Thanks for the reviews, I'm pleased and surprised that people are still reading this, so thank you! I also hadn't expected this chapter to go in the direction it did, but hey ho!
Ruth emerged onto the grid and looked around. Everyone was arriving for the day, or already working, but Adams eyes found hers. "Harry?" he asked approaching her.
"On his way in," she said. Adam frowned and Ruth sighed. She knew he was concerned about Fiona, but it wasn't really his business. And looking at her watch, Harry wasn't even late for another ten minutes yet. "He'll be here."
"I've got a bad feeling about this operation," he admitted. "I don't like Fiona being with these people. It's too close to home."
"I know you're worried," she said. "Fiona's not stupid, she'll know if she meets anyone. From before."
"I hope you're right." Adam shook his head and went back to his desk. Ruth logged in to her computer and started double checking the surveillance footage. When Harry came onto the grid some twenty minutes later, she'd already been swallowed up by work and didn't have the chance to talk to him privately about Graham. It wasn't until past three o'clock that she found time to go up to the roof, guessing Harry would follow her. She wasn't disappointed.
"How are things?" she asked. "With Graham?"
"Good," he replied, squeezing her hand briefly. "Relatively. I think he'll be okay. He'll be staying at mine for a while."
"Okay," she said. The tone in her voice must have sounded wrong because he looked at her sharply.
"I don't want anything to change between us because of him," he said.
"Your son is hardly going to want me around," she said.
"I don't care," Harry said simply. "I need you." She nodded but didn't look convinced as she looked across the city.
"I don't want to come between you and your son," she said.
"You wont," he said. "If he storms out, which I think likely, it won't be because of you."
"I love you," she said quietly, leaning her head on his shoulder. He kissed her head gently and the stayed there for a few seconds which turned into comfortable minutes, holding each other. Harry's phone buzzed and they knew their brief moment of respite had come to an end.
"Adam," Harry said, looking at the caller. "Yes?" he asked, answering it. "What kind of trouble?" They both moved towards the door to head back to the grid as they were clearly needed.
"He's gone," Ruth said into the emphatic silence on the grid. Adam had disconnected his ear piece and they all instinctively knew what that meant. However it took another fifteen minutes to get paramedics on the scene and for them to relay the information back to the grid that there was no hope for Fiona. She was gone.
It was in a state of silence and almost stunned disbelief that people on the grid dispersed. Ruth quietly and slowly put her coat on and left the grid to go home. Harry didn't stop her. There was work still to be done, but in the face of the entire teams grief, it could wait.
Ruth didn't stop to think until she got home, navigating the tube during rush hour, which she rarely did, usually working much later. By the time she unlocked the door to her flat, she felt like she was at breaking point. She couldn't do more than close her front door, then collapse against it. She felt too empty, too wrung out to cry, and then felt guilty for not being able to cry in the first place. She closed her eyes and just existed. Stopped all thought and simply sat. She may have actually slipped into a doze because the next thing she was aware of was Harry pushing the door against her back, clearly trying to get in. She knew time had passed but she couldn't possibly say how much.
"Hold on," she said. She got up and let Harry push it open. The grim look on his face seemed to be the trigger she needed and she leaned against him, loving the feeling of his arms tight around her. The support she needed right now as she pushed the door shut behind him.
"It's okay," he murmured. It wasn't in the slightest, but he felt like he had to say something. He kissed her cheek and she twisted herself so she could kiss the hollow of his throat. She breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of him. Almost musky with the over laying scent of the rain from outside.
"I don't think that's the best idea," Harry said. She looked up at him, almost unaware that her fingers had been unbuttoning his shirt. "Not right now."
"No," she said with a sigh. "Sorry." She moved into the kitchen, Harry following her. He offered no argument when she poured two large whisky's and passed him a glass. "This doesn't get easier does it? Losing someone."
"It only does when you stop caring," Harry said. "And you will never be a person who doesn't care, Ruth."
"Can you stay here with me tonight?" she asked.
"No," he said after a massive hesitation. "I can't, I'm sorry. Graham in my house alone… I can't leave him there. He's just out of rehab, there's sensitive documents in my house… I can't. But you could come home with me. I meant it when I said I wanted you to live with me."
"Not tonight," she said, shaking her head. "I… after such a loss I can't put on my friendly face for someone else," she said, referring to Graham. "If I snap or shout, he'll remember it. Not the impression I want to make."
"I don't care what his impression is, Ruth," Harry said. "I need you just as much as you need me right now." She rubbed her face vigorously but said nothing. He sighed and took a step backwards and Ruth could feel the gulf between them instantly.
"Are you ever going to trust me?" he asked. "Totally and completely?"
"I do trust you," she said, insulted and it showed on her face. "I love you and trust you. My hesitation to move in with you is not from a lack of trust. My unwillingness to sleep at your house tonight has little to do with you." Harry downed the whisky and she knew he was leaving her house.
"When you decide that you need me, you know where I am," he said heavily. He turned and left her house and she didn't call him back or say a word to stop him. She downed what was left of the whisky in her glass, cursing him in her head. Arrogant arse. Why did everything always have to be his way?