It's been awhile, I apologize. I am not well.

SM owns Twilight

Enjoy!

. . . . . . . . . .

I was pretty damn excited, waking up at six in the morning and I was bouncing to start the day. After making a smoothie and taking Zeus up to do his business, I jumped in the shower and put my hair into a ponytail, and slipped on some jeans and a t-shirt before grabbing a coat and heading out to the grocery store to get shit for dinner. I didn't stay late after picking Em and Rose up, it was late, they were jet lagged, and we were meeting up today anyways, but it was nice to see them for a bit. Emmett looked kind of hilarious with his crazy tan. Rose's was much better, I bet she'd actually used the sunscreen we'd packed them.

After getting the food back home, I quickly changed into my gym clothes, packed up my bags, and headed out to set up for my first class of my new self-defence group.

. . . . . . . . . .

I set up the table with cold bottles of water, a large fruit tray, and the little 'loot-bags' I'd made for all of my students before setting up the tatamis and my music player. Jasper came and joined me an hour before the first of the students arrived.

"Did you tell Alice you'd be here today?" I asked with a smile. He'd helped me with demonstrations for my intro classes for my last two groups. I enjoyed working with him much more than Emmett, he was easier to flip.

"Nah, thought I'd surprise her. She'll think it's hot," he said with a smirk.

"She'll think it's hot watching you get beat up by a girl?" I teased, making him roll his eyes.

"Yeah yeah, just try not to make me look too bad. What are we doing today?"

"Let's do some stretches first and we'll go over it."

In no time at all the girls started trickling in, some looking excited, a few looking apprehensive. I had spoken to each of them personally though, and knew there were a couple from one of the support groups I sponsored. Edward's mother's organization, actually. I still wasn't sure if that was something I should tell him or not. I kept a bright smile on my face, inviting them all to sit in a large circle as the others came in. Alice squealed when she saw Jasper as she came inside, and I had to stop her from running onto the mat.

"Alice, no shoes on the tatamis," I said, blocking her path.

"No shoes on the what?"

"The mat, these classes are done in socks." I grinned as I looked at her outfit. Bright pink workout pants that looked brand new, and a tight white tank with brightly coloured, geometric designs on it. She gaped at me, seemingly beyond words.

"You want me to walk around in my socks?" She said in disbelief.

"Yes," I told her firmly. "Everyone does. The mats are clean. If you don't have socks, you can take a pair from the care packages I've made." With a serious look, I left her and returned to the circle, hearing her huff behind me. Jasper gave me an embarrassed grin as I joined him again, and he blew Alice a kiss as she dropped down into the circle.

"Hey everyone, it's great to see each of you again," I told them with a genuine smile, making sure to make eye contact with each of them. "I know some of you may be a bit nervous, but I assure you there is no need to be. The most important thing in my classes is to pay close attention to my instructions, and to be aware of those in the space around you. If you follow those two guidelines, there is little chance that you'll actually be able to injure yourself here. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask."

One of the younger girls, Sarah was her name, timidly raised her hand. I was pleased, because I knew she had a hard time with her anxiety. She was one of the ones from the support group. "Yes Sarah?"

She didn't talk, but she nodded towards Jasper, and I didn't need her to verbalize her question. I smiled at her.

"As each of you know, my class is exclusively for women. And as you've probably noticed, this is, in fact, not a woman," I said, waving dramatically at Jasper. He rolled his eyes. "This is Jasper. He is here for today and today only to help me with a demonstration." Sarah gave me a small, relieved smile and I shot her a wink.

"My classes will be done in seven sessions. Today will consist of an introduction, break down, and demonstration of what we'll be doing. Our next lesson will be about awareness and prevention. The three after that will be about defensive maneuvers , when to use them, and how to use them safely and properly. The lesson after that will be about offensive maneuvers. Or last lesson is more of a comfort window, that day will be up to you. We will finish with anything we didn't have time to finish in previous lessons, and I'll answer and address any questions you may have. Every lesson will be started with a warm-up, including light cardio and stretches, as will the end of each lesson. Now, does anyone have any questions so far?"

Alice raised her hand excitedly. I smirked. "Yes Alice?"

"Why do we have to wear socks?"

I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "My class will be done only in socks, because the mats in this room are the best there are, and your shoes will damage them. Also, because with some of the moves you will be learning, if you are wearing shoes it could cause unnecessary harm to your partner."

"We have to work in partners?" Lynn asked. I gave her an encouraging smile.

"Yes. It is necessary in this sort of thing. I'm not teaching theory, but application. I'll be putting you together in pairs at the end of today's class." This made a few uneasy, but I was used to that. It was all part of conquering their fear. I waited for a moment, but no one else seemed to have any questions. I smiled.

"Okay, let's get started then. I want to ask that each of you stay on the outside of the marked circle," I warned, and those that were on the line obediently backed up. Alice was fucking bouncing, and the girls on either side of her were watching her warily. I walked to the center of the circle, and Jasper joined me, pulling on his headgear.

My girls watched with rapt attention as I gave them a visual demonstration of each of the moves I'd be showing them with scenario after scenario of him attacking me in different ways as I explained each maneuver. Jasper was perfect as always, he really was a brave man. He left a little sore but without injury, smiling as the girls clapped and thanked him for coming in. There was a lot less nervous energy after our display was over, which was the desired effect. I wanted them to visibly see that a woman was able to defend herself against a larger man, and Jasper was almost as big as Edward was.

After Jasper left, I paired each of the women up with the partners I had carefully selected for each of them. I felt very good about putting Alice with Sarah; she was by far the most timid girl in the class, and I knew Alice stood the best chance of pulling her out of her shell. I had each of them go over a short survey with their partner, just to try and help them be comfortable with each other, before I handed out the care packages I had made up for them. They each had their own water bottle, hand towel, good quality socks with grips on the bottom, a rape whistle, hair elastics, and a can of pepper spray. A few were worried about paying for them, and seemed stunned when I told them that it had been included in the price of the classes, along with a temporary membership to the gym. After that was settled, I led them in a light cardio warm-up and stretching session so they'd know what to expect for the beginning of the next lesson.

In no time at all I was dismissing them, although I was there for another hour just answering individual questions and concerns that some of them had.

I felt amazing, I hadn't lost a single one of them, and was grinning as I walked out. Alice and Jasper were waiting outside for me.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Not much, we just thought we'd see what you were up to now," Alice said happily, reaching forward to give me a hug. I felt like an ass for stepping back.

"Sorry Alice… just, not here. Low profile, remember?"

"Oh yeah, sorry," she said.

"No, I'm sorry. Thanks for waiting up, but I'm going to hit the gym for a bit before heading over to Em's. I'll see you guys at dinner tonight?"

She beamed happily, and I was hit with a wave of relief.

"Sounds good! See you later," she added quietly, and Jasper shot me a smile before the two left hand in hand.

I just hit the sandbags for a bit before grabbing a shower and heading home to take Zeus for a walk. By the time we got back we needed to go pick up Hollywood, and I loaded Zeus and the groceries I'd gotten this morning into my truck.

I didn't take Zeus over to their place very often, because animals weren't allowed in their building, but rules were made to be broken and I still did occasionally. He hadn't gotten to see his aunt or uncle in weeks.

I stopped in front of Edward's building, smiling in relief when there weren't any reporters. My smile grew when he walked out and I saw him smile. He hopped into my truck comfortably, and Zeus's tail was close to bruising me with his excitement.

"Hey Zeus! Gimme five!" He said excitedly, grinning as my boy lifted his giant paw and smacked his hand before giving him a kiss.

Zeus adored him, and seeing how well they got along always made me smile. His eyes went back to me, going over me quickly before settling on my face and smiling, looking at me in that way that only he did. "How was your day?"

It just got impossibly better. "Amazing. I started up the new self-defense class today. Alice seemed to have a blast, that woman has some crazy energy."

He laughed. "You have no idea, you should have seen her as a kid. Sometimes I would have to hide in my closet to take a nap, just to escape her wrath for a little while."

I could picture that easily, I'd been a little nuts as a kid too though, before everything. I don't know how Emmett put up with me back then. "Well I love it. It's too bad she's not into running, I bet she'd be really good at it."

"Yeah, she doesn't do sneakers though."

I laughed. "Yeah, so I've learned. She looked personally offended when I told her she had to do my class in socks."

"Why can't they wear shoes?"

"Because I'm trying to teach these woman how to protect themselves, not give each other concussions while learning new moves. It's a hazard I'm not willing to risk."

"Oh, yeah, I guess I didn't think about that."

I grinned, and heard the rustling of plastic as he thumbed through the bags.

"You're cooking tonight?" He asked, sounding excited.

"Yeah, it's been a while since Emmett's had a home cooked meal. Fuck, you're going to balk when you see how tanned he is, looks like a burnt carrot."

"Did you tell him about, you know…"

I looked at him in confusion. "About what?"

He watched me closely for a long moment. I was watching the road, but when he looked at me like that, I could actually feel it. "That we've been hanging out."

"Um, no. I haven't." That would have been an awkward conversation at best, and I knew Emmett would just freak out over nothing.

"Why not?"

I was a little confused, not sure where he was trying to go with this. Was I supposed to tell him? Did Emmett tell him not to hang out with me again or something? "Well, what should I have said?"

"I don't know."

I nodded, feeling completely confused and uneasy. I was still getting used to this new friendship with him, I hadn't thought there was need for concern with Emmett. Was I supposed to tell Alice that I hung out with him too, or tell him whenever I hung out with her? I guess I told Emmett and Rose when I started hanging out with Alice, but they'd kind of pushed her on me.

Fuck, hanging out with Rose isn't ever this complicated.

"Are you embarrassed of me?"

I almost slammed on my breaks. Where the hell did that come from? "Why the fuck would you ask that?"

"I don't know… do you not want your brother to know that we're… friends?"

"No, I don't care what Emmett thinks. I like hanging out with you. Em probably already knows that though." I glanced at him, my stomach sank when I saw his worried, slightly hurt expression. Fuck, what did I do? Zeus growled, and I reached out to slide a soothing hand through his thick fur.

Then it hit me. Was he worried I had told Emmett we were dating or something? Or course I didn't, because we weren't. We were just friends, I knew that. I tried to reassure him quickly. "I didn't say anything to Em, because it sounded weird in my head just randomly saying 'oh, by the way, I've been hanging out with Edward almost every day since you left.' What am I supposed to say? I'm not stupid enough to make assumptions."

"Assumptions about what?"

"About whatever the fuck this is." Fuck, none of this was coming out right-

"You know how I feel about you Bella. That hasn't changed."

Fuck, maybe I had it backwards. Did he want me to say something like that to Emmett? Is that what he wanted? Being my friend was one thing, we got along really well, but I couldn't see him wanting an actual relationship with me. Who would want that? I know I'm fucked up, and by now, so does he. How would that even work?

"How do you feel about me?"

My heart stopped.

I think my immediate mental response scared me more than the question, because that word was so sudden, and I didn't trust it. I'd never said something like that to someone who wasn't family to me.

I couldn't tell him that I thought I loved him, because even hearing the words in my head scared the hell out of me.

"I… I like spending time with you. You're easy to be around. I'm comfortable around you… but it's still weird for me. I'm sorry." I'm so fucking sorry.

Why was he still here again?

"Nothing to apologize for," he said easily. It was still hard to breathe. "I'm making progress at least. A month ago you probably would have just punched me in the face if I did this." He reached toward me carefully, and it freaked the shit out of me when someone's hand was close to my neck, but I only tensed instead of flinching away when he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're still uncomfortable, I get it, but you're not hiding from me, which means everything. I know how hard this is for you, and I appreciate what we have right now."

A sob almost caught in my throat, because I knew then that he really knew just how much I was trying, and was still bad at this whole… normal, human contact sort of thing. He saw it, but he was still trying.

And I think I loved him for it.

This man would make a fucking fortune working for Hallmark, he had a damn good way with words, that was for sure.

The atmosphere was a little tense as we made our way up to my brother's apartment, and I thought over and over about his words. I hadn't meant to give him the impression I was embarrassed of him, not at all. Because I wasn't in the slightest. Edward was a great guy, and was much too good for me.

If talking to Emmett would make him happy, then I'd do it. I doubt there was much I wouldn't do to make him happy.

Emmett didn't even say hi to me, he was too busy trying to intimidate Edward with his fucking glares.

"Edward, looks like you had good timing, getting here at the exact same time as my sister."

"I gave him a lift Emmett, stop trying to shoot lasers out of your eyes." I punched him in his sunburnt arm to make him stop, and he sighed and followed me over to the kitchen. Edward and Zeus followed, and Zeus started leaning against Edward, putting a possessive paw on him, marking him as his. I had to stop that before it got worse, if he thought he was Edward's alpha then he would only be steps away from challenging me.

"Zeus, no." He knew what he did was wrong, and stopped immediately, just fucking beaming up at me any playing ignorant. I was tempted to laugh.

"What's wrong?" Hollywood sounded hurt, and I felt like an ass. Again.

"When he leans on you like that, it's an act of possessiveness, or dominance. He's basically saying you're his. If you let him think he's your Alpha, it will just get worse."

"Oh, uh, sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong Hollywood," I told him gently, because it was the truth. I loved how well they got along, I was only trying to prevent future complications. "He likes you. That's a good thing. He just needs to know his place. Dog's like having rules, and knowing what their roles are. It makes it easier to feel fulfilled."

"Are you a dog trainer too?"

"No, I just fucking love Cesar Milan."

He laughed, and leaned against the counter as he spoke to Emmett. "So, how was the honeymoon?"

"It was amazing! Awesome food, beautiful beaches, we had this little private villa that you could just walk out onto the beach from, but it had its own private pool too. We swam with dolphins!"

"Where's Rose?" I inquired, taking things out of the bags Edward had sat on the counter for me.

"She went to see her parents for a bit, said she was going to swing by the club for a minute on the way back. She should be back any time now. What are you making?" He asked excitedly. I hoped everything was okay, Rose didn't just 'visit her parents' for no reason, not if it could be avoided.

"Lasagna," I told him, and he scooped me up in a tight hug and kissed my cheek quickly.

"I missed you so much baby sis."

"I missed you too Em, now put me down. I need to make the dough." He chuckled, and put me back down on my feet.

"So, what did you do to keep busy while I was gone?" He asked.

Well, here it goes. I hope this was what he wanted, I just wanted to do something right.

"A lot of back and forth from the club and the gym, and hanging out with Edward and Alice."

"Since when do you call him Edward?" He spat.

I sighed. "Since the wedding. I told him about Victor."

Emmett had the same reaction as usual when he heard that name. His fists clenched, and he started shaking. "Why did you tell him that?"

"Because we're friends, and I wanted him to understand." I looked at Edward apologetically, terrified of seeing some sort of disapproval or anger. But he gave me a happy, reassuring smile, and I felt myself calm in relief.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asked me gently. I understood his surprise and worry of course, he knew that Rose was the only person I had ever told Victor's name before. I smiled, letting him know that surprisingly, I really was okay with it.

"I'm good Emmett. You have nothing to worry about." He gave me another hug, and I got to work on dinner.

"Do you need any help with anything?"

Was that supposed to be a joke? I raised an eyebrow at him, and he gave me a teasing grin.

I told him to fuck off, and he laughed before stealing Edward for a game of darts.

The others came over, and it was the first time all six of us had sat down and ate a meal together.

I really, really liked it. Having Alice and Edward there just made things feel… right, like our little circle was finally complete.

. . . . . . . . . .

I started packing my bag for the next day when I got home that night. I had only gone over the hotel and plane reservations, and secured a nice car for the trip. He was just going to a party, so there wasn't really much for me to do.

I felt like I had been missing something though. I went over all the paperwork again, and got to the e-mail Edward's manager had sent him about the time and place for the party. Then, I remembered the bad vibe he had given me.

So I did an in-depth search on him this time. I started with digging through some of his e-mail correspondence, which brought me to his professional, and then personal phone records. What I found made me furious, livid, and fucking sick.

It had been Tyler.

That bitch had cheated on Edward with his fucking manager.

Tyler had been fucking his own employer's girlfriend, gotten her pregnant. He'd actually fucking tried to taunt Edward about his issues with the woman, telling him to get over it. He'd even paid for her fucking abortion. He was fucking married too, to a woman named Lauren who seemed like a bit of a trophy wife. And Tanya was by far not the only person he had cheated on her with according to his phone records.

I saved every fucking e-mail, record and screen shot I had, putting it onto a new thumb drive, and then I sat on my roof, smoking a joint and trying to calm myself down while I stared at said fucking thumb drive. I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to do.

I wanted to tell Edward, because he obviously didn't know. He deserved to know what a piece of shit he had working for him. How do you even say something like that?

I knew he'd be upset about it, but would he be upset I had looked into Tyler too?

Was it even in my place to say anything?

Would he be happier maybe not knowing?

Would I just be bringing up something he wants to move past? Would it do more harm than good?

Would I make his life more difficult, being stuck with an employee and friend he hates, or going through a large, legal-battle to get out of that contract? I looked into it, and it was obviously set with the intentions of protecting Tyler, not Edward. He couldn't just fire him for this, he was stuck with him until the first of January. Almost two more months.

I didn't know what to do, because my biggest worry was not telling him. We were friends now, I didn't want to keep this from him.

No matter what I did, I was going to hurt him, like I always did.

. . . . . . . . . .

I was shifting restlessly in the elevator on the way up to his floor.

I'd been up all night thinking of it. I was going to tell him, but I just needed to do it at the right time. Right before his casting party seemed like a bad idea. I still hated it, but waiting for now seemed like the lesser of two evils.

Edward didn't seem like a violent person, but I couldn't see him taking the news of that betrayal lightly. Just the mention of his ex had a way of angering him like I'd seen nothing else do.

My unease was settled slightly when Edward opened his door. I smiled when I saw him, just because it made me fucking happy to see him.

I didn't get this excited to see anyone else, always feeling on the line between excitement and nervousness.

He smiled back when he looked into my eyes.

"Hey, you ready?" I asked politely, stepping inside when he gestured for me to come in.

"Almost, I'm just trying to find my phone," he said, running around the corner. I stayed in place.

"Want me to call it?" I called over to him.

"Sure."

I scrolled through my address book and hit dial, and the sound came from his open closet right next to me.

"Everybody was kung-fu fighting…"

I grinned, pulling the phone out of his coat pocket, and holding it out for him as he ran back over to me. He gave me a nervous grin and took it.

"Seriously?"

"Hey, it took me a long time to learn your name. I had to improvise," he said teasingly. "It suited one of my many nicknames for you."

"Many? How many names did I have?"

He smiled, but shook his head.

"Oh, come on. How many?"

"Nope."

"Then just tell me this one," I pleaded hopefully. He gave in.

"I called you ninja for a while after seeing what you did to James."

I laughed loudly. That was a lot better than I had expected. With a nickname like B, he could have come up with much worse things. That didn't really seem like his style though. "Cool. I like that one."

"So do I," he said with a thoughtful smile.

. . . . . . . . . .

I forced small talk to distract myself from my own guilt on the way there, until I had his safety to distract me. I got him onto the plane without incident. Edward was quiet and seemed a little tired. I wondered if he got as little sleep as I did last night. I hope not, not being able to sleep fucking sucks. I relaxed a bit once we were in our business class seats, slightly hidden away from the rest of the plane, and I took out a book to distract myself. He did the same, and a comfortable silence settled between us.

Was it weird to like reading with someone so much? I wasn't sure, but I really like sitting with him and reading. He didn't make me feel boring when I did so.

I was getting really into it, and hadn't looked at Edward for a while, so it scared the shit out of me feeling the sudden contact on my shoulder. I was frozen for a full minute, freaking out slightly because he never got too close without warning.

"Hollywood?" I squeaked nervously, but he remained silent.

And a soft snore escaped his lips. I turned to look at him, and relaxed slightly when I saw that he had fallen asleep. I didn't think he was faking it, that was a little below his league, and from what I knew so far about him, he could sleep like the fucking dead, like, anywhere.

It wasn't exactly comfortable, but I didn't really want to move him either. We were pretty concealed, so I wasn't really worried about someone seeing us. Besides, we were both still wearing our sunglasses, the light was really bright through the windows.

So I just sat there, and savoured the physical contact while it lasted.

. . . . . . . . . .

Even the landing didn't wake him up, and I wasn't too sure what to do.

My arm was asleep too.

"Hey, wake up," I said quietly. Nothing. "Hollywood?" I poked him, and was starting to worry that someone may have drugged him. "Hey Hollywood, wake up. We're here."

"Hmm," he said sleepily.

"If you don't move, I'll move you myself," I warned, and I moved my shoulder as the stewardess started getting closer.

His reaction then was pretty fast. He pulled away, sitting up straight so quickly that his sunglasses fell off, and his eyes were wide, looking worried. After I'd calmed down earlier, it really hadn't bothered me, and I tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"No worries. You looked like you needed the sleep," I said lightly, and got up from my chair. I opened up the overhead, but the bags had shifted and I couldn't fucking reach them. Edward slid out around me.

"Here, I got it," he said quietly, easily reaching over me and plucking out our bags.

Stupid fucking tall people. My immediate response was to tell I didn't need his help, but I was getting better at censoring myself around him, and forced myself to take a steadying breath to calm myself before I thanked him. We made our way through the crowded airport while I watched him closely, and Harry was waiting there with a Mustang for me. He told me again about the extra plates, handed me the keys and disappeared into the crowded sidewalk. We loaded up and took off.

"Who was that?" He asked curiously, surprising me.

"Who?"

"The guy that gave you the keys." Oh, yeah. Obviously.

"Oh, his name is Harry. He owns a car rental place here in LA."

"How do you know him?"

"I know his daughter, who runs his other branch in New York. She was in one of my defense classes a couple years ago."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have really impressive networking skills?"

I grinned. "It may have been mentioned to me once or twice. I never forget a face, and I guess people don't usually forget mine either." Or the one I show them, anyways.

"I can definitely see why," he said teasingly, shooting me a wink. I rolled my eyes, feeling a little flustered by his compliment.

I was getting better at not panicking from them anymore, and found myself actually starting to enjoy them.

. . . . . . . . . .

I had actually managed to fall asleep this time, almost four full hours. I think the beer had helped a lot.

My nightmares hadn't been too bad lately, because Edward still saved me every couple of nights. He didn't want to last night though; he'd been yelling at me, screaming, telling me he'd never be able to forgive me.

I didn't remember why, but there were plenty of reasons for him to in reality, and it made me feel too uneasy to go back to sleep.

So I ironed my blouse. I sucked at ironing, hated it too, but at least I didn't burn a hole through the fucking thing this time. That accomplishment cheered me up a bit. Afterwards, I checked e-mails on my phone.

Six rolled around, and I wanted to go for a run. I debated between writing a note or sending him a text, but I didn't want to. I just wanted to hear his voice, just to make sure he wasn't actually mad at me.

I stood in front of his door for five minutes before I was able to bring myself to knock.

"You can come in," he slurred sleepily, and I hesitantly opened the door as he sat up in his bed, rubbing at his face.

Edward Cullen didn't sleep with a shirt on. My nails dug into my palms to distract myself, trying not to stutter or look directly at him, because I had never seen such a good-looking man in all my life. "I'm heading to the gym downstairs, I just wanted to give you a heads up. Sorry for waking you."

"No no, it's cool. Want some company?"

"You don't have to-"

"I want to. I don't want to sit in this room all day, it'd be nice to get some exercise."

"Oh, well, sure then. Take your time, I'll wait in the living room." I fled quickly before he could see my embarrassment, and stretched while I waited to distract and calm myself.

As soon as we got back he passed out again, and I made myself something to eat after I showered, then sat outside and read for the afternoon.

I was enjoying it until I got to this sex scene in the book, and shut it quickly, losing all interest.

Which made me wonder when he would. Because, eventually, he would move on. But now… instead of hoping for that, I was dreading it.

But it would happen, because sooner or later, he'll see that he wants more, and deserves better.

. . .

I had kind of zoned out by the time he woke up, and came outside to join me. He was still in his flannel pants, but had pulled on a plain t-shirt. It looked like his arms would rip right through the sleeves if he flexed.

"He lives," I teased with a grin. "How was your nap?"

"Awesome," he said, trying to cover a yawn. "What are you doing out here?"

"Just enjoying the warm air. It's getting so cold back home, this is a nice treat." It wasn't a lie, I was just driving myself mental while doing it.

"Yeah, it is nice. I don't mind the cold back home though, it's nice having more than one season."

"Are you excited for your party tonight?"

"Would it be horrible for me to say I wasn't?"

"Nope, I always appreciate honesty."

"Well, I'm not dreading it, but I'm not stoked either. They're not always bad, but most of the time it's just a bunch of conceited people getting tanked and talking about themselves."

Well, that didn't sound very fun at all. "Lame."

"Yeah."

"Well, maybe it won't be all bad," I hedged, just not liking the frown on his face. A smile suited him much better.

"Oh, I know it won't be all bad. I'll have you there, after all."

There he was. "Very smooth," I admitted, rolling my eyes but loving it.

"Thanks," he said confidently. I smiled, then turned back to the bright sunlight, closing my eyes and just savouring the warmth.

It was very peaceful, just sitting here with him quietly. I liked that even when we weren't talking, things didn't get awkward. We were able to sit quietly without feeling that we needed to fill the silence.

I just liked being close to him… but my body still tensed automatically when he touched me. He draped his arm carefully over my shoulders, and after the initial moment of shock I relaxed, leaning into him slightly.

It was even easier than the last time, in my apartment after the wedding.

I had missed this, to be honest. It had only happened once, but I'd never felt anything like it before. Just being… close to someone like that, for no other reason than wanting to.

He wasn't trying to comfort or console me. I think he was just sitting with me because he wanted to. And I wanted him to, too.

He started moving his thumb in slow, soft circles on my arm. It was kind of weird, but I still liked it. It was comfortable.

I didn't want to move from this spot. I was so tired, and so comfortable that I think I would have enjoyed doing nothing but sitting like this for the entire day. But we were here for a reason, and eventually our time ran out. We both got showered and changed, and I went through some resumes and applications while I waited for him to finish.

And then we picked up him.

It was painfully difficult not to just beat the shit out of him, but once again, Edward was obligated to attend this party and I thought it would be amazingly poor timing.

I'll tell him tonight. When we got back to the hotel. I didn't want to wait a second longer, because every second that passed made me feel worse for keeping it from him.

And so, I was limited to just trying to glare him to death, because I only had so much restraint.

The crowd was fucking crazy when we stopped, and they obviously hadn't anticipated it in regards to their destroyed security. Luckily there was a valet, and once I stopped I managed to get to Edward just before he closed his door. After redirecting the first half dozen or so people that got too close to him, the others seemed to back off slightly and made it a bit easier.

Tyler managed to make it through somehow, unfortunately. I bit back my sigh of annoyance at that once we were safely inside, and his manager fucked off immediately without a word. I took in my surroundings carefully. The place almost reminded me of a ballroom, it was so large. There were tables and bars set up, a sign indicating bathroom on the back left side from the entrance, and there was a large open staircase on the right that lead to an upper level. There was some security scattered around the edges of the room with visible ear pieces, and I saw a few others that may have been personal security escorts.

The stairs were definitely the most efficient place to watch the entire room. I could stay in one place and not lose track of him. I started walking towards it, and he seemed to tag along absentmindedly. I stopped, grinning when he did too, still scanning the faces of the room.

"Go socialize Hollywood, I'll be watching," I said, and he turned to look at me in surprise.

"You're not going to stay with me?" He asked curiously. I smiled.

I definitely wouldn't have minded getting to hang out with him for the night, but I had no desire to talk to any of these people. Maybe Mac, but I couldn't, and he'd surely be busy anyways. Besides, my company was unnecessary in here.

"No one else is being shadowed in here, but if you really want me to I will, of course."

"Oh, yeah… Sorry, I didn't really think of that," he said with a look around the room. "Are you sure you won't be bored?"

"This is what I do. Don't sweat it. Try to enjoy yourself," I told him, hoping it would be more enjoyable for him than he was anticipating. I made my way half-way up the staircase before stopping and leaning against the railing comfortably, and found him watching me. I smiled and sent him a shooing wave to go do whatever celebrities did at their fancy-ass parties.

. . .

This was pretty entertaining. It was a lot less stressful only watching one person, in a fairly safe and contained environment. Not boring though, because there were so many little things going on.

There was the group of three girls that I'm pretty sure were doing some sort of drugs in the bathroom, because they looked like they were tripping out pretty badly. They hid in the corner, making weird faces every once in a while, and looking worried whenever someone got too close to their table.

There was a guy stealing napkins from tables, his pockets looked like they were going to burst.

There was a woman that looked vaguely familiar who I had seen make out with four different guys.

And Edward was being expertly hounded by Jessica Stanley. He looked he wanted to scream at her, but I was fairly confident that he had it under control.

I was grossed out, but not surprised when Edward's manager snuck off into the washrooms with some blond woman. What an asshole.

Edward did eventually manage to lose Miss Stanley, and it looked like he was searching for someone for a few minutes before he made his way over to me. I watched curiously, surely he wasn't ready to tap out already?

"Do you know where Tyler went? I'm going to fucking kill him."

"He went into the bathroom with a blonde woman about fifteen minutes ago," I informed him. They still hadn't come back out.

"What?!" He looked genuinely shocked, a little angry, and a bit disgusted to be honest. Maybe he wasn't aware of Tyler's habits in general?

"I take it then you didn't know he's been cheating on Lauren?" I asked cautiously, so fucking close to telling him. He'd been drinking though, and I wouldn't be responsible for causing him to cause a scene in front of his future co-workers.

"No, I didn't," he hissed, then looked at me curiously. "Wait, how do you know his wife?"

"I did a background check on him," I said, trying to reign in my irritation. I was better at doing that when I was with Edward though, so that helped. I tried to distract myself, and him, with something a bit lighter. "Did you know he had to repeat the tenth grade?"

He laughed, and watched me with that sweet smile that I was pretty sure I was in love with. He didn't smile like that around anyone else, only me. "No, I didn't actually."

That was a little surprising. Hadn't he read his transcripts when he hired him? Had Tyler doctored those? Fucker… "Well, apparently your agent is really bad at math. I'd be a little careful if I were you."

He's kind of bad at just being a human being in general, but I bit my tongue. Not the right place to get into this.

Edward just gave me another one of his sweet, crooked grins, as his hand combed back through his messy hair, making it look even fucking better.

His hair looked really soft. I cut Emmett's hair for him, and it was kind of wiry. I wondered if Edward's hair felt as soft as it looked.

"So, you bored yet?" He asked, pulling me from thoughts that made my face want to burn.

"Nope. I'm good at people watching. Right now, I feel like I'm watching a fucking soap opera. It's entertaining."

"You sure? Because we can leave," he offered. I was tempted to laugh, because he really wasn't good at ignoring me like people usually did with employees of my type.

Edward's never ignored me though. He's tried to pretend to, and failed miserably. I smiled.

"Don't be silly, and stop worrying about me. That's my job." I caught something out of the corner of my eye, and saw that his biggest fan had spotted him once more. "Oh, I'd book it now if I were you, Jessica Stanley just spotted you," I warned.

He cursed quietly, making me smile again before he said goodbye and fled for his life. I didn't blame him, that woman's eyes were just filled with crazy.

Maybe I should look into her…

No, remember the last time you did that? You're still dealing with that, do you really want to risk putting more shit on top of that pile?

No, I did not.

The evening passed by without incident, and I was getting a little nervous about leaving, because I knew what I was supposed to do once we left.

It didn't help things that Edward looked pretty fucking tanked. It wasn't my place to tell him to cut back though. Besides, he kind of looked like he needed it in order to prevent himself from telling his new friend to fuck the hell off. It was a little sad really, I wasn't sure if she really was oblivious to how much he disliked her, or if she was really just that desperate.

It made me uneasy though… because I was pretty sure something had happened between them. And even though it was obvious he didn't reciprocate her feelings, it got me thinking.

If I was able to have that sort of… relationship with Edward, in theory, once that happened, would he lose interest in me as well?

I couldn't do that, but the thought still upset me. Really, it was a lose-lose situation.

Don't give in, and he'll eventually lose interest.

But even if I had been able to, he could still just… lose interest.

My arms went from being crossed against my chest to wrapping around it, just trying to squeeze that empty, painful feeling out of my chest. There was nothing I could do, because I knew I didn't have the option of walking away from this anymore.

My life was a waiting game, and unfortunately, my friendship with Edward would be too.

The party eventually died down, and a very drunk Edward stumbled over to me with a huge, adorable smile. I felt bad for not getting him to eat something before we came, but he'd slept like, the whole fucking day.

"Hey you," he said in his deep voice, smiling at me and swaying slightly.

"Hey lush, how you feeling?"

"Mallow," he said, and I smiled at his drunken vocabulary.

"You mean mellow?" I corrected.

"No, mAllow, like a marshmallow. All fluffy and shit."

I laughed, because he was adorably funny to be around at the moment, and my heart almost stopped as he swayed backwards too far. I grabbed his arm quickly, and he reacted immediately by trying to wrap his arms around my waist. I stepped out of his grasp quickly though.

I let it pass, because he was drunk and not thinking clearly. He still realized what he had done after a short moment though.

"Sorry," he said quietly with a worried frown. I hated being the cause for that damn frown. Then he grinned mischievously. "That wasn't my arm, I swear. Where'd he go!" His head swiveled around, and it looked like he was close to laughing at his own extremely weak joke. I rolled my eyes, the corner of my mouth pulling up in amusement.

"Hands to yourself Cullen!" He whispered loudly, and I almost choked.

"Excuse me?" I said, trying to restrain my laughter.

"Fuck, I said that out loud, didn't I?"

"You sure did," I informed him, he seemed unperturbed though.

"Shit. Can we leave now?"

"Sure. I think we need to get some food in you." That was a necessity, I wouldn't let him fall asleep without anything in his stomach besides all that liquor. He'd probably wake up and get sick in the middle of the night. I walked back down the stairs with him, watching him carefully to make sure he didn't fall.

His hand kept reaching out towards mine, three times on the way down actually, and my stomach fluttered nervously, wondering if he was thinking of holding my hand. Edward didn't really seem like the hand-holding type, but the idea was a little thrilling. I pushed the thought away quickly though, because either way, it wasn't happening. Not here.

"Mmm, there's a really awesome deli down the street from here. It's open all night. Can we go there?" He asked hopefully when we stepped outside.

I didn't know this area very well, and didn't know what shop he was speaking of. It was too quiet outside, and the idea of walking around here at night with Hollywood made me uneasy.

It was hard to deny him when he was smiling so hopefully at me though, so I conceded, my body tense as I walked down the block with him.

It was only about a ten minute walk, and the shop was very quiet. Edward walked up to the guy, rubbing his hands excitedly, and ordering two sandwiches and a big basket of fries.

"What would you like?" He asked with a big smile.

"I'm good, thanks." I didn't eat while I worked, and I'm pretty sure he knew that.

"No, you haven't eaten in hours, you have to eat something. Their stuff is really good," he said convincingly. I just shook my head, and he sighed. "You like fries, you'll love theirs. She'll have some of your special fries," he told the guy happily, and the guy looked at me with a small smirk. Edward paid the guy, shooting me a look that warned me not to take out my fucking wallet, and I sighed quietly, crossing my arms and watching the door carefully.

I followed Edward over to a table in the corner, and he jumped forward, startling me, and pulled out my chair with a big smile before dropping into his own seat.

Okay, that was really sweet. No one's ever pulled out a chair for me like that before.

His food came a few minutes later, and I was relieved that it held his un-divided attention as he inhaled everything in front of him with a few glasses of water.

I picked at the amazing fries, wanting to empty the basket into my pocket because I couldn't eat them while I was waiting for a horde of reporters to break down the door at any moment.

Only one couple came inside while we were there though, and they paid no attention to us.

He finished pretty quickly, and a wave of relief rolled over me as we got up to leave.

We'd barely made it ten feet before someone shouted out Edward's name. I turned quickly to face the man that was running over to us on the sidewalk.

Edward was still all smiles, and waved at the guy as he shouted a happy "Hey!" Back to him. I wasn't quite sure if he was just a friendly drunk or actually knew the guy.

"Do you know this guy?" I asked him quietly, and as he squinted down the dimly-lit path I tensed.

"Do I know you?" Edward asked curiously.

"No. But apparently you knew my wife," the guy said in an angry slur, and I stepped forward quickly.

"I, uh… I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong person." Edward said pointlessly. The guy knew who he was. I didn't know what his story was, but there was no fucking way he'd even get close to him, not on my watch.

"Sir, walk away," I warned graciously. He was drunk, and not thinking properly, and I gave him a chance to make a better decision. I felt Edward's hand on my shoulder and quickly shrugged him off, making sure to stay between them.

"Fuck off bitch, this doesn't concern you," he spat.

"Don't you fucking talk to her like that," Edward hissed back gallantly. I held up a hand, warning him to fuck off. He wasn't helping.

"Oh, pressed a button, have I?" He mused, and tried to push me away. I knocked him back a few feet though, to his surprise.

"Sir, leave, or I'm going to have to make you leave," I said, about five seconds away from breaking his jaw.

The guy snapped though, and just lunged forward. He was sloppy, and I knocked the wind out of him, knocking him back with a firm palm to his sternum. He caught himself quickly though, pulling out a shitty-looking knife and pretty much falling toward me with a swing of his arm. I didn't step back quite far enough, and felt it graze me lightly before it continued on its arc away from me, and I quickly dropped down, stepping into his hold as I brought my elbow up into his jaw, then disabled his right arm, making him drop the crappy knife and scream before he finally came to his senses and fucking bolted.

I should have gone after him, I knew that. Had him charged, because he was reckless and dangerous.

All I could think of was getting Edward out of there before I put him in danger again though.

"Bell-"

"It's fucking B when we're out here, and you know it," I hissed, because he knew better than that, and I was already fucking livid. "Let's go." I grabbed his arm, practically dragging him back to the car and pushing him in before I took off towards the hotel.

As soon as the car was in motion I relaxed, and felt like shit for snapping at him. We'd been over this before though, he had given me his word that he wouldn't ever try to interfere if something happened. He gave me his fucking word, and he could have gotten himself hurt.

He was drunk though, and I knew he only meant to help, so I let it go.

"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly, in a quiet voice. "Did he hurt you? I'm so fucking sorry about-"

"I'm fine," I assured him gently. "It's not your fault."

"It was my idea to go to that stupid deli-"

"But I agreed to it. Don't put this on yourself. This is my fucking profession, and I'm the one who fucked up. I should have trusted my instincts." That guy had been too close though, fuck… but he was fine. It was just close, and I didn't fucking like that.

I pulled up in front of the hotel, and tossed the keys to the valet when he walked up. It was really late, or early I guess, so at least there were no crowds or anything. We were both silent going up to the room, and I was worried that he was beating himself up for my fuck-up still, but I didn't know what to say.

And I still hadn't told him about Tyler yet.

I went straight to the bar and poured myself a drink.

I shrugged off my jacket as I tried to figure out what the right thing to do would be. The party was over, but after tonight, and Edward was still drunk-

"Fuck! Bella, are you okay? Wait here, I'll call an ambulance," Edward shouted out of fucking nowhere, jumped off the couch, and then just fucking tripped and face-planted on the floor.

I watched for one completely dumbfounded moment, just frozen, before I looked down at my shirt, sighed, and then pulled him back up to his feet and pushed him down onto the couch in an upright position.

I really didn't know what to say, and all I wanted to do was laugh, because it was the funniest thing I had ever seen in real life. But I also knew that his concern was genuine, and there was no way I was going to fucking laugh at him. I really didn't feel a thing so I knew it was no more than a scratch.

"Calm down, I'm fine. It's a scratch, I don't even feel it," I told him, and kind of hoped he didn't try to stand again as I went to my room and shut the door. I unbuttoned my blouse, sighing when I realized that one of the first fucking shirts I had ever managed to iron without destroying of course had to get fucking cut up and blood-stained. I used the ruined shirt to dab at my stomach, and it wasn't even bleeding anymore. Barely more than a paper cut.

My door flew open and I tensed, freezing completely with my back still to it.

"Are you-" his voice caught.

No one can see the scars anymore.

I let out an unsteady breath, but my voice came out calm as my fists clenched around my ruined shirt.

"Ever hear of knocking?"

"I'm sorry, but there was so much blood-"

"It was just because I was moving around. It's a scratch, I don't even need stitches. Can you please close the door?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I'll just wait outside." He said quietly, and I heard the door close. I didn't move for a while. I just stood there, trying to find my bearings once more.

If any other man had done that, burst through my door when I was indecent without knocking, I probably would have killed them.

But this was Edward, and I knew he didn't mean anything by it. If he had tried that last time I had come to LA with him, well, that was a different Edward. And I hadn't even locked the door.

Nothing had happened, it didn't matter. No one can see the scars anymore… but I still found myself wondering if he had liked what he had seen.

James fucking Hetfield liked them. I laughed quietly, got changed into a pair of my black yoga pants and a comfy, long-sleeved shirt. It felt so damn good brushing out my hair before putting it back into a ponytail, and I went out to use the washroom.

I almost tripped over Edward, who was sitting down just next to my door, leaning against the wall. He didn't even hear me open my door, and was just staring at his hands in his lap. I tentatively knelt down in front of him, and the look on his face absolutely broke my heart. His eyes were actually shut tightly, and he looked like he was in physical pain. Just looking at him like that made it painful to breathe, and I quickly tried to think of some way to comfort him, but I didn't know what to fucking do. Should I hug him or something? Put an arm around him like he's done before? Luckily he didn't see my hands flutter idiotically around him.

"Hey, shhh," I said quietly, just needing to fucking say something. His eyes shot open, and my breath caught in my throat as he pierced me with those deep green eyes. His messy hair was hanging in his face, and I hesitantly reached forward and brushed it back, watching him closely to make sure this was okay.

His hair was even softer than it looked.

"Edward, it's okay," I told him gently, and he just stared back at me, looking tortured. "I'm okay, really."

"It's not okay, you got hurt…. because of me," he said in a hoarse voice. "I should never have asked you to do this, it was selfish of me. What sort of man am I? Hiring a woman to protect me, I-"

My reaction was instant, automatic. I didn't even think about it.

I slapped him in the face.

"Fuck you Edward. I can do my job just as well, if not better than any man. Get over yourself, this is the twenty-first fucking century. I said I'm fine, now snap the fuck out of it," I hissed, then froze.

Oh god, what's wrong with me, I-

My thoughts were interrupted by Edward's hands, as they quickly reached forward, cupping my face and pulling me forward as he kissed me.

My breath caught in my throat, my heart stopped, and it felt like my blood just froze for a moment.

But… it didn't hurt.

I was able to pull in a sharp breath through my nose.

His hands weren't forceful or domineering, they were gentle, almost protective.

And I could still breathe.

His lips were soft, and they gently moved against mine. I couldn't stop the tremors from rocking through my body from my panic, but I didn't hit him again, or even try to pull away. I let him kiss me, and I timidly placed my hands on his stomach, not really leaning on him, but it was closer to that than pushing him away.

I didn't think I wanted to push him away.

I tentatively tried to mimic the movements of his lips with mine, and I didn't know if I was doing it wrong because I'd never tried to kiss someone back before. I wasn't ready for this, not at all. I couldn't control the panic anymore but I was terrified of pushing him away and hurting him because that seemed like it was all I ever did, and he wasn't hurting me.

His arms were gentle as they wrapped around me.

And then he pulled away. And I was okay. He hadn't hurt me, and it had probably lasted less than a minute.

His eyes opened and met mine, and he just smiled at me like he always did. He was still so close, his face only inches from mine, and I wasn't afraid of him. I was just really, really freaked out.

He leaned in and closed those few inches again, but he moved like he usually did, carefully, and I didn't pull away as he just softly brushed his lips against mine again in the sweetest little kiss, before his mouth pulled up into that crooked smile of his, and he easily pulled me into his lap like a little kid.

That was fucking weird for a second, because I can safely say that I've never really sat on someone's lap before beside maybe my father's when I was a baby. But just like when he had sat with his arm around me, I found that once he was already doing it didn't really bother me, and I that I enjoyed the proximity to him.

He was so warm.

And I felt… safe.

But I still had no fucking idea what to do, because Edward was drunk.

… he kissed me because he was drunk.

A sob almost escaped my throat. What did this even fucking mean to him?

"Edward, I-"

"No. You're mine now Bella. I'm never fucking letting you go."

"I-"

"No. I mean it. I know you want this too. Don't fucking argue."

I didn't want to argue, but he didn't really mean it, and probably wouldn't even remember it in the morning. I felt a tear escape my eyes and clenched them shut tightly.

He wouldn't remember.

And I couldn't ignore the small part of me that really, really wanted to say yes. I could let myself pretend, to enjoy this, just for this one moment, right? Would it really be so horrible?

I already knew I was going to hell.

Might as well earn the sentence fucking thoroughly.

"Okay," I said, knowing today was going to be one of the most painful days of my life.

Because I loved Edward. I'm pretty sure this was what love felt like. I was living on the line between constant nervousness and excitement. Fear and overwhelming joy. The idea of being close to him was wonderful and terrifying. He frustrated and annoyed me more than any other person ever had, but he made me happier than anyone else ever had either. No one had ever made me feel anything like this.

I loved Edward, and I wanted to be his. So I said yes, because I didn't want to say no, and he wouldn't remember anyways.

He fell asleep holding me like that, sitting on his lap with his arms around me.

And it became extremely uncomfortable. I extracted myself from his embrace unsteadily, and stood there, looking down at him for a moment. I couldn't just leave him there, in front of my door.

I sighed.

"Edward?"

. . .

Nothing. I sighed in annoyance.

"Hollywood, wake up," I said sternly.

"Too early to run, you're crazy," he mumbled.

"We're not running," I said a little more gently, then pulled him up to his feet. "Just walking, come on."

"Hmm."

He zombie-walked with me into his room, and when I let go of him he just fell into his bed on his stomach. I left and closed the door behind me.

I went to the washroom. I went to the kitchen and had a glass of water. Then I went and sat outside by myself on the little couch.

And I cried.

That was the first time anyone had ever tried to kiss me without… well, trying to choke me.

The difference between the two experiences were overwhelmingly drastic.

Edward Cullen was fucking with and changing everything in my mind, in my life. I'd never felt a connection like that before, where he was just... there, close.

It was something I had never wanted... or let myself want.

My dad held me as a child. He had the most amazing hugs, and it's something I felt like a loneliness whenever I remembered him.

Angela had liked to hold my hand when we were little. I could still feel it sometimes when I thought of her, and it always made my hand cold.

Emmett gave the best hugs in the world. He's held me in his arms as I've cried. He's always made me feel safe, but it made me feel weak at the same time.

Alice was a fucking hugger, and exposure was making me get used to them though they set me on edge. Jasper had hugged me a few times, but he was always careful of me since the first time he had put a hand on my shoulder to surprise me one day and I had a fucking panic attack in the middle of work.

Rose was the closest I'd felt to something like this. That was comfort in a time when it was critical, connecting with someone I saw as a sister as we tried to help each other heal. She'd always been better at it than me.

Victor had held me and it killed me. Maybe not physically, even though it came close, but I thought he'd killed any possibility of a... desire to have that sort of closeness.

But when Edward sat there with me, it was the first time in my life I had ever felt truly... un-alone.

And now, not having him touching me, I felt lonelier than I had ever felt in my life. But the idea of it happening again scared me on a level that made me tremble to the point of nausea.

Okay, so I might have thrown-up a little.

Sleep was out of the fucking question, I couldn't stay still long enough to even sit on my bed, and I could hear my shaking in the frame of it when I tried.

I wanted to call Rose, but I couldn't call her and tell her I was freaking out because her cousin kissed me while he was drunk. So I sat by myself outside and waited for the sun to come up. I just wanted to go home.

. . . . . . . . . .

Thanks for reading lovlies! I'll try not to wait so long to post the next chapter. Please leave a review!