Rayna caught up to Deacon as they walked through the Sound Check parking lot from the tour buses. It was late and she was ready to get home. She wanted to kiss her girls and then curl up in bed with her husband. They would have a little bit of a break, then would get into the studio to start work on the next album. But there was some work to be done on the track list first. "Hey," she said, with a smile, putting her hand on top of her fedora as she looked up at him. "Good tour."
He slowed down a bit and smiled back at her. "Yeah, it was. I bet you're ready to see your girls, though."
She chuckled. "I am. I always miss them so much. So listen, I don't want to cut our break too short, but I'd really like to get your input on the track list before we start in the studio."
"Anything you need, Ray. You know that. You want me to take something home and listen to it?"
She wrinkled her nose. "Would you mind?" He shook his head. "I really do appreciate it. I've got all the demos and my notes in my case. Can you come by the car?"
He nodded. "Sure." He followed her over to her SUV and she pulled at one of the cases the road assistants had put in the back. She opened it and pulled out a tote bag filled with demos. She reached in and lifted a sheet of paper part way. "Here's everything, including my notes."
"When do you need it?"
She shrugged. "By next week? Will that work for you?"
He smiled. "Yeah. Not like I got that much going on. I can do it." He reached for the tote and she closed the back of the SUV.
"So, are you still playing at the Bluebird?" she asked.
"Yeah, when I'm in town. Still doing every third Thursday." He looked at her carefully. "You should come sometime."
She looked back at him and gave him a tiny smile. "Yeah, maybe I will."
They just stood there for a minute, looking at each other. Finally Deacon broke the gaze. "Well, I should let you get home." He lifted the tote. "I'll let you know after I've listened to these."
She nodded. "Great. Thanks, Deacon." She watched him as he turned and headed for his truck. After a moment, she turned away and walked to the driver's side of her car and got in.
She wasn't sure it was a great idea to go to the Bluebird, but she wanted to show her support for Deacon. She told Teddy she was going to go listen to some songwriters, which wasn't completely untrue. He would occasionally go with her to a listening room, but music really wasn't his thing and he was happy to let her go on her own. She helped him bathe the girls and get them ready for bed. She loved their just-washed smell and cuddling with them in their pajamas.
She had dressed simply, just jeans and a flannel shirt. As she drove the short distance from home to the Bluebird, she felt a little mix of anxiety and excitement. It had been a long time since she'd heard Deacon play in front of a crowd, on his own. She wanted to prove to him, and to herself, that they could be friends, that they could still support each other. She was late getting there, because of the extra time she'd spent with the girls, and so she parked around back, coming in through the back entrance where the performers typically did.
"Hey, Rayna." She turned when she heard her name and saw Erika come out of her office.
She reached in for a hug. "Hey. Good to see you."
"Long time, no see. You hear to listen to Deacon?"
She nodded. "Yeah, for a little bit. I haven't heard him play here in a while."
"Well, we're so glad to have him. He brings in the crowds, that's for sure." Erika rubbed her arm. "I've got to get out there. Enjoy the show."
Rayna smiled. "Thanks." She intended just to stand at the bar, but she was going to wait until the current song was done. She put her hands in her back pockets and listened as Deacon finished up.
I'll keep coming back / Oh it's true / I keep coming back / That's what I do / I retrace my tracks, to you
And the place where I land / Is the palm of your hand / Just pull, tug, tease
I'll keep coming back / Oh it's true / I keep coming back / That's what I do / I retrace my tracks, to you
As she listened, she felt an ache in her heart. She was sure the song was about her and it made her wonder if he was still writing songs about her, about them. She thought maybe it wasn't a good idea for her to be there after all and she turned and walked back out.
~nashville~
Deacon was packing up after the show. He'd stayed around to talk to everyone who wanted to talk to him afterwards. It reminded him of how much he enjoyed the small, intimate spaces. The Bluebird was different from other venues, though, since it catered to songwriters. The pressure wasn't on like it would be for a headliner, to deliver a high octane performance to a packed house. It was a place for newcomers and up-and-comers and career songwriters. The audience was filled with people who just enjoyed good music and who hoped, once in a while, to be there when someone got his or her golden opportunity.
The Bluebird had been a special place for him and Rayna. They had met there, of course, but they'd both won coveted open mic spots on numerous occasions before they'd started going out on the road together. It had been a welcoming place to come 'home' to after a tour. It had been a long time since he and Rayna had been at the Bluebird together and he himself had stayed away for a long time after that.
Every time he played, he searched the audience for her, but she never came. Not that he actually expected her to. She had a family to go home to and he was sure Teddy would never be okay with her coming here to see him play, even if it was nothing more than that. So he felt safe here, playing the songs he wrote about her.
Erika walked out from the back and handed him an envelope with his take from the evening. "I guess Rayna didn't stay after all," she said.
He was putting the envelope in his messenger bag and then he looked up sharply. "What? Rayna was here?"
Erika nodded. "Yeah. She came in through the back during your set, but then I never did see her come in and sit down." She shrugged. "I guess she thought she would be too much of a distraction. I'm sure she would have caused a stir."
He nodded, still surprised she'd shown up. I wonder why she left? "Yeah, I guess," he said.
She smiled. "Well, thanks again, as always. We'll see you next time."
He smiled back. "Yeah, thanks." He slung his messenger back over his shoulder and picked up his guitar case. As he walked out the door, he was still thinking about the fact that Rayna had showed up.
~nashville~
Rayna and Tandy took the girls upstairs and laid them both down on Rayna's bed in her old bedroom. Tandy found a blanket in the closet and brought it over to lay on top of the sleeping girls. She smiled at her sister. "I think they had a great Christmas," she whispered.
Rayna was sitting on the bed, pulling the blanket over Daphne's back. She looked at Tandy and smiled. "Yeah, they did," she whispered back. "Not to mention they've been up since five this morning."
"I think we did that when we were the same age."
Rayna ran her hand lightly over Daphne's head, then got up. She walked around to the other side of the bed and did the same with Maddie. Then she and Tandy walked out. She pulled the door closed after taking one last look at her girls, smiling as she watched them sleep. She turned to Tandy. "I had forgotten how much I loved Christmas until I had my girls," she said.
Tandy linked her arm through Rayna's as they walked slowly back down the hall. "Even at Daddy's house?" she said, with a sly grin.
Rayna smiled back. "Even at Daddy's house," she said.
They walked down the stairs and into the study, where Lamar and Teddy were sharing a drink. Lamar looked up. "Would you two girls like a drink?" he asked.
"I would," Tandy said. Lamar got up and walked over to the bar. He looked questioningly at Rayna as he poured bourbon into a glass for Tandy.
Rayna sat on the arm of the chair Teddy was sitting in, putting her hand on his shoulder. She shook her head. "No thanks, Daddy," she said.
He handed Tandy her drink and sat back in his chair. "Still not a hard liquor girl, are you?" he asked, a sly look on his face.
Rayna frowned. She really didn't understand why he'd never been supportive of her. She knew he hadn't approved of Deacon and had been glad when she'd broken up with him for good. He'd blamed Deacon for leading her into the music business, even though that wasn't true. She hated how he always seemed to continue to punish her for that, making little innuendos. "It's never been my drink of choice, Daddy, you know that," she said. "I prefer wine, which you never have in the house."
Lamar chuckled. "Wine is for lightweights, Rayna." His tone was pleasant, but she knew it wasn't meant that way. Then he picked up a picture that was on the table next to him. It was the girls' gift to him, the family Christmas picture. "What a lovely little family," he said. He looked over at Teddy and then let his eyes slide up to Rayna. "I just don't know how you can stand to leave these precious girls at home for weeks at a time, Rayna."
Teddy told her later he was surprised she hadn't left a bruise where she'd gripped his shoulder to keep from getting into a fight with her father.
Rayna was still fuming when she and Teddy went to bed that night. She sat cross legged on the bed, rubbing lotion over her arms and legs. "I just wish we didn't have to make a command performance at Daddy's house every single holiday," she complained.
Teddy smiled at her. "It's not every holiday, sweetheart. Just Thanksgiving and Christmas."
She glared at him. "That's two holidays too many, if you want to know the truth." She put down the lotion and then slid her legs under the covers. "He just tries his best to pick a fight with me."
He got into bed and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Don't let him get to you, Rayna. Just remember, you're doing this for the girls. So they know their grandfather."
She huffed and sat there with her arms crossed over her waist. Finally she turned to him. "Thank you for being so understanding," she said.
He looked surprised. "I'm your husband, Rayna. I'm on your side. Lamar's not really so bad, but the two of you are just like oil and water." She frowned. "What I mean is, I'm glad to stand in between the two of you."
She sighed. "I just don't understand why everything I do bothers him so much," she said.
He slid over closer to her, putting his arm around her shoulder. "Hey, don't let him get to you. I think you're amazing. You're an amazing wife and an amazing mother and an amazing singer. You dazzle me, Rayna." He smiled at her and she finally smiled back.
He'd said that before, the dazzling part. She didn't really want to dazzle him. That made it feel like he was putting her on a pedestal, like he'd won a prize, and she didn't want that. She wanted him to be her partner. That's how she felt about them. She reached out and put her hand on his cheek. "I think you're amazing too, Teddy," she said.
She leaned in and kissed him. She let her lips trail over his and finally took his bottom lip between her teeth. He opened his mouth to hers and put his hands on her waist. She kissed him a little longer and then she pushed the covers down and straddled him. "I want you, babe," she whispered, and then he gave her exactly what she needed.
~nashville~
A little bit of a time jump here.
"Deacon!"
He turned when he heard his name. He looked over and saw her standing there, off to the side, waving at him. Annabelle. Rayna had stopped when he did and he looked back at her. "Hey, I'll see you later," he said. "I'm gonna catch up with an old friend."
He headed in Annabelle's direction. She hadn't changed much, didn't even really look much older. He grinned as he approached her and then he lifted her up in his arms. "This is a surprise," he said, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed. He set her back down on the ground. "What are you doing here?"
She smiled. "I live here."
"Since when?"
She laughed again. "Since pretty much always. I'm from here."
He chuckled. "How did I not know that?"
She wrinkled her nose. "You were interested in other things back then," she said, giving him a sly smile. "So, are you leaving tonight or do you have time to catch up?"
He shook his head and smiled. "Nope. Not leaving tonight. And I'd love to catch up."
"Great! I know a place near here. You can go with me and I'll bring you back." He put his arm around her shoulder and let her lead him to her car.
They were settled in a little nook booth, in a low key bar, club sodas in front of them. Deacon picked his up and smiled at her. "You didn't forget," he said.
She smiled shyly. "Never."
"So how'd you know I was here?"
She raised her eyebrows. "Seriously? It's not like Rayna Jaymes is Sixwire." She took a sip of her club soda. "It was actually pure luck that I was in Dallas. So I thought I'd take a chance and see if I could catch you after the show." She breathed in. "I almost didn't do it. It had been a while and, well, you know."
He reached for her hand and squeezed it, smiling at her. "I'm glad you did," he said. He didn't let her hand go, letting his thumb graze over her fingers.
"I quit Sixwire," she said, suddenly.
He raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Really? When?"
"Just a couple weeks ago." She took a deep breath. "I got my own record deal, Deacon." She bit her lip.
"Seriously?" He grinned at her, then slid over next to her and pulled her into a bear hug. "I knew you could do it."
When he let her go, she smiled up at him, a little apologetically. "It's pop though. Not country."
He frowned a little. "You okay with that?"
She shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, country's my first love, but a record deal's a record deal." She took a deep breath. "The reason I'm in town is to pack up my place and put everything in storage. I'm going to LA."
"Sounds like the real deal then." He reached over and ran the back of his hand over her cheek and smiled. "I think we should celebrate," he said, his voice low.
She smiled up at him. "What did you have in mind?"
He looked at her for a minute, then moved his hand to the back of her neck. He leaned into her and she moved towards him. He brushed his lips over hers, then went in for a deeper kiss. He slid his other hand onto her thigh, lingering there a moment before he moved his hand higher. When he reached his target, she moaned low and deep in her throat. He pulled his lips from hers. "Maybe you could take me to your place," he murmured.
When he woke up the sun was shining brightly in the small bedroom. Annabelle was curled up under his arm and was lightly snoring. He smiled to himself, knowing how much she hated when he told her she snored. He ran the back of his hand gently down her arm. She stirred then, one leg sliding up his, and then she opened her eyes and looked up at him, smiling.
"So that was just as good as I remembered it," she said.
He chuckled and then leaned down to kiss her. "I was just thinking the same thing."
She rearranged herself a little and ran her fingers over his chest. "I'm glad I decided to hang out behind the arena. I almost didn't."
"Why not?"
"Mmm, I thought you might not have been happy to see me. You know."
He shook his head. "I'll always be happy to see you." He slid his fingers into her hair and pulled her in for another kiss. She trailed her fingers down his chest and under the sheet. He groaned as she lightly gripped him. "Damn, girl, I'm gonna have to show you just how glad I am to see you," he growled, as he rolled her over underneath him.
Annabelle pulled up to the entrance of the hotel. Deacon leaned across the console and kissed her. "Why don't you come to the show tonight?" he asked. "I'll leave a pass for you."
She looked surprised. "Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
She smiled. "Okay. I'll see you tonight." He smiled back at her, kissed her quickly, and got out of the car.
~nashville~
Rayna watched as Deacon hustled across the parking lot and hugged the woman who called out to him. She felt a knot in her stomach that she knew she shouldn't feel. She told herself she needed to head on over to the bus, but she was rooted to the spot. After a few minutes, she watched Deacon put his arm around the woman and they walked off together.
"Rayna?" came Bucky's voice, behind her.
She turned. "Yeah?"
He looked puzzled. "You ready?" She nodded. He nodded towards Deacon. "I guess he's not going back with us tonight."
She turned back and looked as Deacon got into a car. "No, it looks like he's not," she said, her voice flat. She watched as the car drove off and then she sighed and turned towards the bus.
She sat on the couch in her suite that faced out towards downtown Dallas. It was a magnificent view, but she was hardly looking at it. She poured herself a second glass of wine and leaned back into the corner of the couch. She picked up her phone and held it in front of her. Finally she scrolled down her contacts and selected Teddy's name. "Hey, babe," she said warmly, a smile on her face, when he answered. "How's everything at home?"
"It's good. The girls went down pretty easily tonight. They wanted me to tell you they loved you."
"Aww. Tell them I love them to the moon and back." She laughed softly, then pulled her legs up to her chest and picked up her glass of wine, taking a sip. "How are you?"
"Good. Brought some work home and got a lot done. I've had some late nights, so it's probably good you were on the road." When Rayna didn't say anything, he continued. "The Cumberland deal. I told you about that."
He had. She hadn't paid a lot of attention. Teddy had changed jobs a while back and she knew she should know more about that, but she just didn't. As long as he was providing and could be there for the girls, she didn't dig too deep. It just sounded too much like her father and that bored her. "At least you had some quiet time," she said.
"Well, I would much prefer if you were here."
She felt an ache in her heart. "I love you, Teddy," she said. "I don't know if you know just how much."
"Is everything okay, Rayna?" He sounded concerned.
"Of course. I just miss you. I miss my family." She bit her lip. "You and the girls are the most important people in my life. I'm just, you know, thinking about y'all at home and I'm here…." She sighed. "I love what I do, Teddy, but I just miss y'all."
"We miss you too, Rayna," he said. "And you'll be home soon."
"Yeah."
"Look, I know you're tired. You should get some sleep."
She took another long sip of wine. "I love you, Teddy," she said.
"I love you too," he said. "See you soon."
She disconnected and laid the phone down. He's a good man. I'm lucky to have him. I'm lucky he's so stable and is a good father. This is what I wanted. This life, on the road, and that family, at home. She smiled to herself. She did have what she'd always wanted. If it didn't seem quite like how she had imagined it would, it probably meant her expectations were too great.
The next morning, as she headed across the lobby for a late breakfast, she ran into Deacon coming in. She smiled. "Hey," she said.
He looked a little uncomfortable, but he smiled back. "Hey."
She nodded towards the coffee shop. "I'm getting some breakfast. Join me."
He seemed like he wanted to decline, but then he shrugged. "Sure." And he followed her in.
After they were seated and had placed their order, she looked at him, smiling. "So who was that old friend?" she asked.
He raised his eyebrows and took a sip of coffee first. After he set the mug down, he said, "Annabelle. The singer from Sixwire."
That surprised her. He'd never mentioned her again after the time he'd spent with the band. She wondered if they'd stayed in touch and then she pushed it aside. She put a happy smile on her face she didn't totally feel. "I'm sure that was great to be able to catch up."
He nodded. "It was." He cleared his throat. "I know I told you she was real talented. She got a record deal. Out in LA."
Her smile grew bigger. "That's fabulous. You'll be able to say you knew her when."
"Yeah." He looked away. "So, I invited her to the show tonight." He looked back. "You can meet her."
She forced the smile to stay on her face. "I'll look forward to it." Luckily their food came right then and they settled into a strained silence as they ate.
She wondered if she was doomed to like Deacon's girlfriends. Maybe it shouldn't have been a surprise that he would choose genuinely nice women. She reminded herself that, no matter what, he was always a caring, loyal, authentic man. Now that he was sober, he was undeniably more attractive. And he deserved to be cared about.
"Rayna," Deacon called out to her, as she headed up the steps to the side stage as the opener was finishing his set. She looked over and saw him standing with a very attractive brunette she surmised was Annabelle.
She put on her best performance smile and walked over. "Hey, y'all," she said warmly.
Deacon seemed a little nervous. "Rayna, this is Annabelle. Annabelle Henley," he said.
She noticed his hand was lightly touching her back. She wondered again how serious he might be about Annabelle. She took the other woman's hand in hers and leaned in slightly. "Annabelle, I'm so glad to meet you," she said. "Deacon said you were with Sixwire, that you replaced Kelsey?"
Annabelle smiled, glancing quickly at Deacon, then back at Rayna. She nodded. "I was." Her eyes were shining. "I have to tell you, I'm so honored to meet you, Ms. Jaymes. I've always been such a big fan, even more after I met Deacon."
"Really? Well, thank you. And please, call me Rayna." She reached over and put her hand on Deacon's arm, squeezing it briefly. "Deacon's told me about you, that you've just signed a record deal. How exciting!"
Annabelle nodded. "It was my dream. I told Deacon that back when I met him. I honestly never thought it would actually happen, but it did." Deacon put an arm around her then and hugged her.
Rayna felt her smile fade just a touch and reminded herself to show enthusiasm. "Well, I know all about following a dream." She took both of Annabelle's hands in hers and squeezed them. "I'm so glad you're here and I'm glad Deacon brought you. I hope you enjoy the show." She glanced over at Deacon. She couldn't really read the expression on his face and decided it was probably best that she not be able to. Then she turned and walked over to Bucky.
She thought he probably did still love her. And she surely did still love him. But she couldn't give her heart to him again. There had been too much pain and, every time she thought about what it might be like, she always went back to that. She could hear Tandy's words in her head. I don't think that's how addiction works, babe. He'll always be an alcoholic. You don't know when something might happen and he falls off the wagon. As painful as that had been to hear, and as much as she often wished Tandy would keep her snark about Deacon to herself, her sister was right. It was what always stopped her, whenever she even considered the what if's.
Things were good now. They'd found a place where they could be comfortable with each other. They could put the chemistry they still had into their performance on stage and then walk away at the end, without the pain. It didn't mean it was always easy, but they were doing it. Because they had to. Because there was no alternative. Because there was just too much at stake.