AN: Don't give up on this story, the next chapter might be the ending.
I have to lie. I can't tell her, her eyes are too expectant for good news.
"I don't know."
Christina knows I'm lying, a Candor can almost always tell.
"Has he left with the others?" Gemma asks.
"He said he'd find me again." Alaska says sadly.
I want to tell her the truth, I really do but I can't not now, not ever.
I quickly check my pulse, it's still slow. Maybe even slower than before. My finger tips are as white as a ghost.
The others are talking but I've zoned out, am I dying? After all this, will I just die now? Does death even bother me anymore? I told Tobias that I'd never give up on him ever again but I've killed Chloe, I watched her son get killed and I've left Dale for dead. I should go back for him, I should tell them where he is but they'll see Lucas' body. They'll blame me for it. None of them will speak to me again and I need them. I'm not supposed to be selfish but I am.
I lean towards Alaska and check her pulse, she jolts away but I still remain in contact with her.
Her pulse is normal, probably above average. What's wrong with me? I don't think it works aswell if you were dead first. Or maybe it's because I'm divergent. Whatever it is, Alaska's well and I'm not. I pull my hand away.
"What are you doing?" Alaska asks.
"Just checking you're alive." I smile.
"I think it's obvious she's alive." Gemma says while rolling her eyes. "I'm not sure about her baby though."
Alaska looks at her angrily with a tears in her eyes.
"Leave it. Tris are you alright? You look pale."
"It's been a long day." I avoid her over analysing eyes.
"I need to go find Tobias. You keep the cure with you, cure whoever you can."
"Chris, find some Erudite, make them test the serum and make them replicate the formula to help everyone."
"Anything for you." She teases.
I don't laugh.
"Take two gas masks, we've got enough for us lot."
She lays out the gas masks in front of us, she has 5.
"How did you get all of these?" I asks suspiciously.
"You think I'd go into a warzone without protection? I'm not stupid."
"Don't forget to get Derek, he's still stuck under Chloe's bedroom, in the tunnel. I promised him we'd rescue him. Please."
I have to save someone, I can't keep on allowing people to die because of me.
"We'll get him, Tris."
I stuff the cure, the needle and the two gas masks into my pocket.
"Where'd Colin go?" I suddenly think to ask.
"The whole lot of them left. They said they'd come back to pick us up."
"How kind." I say aggressively.
"What do you expect them to do? Stay here and wait until they get gassed?" Christina says clearly, she obviously thought about this issue a lot.
"I don't know. No."
I stand up to leave and so does Alaska, She lunges with me with her arms open. The force of her hug almost knocks me over. She's so strong right now, either that or I'm getting weaker. It's probably the latter.
"Thanks for saving me. If I find Dale, we might be able to have a small family."
I tense up, she looks up at me strangely, questions filling her head. I dismiss it with a shake of my head and move onto Christina's shoulders.
"You shouldn't lie, Tris. You remember what happened last time." Christina whispers in my ear.
Is she talking about Will? I'm just repeating my mistakes over and over again but I can't correct them.
"It's different."
"If I only had truth serum right now." She sighs.
"Don't do this." She says loudly so the others can hear.
"I have too."
"I'll see you at Dauntless?" I ask Gemma.
"No, I'm pretty sure, we won't see each other again."
I'm confused and I'm pretty sure my face shows it.
She motions to her wrist, quickly so the other don't notice. She knows about my slow pulse she knows I'm dying. How? How could she possibly know? Unless she knows that if you're dead it's not a cure, just a small extension of life.
Christina's furious with me.
"I'm sorry, I'll see you…" I shut the door.