Harry's P.O.V
Two days into his fight with Ginny, Harry was already having to convince himself that space was a good idea.
He had been so insanely confused when he'd said what he said to her. There was no question about that.
And so he'd taken a moment and decided that if he could just spend a bit of time away from Ginny, his thoughts would clear themselves up quickly.
That had in fact not happened.
In fact he was even more confused, if only for the deep ache he was already feeling at the distance between him and the youngest Weasley.
Even before… the kiss… they had been friends and he really did value her company, probably more than he'd thought because faced with distance, it was all of a sudden very upsetting for him.
And besides…
Ginny was, indeed, right about him.
He didn't like being cruel to her, she hadn't deserved it.
And being on bad terms with her was not something he liked whatsoever, regardless of his feelings for her.
Not that he had feelings for her but…
New Years' Eve arrived and it saw Harry getting ready for the party that was being held in the garden.
His mind was almost absently focused on Ginny, as it had been for the past three or so days.
He was dwelling on the sadness it gave him to think that he couldn't just walk downstairs and have a Butterbeer with her, maybe laugh a bit, joke about how this wasn't really the kind of scene Harry was used to and that they'd be better off sneaking away to play a game of Quidditch…
Yeah. He missed Ginny a great deal.
Still…
Trying to put those thoughts away at least for the beginning of the party so he didn't seem too down… Harry instead gave his appearance the once-over.
He wore dark, skinny muggle jeans, a white collared shirt and dark blue V-necked sweater.
He didn't think much of what he was wearing. He wondered vaguely what Ginny might think of it, perhaps she'd like the colour blue on him…
Harry startled.
What… ?
He had… no idea where that thought had come from.
It was… very… very… confusing…
Sighing, Harry shook his head.
Things had never been confusing with Ginny.
But ever since that damned kiss…
Frowning, he turned from his room and headed out.
He just needed to distract himself, draw his mind away from certain somethings – certain someone.
Harry walked down the stairs and out into the yard, seeing that there were many familiar faces.
In fact, it took him almost a full half hour to say hello to everyone and Harry wondered how on earth Mrs. Weasley had managed to round up so many people. It seemed, though, that all of the younger guests were situated outside. Harry wondered vaguely where the adults had gone as he hadn't seen Mr. or Mrs. Weasley since he had been told to start getting ready.
Pushing the thought from his mind, Harry sought out Ron who was standing by the drinks table.
'Oh, hi Harry. How're you going?' he asked casually.
'Fine, I guess,' said Harry, shrugging. He glanced around the back yard before turning to Ron in confusion. 'Er, where have your parents gone?'
'Oh, the others all went to some muggle club. Apparently, you have to be eighteen or over to get in because that's what they consider an "adult",' he air quoted, seeming to think it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.
'Yeah, but why to a muggle club?' asked Harry.
Ron shrugged.
'Muggles make a bigger deal about New Year's Eve than we do, according to dad. He's also always wanted to try muggle drinks so I think mum caved,' he said nonchalantly.
Harry laughed and picked up a bottle of Butterbeer form a nearby table, popping the lid and taking a swig.
'Well that's a first,' he grinned.
Ron snorted and shook his head. 'So, uh, any ideas what's taking Ginny and Hermione so long?' asked Ron.
Harry shook his head.
'They're probably doing… I dunno, girl stuff… hair, make-up, cult rituals worshipping the goddess Aphrodite,' Harry laughed a little.
Ron shot him a confused look and Harry just shook his head.
'Don't worry about it.'
Ron shrugged bemusedly.
Harry chuckled just as Hermione appeared, striding towards them. She was wearing a pretty and flowing purple dress and silver flats. Harry smiled at her. She did look quite beautiful.
'Finally,' said Ron lowly.
Hermione raised an eyebrow.
'I'm sorry, what did you say?' she asked.
'But it was worth the wait,' he amended quickly. 'You look lovely.'
Hermione shook her head slightly and Harry laughed.
'So where's Ginny?' he asked.
Hermione looked at him with unreadable eyes.
'She's still up in her room. But for all intents and purposes you shouldn't care. If she's minding her business, you ought to mind your own,' she said evenly.
Harry cringed and Ron looked questioningly at him.
'What? What do you mean?' he asked.
'Nothing,' mumbled Harry. 'I just… I just told her to mind her own business… that's all.'
'When?' frowned Ron.
'Oh, er… some time or another… ' Harry avoided the question, knowing fully well what was coming…
Sure enough.
'Some time or another?' Ron glared at him. 'Right, you do realise she has six older brothers who can pummel you into a mushy pulp if you're not careful?' he threatened.
'Yes I do,' sighed Harry. 'But… look I was confused. Very confused. I didn't know what exactly I was saying and I do genuinely believe that I needed space from her.'
'There was still no need to be a jerk about it,' said Hermione pointedly.
Harry frowned at her.
'I know that. And I regret that… but she's not talking to me and as far as she knows I'm not talking to her so… opportunities for apologies are fairly low on the ground.'
Hermione raised an eyebrow and Ron merely glared.
But within the same moment… both their eyes were all of a sudden drawn to a spot just beyond Harry and…
He frowned at them and turned around to see what they were staring at.
Then his jaw dropped and his stomach did a triple flip.
Ginny had just entered the garden looking simply amazing. She was wearing a tight little cocktail dress, simply maddening to any male within the vicinity, the neckline low and the straps hugging her shoulders to show off a fairly incredible amount of perfectly, blemish-free shoulders, neck, chest…
Add that to the endless amount of leg she was showing and it was…
Stunning.
Harry had never seen… anything so beautiful in his life.
But all too soon… time sped up again and he had to blink himself out of his trance, turning away.
He'd always known Ginny was pretty… per se.
But… never to this degree of pure… beauty…
It went against everything he had thought about her.
First the kiss… then this.
Godric…
What next?
Pushing away his lingering thoughts of Ginny, Harry tried then to forget and just enjoy the party.
But one hour later he was completely alone and staring at Ginny again.
She didn't seem to notice all the attention she was getting from a great deal of guys.
None of them had the guts to walk up to her and say hi, though, which strangely comforted Harry…
He looked away and shook his head at himself.
He oughtn't to have been staring at her at all.
But… he just couldn't help himself.
He looked back.
But this time… Ginny wasn't alone.
Now… all of a sudden… she was standing there… talking now…
To Dean Thomas, a fellow Gryffindor in his year.
Something stirred in Harry and told him not to look away. So he didn't.
It look Harry less time than he would have imagined himself capable of to work out that Dean was… flirting… with Ginny, almost completely shamelessly.
And she was flirting right back.
Harry's chest tightened and he sat up straighter, narrowing his eyes at them. He was glad he hadn't looked away now.
After a few more minutes of watching Dean and Ginny, Harry decided he couldn't take it anymore. There was just something about what he was seeing that had hot blood pounding through his veins.
He stood roughly and strode over to the drinks table, grabbing a Firewhisky. He then turned and sat heavily on the grass, leaning against the fence behind him.
Harry had no idea what made him so angry about Ginny and Dean. She should be free to do whatever she wants, right? But then the thought of Dean and Ginny together interrupted and Harry's free hand immediately formed a fist. In his right, the Firewhisky glass was near smashing under the pressure.
He thought he could name this emotion if he really tried.
But… he really didn't want to name it. At all.
Because to name it would be to make it official.
And that was the very last thing Harry wanted right then.
So instead he didn't think… he just let himself feel.
It was a mixture of sadness, longing, anger and fear.
Yes. It would have been… very easy to name.
If Harry wanted to.
Which he most certainly did not.
It wasn't long before Harry was approached by Ron, who looked down at him in a cynical way.
'Er, what are you doing down there?' he asked.
Harry looked up.
'Trying not to look at that,' he replied, jerking his thumb in the direction of Dean and Ginny.
Ron followed the direction Harry had pointed at with his gaze and soon it came to rest on Ginny who was laughing at something Dean had said. Again, Harry felt his anger building up. But why?
Once more the answer could have been reached easily… but he didn't want that.
Meanwhile, Ron was glaring heatedly at Dean and so Harry stood up, placing a hand on his best mate's arm.
'Just leave her. I don't think she'd appreciate it if you stormed over there and created a scene,' he said quietly.
No matter how he would have liked to do it in Ron's place instead…
'But, but, but'- stammered Ron, but with a very pointed look from Harry, he shut up.
'Trust me. I don't like it any more than you do,' said Harry truthfully.
Ron sighed darkly.
'I get that too… she's like your sister too, ay?' he shook his head.
Harry started. That was not at all what he was thinking but he nodded anyway. Rather that, than have Ron asking awkward questions that Harry couldn't answer.
'Of course. Now, where did Hermione go?' asked Harry, wanting to get off the subject of Dean and Ginny.
Ron's frowned…
Then he shook his head.
'Whoops. I might have lost her… ' Ron cringed and grinned sheepishly. 'Thanks for reminding me mate.'
He clapped Harry on the back and strode away.
Harry sighed and drained his Firewhisky in one go, leaving an exhilarating burn behind in his throat. He then set the empty glass down and his eyes sought out someone to talk to. That would get Ginny off his mind… talking to someone.
Yeah…
Finally, he spotted Luna standing off to the side and looking just as pensive as ever.
Harry half smiled and strode towards her.
'Hello Luna,' he greeted her.
Luna turned her head, looking mildly surprised.
'Oh, hello Harry. You're speaking to me. That's nice,' she said pleasantly.
'Of course I'm speaking to you. We're friends, aren't we?' questioned Harry.
Luna thought for a brief moment.
'Yes, I think so,' she said, nodding.
Harry grinned at her.
'So, what's new with you?' he asked.
Luna shrugged lightly.
'Not really a lot, actually. But I see you've been quite busy. At least over the past few days,' she said.
Harry frowned.
'What do mean?' he asked.
'Well, it was the way you were looking at Ginny. It was quite easy to tell you've recently developed feelings for her,' Luna replied matter-of-factly.
Harry nearly choked.
'Wh-what?' he stuttered.
Luna looked pleasantly surprised.
'Oh, so you don't know? That's perfectly okay. There are plenty of people who don't know that they're in love. It usually comes to them eventually, though,' she said.
Harry raised an eyebrow. In all of his years of hearing Luna's crazy comments, nothing had ever been so ridiculous.
Slowly… he shook his head.
It was ridiculous.
It was Luna.
It couldn't possibly be… the… truth… ?
No.
No of course not.
'Er, Luna I need to go now. Sorry,' Harry mumbled.
Luna smiled dreamily at him.
'Okay. I was just about to ask if I could please leave, actually. I truly must see Neville about that plant he bought yesterday. It's simply crawling with nargle bait,' she said before waving cheerily and turning away from him.
Harry wasn't focused on Luna anymore.
Only on what he knew… knew for sure… he couldn't possible have been feeling, right?
He couldn't love Ginny. It was just not… no. He… he couldn't.
Mind…
He hesitated.
And slowly explored a different path of thought…
It would definitely explain the past few days and they had been anything if not confusing…
No.
No.
He didn't love Ginny.
He just… didn't.
He couldn't.
Harry straightened himself up and walked to the drinks table, unaware of who was already there.
He lifted his head and turned his gaze on… Ginny.
Harry's heart sped alarmingly as he walked up beside her. Another thing he truly could not make sense of.
'You look beautiful,' he said, trying for the first time in two days to speak to her.
Ginny just continued to gaze over the drinks before her.
Harry sighed.
'When I said I wanted space, I didn't mean that you should ignore me,' he pointed out.
Ginny picked up a glass of water.
'That's what it sounded like,' she said, before turning and walking towards the Burrow.
Harry followed her.
'But surely it must be hard for you too?'
'Do you really think so?' asked Ginny coldly.
She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.
Harry sat down beside her.
'Look… Gin… I'm sorry, okay? I really, really am… I was just horrid to you, there was no need for me to be that way and Merlin knows how much I don't want this distance between us any more,' he said, sounding pained.
Ginny turned fully to him.
'You called me a little girl, you told me to piss off, I'm sorry but to me that sounds a hell of a lot like you wanted distance,' she said heatedly.
Harry cringed. He hated hearing his words repeated, knowing fully how wrong he'd been in saying them.
'I thought I did… I was confused, I was scared… but all this space has done is make me more confused and a whole lot more scared,' he answered with the truth.
Ginny's expression remained unchanged, however.
'That's no excuse to be a prat. Next time, maybe have a think about what you're saying and what you're doing before you act. Harry, before then I didn't even think you were capable of saying things like that. It hurt a lot. I can't just forgive you for it,' she said.
Harry felt his stomach twisting. He really hated what Ginny was saying, because he knew it was all true. He himself really couldn't believe why he had said such horrible things to her when she had done nothing to him. It just wasn't him.
She had been completely right… as always.
'I'm sorry,' he sighed gently. 'You know I never meant any of it. I honestly just want you back in my life, Gin. You're funny and beautiful and the most amazing person to be around and I miss it.'
He meant every word he said.
Ginny looked at him in what Harry could've sworn was sadness all of a sudden.
'Well, I'm just sorry that it took you this long to realise. I really have to get back to Dean, now. But I'll see you around Harry,' she said in a deflated voice before standing and striding back out and into the party, leaving Harry with a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach and a deep regret for ever thinking he wanted to be away from Ginny Weasley.
So that was it. Ginny wasn't going to forgive Harry. No matter how sincere his apology had been. It was too late. Or maybe what he had said was just too… horrible. Whatever the reason, the fact that Ginny was still not talking to him and had not forgiven him made Harry feel sick to the stomach.
And she had to get back to Dean… what did that mean?
Harry soon found out.
Fifteen minutes later found Harry standing aimlessly outside. After his talk with Ginny, he had moved there and since then had just been standing alone.
He supposed it was about the time to be going back inside. It wasn't like he was doing anything.
He wasn't in the spirit to ring in the New Year… He'd honestly just rather be in bed.
With an air of lingering forlornness, Harry slouched inside and up the stairs, heading straight to his room.
Passing Ginny's room, however… he heard a slight girlish giggle that flipped his stomach over.
Immediately… he halted, blinking.
He knew he really shouldn't… it was Ginny's private life and he had no business in it, least of all after what he'd said to her a few days ago…
But curiosity got the better of him.
Harry turned and very, very slowly turned the door handle, pushing the door open.
Harry's stomach might have actually dropped onto the floor. There were Ginny and Dean, kissing passionately. Dean had Ginny pinned against the wall, his hands playing idly with her long red tresses and Ginny had her body pressed to Dean's, her hands roaming over his back.
Anger, hot and scorching ran thick through Harry's veins and within the moment… he had a sudden flash of pure loathing for Dean.
Startled, he backed out quickly, shutting the door behind him. Any longer and he would have done something he probably would've regretted later. Like killing Dean, for example.
Back in his room, Harry sat heavily on his bed, still wide-eyed…
Slowly… he conceded that maybe… maybe… it wasn't… so impossible that he might… love her.
Harry winced.
But then…
Gently… he let down his walls just a bit… and allowed himself to consider that maybe…
Well how else could he explain what he had just felt seeing Ginny and Dean?
These feelings went beyond just brotherly…
And…
Yes…
Fine.
Fine!
Okay!
'I'm in love with her!' he cried out loud.
He fell back down onto his bed, putting his head in his hands. He was in love with her.
Harry was in love with Ginny Weasley. He only wished he had realised it earlier. Then maybe… he could have done something about it.