"Ladies and gentlemen and I do mean that in the loosest sense of the word, can I have your attention, please? Down here, yes I am very short and blue. I am aware of that fact thank you. I have been hounded by Piggot until she annoyed me enough to give you all a little group presentation on how to use the tinkertech weapons I've created. Frankly, I have neither the time the patience nor the crayons to explain this to all of you. But I'll try my best to give you all the basics of how to not kill yourselves while using them. This will just be a quick little demo of the Plasma Pistol and the Plasma Assault Rifle. As the Brockton Bay PRT department has received the first shipment of my mass produced tinker tech guns, you are the first PRT officers who get to use them, congratulations. With a lot of luck and these helpful safety tips, some of you will survive the week. In relevant news, the Darwin awards will be given out the same time as this conference next Saturday for the most creative suicidal mistakes, I'm sure that we will have some notable late entries this year."
"For both the Pistol and the Rifle you must remember to point it downrange or away from things you don't want to explode, flick the safety off and fire just like most other guns. The safety and power adjustment controls you can see are right next to where your huge ugly monkey thumbs rest. Yes, I can hear you talking about me in the back of the room, the ears are not for decoration they are fully functional. I must also compliment you on your bravery, I certainly would not be able to face the public if I looked like you. The next time I visit the zoo I'll shake the primate cage and tell your mother that you said hi and that you're doing about as well as could be expected. Now, you have various power settings to choose from, the details of what each setting does and how it impacts the discharge rate of the gun is covered in the manual much like the entirety of this presentation, I made the manual with colorful bright pictures so that most of you can understand it. I suggest reading it or at least looking at the pictures."
"Some questions have arisen about how to change out the magazine. Some less intelligent people have already tried to change out the non-existent magazine with a hammer, it did not go well for them. We can all hope that the brain transplant is successful and they will return to work as someone else. The simple answer is that there is no magazine and when it's out of ammo just grab another gun and stick the empty one on the charger so it can recharge."
"Do not, and I repeat do not look down the barrel when you think you might have clogged it with something. If you have clogged the barrel up with something do not fire the gun to try and clear it. It will NOT work and will cause the gun to explode in your hands. If the gun makes some fast paced beeping noises or starts to swell up, get rid of it quickly and run away. Do not play hot potato with your friend or partner. However, feel free to lob it at your enemies feet so that it explodes with them in the general vicinity."
"The guns are watertight and only need to be shaken while pointed down a little to drain the water out of the barrel itself before usage. The remaining water inside of the barrel will not impact the guns performance. When you inevitably drop the gun in the toilet do not ask me to clean it, it can be cleaned with common rubbing alcohol, make sure that the gun's safety is on before you clean it. Yes, you in the back, the one that was insulting me under your breath. I would recommend that you use your tongue on the inside of the barrel and check that the trigger works by pulling it several times, you will be less of a disappointment as a Picasso painting on your wall."
"I can't believe I also have to mention this but since we already have a near fatality in the hospital, here it goes. Please, under no circumstances should you insert either weapon into an orifice or insert your genitals into the weapons. Judging from the noises a few days ago, it is extremely painful when the gun goes off and you become technically eligible for the Darwin award for the swift removal of your own reproductive organs. Now, I've been asked to not mention any names of the individual involved, but we do have a get well card located in the back on the small table for Greg. The get well card is in no way implying that Greg shot his reproductive organs off, he has been admitted to the hospital for completely unrelated reasons due to a very recent injury which occurred a few days ago. With luck, Panacea will be able to attend him and full functionality will unfortunately be restored."
"Thank you for wasting my time, good luck."
Defensive tech… Armsmaster didn't send much. More utterly useless power armor for me, what's the point If I'm vastly stronger than the power armor is and I'd have to spend days re-engineering it to work with four arms and have to resize it significantly to fit. All that additional maintenance and work when I could just toss on some super-thick body armor instead and not be impeded by it, super-strength is awesome and makes power armor redundant.
It is, however significantly better than Triumph's power armor that Kid Win was working on, it doesn't hurt to grab it I guess. It ended up combining with the "basic power armor" to form "Power Armor" it was more generalized and far more flexible than the "basic" stuff as several of the other technologies started "playing" with it in the back of my head, integrating Lasers and additional power sources into it. A couple seconds of thought and I had a version that would actually fit me including the extra arms designed out. Still, it was hard to justify spending any time making it, maybe just the armor portion and strip out the "strength-enhancement" servos and hydraulics...
Dragon sent a much better selection of things. Designs for the long range foam sprayers. Which aren't actually tinkertech but it's fairly easy to see that as being a good weapon choice to send out to ward-tinkers so they had something non-lethal and proven to work. Even more interesting was the fact that even though it wasn't tinkertech a few seconds of concentration and it popped in as just a plain schematic unhindered by any DRM and floated around just like the federation tech. There was a design for a small dog-like drone which was pretty cool, but as far as I could tell it was useless for just about everything except scouting, however the technology behind it gave me Small Drones.
The other tinkertech designs went wild, suddenly spewing out various combinations of things including a lethal Laser-drone, foam drones, Nonlethal fed-tech drones, etc. Nearly all of the variants had the Micro Generators in them. Also included in Dragons designs where a bunch of other minor things like a visor/helmet heads-up display unit with built-in communication radio and various sensors for Holographic Display, Communications and Sensors respectively. A tinkertech wrist-mounted computer with built-in screen gave out Micro Computers and High Definition Displays. Looking over the tinkertech CPU's designs I couldn't help but think that it probably grated on Dragon nerves, the tinkertech CPU was significantly better than anything on the market but she was strictly limited by her software when such incredible hardware was available.
The various designs became a flurry of design work as they churned out variations and upgrades to the current designs. The drones became significantly more "intelligent" with the improved tinkertech CPU's from the wrist mounted computer. The wrist mounted computer gained a superior display with the Holographic Display tech mounted in it and nearly unlimited run time with a single Micro Generator stuffed into it. The spaceships benefited too as they were upgraded to holographic displays, improved computers, additional sensors (which I could actually build). The power armor started to actually look like it might be useful with the additional tech as it integrated into it as well.
I sent a thank you email to both of them.
"Mwahaha!" I've done it, sliding it onto my back, grabbing the controls with my two lower hands and then sucking them into my body so that nothing would interfere with the controls when in flight.
"Wha.. holy crap, is that a jet pack?" asked Kid Win, looking up from his own project before immediately dropping it and walking over to have a look.
"Well, it doesn't really work using jet engines. But yes, yes it is my fellow Tinker. This baby is capable of just under Mach one, can hover in place and can run for about two days without needing to be refueled."
"I want one!"
"Of course, I'll make one for you next, after all, what's a tinker without a jetpack? I need some help, can you look into a side or back attachment that'll let me connect some of my guns to it like a magnetic holster? Oh, maybe even charge them up while attached. I just need the designs, I can do the actual building."
Kid Win looked at me funny before turning his head slightly to one side "Wait.. did you just suck your lower arms into your body?"
Oh.. bliznak I forgot that I hadn't shown anyone that and here I am with a jetpack that uses both lower arms to control it while they are sucked in. Ugh, now I'm going to have to change the controls around too.
"Hm, oh yes I did. You know it's like really uncomfortable to do, like sucking in your gut all the time. But I figured it's better to have the controls in where they can't get messed with while I'll flying around."
I coughed and continued
"Anyways, can you make designing the magnetic latching couplers for the guns a priority, please? The media event thing is supposed to be happening in a few days. The final, bullet and fire-resistant costume is coming tomorrow and I have to strip, prep and powder-coat the guns and the jetpack to match the color scheme before the press event. Four arms unfortunately does not mean that the powder-coat layers cook faster."
"I get a jetpack afterward?"
"Of course" it all comes down to the jetpacks, no one can resist the jetpack.
Kid Win came through, and I rushed integrating Modular Magnetic Couplings into my guns and the jetpack. I was only using it for the convenient magnetic-latching effect that it utilized which included security to make sure that only the user was able to remove the guns, but it did look really cool with the guns just clinging to the jetpack's sides. I was also reintroduced to the power-testing people, thank you Kid Win for immediately reporting that, I really needed a few more hours of power testing.
Ugh
"Introducing Our latest Ward, Six-Two-Six!"
No firing the guns into the air or ceiling, no flying in with the jetpack.. spoilsports.
Instead, I put on my best impression of the kool-aid man and punched my way through the brick wall next to the stage. Showering everyone in brick dust and brick fragments while cackling madly…
I can dream, right?
Sigh.
I just walked on stage from the side and climbed up the footstool behind the podium, having just barely managing to get the costume together in time, complete with Jetpack and magnetic-latching "holsters" for the guns.
I leaned over the podium into the microphone and looked out at all of the people looking at me. I suddenly became way more conscious of looking like a weird koala-dog thing in front of all of these people. I could see all of there faces at the same time while they moved around in their chairs, the fabric of their clothes sounding like sandpaper rubbing together as the whole crowd moved and shifted.
Someone coughed in the audience and one of the PRT officers offstage whispered to another, "He's freezing up."
I don't remember the lines, oh bliznak what were my lines. Why can't I remember my lines, I have a perfect memory, where the hell is the speech at in here? Didn't I read it? Oh god, it's like a nightmare, I'm messing this up.
Bliznak, move the mouth, say something!
"HHE HHHHEEEII! I'm cute and FLUFFY!" while waving with a hand.
There, innocuous and positive but not the five-minute speech they had given me. Yes, evildoers beware, the cute and fluffy Six-Two-Six is now "officially" in the Wards. I hate public speaking.
*FLASH*
Ahh! Argg! Irritating flashing bulbs everywhere blinding me, fantastic.I wanted to throw the podium at them so badly a portion of the wooden podium splintered under my hands.
*FLASH*
Ok, Ok calm down, just answer a few softball questions from the press and then move onto the meet and greet.
One of the press reporters asks, "So, what is your power?"
"Yes, next question" I replied, "sweating" under the fur and the red and yellow costume. It's rather hot in here isn't it.
The small group of reporters looked at each other briefly before looking over at one of the PRT officers who helpfully came over and handled them for me.
I took that as my cue to get off the stage and go to the next portion of pressing the flesh and meeting the public. Shake hands…. yes, so many hands.
"You can let go now." said one man, whose name I didn't seem to catch.
"Oh. hmm sorry." I replied and let go, had I been shaking his hand for the last minute or two?
Bliznak I'm messing this up so badly.. It's all falling apart! I need to get out of here…
I think I went through the wall in my hasty exit to go outside to the PRT van. The driver wasn't there but I knew how to drive. The pedals... why are the pedals so far away.. going to have to adjust them.
"Where did the van go?"
"Huh, did you park it on the other side of the building maybe?"
"I don't think there is a parking lot on the other side."
"Alright, call it in"