Fifty Shades of Fruit
Chapter Eight: Strawberry Squibcake
The scent was intoxicating, more intoxicating then Mrs Norris on heat. He let the smell pull him to the Hogwarts kitchens. He ticked the pear on the door and went inside. The smell of all the fresh strawberries made Filch's wand extremely hard. The elves were making strawberry tarts. They were all rushing around; extremely busy not noticing him at the door.
Filch glided towards a big bowl of strawberries as if in an ethereal dream. He absorbed the smell, the very essence, into his heart. His wand was so hard it made a dent in the drawer. He took the bowl and rushed to a cupboard.
He opened the door and saw Winky masturbating with a bottle of butterbeer. He pushed her out and entered the cupboard cradling the bowl. She kept on masturbating. The elves were watching but she didn't even care. She was too caught up in the rhythms of her climax. She was too pleased, As if an ugly old squib had not pushed her out while she was inserting butterbeer into her vagina.
'Oooooh.' She squeaked. She thought of Mr Crouch, it made her even hornier. Her master used to whip her. She loved the feeling of pain. Instead of S&M she enjoyed W&E i.e. wizard and elf. She used her elf magic to conjure a banana. No ordinary banana, it was alive. It slowly peeled itself and started to whip her with its long, yellow peels.
Winky's elf nipples hardened and her elf parts quivered. Every strike was bliss for Winky. The banana felt so good. She took it in her hands and shoved it in her mouth, the peels still whipping her, she delicately licked the banana, sensing the banana felt as turned on as her
Meanwhile
Filch could smell the sweet delicious scent. He felt aroused by the very external seeds of strawberries against his skin. He savoured the fact that strawberries have external seeds due to better germination in harsher climates. He enjoyed the botanical information
He became hard at the thought of strawberries inside him. He remembered that time when he wikipedia-ed strawberries and wanked off to the information. He became hard at the thought of strawberries inside him. He could hear Winky's little elf moans from outside of the cupboard, turning him on even more. 'YOLO' he thought. He took a strawberry and inserted it into his ass.
Then he inserted another.
And another.
And another.
AND ANOTHER!
The seeds were rubbing the walls in his butt. Massaging his inside. It felt so good. His inner squib moaned. He rubbed his butt up against the wall of the cupboard, the harsh wood rubbing his ass. The strawberries belonged in his anus. His penis was rock hard, a rare occurrence in his old age. He took another 6 strawberries and rubbed them against the tip of his penis.
He remembered having sex with Peeves in a broom cupboard once. He said he hated him, but actually, he adored him. Peeves kept making fart noises but it was hot and smelly and he liked it that way. He thought of the feeling of the transparent penis. Filch had Gotten around the grounds of Hogwarts. His love for spectral sex was well known among Hogwarts inhabitants. His favourite was Professor Binns.
He loved the droning on about history while he had the professor bent over a table. As ever, he persevered in his lectures about goblin wars, the fact that he was getting nailed in the ass by a hairy squib penis didn't stop him. Goblin wars made Filch horny. He had fantasies about Uric the Oddball and Emeric the Evil. Sexy goblin threesomes turned him on. Filch couldn't contain himself any more, he jizzed explosively. He finished all over the strawberries. He took some of his jizz and drew a picture of a strawberry on the cupboard.
Then he put them back in the bowl. In the hopes that the elves wouldn't notice and would make a tart out of it anyway. He hobbled out of the cupboard, his body still shaking with pleasure, his back pain gone due to his release of oxytocins. He walked past Winky with her butterbeer and banana. He luld.
"Lul."
"Luuuuul."
And walked out of the kitchen. He turned to close the door to the kitchen. That was when he saw someone else in the picture of the fruit bowl.
Someone he really didn't expect would be there...
It was,
The Fat Lady from Gryffindor Tower!1!111!
Author's note: Happy Christmas everyone! Extra long chapter to make up for not posting for a while