Last chapter!
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Chapter 18 Just Remember This Moment
Regina sat on the edge of the tub of her bathroom. She had woken up to nightmares. She saw blood and she saw Rowan. She felt his hands and she could remember the cold terror going through her when she woke up in his car in a strange city. So she went into the bathroom to try and calm herself. She just couldn't move. She couldn't get the images of what had happened out of her mind.
Emma…
She needed Emma and she couldn't believe she had pushed her away. She held the phone in her shaking hand. It's been three days since that night on the porch. That night Emma had walked away. She hasn't seen her since and she knew from Henry's words, Emma wasn't doing so well without her either.
She brought the phone to her ear, hearing it ring before Emma's sleep ridden voice sounded through the speaker.
"R'gina?" she asked worriedly, her voice barely coherent.
It was silent for a moment and Regina almost hung up right there because what was she supposed to say to the woman that she had pushed away. To the woman who saved her but whose heart she broke.
She heard the sheets rustling and she guessed the silence must have alerted the blonde to a fully wakened state. She was probably sitting up, listening to Regina's uneven breath.
"Hey, what's going on?" she asked, shaking Regina from her frozen state.
"I need you," she whispered and then she hanged up, leaving Emma sitting in the dark with nothing but the dial tone ringing in her ear.
Regina wasn't sure how long she sat there after. She was paralyzed with fear, with so much damn anxiety and she could hardly breathe. Her thoughts plagued her. Her memories haunted her. She couldn't ground herself.
She felt weak.
She couldn't shake the feeling of being his victim. It was when she had woken up to see Emma had parked in front of the hospital, did she come to this realization. The last time she had felt so helpless and weak was when she was on the receiving end of both her mother and then Leopold's abuse. When she became the Evil Queen she swore to herself that she'd never let anyone hurt her like that again.
She finally stood, moving to the mirror. She didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. This person with fading cuts and bruises and fear in her eyes. She was always the Queen. Always the headstrong mayor that made people squirm under her gaze. She was strong.
She didn't feel strong anymore.
She felt weak and pathetic for letting this man hurt her and turning her into a victim. He turned her into the weak woman that she felt in this very moment. The one looking back at her through the reflection of her mirror.
She hid from Emma, built her walls back up because she didn't want her to see how weak she became.
Her eyes grew cold and her face contorted into hot fiery anger. She saw red. She saw disgust, because she wasn't this person that Rowan turned her into. She was so much more.
She had trouble believing it and suddenly her fist was shattering her reflection. Glass was everywhere and blood was streaming down her arm as she pulled it away.
"Regina!" Emma was suddenly pulling the door open in panic and rushing toward her. She saw the glass and the blood and she was taking Regina's injured fist and sticking it under the tap. The cold water stung but she hardly cared. She was numb.
"What are you doing!" Emma cried, taking in the shattered mirror and then looking into empty brown eyes. She tried getting Regina's attention, using her other hand and turning her face away from the bloodied water in the sink. She made her look at her.
"Hey… Regina…"
Emma watched as her mind seemed to snap back into the here and now. Her lower lip trembled and her cold brown eyes became watery and full of anguish and pain.
"This isn't me," her voice shook and tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was finally letting Emma in.
"I know," Emma soothed her, pulling her hand away from the water and shutting it off. She wrapped it in a towel and sat her on the edge of the tub. She knelt down in front of her, reaching out and tucking a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear. "I know this isn't you. I know how strong you are. You've been through a lot."
"I could still feel him on me…" she whispered, her body shuddering as she cried.
"He's gone now," Emma reminded her. "You're safe Regina and he won't ever come back. He can't hurt you again." She placed her hand on her cheek, drying her tears with her thumb. "You know that, right?"
Regina nodded, turning her face slightly and kissing the hand caressing her cheek.
"I won't let him near you again, and I know you Regina. You'll roast him with your fireballs if he ever comes near you again. You've always been able to take care of yourself. You've always been strong. You have to remember that."
Regina looked into those loving green eyes and she was suddenly racked with guilt on how she had treated Emma.
"I'm sorry…" she whispered. "I pushed you away. I..."
"No," Emma told her. "Don't apologize. I'm just glad you're finally opening up to me."
Regina just gave her a soft smile. It didn't quite reach her eyes. She was just so racked with guilt and fear and she just didn't know how to be ok again. She didn't know if they would be ok again. She leaned in, gently kissing the teary blonde. The woman who saved her in more ways than one. She knew now how foolish it was to push Emma away and she wished she could take it all back.
Emma slowly pulled back when the need for air became too strong. She stood, pulling Regina up with her.
"Come on, let's get some sleep," she said, taking Regina's hand and leading her back to the bedroom.
They laid together in silence. The room was dark with the light of the moon shinning in through the windows. Emma held the brunette close to her and even though Regina was facing away from her, Emma knew she was awake.
She placed a soft kiss on her neck and then leaned over and placed another on her cheek. Regina turned in her arms so that they were finally facing each other.
"The moment I woke up and saw the hospital, I suddenly felt like his victim," she said, her voice even as she tried to hide the overwhelming emotions this evening had brought her. "He made me feel weak, like I was the girl that was abused by her mother, or the girl that was forced to marry and bed the king. I got scared and I didn't want you to see me so weak. That was why I pushed you away. I'm sorry Emma. I understand if you want to back out. We don't have to do this."
"You really don't get it, do you?" Emma asked, her voice full of affection and if the lights were on Regina would be able to see that same affection shinning in those green eyes. "I love you Regina. No matter how much you push me away, I'm not going anywhere."
"I hurt you…" Regina whispered and Emma felt the lingering pain that had taken up residence in her heart these past unbearable days.
"Do you trust me?" she asked shakily and Regina was silent for a moment. She reached out, caressing the other woman's cheek and looking into those eyes that had captivated her since day one.
"I trust you." Her voice was barely above a whisper but Emma heard it and she leaned in, kissing those lips and breathing in that apple and cinnamon smell that was just simply Regina.
She pulled away just barely an inch from Regina's lips. They could feel each other's breath and Emma didn't need to see to know there were tears streaming down the brunette's cheeks.
"The next time you get scared, and you have to push me away, just remember this moment. Remember those words, and we'll always be ok."
Regina smiled through the darkness, her heart swelling with love for a woman she once hated. She kissed her, all the hurt and insecurities vanishing in that moment and they were just two women in love.
The kiss became heated and Regina suddenly found herself straddling Emma. Her girlfriend pulled away for a moment and looked up at dark brown eyes.
"You sure you want to do this?" she asked.
"I trust you," she said softly and it was all the answer Emma needed.
