9 Months ago

Killian's fingers were drumming impatiently on the coffee table, while he waited for Ruth to answer her phone.

It had been over a month since David's call to inform him that Emma had left home and they still weren't one step closer to finding her. They were now almost certain that she had gotten rid of her phone somewhere, meaning that all messages he had left her had been left unheard.

But he missed her. More with every passing day. He hadn't realized, even when they didn't have contact on a daily basis, how much he relied on being able to call or text her, when he needed to talk. No, not just when he needed to talk. When he needed her.

Emma was his best friend and sometimes he thought that she could have been more, if they only had giving themselves that chance.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ruth. It's Killian…"

"Did she contact you?" she interrupted him and Killian wished that she didn't sound so hopeful.

"I'm sorry, Ruth."

"Oh…" There was a moment of silence between them. Then she spoke again. "You wanted to ask the same question, right?"

"Yes," Killian answered quietly. "I hoped that she…" He didn't finish the sentence.

"I know, my boy. I want her to come home, too." Again they remained quiet for a moment. "How are you holding up? I know it must be difficult for you. You and Emma have always been so close."

He laughed dryly. "You're her mom and you ask me how I'm dealing with it?" Then he sighed. "I miss her. I miss seeing her, talking to her. It's like a part of me is gone."

He shut his mouth, unable to believe that he had said that out loud.

"She will come back, Killian. And when she does, you'll let me know, ok?"

"Of course."

"I would promise the same, but I believe we both know that she'll need some encouragement from you to come back here," Ruth told him and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"She doesn't need any encouragement from me. You know she loves you and David," Killian started to argue.

"Of course she does. But she doesn't open up to us the way she does to you. And she might think that we're angry that she has left." There was a short pause before she added: "I only want my little girl back."

"I know, Ruth. And she'll come home to us. We just have to be patient. You know how stubborn she can be."

"Oh I know, she got that from her dad."

"If you say so," Killian replied with a grin. He had spent enough time with the Nolan family to know that Emma and her mom were alike in quite a few things.

"When are you going to visit us again? I miss having both my boys at home."

Killian hesitated. "I'm not sure. We're quite busy at work at the moment and I'm working most weekends too." It was only half a lie. They actually had a lot of work. But mostly he didn't want to go back to a home where he would feel Emma's absence even more.

"Maybe another time then," Ruth answered and Killian knew that she understood why he didn't want to visit.

"Definitely," he promised.

They chatted a little more, Ruth reminding him that he shouldn't solely focus on his job but find some time to meet friends and have fun.

After they had ended the call, Killian leaned back on his sofa, closing his eyes. He remembered once again the last time he had seen Emma, their awkward goodbye a day after he had accidentally walked in on her and some guy he hadn't seen or heard of before in the living room.

In that short moment, before Emma had pushed her boyfriend or whatever kind of relationship she had with him away from her, Killian had noticed the familiar way the guy's hands moved over her body and he had wanted to pull him away from her, wanted to punch him, hurt him for daring to even lay his eyes on her let alone his hands. While he was trying to control his sudden anger, Emma had gently pushed her boyfriend toward the front door to say goodbye, but not before that bastard could grin at Killian smugly.

When she had returned to him, she had wrapped her arms around herself, but looked at him defiantly.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend," Killian had said, trying to control his voice.

"We're keeping it quiet. Mom and David don't know either."

"Don't worry, I won't tell them. But if that boy you're dating does want to keep your relationship a secret, he's an idiot." Not that there was any way to convince Killian that her boyfriend deserved her.

"You don't know him," Emma had argued.

"I don't have to. Anyone who only meets you in secrecy, who doesn't want to properly court you and who wants be kept hidden from the people who care about you most… He's not worthy being with you. You deserve so much better than that!" He hadn't even realized that the volume of his voice had increased toward the end.

"And what would that be?" Emma had asked and taken a step toward him. "Because last time I checked, guys weren't exactly lining up to date me." She had taken another step in his direction. "And then I meet one boy who actually treats me nice and who cares about me and the moment you find out, you're acting like a total jerk." She had been standing right in front of him by the time she finished speaking. "Why?"

Killian had looked at her, trying to come up with an answer to her question. But when his eyes had met hers, all he had wanted was to lean down and kiss her. He had known that this would be a bad idea though. So instead he had taken a step away from her and lied: "I just didn't like that you were keeping it a secret. We never kept things from each other."

Emma had raised her eyebrows as if to say that she didn't believe him, but Killian had just walked upstairs and into his room, deciding to avoid her presence for the remainder of his stay as much as possible.

During their goodbye they had hugged, but it hadn't felt the way it usually did. Something had been off and when he had looked at her, he had known that she felt it too.

Killian opened his eyes.

If he had known that that weekend would be the last time he'd see her, he definitely wouldn't have held back when all his instincts had told him to kiss her.

But with her gone, all he could do now was regret that he had been too scared to cross that line with her, because he was now almost certain that he hadn't been the only one struggling back in that living room.

Today

He heard Emma and her mother chat, while he prepared some tea. The two women had spent part of the day shopping, quite successfully if Killian had to guess by the number of bags they carried home. But Emma had gotten tired in the early afternoon, causing them to return earlier than planned.

Killian looked over his shoulder toward them and smiled, when he saw Emma resting her head on her mother's shoulder, Ruth gently stroking her arm.

He carried the mugs over to them and placed them on the coffee table, before sitting down himself.

"How are the moving plans coming along?" Ruth asked.

Killian took a sip of his tea. "We signed the lease two days ago. We hope to have packed everything up by next weekend. I was planning to ask a few co-workers to help bringing everything into the new place."

"I'm sure if you asked him, David would be willing to help as well."

Killian chuckled. "I don't consider being punched in the face as help."

Ruth laughed. "I think he can control himself enough to wait with the punching until everything else is done." She lifted her mug to her lips. When she lowered it again, she looked from Killian to Emma, whose eyes were half-closed. "I believe I should head back home soon, leave you two alone."

"You could stay a little longer," Emma said, followed by a yawn.

Ruth smiled gently at her daughter. "I'll try to make time next weekend to help with your move, but now you should rest a little. I know how exhausting shopping can be and you've never been a fan of it anyway."

Killian saw Emma smiling. "It wasn't that bad today."

"I'm glad you think so." Ruth sighed. "But I should drive home now anyway."

Emma straightened up, when Ruth moved to stand, but when she wanted to stand up as well, her mother placed a hand on her shoulder.

"No need for you to walk me to the door."

Killian got up. "I'll walk your mother to her car, don't worry about that," he told Emma with a smile.

The two women said goodbye and Killian accompanied Ruth outside.

When he returned, Emma had already carried the mugs back into the little kitchen and was just getting comfortable on the sofa again.

"Don't you want to take a nap?" he suggested and walked toward her.

"Not really. I think I'm gonna watch a movie and maybe go to bed a little earlier than usually."

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, gesturing toward the sofa.

"Not at all," Emma replied with a smile, moving a little to let him sit with her.

Killian sat down and, without thinking about it, laid his arm around her shoulders. Emma leaned against him only a moment later, starting the movie. For a few minutes they were quiet, both focusing on the TV, while he absentmindedly toyed with her hair.

"You know, I could get used to this," he admitted.

Emma turned a little to look at him. "Could? I was beginning to think that you already are used to spending your afternoons and evenings with me. We've been doing this all week after all. Don't you want to spend some time with your girlfriend?" She looked away from him at the TV again. "I'm fine with being alone every now and then."

"Do you want to get rid of me?" Killian asked, only half teasingly. Maybe she was already tired of him spending so much time with her?

"Of course not," she answered quietly. "I was just wondering what Milah thinks about you hanging out with me so much. I don't want to stand between the two of you."

"Don't worry about that, love. I promise you that everything's fine." He sighed. "Milah and I broke up, when I visited her last weekend."

Emma turned in her seat, staring at him, the movie forgotten. "What? Why would you do that?"

"I think we both realized that it wouldn't work out between us." Killian met her gaze, trying to figure out whether or not he should tell her more about his conversation with Milah. If he really wanted to know whether or not she had feelings for him as well, that went beyond friendship, he probably should finally gather enough courage to tell her what he felt. He swallowed. "You know… I've been pretty much in love with the same woman for years. We've been friends – best friends – for so long that I can't even remember a time when she hasn't been part of my life. When I finally realized that my feelings might go beyond mere friendship, I screwed up, pushing her away because I didn't want to risk what we had. It didn't help, but only made things awkward between us. We lost contact for a while and when I met Milah I thought I was ready to move on." He paused, lifting a hand to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I was wrong. You have no idea how happy I was when you stood in front of my door that evening. I tried to justify that with having my best friend back, but it's more than that. It has been for a long time. That's why it couldn't have worked out with Milah. She's not you."

Emma was still just looking at him and it was obvious that she was struggling to find the words to express whatever kind of reply she wanted to give him.

The longer she remained quiet however, the more nervous he became. What if he had just done something their friendship couldn't recover from?

But just when he decided to say something – anything – to break the silence, she surprised him once again, when her lips found his. It only took him a moment to respond, his hand cupping her cheek, fingers digging into her hair. He felt her hands stroking over his chest, moving up toward his neck.

Emma pulled away first, smiling at him timidly while her cheeks were an adorable shade of pink. "Sorry," she started, biting her bottom lip. "I'm not that good with words." Her fingers were still brushing through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Killian chuckled. "Did you hear me complain?" He kissed her once more. "But just to clarify…" His lips met hers again.

"I love you," she said and Killian felt like his smile couldn't be any bigger.