Psst! NewTwilightFan! Thank you for recommending my story and sending a few readers my way ;)
I'm not Stephanie Meyer, and therefore do not own the Twilight characters. I just own the story they're playing in.
. . . . . . . . . . .
Time was crawling as my shoulder got worse, and using all my energy to put on a convincing smile was sucking the life right out of me. Worse thing was, I wasn't convincing anyone, so it felt like a wasted effort.
Monday I'd managed to get through most of lunch pitching my idea to Jasper, who was more than happy to learn a new song with me for Emmett and Rose's first dance. The entire hour was spent selecting our song, and to his credit he only asked me what was wrong once, though I saw him close to inquiring again multiple times. I was a little relieved when he said he couldn't join me for lunch on Tuesday, but was immediately suspicious when Alice called me shortly after.
"Hey Alice, what's up?"
"Hey B, uhmm… are you at work today?" Her voice sounded nervous, worried, and I was instantly on alert.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" My heart sank. "Is it James? Did he contact you?"
"What? No, I just… I was wondering if you could come over? I… need to talk to you about something, it's important."
"Where are you now?"
"I'm home."
"I'll be there soon." It didn't matter what it was, even if there was a fucking spider in her bathroom; if Alice was that worried about something, I'd take care of it. I called Emmett, saying I was leaving early, calling a cab, and wouldn't need a lift later. I got in said cab, and was buzzing her apartment twenty minutes later.
She sighed in relief, pulling me in and locking her door when I got there. "Thank god you're here."
"Are you okay? Tell me what's wrong, I'll take care of it for you."
She fidgeted. "Do you promise?"
"Of course," I said foolishly.
"You're arm."
I looked at her in surprise. "What?"
"Your arm is really messed up, I'm worried about you. I want you to take care of it."
I took a step away from her. "Alice?"
"Dad?"
My stomach rolled, and I turned around when someone cleared his throat. The resemblance to Edward was immediate, though their hair and eyes were completely different colours. He was a good-looking older man, in his late fifties I knew.
Doctor Carlisle Cullen.
Hell. No.
"What the hell is this Alice? You lied to me, tricked me to come over here?"
"Bella, we're just worried about you, I only wanted to-"
"Well don't! I told you to drop it. I can take care of myself, I always have. I'm not letting some fucking stranger touch me," I spat, and tried to get out. She wouldn't let me pass.
Her dad cleared his throat again politely, and I glared at him.
"Sorry, we weren't properly introduced, I'm-"
"I know who the hell you are, and your services aren't needed. Alice, get out of my way."
And then she started crying.
"I'm sorry! Please Bella, you're hurt, you need a Doctor, please, I understand if you can never forgive me for this but please, just let him look at your arm. He's a really good doctor. Please. If not for me, then for Rose and Emmett. They're worried sick about you right now."
"Emmett and Rose were in on this?" I asked, feeling completely betrayed.
"No. I wasn't going to sit around and do nothing though. I couldn't. You're my friend."
"Please," her father said softly, taking a cautious step forward. "It would only take a minute, and then you can leave," he said reasonably.
I watched them both for a long, quiet moment, Alice still bawling her eyes out, and that's what did it for me. I gripped onto the doorknob with my good arm.
"Fine, you have a minute."
He stepped forward quickly, but hesitated. "I can't inspect it with your sleeve, do you think you could…?"
No fucking way. I glared at him, and he shrank away. Alice was trembling, and after shooting them both a look, I ripped at the seam in my sleeve, and tore it off to both of their surprise.
"Better?"
"Uh, yeah. That works." My grip tightened on the doorknob as he touched me, inspecting the joint. He paused.
"You're going to have to dislocate it again to set it properly," I pointed out obviously.
"Er, yes. You're right."
"Well, get on with it then."
I ignored his worried look, staring at the door as he disconnected my shoulder, and bit into my lip hard enough to make it bleed when he slowly lifted it up, then back, and it popped into its proper place with a sickening crunching noise.
I lifted my arm, moving it around slowly, and nodded at the Doctor.
"Friends don't manipulation the compassion of other friends Alice. I thought you were in danger."
And with that, I left.
. . . . . . . . . .
I didn't go into work on Wednesday, told Emmett and Rose to leave me alone, and on Thursday morning Collin drove me to my Tattoo parlour because my arm was still killing me, though I was able to move it properly now.
Rory beamed when he saw me come in.
"Ah! If it isn't my best masterpiece! How- shit, Angel, are you okay?"
"Yeah, just a rough week. I'm fine though."
"Anything I need to look at?" He asked knowingly.
"Not anymore. I was cornered and had a doctor thrown at me the other day."
"What did he do?"
"I set my shoulder wrong, he had to reset it."
"Damn, well I'll still take a look at it. I- oh wait, I just need to cash out my other client. Just a sec."
"Sure."
My eyes went wide when I saw just who said client was.
James fucking Hetfield.
I felt like a silly fan girl when I gave him a bright smile, and he grinned back at me, giving me a once over.
"Hey there," he said with a wink.
James Hetfield just winked at me.
"Hi, I wasn't aware that I was sharing Rory with a celebrity," I said with my own grin. He laughed.
"I'm flattered," he said with a laugh. "Rory here is my favourite, he's done most of my sleeve. Have you two known each other long?"
"Oh yes," Rory said happily. I laughed.
"We've been working together for about two years now, I think."
He raised his eyebrow. "Oh really?" He looked me over. "I'd never be able to tell."
"Oh! Angel, please, can I show him?" I bit my lip. My tattoos were for myself, I didn't get them to show off to people for the sole purpose that they were a permanent identifier for me. I wasn't really self-conscious anymore now with the worst of the scars covered. It was just odd for me.
I kind of owed Rory for his masterpiece, and an opportunity to show off his art to another client. I sighed, and smiled.
"I doubt he wants to see," I said, eying him shyly.
"Oh, I disagree with you a hundred percent. You've really piqued my curiosity now." Another wink. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable though."
I waved him off, and they both followed me over to Rory's work area before I pulled off my shirt.
"Holy fuck girl, you have more ink than I do," he said with a laugh. "Man, that is just beautiful."
I felt my face flush slightly and turned around to smile at him. Both of their expressions turned to one of concern when they saw the bruising around my shoulder and my ribcage though.
"Shit, how long was it displaced for?" Rory asked, prodding at my shoulder and moving it around.
"Just a couple days. It's fine."
"Get into some sort of fight?" James asked worriedly, and I was surprised by the genuine concern on his face. I pulled my shirt back on, brushing Rory off. He just lifted it back up and started looking at my ribs with a scowl.
"This is nothing, you should see the other guys," I said with a smile. I definitely wasn't going to tell him that he shared a name with my attacker. Very unnecessary.
"Guys as in plural?"
"So what sort of work were you getting done today? I showed you mine, it's only fair you show me yours."
He smiled, and after showing me the touch-up he'd had done, we all talked for a little bit before he left.
"Wow, as if that just happened. Talk about surreal," I said with a grin.
"Yeah, he's a really cool guy actually. Tips well, too." He looked back at me. "Your body's been through a lot, if you want to postpone it's okay, I won't charge you."
"No, I'm good to go, I want to get this one started," I told him honestly. He smiled.
"Will you at least let me wrap up your ribs first?" He asked, giving me the fucking puppy-dog eyes. It wasn't easy to tape your own ribs, so I conceded.
"Okay Angel, let's take a look then." I undid my jeans so he could take a closer look at my scar. "What was this from? It's looks like it was re-opened."
"It was. Double surgery."
"Fuck, no wonder you don't like doctors."
"I don't need them, not when I got you," I said playfully. He grinned before taking out our sketches. "So, have you changed your mind at all for the design?"
"Nope."
"Excellent. So, we got two hours today, I'm going to start with the new feathers."
I felt myself relax, close to falling asleep from the constant, low buzzing of the needle gun. I made my body stay completely still, even though this spot on the side of my waist was probably the worst spot I'd ever had done, but I refused to screw him up. The slight burning of the needle cutting into me had long ago become almost a comfort. I didn't consider this pain, it relaxed me almost. And two hours later when we stopped, I had five new feathers that were reaching towards the scar on my hip.
"Next two sessions we'll be doing in the nebula-cloud colours and covering the scar, and it will take another two sessions after at least to tie it into your leg."
"Sounds good. Thursdays still work best for me."
He booked my next session after I paid him, and I went home feeling much lighter than I had in days, and being rational enough now to know I had fucked things up badly, and was a horrible fucking human being. Not that I hadn't already known that before.
. . . . . . . . . .
I made my way over to Alice's, waiting there until she got home from work. I shouldn't have been surprised to see her walk up with Jasper, but I was. I expected him to jump down my throat for the way I'd acted towards his girlfriend, but he ran over and pulled me into a tight hug.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded, and he pulled back to smile at me. I looked over at Alice, who was sadly looking at her gorgeous shoes.
"Alice, can we talk?"
She looked hopeful and worried, but nodded and let us in.
"Would it be better if I left?" Jasper asked awkwardly.
"No, you should probably hear this too," I said. The three of us sat down in her living room. I didn't waste any time. "First, Alice, I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you on Tuesday. I should have handled that better."
"No, I should have talked to you about it first," she said quietly.
"What happened on Tuesday?"
"I called my dad over to fix Bella's shoulder, without telling her about it."
Jasper looked torn.
"Did you ask her why she didn't go to the hospital herself?" He asked her gently.
"Well, no…"
"I don't like doctors Alice."
"Yeah, I figured. But why?"
"An old grudge. A doctor made a mistake during a surgery when I was thirteen, and now I can never have children. It's mostly due to the fact that it's a bitch to go through the process when you're living under a false identity though."
Her eyes went wide and quickly filled with tears. I slid forward and took her hand.
"I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty Alice. I just want you to understand why I acted the way I did, and for that… I need to tell you what happened last Saturday morning." I took a deep breath and spoke quickly. "I got into a fight with your brother Alice."
"What? Why?"
"Do you know someone named Aro?"
She gasped. "He didn't!"
"He sent him an e-mail early Saturday morning, asking him to get information on me," I stopped Jasper before he could cut in. "I got it before Aro got a chance to read it, but… I was on edge already. As you probably figured out, I got into a bit of a fight the night before-"
"With who?" They both interrupted.
"That doesn't matter. What I'm getting at is, your brother helped me that night, no, honestly, he probably saved my ass, but it was still really fresh when he went and sent that e-mail… I kind of snapped, and went over to his place to… well, kick his ass. And I did. I passed out in his foyer when he grabbed onto my shoulder, and he called Emmett for help, and then I told Emmett what happened and… He banned him from the club and gym, telling him to stay away from me. He knows about Emmett and I now, and about the whole witness protection thing… Alice, I'm sorry. I really fucked up. And then I took my frustration out on you when you were only trying to help me. I'm so fucking sorry."
"No, you didn't fuck up. He did," she hissed angrily, getting up and pacing across the room. "I told him to back off, I told him to leave you alone. But he keeps pushing… I'm sorry Bella, I know how hard it was to let me into your life, and then you do and this happens. I'll kick his ass myself!"
"No, Alice, that's not why I came over here," I said tiredly, rubbing at my eyes.
"It doesn't matter, he deserves-"
"No! You don't get it!" I sat up and locked eyes with her. "Don't you see? He didn't… You're brother saved me, and I thanked him by breaking into his building and kicking his ass a day later, because he was curious." I was a fucking hypocrite, and hated myself for it. I hated what I did to him. What I said to him. Attacking him, breaking into him home, hurting him… just thinking about it made it hard to breathe, I wanted to curl up in the dark by myself and just fucking cry, or throw up, because I was fucking disgusted with myself. He should have me thrown in jail.
I leaned forward. "When was the last time you talked to him?"
"What? Why?"
"I just… I just want to know I didn't hurt him too badly. Could you just make sure he's okay?"
They both watched me for a moment, and Alice's expression turned from anger, to confusion, to something close to mischievous. Without a word, she took out her phone, dialed, and put it on speakerphone.
He answered on the fourth ring.
"What?"
"Well, hello to you too brother dearest," she sneered back.
"What do you want Alice? I'm not in the mood."
She faltered for a second. "I just wanted to check in, see how you wer-"
"I'm fine. Busy. I got to go." He hung up quickly.
"He's fine, just melodramatic."
I let out a deep sigh. "Thank you Alice."
"So… are we okay?"
I looked at her uncertainly. "I don't know, are we?" I asked hopefully. She smiled brightly.
"Definitely. Can I hug you without hurting you?"
I laughed. "I'm willing to let you try." She laughed too, and gave me a gentle hug. I tried to leave afterwards, but they bribed me with Chinese food and held me captive for a couple hours before letting me go home. I let Alice paint my toenails, figured it was the least I could do considering.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
He didn't come to the club, Friday or Saturday, and as far as I knew he didn't go to the gym either. Not that I was expecting him to, I didn't think he was that stupid.
But I noticed.
Friday had been a hard night, I had to 'take care of' three different guys, and it wasn't easy with my arm. Besides that though, I was taking excellent care of it, doing exercises multiple times a day, strapping it down when I went running, and it was healing quickly.
Doctor Cullen did a good job, and he probably thought his daughter was friends with a psychopath now.
I got Alice to call and check in on Edward again on Monday, and he'd picked up to tell her to stop calling him before hanging up. It did nothing to reassure me.
My week was going by smoothly though. I went to the gym, to work, walked with Zeus and had dinners with Emmett and Rose. I read, played my violin, not only at home but during lunches with Jasper as well. I interviewed a handful of people and hired two new employees at the club. But no matter what I did, there was always a little part of me somewhere else completely.
Thinking about him.
I was bouncing restlessly as I thought about tonight. Alice wanted me to come over for dinner with Zeus and Rose so we could have a measurement and dress planning party. They usually had dinner with their parents Tuesday nights, so hopefully she could tell me how he was. If I'd hurt him he would have been able to get his father to help him.
My stomach rolled as it always did whenever I thought about him.
Emmett dropped us off, I brought the wine, and I smiled and nudged Rose when we walked in, then nodded to the new cameras that were up while we waited for Alice to buzz us in. She laughed.
"Looks like she's made use of your signs too."
"It always feels good, seeing things work like that," I admitted.
"Look at you, saving the world one building at a time."
I rolled my eyes at her. Zeus ran out the elevator door when I snapped off his leash, and made his way quickly over to an equally excited and awaiting Alice. She always got him so worked up and excited, but I hadn't seen any harm in it. They both loved it.
We immediately opened up the wine, and Alice has music playing in the living room. Her coffee table was covered in different types of fabrics, drawing materials and snacks.
Alice always had the best chocolates, apparently from other designer friends she knew in Europe.
"Okay, so, first I thought we'd start with- Bella, what are you wearing?"
I looked down at my jeans and sweater, then back up at her. "What?"
"I can't measure you properly in something like that," she said with an eye roll. "You're going to have to take that sweater off," she said, waving a finger at me.
Rose gave me a knowing smirk before I pulled off my sweater, and my t-shirt, so I was that just in my tight tank top and skinny jeans. It was warm in here anyways.
"Give me your worst, pixie," I said confidently.
Alice grabbed her sketch pad and a tape measure, and started taking all sorts of measurements. She froze when she walked behind me. "Oh, wow… I didn't know you had a tattoo."
"It's not going to mess with your design ideas, will it?" I asked teasingly.
"They're beautiful."
"Uhm, thanks."
"Do you not like to show them off? It's just, I've never even known until now, if you wanted to cover it up-"
"No, I don't really care. I just have to hide them in my regular routines because they're an identifier. Besides, I have one on my leg too, unless you want to dress me like a nun, they'll be seen either way."
"Excellent! Can I see your other one?"
"Another time Pixie, I've taken enough clothes off for you already today." We both laughed, and I noticed Rose had been pretty quiet. Suddenly I was a little worried. "Shit, sorry Rose. I get your family's going to be there and everything, I can wear something to cover them if you-"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous," she scoffed. "As if I care what any of them think. It's just… are you sure you're comfortable with all this? You don't have to do this for me, you know."
"Okay… I get that I don't dress like you guys do, but I dress the way I do for a specific reason; because I'm hiding. Yes, my clothes are boring, but it's cause I can't stand out. But this… I'm being a completely different person for one controlled night. The more different I look, the better the chances will be that no one recognizes me around afterwards. I never get to do things like this you know… and it's not just because I have to, but I really want to. I want to be a part of something for once, not just watching everyone else from the sidelines."
I hadn't meant to say that much really, but once I started I had trouble stopping, and I was shaking by the end of it. It was selfish, this was Rose's day, not mine, but… it hurt, living like a wallflower.
Venus flytrap maybe, but a flower none-the-less.
Rose suddenly had her arms around me, and was hugging me tightly.
"Bella I-I'm sorry. I should have-"
"No, I shouldn't have said that. Really, it's okay. I love my job Rose, it's just… I've been doing this a long time, it gets a little lonely sometimes. But I'm okay, I just… I want to have fun too, I'm really not doing anything I'm not going to be comfortable with. You should know that I'd tell you if it were otherwise."
She grinned. "Yes, you're right."
"Sorry guys, I didn't mean to go all deep and dramatic on you."
Alice had a teary smile, and sniffled while she shook her head. "No, it's okay, I think I just need a tissue."
I laughed at her. "Okay, let's move on. Alice, nothing too slutty."
"I don't make slutty dresses," she said darkly, and I held up my hands in surrender. "You will look fabulous. Here, these are the designs, actually," she showed Rose and I her sketches, done in all sorts of colours.
"Red," Rose said. "I definitely want red, with white sashes? And maybe you can work some red into my dress?"
"Yes! Here, these are the ideas I had for yours," she handed Rose a dozen different designs, but she fell in love with the first one she'd shown her, the one Alice was obviously hoping she'd pick. She'd already started it in her back room.
She took Rose's measurements, and then Zeus' for the pillow she was going to make for the rings that he would carry before we had a Thai food feast. One of Rose's friends called her when we finished, and she went to talk to her in Alice's office while I helped her clean up.
I practically pounced on her as soon as we were alone. "So, Alice… how's Edward doing?"
She sighed dramatically. "Bella… I think Edward's in love with you."
I choked on a cough.
"Excuse me?"
"It's the only thing that makes sense," she said seriously. "I've never seen him act this way about someone before. And since your… fight, he's cancelled on two dinners at my parent's house, stopped answering his phone… I went over to his place yesterday when he cancelled on dinner again and he just told me to leave."
My stomach sank.
"It's okay to say no, I'll completely understand, but… is there any way you could forgive him? Or come talk to him? I wouldn't ask otherwise, but this is a hundred times worse than what happened with Tanya and-"
"I'm free tomorrow."
She gaped at me. "Really?"
"Yeah."
She hugged me tightly. "Thank you Bella."
"Don't mention it," I said uneasily, worried about the excitement that fluttered inside me, knowing I'd see him again. Tomorrow.
"Bella!"
Rose's voice was panicked, and Alice and I bolted out of the kitchen to find her in the bathroom, looking down at the scale in horror.
"What?"
"I… gained five pounds."
I sighed, a little put off.
"So what?"
"What do you mean so what!? I'm getting married, I'm not going to fit in my dress, I-"
"Dude, Rose, she hasn't even made your dress yet, calm down."
She just looked at us in horror, and seemed so lost. I grinned mischievously. "If it means that much to you, I'll help you work it off."
"Really? Can you do that?"
"Sure, easy peasy." I looked her over, thinking about how to do this without hurting her too much. "Give me four, three hour sessions, and I can have you lose ten pounds before the wedding."
"Oh, count me in for that!" Alice said excitedly. I laughed.
"Sure thing, Pixie. I'll meet you both at the gym tomorrow afternoon."
. . . . . . . . . .
This wasn't a good idea. Surprises were never a good idea. The closer we got to his house, the more certain I was that he would not appreciate another unannounced visit from me. How could he? I attacked him like a crazy person, for something completely hypocritical, threatened him, then suddenly and completely cut him out of everyone's life.
"Alice, this isn't a good idea," I told her again.
"Yes it is," she said confidently. "He's going to be thrilled to see you."
I fidgeted slightly, looking down at myself. It had been difficult deciding what to wear today, but seeing as he already knew so much, I went in my casual clothes, a pair of nice jeans, this nice blue shirt that had a lace neck line and sleeves, with my usual black leather jacket. I even left my hair down in a braid, and felt completely exposed and uncomfortable.
I told myself again and again that I could take whatever he had to say to me, that I was doing this for Alice, but it was obvious even to me that I was lying to myself.
I just really fucking needed him to be okay.
Alice waved to the doorman with a smile, and he let us in happily. We got in the elevator. Got out on his floor. Walked to his door. She opened the door without knocking, using her own key.
"Alice-"
"Shh," she said. "Edward?"
No answer.
"He's probably in his room," she said, taking my hand and dragging me along behind her. She stopped by a closed door. "Edward?"
"Go away Alice," he mumbled.
"Excellent. Wait right here," she said quietly, then opened his door, walking in. "Thank god, I thought you'd died. It sure smells like you did. When was the last time you showered?"
"I said go away Alice."
"Edward, you need to get out of your apartment, this isn't healthy."
"What's the point? I'm never going to get to see her again." My heart fluttered in my chest, and I fought back the surge of hope that tried to flare to life inside of me.
"You don't know that." I could hear the smile in her voice, but I was too nervous to smile. I shouldn't be listening, but I couldn't walk away either.
"I do know Alice, you don't know what I did, what I almost-"
"I do know, actually."
"What?"
"She told me everything. I've known her and Emmett were siblings for weeks, actually. And she told me what you did, and what she did to you afterwards."
"Is she okay?" He asked quickly, his voice picking up in worry. I didn't hear the anger I'd been expecting in his voice. Had actually been hoping to hear in his voice. His voice sounded stuffy, like he had a cold or something, but still had that deep, smooth tone that I swear I could feel in my bones when he spoke.
"I had to have dad reset her shoulder for her last week. It took a while to convince her to let him touch her, but she's fine now. She was back to kicking ass at work again Friday night."
"I didn't mean to grab her shoulder, it was an accident Alice. She fucking screamed, she passed out from it right in front of me! And I could have… I swear, if I knew I never would have sent that e-mail, I never wanted to hurt her Alice. I was worried, and I was pissed off, but I'd never want to hurt her or put her in danger." His voice was so frantic, and I hated myself when I heard him blow his nose.
He just feels guilty, that doesn't mean-
"I fucking love her Alice, do you have any idea how fucked up that is? I don't even know her fucking name, but I'm in love with her. I haven't been able to even look at another woman since the first fucking moment I saw her. I don't know what the hell to do anymore..."
My heart skipped a beat, while a quiet sob escaped my throat. I covered my mouth, trying to force back another and not to start fucking crying.
He thinks he loves me…?
"I told you," Alice sang happily, and I knew she was talking to me. I was terrified of walking into view.
"What are you talking about? Told me what?" With a sigh, I forced myself to look calm, and stepped into his doorway before leaning against the frame.
He just stared at me, looking slightly confused. He wasn't crying, but he looked like he had a bit of a cold.
I wanted to fall to my knees and beg him to forgive me, to cry and tell him that I was sorry. For him to just tell me that he was okay.
But his words kept running through my head, and I realized that… nothing had changed.
He said he loved me.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about him too, I knew that now.
But that didn't change the fact that nothing had changed. The world didn't work like that, my problems wouldn't go away with a dramatic declaration of feeling. I couldn't be his friend. Working for him for two days was one thing, but he was too high-profile, there just wasn't any way for a friendship between us to work, let alone any more, even if I was capable of something like that.
But I wasn't.
And he deserved better.
The silence dragged on, and I took Alice's lead, my heart clenching painfully as I forced myself to sound impassive, cold. I'd apologize, try to clean the air, and just tell him straight out that we couldn't be friends. Just thinking about it made me sick.
"You look like shit, Hollywood."
"You look fucking beautiful," was his instant response. Alice bit her lip, trying to hold back her smile.
I was just… numb. I couldn't process this. I had to just get this over with. We had other stuff to do today. "Thanks. Take a shower, I want to talk to you." I quickly fled before I could freak out. Visibly.
I inspected my surroundings to distract myself. I'd never been further into his apartment than his front foyer before. It was a nice place, lots of windows, great view, nice furniture. Kind of messy, but not nearly as bad as Emmett's place used to be.
And he had the most gorgeous, shiny black grand piano sitting in the corner of the room. I went to touch it, and then stopped myself before taking a seat on his couch. There were three guitars arranged in one corner, and a large entertainment center with books, DVDs, records, and even more CDs than I owned. Oh, and you couldn't miss all the awards. I had no idea what any of them were, but some of the shapes seemed kind of familiar. None of it was helping with the surrealism of my situation, and Alice joined me a second later.
"I told you so," she said again happily, dropping down next to me. I didn't know what to say. "Hey-"
"Sorry, I just need a minute to think," I said, leaning my face in my hands. I knew he had a bit of a crush on me, but to hear him say that he thought he loved me? What good could I accomplish by being here?
I didn't want to hurt him. Again.
Why couldn't things just be easy in my life, just for once?
"I don't want to hurt him Alice."
She leaned against me. "It's okay, I get that you can't… be that for him. That's not what this is about, I'm not trying to set you guys up. But you can't deny that you guys have a… connection. A really unusual one, yes, but I think you'd enjoy being his friend. You don't even have to do that though, we're just here to clear the air. It's okay."
I nodded, and took out my new phone when it buzzed in my pocket. There was a video attachment from Emmett, and Alice leaned over to watch when I opened it.
It was a clip of security footage from the gym, and I quickly identified the man running on a treadmill.
"That's one of Emmett's friends, Garrett," I pointed out quietly, and we both watched the video feed curiously, grinning when we saw Emmett walking up behind him with a whistle in his mouth. There was no audio, but we knew the exact moment Emmett blew because Garrett faltered, tripping, and was thrown off the treadmill. Alice burst out laughing just as her brother walked in.
He looked much better, his wet hair sticking up in all directions, clean clothes. I liked him much better in this look, jeans and that tight black t-shirt, compared to his usual fancy suits. It didn't look like he'd shaved in quite a while, and I had to admit, he could really pull off the scruffy look.
Alice must have noticed me staring at him, and followed my gaze.
"Are you sure it's okay if I stay?"
Don't you dare desert me now Alice. "Of course, this will only take a minute. I'm better at controlling my temper with you around, pixie." She gave me an understanding look though, and I think she saw that I was close to my breaking point. This was so not my thing. I looked back over at her brother, and froze when he walked over and dropped down next to me on the couch without breaking eye contact.
My words caught in my throat, and my pulse was pounding loudly in my ears.
"I'm sorry," he said, before I could. His sincerity was undoubtable.
"I know, but you shouldn't be." I hated that he felt the need to fucking apologize, this my my fault. He didn't deserve it. His eyes widened, and I knew now I needed to say it. Before I lost my nerve. I huffed, suddenly incredibly annoyed with the mess that he was turning my mind into. Irritation and anger were easier for me to deal with though. "As much of an asshole as you were, I don't actually believe you want me to die, if what you said to Alice in your room was actually true."
He surprised me again when he didn't falter, although his face did flush adorably. "It is."
Fuck, he was not making this easy, and it pissed me off even more. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to reign in my temper before I lost control of it. I knew I would sound like a bitch, and I hated myself for it, but it was what needed to be done. "Okay, yeah, whatever. The point is, you didn't know what you were really doing, how could you have? You wanted answers, and I can't really blame you because I would have done the exact same thing. Fuck, I won't even talk to someone unless I do a background check on them first."
"Did you do one on me?" Alice asked with a big smile. I was immensely relieved by the slight distraction.
"Oh yeah, loads of them." I looked back at her brother, feeling slightly calmer. "Point is, there was no harm done, and it was an accident."
And I'm so fucking sorry, you didn't deserve it.
"Are you serious? I can never fucking tell when you're being serious."
This was the worst apology in the world, and after what he'd seen of me, I didn't blame him for not believing me. I wanted to do more, but there was no way to do that without sending mixed signals.
I put all my effort into trying to put some sort or normalcy into the atmosphere again, but it was hard, because I really had no fucking idea what normal was anymore. The look on his face was killing me, I really wanted to see him smile one last time. "Yes Romeo, I'm being fucking serious."
He looked at me in confusion. "Romeo?"
"You're being fucking tragic right now." I winked at him, hoping he saw that I was joking and not really making fun of him. Alice laughed when he did, and she gave me a hug. He was watching us with a bit of amusement. He had thick skin. I liked that he never really seemed insulted by my teasing. Most people didn't understand my sense of humour.
"I'm sorry for grabbing your shoulder," he said suddenly. I knew he hadn't meant to hurt me though, he was just trying to stop me from running out in a rage.
"Don't be, you were lucky you had an easy shot, else you'd probably be in the hospital right now."
His hand went automatically to his ribs, and my stomach shifted nervously when I remember kicking him. Hard.
Shit, what if I broke something? No, I couldn't risk him being hurt. I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing from experience that people argued less when they were intimidated. "Let me see," I ordered.
"What?"
"Let me see your rib," I said sternly. He watched me for a moment, then sighed as he leaned back and lifted up his shirt.
Hello abs.
Shut up!
I ignored the queasiness in my stomach as I tested his ribs around the large bruise. None of them moved too much though, and I would have been able to tell by his reaction if there was a break. The bruise was bad, but not bad enough to indicate serious internal bleeding. "Nothing's broken, just bad bruising," I told him.
Like that made anything any fucking better. I broke into his home and attacked him, hurt him, and he hadn't even lifted a finger against me. He just let me.
And he fucking apologized to me. He was sitting here next to me, looking at me like he was worried I'd just fucking disappear.
I could barely fucking breathe, knowing I didn't deserve to.
Consequences be damned, I just couldn't fucking do this anymore. I'd do anything in my fucking power to deserve his forgiveness. I needed to make this right, and I just couldn't take myself hating… myself more than I already did.
Being a bitch to him had never accomplished anything anyways, which made it a bit easier just to drop that fucking ruse.
"Look, I... I'm sorry for hurting you, for handling the situation like I did. I'm not going to make any excuses for myself, because it won't change anything. But I wish I'd handled it differently."
I got up quickly before he could see the moisture building in my eyes, and went over to his kitchen. A cold compress would be good for that bruise, and it was obvious to me he'd done absolutely nothing to treat it. There was a box of Ziploc bags on his counter, and I took one then filled it with ice from his freezer. It took a minute to find something to wrap it in, but I located his drawer of dishtowels and used one of those. I caught his voice as I walked back in.
"Alice I have no fucking clue what's going on. None of this makes any goddamn sense."
"What doesn't make any sense?" I asked. He watched me curiously as I came back in and sat down next to him, and put the ice pack gently down on his bruise under his shirt, so it wouldn't get wet.
Yeah, sure. Nice excuse, nurse Swan.
He let out a soft sigh though, and I was thankful I was able to at least do something somewhat right.
A fucking bag of ice, like that made any fucking different in the list of my sins.
"Emmett said you were in witness protection," he stated, and I got it. No doubt he found Emmett's over-simplification of our situation more confusing than helpful. I sighed, because no, I didn't want to fucking talk about this, but I owed him at least that much.
"That would be over-simplifying things to the extreme. I'm not in some sort of witness protection program... anymore. Not really."
"What does that mean?"
"It means the government, the FBI, the police, I can't fucking trust any of them. Every time they've tried to hide me or protect me, they've almost gotten me killed. I've been out for about three years now."
I hated making excuses for myself, but I needed to try and explain not only my reaction, but my brother's as well. Because as bad as I felt about what happened, I knew Emmett would never apologize to Edward, not when it came to protecting me. Not after what had happened in LA.
"The way I handled things with you were wrong, but if your lawyer had looked into the information you sent him, he would have found out that there are no females under payroll at Rose's club. He would have hired a private investigator. They would have followed me, they would have found my other establishments of employment, and they would have found out about my aliases, and then they would have found out about Emmett. Fuck... it's a lot to explain, but its happened before. That's why Emmett freaked out on you, he was afraid of it happening again. We've never been safe this long before, what we've been doing here is working."
"But why'd you even come to LA with me?"
I gave him a sad smile, and as much as I really didn't want to hurt him, or let him put any of this fucking situation on himself, I just needed to start being truthful and stick to it sometime. "Because I didn't think you would back off, and that maybe the extended time would have made you... give up? Hopefully you'd lose curiosity, and wouldn't be tempted to dig further. Besides, I'm good at hiding my face. It's names I worry about."
He flinched, and my hand twitched forward to try to comfort him, and the motion was equal parts surprising and confusing, but I just clenched my fist and moved my hand back to my lap, where it couldn't fucking hurt him again.
He really should press charges against me, and I felt bad that I couldn't just let him, because I think it might have made me feel a bit better.
Another thing to apologize about, but this time I needed to warn him, because if he tried to talk about me again I had no doubt Emmett would kill him. Not that I really thought Edward would. "And I understand if you want to contact the police, or press charges on me. But if you do it, I'll warn you now that I'll know as soon as you do. I'll disappear, and they'll never catch me. I don't exist. So you might as well as just tell me now if those are your intentions."
"No!" He said, quickly and loudly, looking panicked for a second before he cleared his throat and spoke more calmly. "I mean, no, I had no intention of contacting the authorities."
Another stab through the heart, even though I'd already guessed as much. His anger would have been much easier to deal with.
His mind looked like it was spinning in circles, but I knew my story was fucking complicated, and just the little he knew now was probably hard to absorb. So I sat there, really not uncomfortable with his proximity, watching him, waiting, praying he'd change his mind and tell me he hated me. Having him hate me would be easier than hating myself on my own.
He had the most gorgeous eyes I'd ever seen in my life, I never let myself look at them for this long before, and I felt like I was drowning.
But when he did speak, there was still no anger. He was looking at me in understanding. "You know, I would do anything to protect my family too. I understand why you did what you did. I was angry, and wish I could have handled it differently too."
My hopefulness made me feel guilty, but the word fell out before I could think of it. "Truce?"
His brilliant smile made my stomach flip. "Definitely."
I really needed to get out of here, especially because of the fact that I didn't want to. This whole thing was just too much for me, I nodded to his icepack, grasping for strings for some sort of fucking distraction. "Fifteen minutes on fifteen minutes off for an hour a couple times a day."
"So let's get this straight. You're a body guard slash head of security for New York's biggest night club, a librarian who also teaches classes at a gym, and now you're a doctor too?"
"Not a doctor, I just did a bit of training as an EMT." Wait, did he say library? How did he-
"Anything else?"
I didn't want to lie, but did not want to get into the intricate fucking minefield that was my educational background, so I just shrugged.
"So… does this mean I'm not banned anymore? Can I come see you?"
The guilt rolled through me again. Why did the idea of making him sad hurt so fucking much? I knew what I should have said, but I couldn't. I couldn't treat him like that anymore. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
And I saw it clearly, the pain in his eyes, and I hated myself for causing it. Even if I had just told him a straight-out no, the same thing would have happened. This choice was only easier for me to live with.
"Why?"
Because I'm so bad for you in so many ways. Because you should be fucking running away from me, screaming, but you're looking at me like that.
"Because it wouldn't be fair for me to let you waste your time with this, knowing what your feelings are."
I was surprised by the grin on his face. "I'm not asking you to fucking marry me, I'm just asking for a chance to get to know you."
I looked at him in shock for a second, but my laugh was insuppressible. My whole body shook with it, to the point where it pulled at my side uncomfortably. Nothing phased this guy. I actually thought it was really fucking impressive, there just seemed to be so much… more to him than I thought that first time I saw him come into the club. Not really the shallow asshole that he'd come off as at first.
That, or he's gotten me completely fooled, but I didn't really think that was the case anymore.
I ignored the confused look Alice gave us. My stomach was healing well, but my own ribs were still bruised pretty bad from the shots they'd taken that night in the alley. I saw that he noticed this, and we shared a little knowing look.
We were comrades in the whole abdominal pain field right now.
I couldn't tell him that he could come see me, because I had spent too much time around their group in the club, and he attracted a lot of attention when he was there. I didn't want people to start noticing me, I was an employee who was ignored in the most part by a room full of snobby rich people. Sometimes I wasn't very discreet during moments of my work, but Rose's drinks are really well priced, and business is always good in the VIP room.
Of course he wasn't banned though, I'd take care of Emmett.
"You're not banned, but if you keep checking out my ass every time I turn around I'll beat you up again."
He didn't deny it, laughing again, and was thrown into the same physical discomfort as I was.
I needed to leave before I found some way to ruin this good progress.
It was selfish, but I wanted to savour this tiny sliver of relief. And I knew he had more questions, and I'd answer them. Even though I didn't want to, but I owed it to him. I just couldn't handle it yet though.
I stood up, surprising him slightly. "Okay, well, we got to get going."
He composed himself quickly, and spoke in an easy voice. "What are you ladies up to today?"
I grinned, rubbing my hands together excitedly. It was going to be a fun afternoon, even if it was going to hurt like a bitch.
"Rose wants to lose ten pounds before the wedding, I'm joining in for moral support," Alice said excitedly.
His face paled. "And you're getting her to help you?"
There was a compliment in there somewhere.
"Of course, what's wrong with that?"
"What are you going to get them to do?" He asked me.
"Just a bit of spinning and some fun with some medicine balls." He laughed, and gave Alice a tight hug.
"Remember Alice, I've always loved you, and you're the most amazing sister in the world."
"Why are you telling me this?" She said, sounding a little exasperated.
"Because I've seen what she does to people in that gym, and this is probably going to be the last time I see you alive."
Yes, definitely a compliment. I clapped him on the shoulder. "You can be really sweet sometimes, Hollywood."
He walked us over to his door, and watched from his doorway as we walked over to the elevator.
I watched the number slowly climbing up, his words running around and around in my head.
'I fucking love her Alice, do you have any idea how fucked up that is? I don't even know her fucking name, but I'm in love with her.'
I sprinted back over to him without a thought or word to Alice, and he looked at me in shock. I held out my hand, an offer, and he took it with a curious expression.
"Hi, I'm Bella."
His eyes went wide, and a slow smile spread over his face.
And I felt damn good being the one to put it there.
"Okay, that's enough estrogen for me. See you around, Hollywood." I spun around and made it back to Alice just as the doors opened, and didn't let myself look back to him. I don't know if he knew just how much it meant to me to give out that name, but it didn't really matter. I just wanted him to have it. It was the only name that meant anything to me, so it was the only one I wanted to give to him.
"What did you say to him?" She asked with a curious smile.
"My name," I said back, with a small smile of my own.
. . . . . . . . . .
To an onlooker, the last week would have seemed completely normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. I guess that was true, but something felt different.
And not necessarily in a good way.
I felt like I was slipping. I thought clearing the air with Hollywood would have reduced my stress, but I was starting to feel a little crazier each day. The nightmares were bad, had been more than usual since the night with James. My physical wounds healed, but I became more on edge every day. The exhaustion was wearing on me, making it difficult to eat, which stole even more of my non-existent energy.
At first I had blamed it on the nerves, wondering how Hollywood would act around me now that he knew so much. I had almost called in sick to work on Friday, but it hadn't been necessary. Alice and her brother went out of town with their parents for her mother's birthday.
That hadn't helped at all though. I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I'd almost been a little… disappointed when he hadn't shown up.
Anyways, the lack of sleep and appetite were definitely getting to me. I had an even shorter fuse than usual, and was constantly looking over my shoulder. The new security monitor I had installed in the stairwell to see into the alley didn't help much at all.
It took me a whole week to figure it out. It was Thursday when I looked at my calendar and put it together, then finally felt myself calm a little. It was easier, having a reason for the paranoia. It always happened at this time of year.
Tomorrow was my birthday.
When I saw that number Thursday night, I broke down and let all the pain pour out through my tears, and cried myself into a long sleep.
. . . ... . . .
It wasn't what I was expecting that night, but almost just as bad.
I was back in the van, I knew as soon as I felt the movement of the road underneath me.
And then the car stopped.
No no no…
The door flew open, and as usual I tried to push myself away with my legs, but he laughed as always, pulling me back towards him.
But today I didn't try to scream.
I glared at him.
I hated him so fucking much.
And that's when I saw it, the movement in the corner of my vision.
And Edward barreled forward like a bat out of hell, breaking the glass bottle over Victor's head.
And he disappeared.
Edward cut the tape off of my hands, then tried to be gentle with the tape on my mouth, before carefully helping me out of the van, holding me protectively.
"You're safe now," he whispered.
And for some reason, I believed him.
"Thank you," I whispered back, and then floated into a peaceful, deep sleep.
. . . . . . . . . .
Big chapter for Bella, how do you feel about seeing her side of that day? Leave me some love or hate, reviews are the ultimate motivator for writing ;)