CHAPTER 9

The two just ended up stopping at a small cafe across the street from the Fox and Goblin. It was a simple shop that was run by a cheerful family that came from India ten or so years ago.

Kiku was a quiet, respectful man, and wouldn't have ever come across as a member of one of the most powerful Mafias in the world. "I was with my fiancé at the times of Brackwater-san and Forester-san's deaths." Kiku finally said. "My chichi, Yao-san, and my ani's and imouto can vouch for me."

"I figured you wouldn't be involved with the murders." She nodded. "Feliciano's important to you. You've known the twins for as long as you can remember. Why would you want to kill him? Especially when Lovino could rip your ass into shreds in a matter of minutes."

Kiku didn't seem offended. Not openly, at least. "Hai. I was in America with my fiancée." He continued, "So, I'm herpress in that respect. "However," a dangerous gleam appeared in his smoldered brown eyes. "I wirr herp you find that yarou who dared to threaten my nakama."

Alice restrained a smirk. "Well, you could start with telling me the address of Elizabeta and Vash."

"Erizabeta rives in an apartment comprex in sussex, and Vash rives in a high-crass mansion in the middre of Rondon." Kiku started to write the addresses on a napkin. "But it is unrikery that it was Erizabeta. She practicarry raised Fericiano and Rovino, she's rike their haha or ane." He slipped her the piece of cloth.

"And Vash?"

Kiku frowned. "He's anti-sociar, grumpy and no one rearry knows him. He gets the job done, no questions asked or any sympathy for his targets or their famiry's. That's why he made it so high in Rovino's ranks. I don't know him very werr."

Alice frowned. All right, then. "Did either of them come to the Fox and Goblin often?"

"Erizabeta has never been to the pub, before. She doesn't rearry reave Sussex." Kiku shook his head. "But Vash came around every now and then with some girrs he was dating."

"...Can you tell me the names of the girls he brought?" Alice asked.

Kiku shook his head. "I didn't speak to them." He continued, "But I can get you the footage from the camera-spiders in the pub."

Camera-spiders: little animatronics with flexible legs that could carry them up walls and (usually) eight spycam eyes. They were tiny, about the size a pea, and they could sometimes sting an enemy with lethal poison. They were efficient. Too efficient. Soon, criminal organizations (*cough* Mafia *cough*) were using them to rob things from under everyone's noses, to kill without getting caught and steel government information.

The British government decreed them illegal, along with other governments.

Blueprints were destroyed, the inventors were either wiped out or hidden, and ultimately were a fairly undiscussed topic. Alice raised an eyebrow. "You do realize that I work for the government?"

Kiku smiled and drank some of his tea before speaking. "The government pays you, but you don't work for them. Otherwise, you would have turned in every rittre dirty secret about the Mafia. Or Rovino would have kirred you. Whichever came first." He continued, "You work for the people. You work for justice, that's why you're perfectry fine with breaking the raw."

Alice huffed. "Well, then."

Kiku chuckled, "I'rr bring the spiders to you."

"When-?!" Alice's head whipped around. Kiku was gone. She frowned down at the check. He'd left her with the bill. "Damn ninja."

XXX

"What do you got for me, Alfred?" Alice stormed into her office, still a bit pissed.

Alfred hopped off Alice's desk, doughnuts and sprinkles spraying everywhere. "ARGH!" He fell from her desk, flat onto his face. "Damn it! That fudging hurt!"

The Englishwoman rolled her eyes. She was used to that sort of behavior. "That's what you get for bringing your disgusting food into my office."

"Alfred, êtes-vous d'accord?!" Francis walked into the room, frowning and carrying a giant folder or two of papers. "I brought the papers you asked for-" He stopped when he saw Alice.

"I thought you were staying home today?" Alice asked, tossing doughnuts at Alfred's face casually.

"Eh, oui." Francis gave her a nervous smile. Oh no. She wasn't cussing at him or glaring at him. She was acting like a normal person. He was so dead. "I was, but zen monsieur Alfred called me and said he need some help."

"And you let him boss you around?" Alice stopped throwing doughnuts.

"Er, well..." So dead.

"I'm your boss," Alice huffed. "You only have to take orders from me. And you-" She threw another doughnut at Alfred. Hard enough to hurt that time. "Don't order around my lackey."

Francis' blushed furiously and his heart seemed to stutter. She wasn't mad at him! And Alice said that only she could boss him around. I've been promoted from slave to lackey! He thought.

Maybe in another two years he'd get to partner.

Ah, the life of Francis Bonnefoy was truly a pitiful one. "Merci, ma reine." Francis smiled at her, beaming in joy.

It was Alice's turn to turn bright red. "S-s-shut up, Frog." She couldn't look at him straight and glared at her shoe instead.

Alfred thought his heart was going to burst from happiness! Finally! Finally, he'd be damned if he didn't make his OTP cannon that month. "Awwwww~!" He let out a very, manly and heroic squeal, thank you very much. "You guys are just so fudging cute~!"

"Shut up!" Alice's leg whipped into the vulnerable area behind his knee-cap, knocking him back on to the ground. "Say another bloody thing and you won't be able to walk for weeks!"

Horror flashed over Alfred's face. Plan B. "B-But big sister?" Alfred looked up at her. "Please, don't hurt me. I didn't mean to make you angry-I-I just thought that-" He sniffed. "Y-you two were just so-so-"

Alice cut him off a life-threatening hug. "Don't cry-please, don't cry." She didn't do well with tears. Her family was full of tough, strong and stiff-upper lipped people. Alice had been a crybaby all the way up until she turned five, it was then that she began to develop her own stiff lip.

She wasn't used to crying (Alfred usually was the one to deal with the victim's family, anyway).

Francis watched in awe as Alice began to soothe an obviously faking Alfred. She whispered promises of candy and soda if he stopped crying. How in the world could the most ingenious, clever women in all of England fall for his stupid act?

Translations:

Chichi = Father.

Ani = Big brother.

Imouto = Little sister.

Hai = Yes.

Yarou = Bastard.

Nakama = Comerades.

Haha = Mother.

Ane = Big sister.

êtes-vous d'accord?! = Are you all right?!

Oui = Yes.

Monsieur = Sir.

Merci, ma reine = Thanks, my Queen.