AN: Sorry, it's late but you should enjoy this chapter. Well, I say enjoy...
"You've been gassed." I state the obvious, "Recently, it seems."
"I need to tell you things but I haven't got much time." She stumbles anxiously, "So you can't go into a simulation."
I step closer and hold her cold hands. "Tell me, Tris."
Tobias' POV
I don't understand, I don't get any of this. She looks too guilty. She might be holding my hands but she seems miles away and it's almost like she's doing it on purpose. What has she got to tell me? I don't trust the gas masks, made from Erudite. I know Jeanine isn't in power and we've moved on but I can't help but feeling like I'm suffocating. There's too much pressure inside me and I feel like I'm going to hatter. All I wanted was to live happily ever after with Tris but it's just a dream – a fairytale – that I've managed to convince myself after all these years but the truth is there's no happy ending. I want to get out of here but Tris shows no intention to move or to speak for that matter.
"Tris, we could tell me the world was going to end and I'd barely bat an eyelid. Whatever it is you can tell me." I say, trying to coerce her to speak.
"I wish I could kiss you right now." She says quietly.
I laugh sadly, "We could. I mean we should, Chloe's probably coming down here soon."
"She's not." She says sternly.
How can she be so certain?
"Well someone's probably followed you down here." I say trying to lead her towards the stairs.
"No one followed me."
"But how-"
"They've gone. They've either fled, been captured or are dead."
"What have you done?" I say speechless, there was a whole army above these walls, many young. How did they manage to get rid of them all?
"I gave them a chance to surrender. I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't want this."
"For what to happen?"
She lets go of my hands.
"I killed people."
I can't say anything, I'm going numb and I can feel my head hurting the way it does when you've inhaled the gas. Simulations happen when you're most vulnerable and I can't let that happen. I promised Tris that I wouldn't. So I stiffen up and cut my feeling off.
"It doesn't matter."
"I don't think you understand."
"It's war, people die."
Tris' POV
What he says reminds me of what Dale said it's war, it kill or be killed and I left him for dead. I'm just going to have to tell him. Maybe then he won't grieve as much when my heart finally stops working, maybe then he'll hate me.
"Issac, your guard?"
He looks up at me.
"Died because of me."
Tobias says quickly, "You don't have to tell me."
"A few soldiers that I don't even know the name of… Dead."
"Tris!"
"I killed Chloe by gassing her to death."
"Tris, stop!" He begs.
I can't stop. If I do I'll never say it aloud again and I can't keep it inside me anymore, I can feel the guilt blackened my heart. I can't stop or I'll die with him thinking that I'm just this little girl from Abnegation and he'll never get over me. Nobody should grieve me, not after what I've done.
"I watched Dale shoot her kid – Chloe's child. Guess how old he was?"
He looks confused, I bet he never thought she had a child.
"Guess!" I let out a short hysterical laugh.
"I don't want to know!" He shouts.
"Four. Maybe a little younger."
I finally stop and realise what I've just said and I start crying. And I see Tobias is too.
He takes a couple steps to where I am. I step back, I don't deserve comfort. He puts his arms around me but I keep mine at my sides. Was he not listening?
"I left Dale for dead but he's probably still alive and Alaska's pregnant with his baby and I feel really guilty because I lied to Alaska about him."
"You shouldn't have lied." His voice muffled on my shoulder.
"I know."
He pulls away so we can see each other faces.
His eyes are wide and examining my face.
"Tris, are you ok?"
Why does he still care about me? He should have gone already.
I look down at my hands are blue.
"Tris?"
"I cheated death, Tobias, and I don't think the universe is happy about it." I say slowly before hitting the ground.