry at L, his first instinct was still to find the Alpha, but the young man was paralyzed in terror as he lay there.
I can't move, why can't I move? Light tried to reach out to turn the lamp on, but his limbs wouldn't obey as he began to shake and curl in on himself further, his breathing more and more uneven. He let out a strangled whimper, his distressed pheromones flooding the room as he was finally overwhelmed.
"L…"
xxx
L walked in a daze to the sofa and sat down, the image of his very naked, very sexy Omega still vivid in his mind as leaned back and put his hands over his eyes, as if that would help dissipate the sight of the silky smooth skin, that long lean back, that ass…
The Alpha took his hand off his eyes and glanced down at his jeans, noticeably tented now. He groaned, but couldn't help smiling wryly. There could be worse problems to have than getting turned on by seeing your incredibly hot lover walking around the apartment in the nude I suppose.
The raven haired male's happy expression faded as he thought about it further. What was the point of that display? I got the distinct impression that he was mad at me for something…it couldn't just be about not taking a bath with him, could it? L ran his thumb across his bottom lip thoughtfully. No, this is something el-
L bristled, eye's widening as he caught the younger man's distressed scent coming from their room. Light… He immediately jumped up and ran to the dark bedroom. Upon entering, he heard panicked breaths coming from under the blankets.
"L…" Light gasped out in a soft whimper.
"I'm here, it's ok." L turned on one of the bedside lamps before climbing under the covers and drawing close to the shaking Omega, wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him flush to his body. "Shhh…it's alright…" He began to croon, the calming sound enveloped the young man in his embrace.
"It was dark…and I heard things…and I thought for a second…" Light tried to speak in between labored breaths as he slowly began to calm.
"Light, you're safe here, ok?" L reassured him, resuming his crooning until the brunette's breathing evened out and his body further relaxed.
"Please stay, just for a little while…I know you don't want to be with me anymore, but I can't be alone right now." Light whispered pleadingly in the quiet of the room.
"Light, what are you..? Where did you get that idea? Of course I still want to be with you." L replied, his voice laced with confusion as he placed a soft kiss on the younger man's shoulder.
"B-but I heard you saying I was revolting and you didn't want to be with me." Light's words came out in a rush, his body curling inward as if it literally hurt him to repeat them.
"Oh god, Light, no…You only heard part of the conversation. I can't imagine what that sounded like out of context." His arm tightened around the young man's waist, wanting to hold him even closer if possible. Imagining what Light must have been feeling upon hearing those words broke his heart.
"I was telling Watari that although I'm sure that's what B was hoping would occur, he had greatly underestimated how much I care about you." L nuzzled the nape of Light's neck and breathed him in, the Omega sighed contentedly at the show of affection. "Because no matter what B does, it could never change anything for me…what I feel for you." The brunette shifted and turned in his arms to face him.
"Show me..." Light's eyes glowed deep burnished gold in the dim room. "I want the only touch I can remember and scent that covers my body to be yours." The young man ran a hand through L's hair. The Alpha closed his eyes, losing himself in the feeling of Light's fingers carding through the raven strands.
"Remember what you told me that day, L…" Light murmured.
"…if I belong to you…
…then you'll belong to me…"
"Yes." L replied with a smile, opening his eyes to gaze at the other man. Always.
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