When Rayna pulled into the drive, she felt her stomach drop when she saw Teddy's car. She knew he would be upset that she'd taken Maddie with her. Anxiety raced through her as she opened the back door of her SUV and unfastened Maddie from the car seat. She swung the diaper bag over her shoulder and then lifted her daughter out of the seat. Maddie was gurgling and making what Rayna now knew were little happy noises. She put the baby on her hip and looked down at her daughter's precious face, smiling at the little girl in spite of the fact that she felt a little sick to her stomach. "Hey, sweet girl," she cooed, kissing her on the forehead. "Daddy's home."

She walked up to the back door of the little bungalow they'd rented in Oak Hill just before Maddie was born. They had decided to build a house just outside of Belle Meade, but that was going to take nearly a year to complete, so they were renting the cute little house in a small gated community. She would have been happy living in a place like this, but Teddy felt like they needed to have a house that suited her stature in the music industry and his anticipated status in the business community. Which had led to the grand estate he'd envisioned for them that was now under construction.

She took a deep breath and then opened the door into the kitchen. The room was empty. She felt cold fingers run up her back, but she headed for the den. Teddy was standing by the window, looking out over the back courtyard. "Hey, babe. You're home early," she said, trying to sound more casual than she felt.

He turned, his face impassive, but she could see the little twitch in his jaw. She knew that meant he was pissed. "Where have you been?" he asked, his voice icy.

She swallowed hard and then she felt herself push all her anxiety and apprehension down, into one of the little boxes she put all her emotions in, so that she could stay calm and steady. "At rehearsal, of course," she said. "Last one before the tour starts." She stood, looking at him, knowing he wanted to say his peace.

"I thought you weren't going to take Maddie," he said. "We talked about that."

She couldn't help it, she rolled her eyes. "I know we talked about it, Teddy. But she was fussy when I was ready to leave and she wouldn't go to Mia. There was just no way I could leave my baby girl when she was that unhappy." She met his steely gaze.

Teddy put his hands on his hips, then shook his head with one of those incredulous half-smiles on his face. "And I suppose you let Claybourne see her," he said flatly.

The diaper bag was heavy, so she dropped it on a chair and shifted Maddie to her other hip. "Yes, I did," she said. "So what, Teddy? He's going to see her when we start the tour."

"I think she should stay in Nashville," he said.

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "You can't be serious, Teddy," she said. "We talked about that. She's a baby. She needs her mama. I am not going to leave her at home."

"Which is why I told you to wait to go back out on the road."

She frowned. "And I told you I couldn't do that. This is my career and I need to get back out on the road. We can't keep having this argument." She could see Teddy clench his jaw. It was a sore spot for him that Rayna made more money than he did. A lot more. But there was no way they could have the lifestyle they had without it.

"She's too young, Rayna."

"Mia's going with us. When I'm on stage, she'll be asleep. The rest of the time I'll be with her."

Teddy smirked. "And Claybourne," he said nastily.

Rayna made a face. "That's what this is really about, isn't it? Well, I'm sorry that Deacon's back in my band, but I didn't really have a choice."

"Of course you had a choice, Rayna! I can't believe, in this town, there aren't a hundred other guitar players you could have picked from."

She shook her head. "He's the best. And he knows me. I told you that chemistry is important."

Teddy laughed an unpleasant laugh. "Oh, yeah, chemistry. I know all about your chemistry with Deacon Claybourne."

Just then Maddie started to get fussy. Rayna scowled at Teddy. "I need to put Maddie down," she said. She picked up the diaper bag and walked back to Maddie's nursery, leaving Teddy stewing.

As she changed Maddie's diaper and got her daughter settled down for a nap, she had a chance to settle her thoughts. She didn't want to fight with her husband, not when she was getting ready to leave for six weeks. As she rocked Maddie, she thought back to earlier that afternoon, when Deacon met Maddie for the first time.

She wondered if he'd see the resemblance that seemed so obvious to her. She never looked into Maddie's face without seeing Deacon, but maybe that was just because she knew Maddie was Deacon's daughter. When she told Deacon Maddie looked like her father, she knew he assumed she meant Teddy. And truthfully, it was an easy mistake to make. Maddie's hair was dark, like Deacon's, but also like Teddy's. And she was still young enough that her features weren't as pronounced yet and could easily be mistaken for Teddy's. But it was some of Maddie's facial expressions that reminded her so much of Deacon. The tiny line that would form between her brows when she was frustrated. The dimple in her cheek when she grinned. Her solemnness. It seemed unmistakable to her, but clearly Deacon hadn't seen it.

She knew he didn't remember much from that time. When she'd thrown the ring he'd given her on the floor, he hadn't remembered giving it to her, much less asking her to marry him. He scrambled around on his hands and knees looking for it, but she was the one who ultimately found it, lying against the leg of the couch. She'd picked it up and stuck it in her pocket, forgetting about it until she'd undressed that night, finding it then. She put the ring in a tiny box that she kept hidden in her underwear drawer. It was still there.

As disappointing as it had been for Deacon not to have even questioned Maddie's paternity, it also gave her sense of relief. If he didn't suspect and didn't know, it wouldn't be as hard to keep that secret. As much as she wanted him to know and still felt that someday he needed to know, she already felt like the time had passed. She wasn't sure she could adequately explain to him why she'd done what she'd done. But more than that, she didn't want to be the cause of him falling off the wagon. He was making good progress this time and she sensed this time was going to be different. Her biggest fear, though, was that if he found out she hadn't told him about Maddie, he'd go off the rails. And she did not want to be responsible for that.

She laid Maddie down in her crib and covered her daughter with a light blanket, rubbing her gently on her back. She walked to the door and stood there for a moment, looking back at the crib. Then she quietly closed the door and went back to the den, to finish the conversation she needed to have with Teddy.

When Rayna walked into the den, Teddy had turned back towards the window. But she noticed that his shoulders seemed slumped, as though he were defeated. She felt sadness in her heart for being the cause of that. She walked over to him and, standing behind him, she put her hand on his arm. She felt him tense up and she rubbed her hand up and down his arm.

"I know you're scared," she said softly. "But you don't have to be. I love you, Teddy." He turned around to face her and she felt sad seeing the anguish in his face. She took his hand in both of hers. "I didn't marry you because I had to. Yes, you offered me a safe haven, but, babe, I married you because I wanted to. I knew you would take care of us and love us and give us that life I always wanted." She smiled at him encouragingly. "You're a good husband and a good father and we're building a family together. I would never do anything to harm that."

Teddy breathed in and then looked away for a moment. Rayna could see him fighting tears. Then he turned back to her. "I love you, Rayna. I love Maddie. Y'all are the best things that ever happened to me. But I know you had this complicated, intense relationship with Deacon…."

Rayna shook her head. "I made a decision, Teddy, before you and I were even dating, that I couldn't be with Deacon anymore. Nothing has changed about that."

"Even if he stays sober."

She nodded. "Even if he stays sober." She thought about that for a brief second. Would he? Could he? But Deacon was complicated and messy, even without the drinking, and she didn't want that kind of life for her daughter. "It isn't just about that, though, Teddy. I have a life with you now. And our daughter. And she is our daughter. This is what I want. This is what I need."

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

She nodded, her heart hurting that he felt unsure about that. "Of course." In that moment she knew, regardless of any feelings she still had for Deacon, that she had made that commitment to Teddy and, for better or worse, she would honor that.

He took a deep breath. "But you'll be on tour together, on a bus together…."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "He won't be on the bus with me. He'll be with the rest of the band, on their bus." She looked into his eyes and could see his need. She stepped closer and put her hands on his face. "I chose you, Teddy," she said. "I would still choose you." She searched his eyes with hers. "I leave tomorrow. I don't want us to fight," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

He breathed in and then he put his arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her hungrily. She let herself give in to that and kissed him back, sliding her arms around his neck, giving him what he needed from her. The reality was that she would always love Deacon, always miss what they had, but she knew this was what she needed, for herself and particularly for Maddie. She would do whatever she needed to do to reassure her husband of her commitment to him.

As he continued to kiss her, he pulled her closer against him and she could feel his arousal. He's a good man. And he loves me far more than I deserve to be loved. I need to make sure he knows how much that means to me. She moaned a little in the back of her throat and then she let him take her hand and lead her back to their bedroom.

~nashville~

Deacon pulled out his duffle bag from the closet and started to throw clothes in it. The last time he'd been out on tour had been with Rayna. Back before his fourth try at rehab. Back when he was more than just a member of her band. He stopped and sat on the bed, rubbing his face. The last time he toured with Rayna, he was welcome in her artist's suite in the back of the big black bus emblazoned with her name on the side. In fact, they rarely came out of the bedroom in those days, venturing out only to get food and drink. In those days, though, they mainly lived on love and music.

"I think I'm done writing, babe," Rayna purred. She reached for his guitar and, pulling it gently from his hands, laid it against the wall of the tiny bedroom. She was wrapped up in the sheet, but when she turned back to him she pulled it aside, showing him her lush, full breasts. She gave him a naughty smile. "I'm ready for you to do me." He grinned at her as she sat back on her heels, her legs folded beneath her.

Then he reached for her, pulling her close, as she giggled. He captured her mouth with his, sliding his tongue between her lips. He had one hand around her waist, the other sliding down between her legs. She had her hands on the back of his neck, then sliding up through his hair and she kissed him hungrily as she made little moaning noises and moved her hips in concert with the movement of his fingers.

When he could no longer stand it, he grabbed her by the waist with both hands and flipped her onto her back on the bed, hovering over her, panting hard. She looked up at him, her eyes half-closed. Then she put her hand around him and guided him inside her. He growled with his need and his pleasure….

He shook his head hard. He put his hands on his knees and breathed in slowly and deliberately, then breathed out. He couldn't think about that. It was over. Done. She was married to someone else and she'd be in her bus alone, not with him. He had to stop thinking about her that way. She belonged to someone else, not to him.

He pushed up from the bed and, with a look of determination on his face, finished packing.

He pulled into the Sound Check parking lot thirty minutes before the buses were scheduled to pull out for Charlotte. He had gone to a meeting before driving over. Cole had met him there to give him support. He usually didn't speak at meetings, content to sit and listen and use others' experiences to give him strength. But he'd felt like speaking today.

I been an alcoholic feels like my whole life. My daddy was an alcoholic, mean son of a bitch. I wasn't gonna be like him, but it's like it's in your blood. At least that's what he told me. I went to rehab four times. Failed four times. I had a woman who loved me, in spite of all that. She was always there, even in the worst of times. But after four times she had enough. Walked out. Made a new life for herself.

I went one more time to rehab and promised myself I'd make it work. I been sober fourteen months, two days. I think it's the longest I ever stayed sober. Even though we ain't together no more, I want her to be proud of me. I ain't just doing this for her, but I am doing it for her. I want her to know I can do this, that I can be the man she thought I could be. It don't mean I'll get her back, 'cause she's got a husband and a baby now, but I can at least show her I can do this.

I'm a guitar player and I finally got a steady gig, so I'm going out on the road. It's gonna be hard and there's lots of temptation out on the road, but I'm gonna do this. I used to think I had nothing to lose, but now I know I got everything to lose. So I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna make it.

Thank you.

It had felt good to put it out there. Cole often told him that speaking his truth out loud would help him stay on track. And he was right. He'd felt stronger after saying all that out loud. He didn't talk about Rayna by name at a meeting, but she was part of this. He thought about what she'd said when she hired him – that he had to go to meetings, that she didn't want him to mess this up. This was a test, on a lot of different levels.

Touring with Rayna would be different this time. During rehearsals she was like the old Rayna, flirty and fun, brushing against him lightly, giving him an almost-seductive look. But when the song was over, that was too. She still didn't talk to him much, unless it was about band business or set lists, and then she was careful to make sure there were other people around. She was trying very hard to enforce the boundaries and communicate to him that she was serious about them. He supposed it wasn't much different than if he were touring with, say, Faith Hill or Trisha Yearwood or Martina McBride. What was on stage was on stage and when the lights went down and the music stopped, you walked away into your different lives.

But this was Rayna. And it was not that simple. For him, he knew, and he suspected even for her. Sometimes he would see something in her eyes or he would catch her looking at him, and he wondered just how not simple it might be for her. He was going to respect her boundaries though. He'd promised her that and he wanted to show her he could keep those promises. Even if it killed him to do it.

He got out of the truck and reached behind the seat for his duffle and guitar case. "Hey, Deacon!" he turned in the direction of the voice. It was Travis, the tour manager, gesturing to him. "Over here!" Deacon walked over to the bus where Travis was standing. It was labeled 'Rayna Jaymes #2' and he knew it was the band bus. 'Rayna Jaymes #1' was Rayna's bus and buses 3 and 4 carried equipment and wardrobe and other gear.

He walked towards the bus and as he rounded the front to get to the luggage hold, he saw Rayna standing by her bus, Maddie in her arms. And Teddy. He tossed his duffle in the hold and when he looked back up, Teddy was looking at him, with a self-satisfied look on his face. Deacon watched him turn towards Rayna, first giving Maddie a little kiss on the forehead, and then leaning in for a more intimate kiss with Rayna. Then he followed her up the steps into the bus, giving Deacon one last glance before they all disappeared.

He breathed in slowly, fighting the urge to storm off.

~nashville~

Rayna heard Travis call out Deacon's name, but forced herself not to turn and look. She was standing at the door to her bus with Teddy and she wouldn't do that to him. She let him pull her in close and kiss her, but she felt a sadness deep in her stomach. She hated that, because he'd been nothing but loving since they'd had that conversation after she came home from rehearsal the night before. She'd let him make love to her that night and she worked hard to focus on him and give him pleasure. He didn't have to know that the little moans and sighs weren't completely because of the things he was doing to her. He was her husband. He deserved to feel loved.

He followed her onto the bus and helped her get Maddie situated in her pack-n-play. Then he took her in his arms again and held her close, kissing her. "I'm going to miss you both," he whispered against her lips.

She pressed herself against him and smiled. "Come out on the weekends, babe," she said. "Maddie would love it if her daddy came." She ran her fingers through his hair. "I would too."

"You're sure?"

She pulled out of his arms and took one of Maddie's toys out of her bag and put it in the baby's hands. Maddie made little cooing noises. "Of course, babe. You're always welcome. I mean, I know you have to work, but you can come out on weekends. Anytime you want."

He nodded, then smiled, that boyish grin that she really did love. "Okay. I will," he said. He kissed her once more, then tickled Maddie's tummy until she giggled. He looked back at her. "I'll come next weekend, how about that?"

She smiled. "That would be awesome. Just let Travis know for sure so he can make any arrangements you need." She laughed softly. "I'm never exactly sure where we'll be, but he always knows."

He nodded again, then leaned in for one last kiss. She captured his face with his hands and let the kiss linger just a bit, before she pulled back. "Have a good tour, then," he said. He looked at her adoringly. "I love you, Rayna."

She smiled back at him. "I love you too, babe." Then she watched him walk out of the bus. When he was gone, she looked down at Maddie, and then sat on the bench seat across from her. "This is gonna be an interesting journey, baby girl," she whispered. She turned and pulled her legs up under her, resting her elbow on the back of the seat. She looked out the window at the bus parked slightly ahead of hers. The band's bus. She knew Deacon was on that bus.

She sighed deeply. In some ways, having Deacon back with her was very comforting. Performance-wise, he knew her so well and there was an ease between them on stage, even now with their relationship so changed. That part had felt familiar, even though she'd had to force herself to turn it off the minute they stopped performing. Having him here though, so close and yet so far away, that was the part that gave her pause. Will we be able to do this? Can we really turn all of that off?

"Ms. Jaymes, we're ready to go," the bus driver said to her, poking his head in the door.

She smiled. "Thanks, Dave. We're good." When he shut the door, she went back to looking out the window, in time to see the band's bus pull out of the parking lot. She reached up and wiped away the tears.

~nashville~

It had really hurt, seeing Rayna with Teddy. Seeing how possessive he was with her. It tore at his heart. He knew he needed to figure out how to deal with it or it would lead him to finding some way to get that first drink.

He turned away and headed up the steps into the bus. He'd never had to ride the band bus before. He looked around. It was a lot different than Rayna's bus. There was a small kitchenette and eating area, along with a long seating bench in front of the bunks. As he started down the narrow walkway between the bunks, he wondered which one he should take. He stopped in front of one.

"Oh, hey, man, you actually get the room in the back," Steve, the bass guitarist said.

Deacon looked up, a puzzled look on his face. "What?" he asked.

Steve nodded towards the back. "It ain't quite what you're used to, but the bandleader gets the private space."

Deacon shook his head. "Nah, man, I don't need that," he said.

"Take it, dude. It ain't much more than a bunk anyway, but at least you got a door."

Deacon raised his eyebrows, then shrugged. He headed back and opened the door to the private space. Steve was right, there was a bunk-type bed and a small table and very little else. But maybe it would be good to have some privacy. He slid his guitar case between the bed and the wall, then tossed his duffle beside it. He reached back and shut the door, then sat down on the bed.

He really hoped he could do this.

~nashville~

Rayna always felt a rush of excitement the first night of a tour. This night was no different, but it even felt like the excitement had ratcheted up a notch because, not only was it her first tour in over a year and a half, but she was doing it again with Deacon. She never thought that would be the case. She had to admit to herself that it had been surprisingly easy to fall back into a comfortable performing rhythm with him. At times she almost forgot everything that had gone on between them, as she got caught up in a song. Then she would turn to look at him and her heart would beat faster and she'd find herself wondering what if. What if I'd told him back at the cabin when I went there after I found out I was pregnant? What if knowing he was going to be a father changed everything? But she hadn't told him then and now it felt like it was too late.

She had come over to the arena early for sound check, just like she always had. She picked up a bottle of water and then headed out to the mezzanine. She walked to the ramp that led to the nosebleed section and eventually found a spot four rows from the top, halfway in. She sat down and took a sip of water, then sighed. It was bittersweet, doing this alone. How many times had she and Deacon done this, looking down on the stage from the vantage point of people who paid the least amount for tickets and were farthest from the music. It had always been a humbling thing to do, reminding themselves to sing out to the people at the top of the venue.

She smiled a little sadly as she thought of all the times they'd sit up here and make out. Or more. She was startled when she suddenly heard the sound of footsteps. She felt her stomach drop as she waited, swallowing hard when she saw Deacon come up through the entrance to the section she was in. When he saw her, he nodded almost imperceptibly and she felt a sudden chill on her bare arms. He stood looking at her for a moment, then walked into a row on the opposite side of the aisle and several rows down from where she was.

She wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the words. She sat for a few more seconds, then got up and walked out to the aisle. She walked down the steps to the row he was seated in. He looked up and over at her and she returned his gaze. Then she gently tapped the back of the aisle seat and continued down the steps, not looking back.

~nashville~

He should have known she'd still do this. He'd been the one to start it, back when they were opening on George Strait's tour, but then it became a ritual for them, one that meant as much to her as it had to him. So then what were the odds he'd choose the same section. As he sat, he felt like he couldn't breathe, knowing she was so close. He wanted to go sit with her, but he knew he couldn't.

Then too soon he heard her get up and head for the aisle. She stopped when she got to his row and they just looked at each other. In his mind, he thought she wanted to say something, make a move, but couldn't. He knew she had a sense of honor about her. He knew that she would be loyal to her husband, her marriage. That's how she was made. He admired her for that, but it killed him all the same.

As he watched her walk away, he thought about the fact that this was their ritual. It was in their blood, just like everything else about them. He hoped one day they'd be able to share that ritual with each other again.

And maybe more.