Sorry it took so long, I wrote an extra long chapter to make up for it.
I walk a couple of meters away from the edge towards the group of people. They are angry and upset and it's all my fault.
"What the hell was that? You're going to give up just like that? It's pathetic, I never thought you were a coward." Tobias shouts at me.
"Tobias, leave her alone!" Alaska hisses.
"She's dead, Tris." Christina says from the doorway.
I must be hearing things, she can't die. The doctors they were supposed to save her. This wasn't supposed to happen.
"What?" I say dazed.
"Dead. Evelyn's dead." Christina shouts.
"But the doctors. They gave her surgery." I say.
"It didn't work." Tom adds.
Tobias lowers his head so he can't look at me.
"Tobias…" I can't even finish the sentence. I don't know what I'm trying to say but I just want to make him better. It's my fault he's upset and I can't stand it. I can feel tears starting to fall from my eyes.
"I'll come… I'll find you later." He says awkwardly.
"Ok." I mumble.
He leaves quietly followed by Christina and Tom, Alaska stays with me.
"Find Tobias, make sure he's okay. Well not okay, just y'know coping."
"What about you, Tris? You just tried to kill yourself. I don't think you are coping at all." She asks.
"It's my fault this happened, don't give me sympathy, give it to Tobias. He needs it more than I do right now."
"I can't do that."
"I need to be alone!" I yell.
She gives me an unexpected hug and then turns around and runs out of the door.
I walk to the hospital quickly, I need to know if Gemma's still alive.
I'm in the last hallway before the hospital when I see a nurse walk out of the door.
"Turn around and walk away. Evelyn's still in there." She says.
The thought of seeing her lifeless body makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just nod.
After randomly walking the corridors, I end up in the simulations room. There's stacks of boxes near the computer, I open the top one and remove the needle. With a huge sigh and insert the needle into my neck and push the plunger. I take it out and put it on the side. I sit down and try not to think about anything. It begins.
The grass is high, almost up to my waist. Black crows start squawking at me from above. Fire or water? There is a lake to the left of me, if I dived in they wouldn't follow. I've imagined a box of matches in my back pocket which I could set the broken branches on alight. Birds are now swooping down and a couple have already started cutting my skin. I walk to the tree, where the branches are. There's something wrong, there isn't as many birds around me as there usually is. I turn around. What the hell?
"Tobias?"
The birds surround him and from what I can see of his face, he has been crying. He starts walking towards me, swatting the occasional bird. He's not a simulation, if he was he wouldn't be so distant. They still claw, peck and squawk at me but I don't notice it much. I pick up the biggest branch I can carry and the end of it light without the use of a match. Even when I don't try too, I manipulate the system. The birds flee quickly and gather around Tobias. Strangely, without even picking one up, Tobias also has a burning branch in his hand. Several birds catch fire and each one lets out a torturous shriek.
I complete each one faster than I normally do so Tobias doesn't have to suffer any longer than he has too. My last fear the one that I'm most scared off, has changed. The room is slightly different, the walls are black his yellow lights spread out on the ceiling.
"What's going on? There's nothing here to be scared of." Tobias asks.
A simulated verismo of Tobias appears in the corner of the room, his eyes are grey and emotionless, his face sags a little like he hasn't slept in a month and he looks weaker than usual.
"You are scared of me?"
"No, of course I'm not. I love you," I say sweetly.
Tobias stays quiet and I pretend not to notice that he didn't say it back.
"I can't do this anymore. You've ruined my life." Simulation Tobias says and reaches for his gun.
"Shoot me. Come on, deserve it!" I shout honestly.
"Tris, stop it." Real Tobias says in a disapproving voice.
"You don't deserve to be killed, you don't deserve and easy way out. I want you to know that this is all your fault." He point the gun at his temple.
"No! Stop. You don't have to do this! Just stop!" I plead.
"It's not real." Real Tobias insists.
He puts his finger on the black trigger. I try to run towards him but some kind of force field prevents me from going further than a couple of steps.
"Stop!" I scream.
He pushes the trigger.
He falls to the ground almost immediately, he's dead. I know it's not real, Tobias is stood right next to me. Nevertheless I try to break the force field, I slam my elbow against the glass. It disappears and I'm able to run through. When I'm a meter or so away, the lifeless simulation vanishes too. I fall on to my knees and start crying, so much that I can't even breathe.
"Tris, it's okay. It's not real, I'm fine." Tobias says and crouches down next to me.
His words don't make a difference. Fake or not, it was my fault he died. Tears drip down my face and my throat tightens and burns.
"Tris! Calm down!" He grabs my arms to try and get me to stop shaking.
"I need to get out of here." My voice is very hoarse now.
"I know."
He shuffles closer to me and wraps my arms around my back. I move my head away from his chest, knowing that he probably hates me and doesn't want me to be too close to him. He's might be only comforting me so I can calm down and we can both get out of here.
I've stopped crying now and I'm trying to be strong. He wipes the tears of my face with his thumb and moves my head onto his heart. "I'm not going anywhere."
I listen to his heartbeat and calm myself down. We are back in the simulations room, on different seats. I wipe my face, expecting it to be wet with tears but it's dry.
"What happened, Tris?"
I know he's talking about Evelyn, I want to refuse and run away and do everything to get away from the situation but he deserves to know and to be told by me.
"You guys ran and I was right behind you but they she got her gun out and was pointing at my back when you turned around."
"I didn't see it, I swear I didn't. If I did, I would have protected you." He blurts out honestly.
"You had Gemma to deal with, you made the right decision whether you say the gun or not." I say
Gemma. She had to survive.
"Is Gemma alive?" I ask fearfully.
He nods and I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank god."
"She made the guards leave so it was just her and I in the room."
"Bad decision." Tobias mutters.
"She said that people thought I was a spy for The Smokers and when I asked her if she agreed she said no but with me dead people would know who the real leader is. Tobias, she said that she killed Johanna and she was so pleased with herself. She fired at me at me when I was reaching for your gun but she missed. I hesitated and she shot again, this time grazing my arm a little. I was going to shoot her in the heart." I admit.
"Why didn't you?" He asks without any emotion.
"I didn't want her to die! I ran all the way to the hospital and I thought they would heal but they couldn't. I didn't mean to kill her but I did and I'm so sorry Tobias. You probably wish that it was the other way around and I wish it was too but it isn't and if you don't ever want to see me again I will leave."
"If I didn't give you that gun…" Tobias says.
"What?" I say shocked and surprised at his response.
"If I didn't give you that gun you would've died." He has a tear dripping down his check.
"And Evelyn would have lived." I add.
He stands up and takes two steps towards me. "I'm sorry." I repeat
"Its okay, Tris, you did what you has to do."
He moves closer so his mouth is almost touching my ear.
"I love you too."