Author's Note: Hiiiii everyone! I'm so sorry it's been like a week since my last update! I'm trying! Thank you all SO MUCH for your reviews! They make me SOSOSO happy! Sadly, April will not be returning as a zombie:( Haha! Thank you guys! As always, enjoy! -XOXO
The end of April's funeral gave you a feeling of numbness, and you carried on through the rest of your day without much real thought or emotion.
You and the boys got home around 8:00 PM, because you had gone out for drinks which just ended in even more sadness.
When you got home you made some tea and sat alone at the kitchen table, staring into space until eventually your eyes ended on the bathroom. Tears immediately clouded your vision as you remembered the tragic events after April's death.
You had managed to get most of the blood off the floor, but you had to throw away the rug and most of the other things in there, and the bathtub was now permanently stained a pinkish-red color.
Neither you or the boys used the bathroom much, and you would only go in there when you had to.
You couldn't believe that she had killed herself.
You knew that things were bad but...but not like that bad.
Over the past few days you had begun thinking through the whole situation. You began thinking that there was something you could have done.
You tried to tell yourself that there was nothing you could have done, you didn't know.
But that's not true. You did know, and if you had just told Mark and Roger...they could have helped. Of course they could have helped. April would be alive, she would realize that Roger still loved her, even if she had given him AIDS. Neither you or Mark talked much to Roger about his newly developed immune deficiency, you only gave him constant reminders to take his AZT and that was that.
You really regretted not telling either of them, and it killed you that this could have been avoided, if you hadn't been such a sissy.
A moment later, Roger walks into the kitchen, pulling you out of your thoughts. You look up at him and he sits down.
"Want some tea?" You asked him, getting up to pour more for yourself. He shook his head and you sat back down across from him.
It's silent until you decide to say something. "How are you doing Roger? With everything?" You ask him. His green eyes seem to search your face for a moment until he says something unexpected. "Tell me." He says. What?
"Tell you what?" You ask him. His eyebrows furrow and he seems more serious than you had seen him for a while. "Tell me what your hiding. I can tell your hiding something." He says. You almost hit yourself for being so transparent, but figure that now is a good time to tell him.
"I knew." You say softly, staring into your cup, searching for something that wasn't there. "Knew what?" He asks, his voice more urgent than before. You swallow and realize that your throat and mouth had suddenly become very dry.
"I..." You start, your voice sounding more shaky than you had hoped. "I knew that April...I knew she had AIDS." You say to him, bracing yourself for yelling and screaming, but nothing came. "You knew?" He asked, sounding a mixture of hurt, shocked, confused, and furious.
You just nod. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, voice raising slightly. You shrug. "April told me not-"
"Screw April! I could have helped her! You hear me?!" He yells. You knew this conversation wouldn't end well. You nod again, not wanting to upset him any more. "Can you say anything?!" He yells.
"Roger, I don't know what to say." You tell him solemnly. "Please don't be mad though, I know I screwed up but...April would have killed herself anyw-"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" He yells at you, now standing up and pacing the room. You observe that his footsteps are off balance and he seems to be a little out of it, but you attempt to reason with him once more. "Roger you have to understand, I wasn't about to betray April's trust." You tell him calmly, although your voice sounded small compared to his.
"If it meant saving her life you sure as hell should have!" He yells.
You change the subject. "Where's Mark?" You ask him. He shakes his head and laughs sarcastically. "Nevermind Mark." He says. What is he talking about? "Roger come on." You say.
"Sleeping. He's sleeping." He tells you. "I told him not to bother us because I wanted to talk." He says, slightly calmer.
You are taken aback by how weirdly he was acting, but you go along with it. "Oh okay...are we done talking?" You ask him, hoping he'll forget his anger towards you. He looks at you with an almost dead look in his eye. "No we're not done talking!" He raises his voice once more.
"I just don't get it Y/N...I don't get why you did it." He says.
You get that he was upset, but he was blowing this only slightly out of proportion. "Roger! It's not like I killed her!" You raise your voice as well. "You might as well have!" He raises his voice even more than yours.
"I get that you're upset okay?! But don't you blame me for her death! She was my best friend Roger! If there was anything I could have done...I would have done it!" You tell him honestly. He shakes his head, over and over, and you stand up, getting defensive.
"IF YOU WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING THEN WHY DID YOU KEEP IT A SECRET?! SHE KILLED HERSELF BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID OF WHAT I WOULD DO!" He yells the loudest you had ever heard him. Was Mark really sleeping through all this?!
Roger starts walking toward you slowly. "YOU GOT HER KILLED!" He screams at you, before doing something you never expected.
He hit you.
And something else hit you as well. He was drunk...you could smell the alcohol on his breath. He had probably been drinking in his room after you got back from drinking at the bar.
And that realization is the only reason you didn't hit him back.
Suddenly you were on the floor, with Roger on top of you, yelling curses and punching uncontrollably. "ROGER STOP!" You scream at him, putting your hands up in defense.
"You killed her! You killed her!" He screamed over and over...he said it so many times that you thought those words would never leave your head.
"MARK! MARK HELP!" You yell, hoping that Mark will show up and save you from Roger's wrath. But no one comes into the room.
"STOP IT ROGER!" You say, finally managing to push him off of you, but refraining from the intense urge to kick him. You run into Mark and Roger's shared room, aware of the blood trickling down your face.
You lock the door from the inside, and frantically look for Mark, realizing he wasn't in the room. You are beyond confused. DID ROGER KILL HIM OR SOMETHING?! No...no Roger wasn't capable of that.
Suddenly you hear muffled yelling and you turn to see Mark, standing out on the fire escape. What the heck?! You run over to the window and open it, and Mark immediately jumps inside the room, shivering uncontrollably.
It must have been ten degrees out and he wasn't wearing a jacket or so much as a sweater. "Are you okay?! What happened?!" He asks, his blue eyes examining you. You just stare at him for a moment.
"Roger. Roger happened. Why the hell were you outside?! Without a jacket?!" You ask him. He shakes his head in disbelief. "Roger told me to go out with him...and we were sitting out there when he just ran back inside and closed the window and locked it. I didn't have a key so I couldn't get in through the door, and I didn't want to leave in case...in case something happened to you but...I guess something happened anyway." He says.
You nod. "Roger's off his rocker." You say, and Mark laughs sarcastically. "Did he really do this?!" He asks, gesturing to your face. "I'm just as shocked as you are." You tell him. He just looks at you, with a look of shock, worry, and fear on his face.
"It's okay Mark. We're okay...Roger just needs some time to calm down." You tell him. He nods, not seeming to fully comprehend what you said.
"Wanna sleep in here tonight?" He asks. And you nod, smiling, and hoping that Roger wouldn't get himself into too much trouble without you and Mark watching over him.
You and Mark lay down and don't bother putting on pajamas. You cringe at how cold he is, and pull him close to you, trying to get him to stop shivering.
Who knew that April's death would bring this much pain.