AN* Some dialogue is taken from 'The one with the routine'. As always I own nothing. This is a 100% Mondler baby(yes definitely)
December 1994
[Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are all decorating the tree but Ross isn't]
Let me ask you, why is everybody using these tiny lights nowadays? I remember when people used to use big lights. Chandler joked.
" That's a good story, Grandpa." Rachel commented.
(Ross enters)
"Hey" Ross greeted.
"Hey Dude!" they all greeted back.
"Wow, Monica's letting other people help decorate her tree! Did someone get her drunk again or?" Ross said.
"I'm pregnant. I can't get drunk unless you want me to tell the story of how Chandler got me nice and knocked up" Monica who is proudly displaying a noticable baby bump smiles.
Then she showed the tree...
"Having a perfectly decorated tree is not what Christmas is about. It's about being with the people that you love" she annouced.
"That is nice and we're done. TADA!" Phoebe clapped her hands together.
(Her side of the tree looks a complete mess)
"I dunno what it is, it just doesn't quite feel like Christmas to me." Chandler said sarcastically
"Oh, here." Monica answered and he placed his hand on her ever-growing belly.
(She turns the tree around so that her side, which is perfectly decorated, is showing)
"See now it feels like Christmas!" Chandler has came to realization.
Kissing his pregnant girlfriend, "Eww guys!" Ross yelled.
"Oh my they love each other so much" Rachel gushed dreamily.
[The next afternoon]
"What the hell are you two doing?" Chandler asked as he entered the apartment to see Phoebe and Rachel looking for presents.
"Uhh nothing" Phoebe lied then said "Okay fine you got us. We were looking for presents"
"I can't believe this. Why are you doing this to Mon?" Chandler looked angrily at them.
"Why would she care? She's pregnant with your child and is horny all the time" Rachel stated then started to look for the presents.
"You two do gave a point here. The pregnancy is making Monica want do it with me all the time" Chandler answered.
"So do you wanna search. What if Mon gets you wonderful present but you get her nothing" Phoebe questioned.
"All right you two got me" the trio start to search.
"Oh lookey a Macys bag" Rachel exclaimed and looks on there pulling out a destroyed shoe.
"Eww old sneaker" she screamed in digust.
Phoebe read out the note
Dear Chandler,
I knew they would get to you sooner or later. And do you losers really think I'd hide presents under the couch?
Xoxo...Mon and Baby Bing.
"Come on! My own girlfriend and Baby Bing are turning their backs against me" Chandler groaned placing his hands on his face.
"Let's continue sesrching" the girls suggested.
[A few hours later]
Chandler: I couldn't find anything at Joey-Hey-hey, oh hey!
Rachel: Yeah, we found them. There were in the guest room closet behind some coats.
Phoebe: Yeah, and you have nothing to worry about 'cos they're all crap!
Chandler: Those are my gifts, I got them for you.
Phoebe: Ohhh. Thanks Chandler they're great!
Rachel: Well Chandler, what is this very weird, metal A Z thing?
Chandler: Those are book ends! That's a great gift!
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm sorry, thank you for my azzz.
Rachel: Ha!
Chandler: Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay?
Rachel: Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey!
[An hour later]
Chandler: Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter.
Phoebe: Or we could just follow your clever jokes – any ideas? No! Didn't think so! Okay, c'mon guys, show us where the presents are!
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica that's as good as garbage?
Phoebe: Hmm, how about my azzz?
(Rachel sits on the window seat, and knocks against it)
Rachel: Hey, this is hollow.
Phoebe: What?
Rachel: This bench, it's hollow! I can't believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!
Phoebe: No, don't look directly at them!
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Alright, no, we could look at them!
Rachel: Oh, this one's for me!
Phoebe: Oh, this one's for Chandler. Here.
Chandler: Oh great!
Phoebe: And the big one's for me!
Rachel: Ooh, let's open them!
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay!
Phoebe: Hee hee!
Chandler: Wait, we can't do this.
Phoebe and Rachel: Why?
Chandler: I don't wanna know what Monica got me. Y'know? I mean, look, I'm sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Rachel: Whatever Linus, I'm opening mine.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I don't know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monica's face when I give her my present, and I'm sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Phoebe: Will you get us better gifts?
Chandler: Fine!
(Monica enters wearing her homely chef jacket with her hand on her belly, and they throw the gifts behind them.)
Monica: Hey guys! You found the presents? Chandler, you let them find the presents? Great! Do you know how long it took me to find you that water purifier?
Chandler: That's what you got me?
Phoebe: Oh yes, I see what you mean. That look is priceless.
(The Geller siblings and Joey enter Dick Clarks)
Ross: Got it!
(They get to the main stage)
Ross: Oh my God it's just like I dreamed it!
Director: OK, everyone gather up.
(Monica and Ross push to the front)
Monica and Ross: 'Scuse us
Director: Here's what's gonna happen. The music's gonna start, you're gonna dance, we're gonna tape, you don't look at the camera. Any questions?
Ross: Yeah, I have a question. When is this gonna air?
(He and Monica laugh)
Director: Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out.
Joey: Ross! So when is it gonna air?
(Monica then takes off her jacket revealing a bump)
Director: Excuse me Ma'am you can't dance here while pregnant.
Ross: That's my sister.
Directior: Well then tell your sister she can't dance here while pregnant.
Ross: Hey hey that's not the rule and you know it.
Monica: Bro I can't believe you just did that.
Ross: Anything for my lil' sis.
[Scene: The Set, Monica and Ross are dancing.]
Monica: Man, this sucks! Y'know if Mom and Dad don't see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, who's gonna be the losers then?
Ross: Hey, I know what'll get us up on a platform!
Monica: What?
Ross: The routine!
Monica: Ross, we haven't done the routine since middle school.
Ross: Hey, when the snippy guy sees the routine, he'll wanna build us our own platform!
Monica: Was it really that good?
Ross: We got honourable mention in the brother/sister dance category! Look, it's almost fake midnight, do we really have any other choice?
Monica: Okay, let's do it. Mom and Dad are gonna be so faced!
(They move into a space, and Ross points to his eyes and then to hers)
Monica: 5 6 7 8!
(They start the routine. However hard I try, I really cannot describe it. You will have to watch it. I'm sorry.)
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
Ross: So, do we really have to ask who's going up on the platform next?
Director: Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that!
Monica: Yes! (They run over to a platform)
Director: (To Cameraman) Make sure you get this, they're gonna want it for the bloopers show. (To everyone) Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again it's gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybody's excitement.
[20 minutes later. Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
Ross: Can you believe this? We're gonna be on the platform for the Millennium moment!
Monica: I know! Hey, you haven't been practising the routine, have you?
Ross: No!
Monica: Me too!
Ross: Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, y'know? (He mimics a robot)
Monica: Ross, I think we should stick to the routine, we don't wanna look stupid!
Director: Alright we're back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! (He continues to count as we hear Joey think)
Joey's Head: Okay, it all comes down to this. Whatever happens, happens. Destiny.
All: Three, Two, One!
Director: Cut!
Joey: No! Year! Happy No Year!
Director: Okay, here's where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone that's a wrap!
Geller-Greene residence .Everyone except Joey is there.]
Monica: We were on the platform, ready to dance the world into the new Millennium, and the guy yelled 'CUT!'
Rachel: Uh, wait, so you guys are telling me you actually did the routine from eighth grade?
Monica: Yeah. But of course we had to update it a little bit. (To Ross) Hey, by the way, great thinking about catching me!
Rachel: 'Cos I was gonna say there's no way you could've done the end the way you guys did it back then!
Monica: What? We could do it!
Ross: I don't know, I mean you were a lot bigger, I mean, stronger back then.
Monica: I can do it, okay? Come on, let's go. (She and Ross get up)
Monica and Ross: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 (Ross runs to be caught by Monica, but she moves out of the way)
Monica: I can't do it! (Ross falls into Monica's room)
Chandler: Now you do that, you're on TV.(Wraps his arms around her)
AN* Night night guys. I have school in the morning