After hours of battling with myself to fall asleep, I realise that it's impossible. I feel ill, it's probably from whatever is in these tubes. I need some fresh air. I need to get out of this bed, I'm sick of seeing the same four walls.
If I remember correctly, there is exit with a whole field behind it, I think it's down the corridor. I should be able to make it that far. Knowing that he wouldn't approve, I am careful not to wake Tobias. I swiftly move his arm from my stomach and place it by his side. I peel the blanket off me and drag my body off the bed. My joints feel stiff, I haven't moved for days.
I guide my feet to the floor and walk a few steps. The pain is excruciating; my heartbeat thumps in my temples. Finally, I reach the cubical door, but I realise that I won't be able to reach the exit. I don't think I can handle that much pain.
I fall on the floor with exhaustion.
I feel heavy and raw and I can't pull myself up.
"Tobias." I whimper. He doesn't move.
My ringing heartbeat is now deafening and I can't concentrate anymore. I feel myself shaking and sweating at the same time.
"Tobias!" I shout through my tears.
He wakes up and sees me collapsed on the floor. He darts of the bed, without a moment hesitation and deftly moves towards me.
"Tris?! Don't worry I've got you."
I feel like I did in Erudite, paralysed and weak, but this time its Tobias carrying me. No. He shouldn't lift me, it'll ruin his arms again! I can't tell not to because I have to get back on the dreaded hospital bed again.
Unable to do anything else, I let myself be carried by him.
"This is going to hurt a bit." Tobias says.
"Okay."
He places me on the bed with care. But he was right, it hurt. A lot. My vison is less blurry now and I can see his face. His face is blotchy with red patches- probably caused by a mix of shock and pain. I feel guilty and embarrassed, this is the third time he's saved me in the last few days! I need to be more careful.
Tobias startles me by shouting my name, "Tris!"
"What were you thinking?" He yells.
"I... erm. I tried too..." It's hard to think properly, the throbbing clouds my thoughts.
"I was. Going to. Get some air." I say slowly.
"You could have woke me. I would've taken you." He says.
"I wanted to do something by myself!" I shout.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he says, hurt by my comment.
I wish I didn't say it. It seems like I meant that I didn't want to be with him, that he does everything for me.
"It means nothing. I just, I normally do everything myself, so do you. Sometimes I forget you're there to help." I explain.
"You've got to let me help you sometimes, Tris. If I didn't you would be dead." He says, irritated.
"I know, I will let you in more, I promise. I hate it here, I really do and I am sick of not being able to walk more than a few meters."
"You will be better soon and we will be able to race around Dauntless and jump of buildings and trains. But for now, you just have to stay in bed." He says, always trying to make me feel better, even though I don't deserve it.
"Should I get a doctor? Just to check its ok, they could help." Tobias moves toward the door.
I don't want anyone to help me, I just want him to lie here with me.
"Don't leave. Besides, there's nothing they can do except give me more drugs, I've had enough of them." I say.
He climbs back into bed and I rest my head on his beating heart.
"Never do that again." He says with seriousness.
"I won't."
Gradually, the pain decreases and I feel normal again.
"Tobias. The nurse said that you're not supposed to lift anything, remember?"
"It didn't hurt when I picked you up. And anyway since when did we listen to the rules?"
"Never." I smirk.
"I want to go home. Today." I declare.
"Good idea, but do you think you can walk, this morning you couldn't manage to step more than five meters?"
He's right, but I need to get out of Amity. Dauntless is my home and I miss the darkness and the smell of musty, underground air.
"I will be fine. I'll have my crutches then and you to help me." I say with a smile.
"I will always be there."
"I'm a lucky girl." I joke, while closing the space between us.
I lie peacefully on his chest again and Tobias outlines my three ravens.
The nurse slams the door open, but before she can speak, I ask the question that has been bugging me since I got here.
"When can I go home?" I ask.
"Soon. We recently received several emergency casualties from Erudite and we need every bed we can get." She says professionally.
"How are your legs?" She asks, deliberately changing the subject.
"Their fine. I feel better now." I lie.
I don't mention what happened earlier when I tried to walk outside. If she hears about it, she might not let me go.
"What happened in Erudite?" Tobias quickly asks.
"That information is classified." She snaps.
She reminds me of Eric, he was an Erudite disguised as a Dauntless. She is an Amity impersonator, but she is bad at hiding her true self.
After the war, we decided that everything important would be reported, so we would know what is happening in each faction. There is not supposed to be any more secrets. So, whatever they are doing, it must be unauthorised.
"Your crutches will be here soon. You leave in an hour." She spits.
As soon as she leaves, Tobias starts speaking.
"What do you think the Erudite experiment was about?"
"It looks like they don't follow the rules either."