A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.
A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).
A/N #3: This is how I picture Duo's mother (take out all the spaces)
2009 /07 /10 /richard-avedon-at-sfmoma /
The photograph of Liam Neeson totally exists - just Google it.
Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...
Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.
This Time
Part 1: Chapter 3
Fall 2002
"Just admit it. You saw it and it ruined your life. You're too emotionally vulnerable and scarred to talk about it - but just admit that you saw it."
"No."
"Trowa, it's me. Duo - your buddy. Your roommate. I'm here for you. Whatever you need - hugs, alcohol, shower sex - but I can't help you if you don't admit you have a problem."
Trowa struggled to remember why moving in with Duo had seemed like a good idea.
It was August, and while Duo had been in their apartment all summer, taking his dreaded chemistry classes, Trowa had arrived only yesterday. It felt as though Duo was trying to make up for lost time - because in the twenty-four hours that Trowa had been there Duo had already made him contemplate homicide three times.
"Duo. I did not see Attack of the Clones."
Duo arched an eyebrow.
"I didn't see it either, you know. It felt like I was living it - like someone had ripped open my brain and discovered my deepest nightmares and bam! I'm living them."
Trowa rolled his eyes.
"That's not what I meant. I did not see that movie - I didn't see the Phantom Menace either," he added and Duo's jaw dropped.
"I call bullshit on that one - you really expect me to believe you didn't see the Phantom Menace? I know you've got a thing for Ewan McGregor."
Trowa shrugged.
"Believe what you want."
"I feel like I don't even know you anymore," Duo said and stared at him with disbelief. "It's like I've been living with a stranger all this time. I -"
He was mercifully interrupted by knocking at their door.
Trowa managed to beat Duo to the door and opened it, relieved to see Ralph on the other side.
"Hey," Trowa greeted him, smiling in relief.
"Hey yourself." Ralph kissed him and Trowa leaned into it, revelling in the sensation.
He hadn't seen Ralph all summer, and even though they had emailed and called each other every week, Trowa had missed him.
Behind them Duo cleared his throat.
They broke apart and Trowa turned to glare at Duo.
"Hey Duo," Ralph greeted him with a smile.
"Ralph - good to see you."
"How was your summer?"
"Finally over - yours? Fun times in D.C.?"
Ralph shrugged.
"I was basically an official coffee fetcher, but I learned a lot."
"Cool, cool... well..." Duo looked between them and smirked. "I've got somewhere to be so I'll just see myself out - don't get any stains on the couch."
"Why, again, did I want to move in with him?" Trowa asked once Duo was gone.
"I think it was something about your own room with a decent sized bed... perfect for sharing with your amazing boyfriend?"
Trowa arched an eyebrow.
"I knew I left something off my to do list this summer - any idea where I could find this amazing boyfriend you speak of?"
Instead of answering, Ralph kissed him again.
"I missed you," Ralph said.
"Me too," Trowa confessed.
"So, about this bed you keep talking about..."
Trowa smiled and used Ralph's shirt to pull him towards his room.
"I keep talking about it?"
"You might have mentioned it, at some point."
Trowa kicked the door shut behind them and locked it.
Ralph gave him a questioning look.
"I'm not about to risk Duo walking in on me again, not when we're in the middle of catching up," Trowa explained and kissed Ralph again.
Ralph returned the kiss but then pulled away when Trowa tried to take off his pants.
"Walk in on you again?"
Trowa sighed and nodded.
"One of the five most humiliating moments of my life."
Ralph smiled.
"This I've got to hear. I can't even imagine what your face looks like when you're embarrassed - let alone humiliated."
Trowa glared at him.
"Picturing me humiliated is suddenly more important than getting me naked?"
"Well, it wasn't until just now when you tried to change the subject." Ralph tugged Trowa down onto the bed. "Now, tell me all about this time Duo walked in on you."
Trowa gave in and used Ralph's stomach as a pillow while he narrated the memory.
"I met this guy at a party - Mike - and we decided to go back to my room and get to know each other a little more... nakedly, I guess. Anyway, we're both naked and Mike is going down on me and Duo walks into the room." It felt awkward to discuss a past hook-up with his current boyfriend, but Trowa tried to just power through it.
"Duo completely freaked out - he didn't even know I was gay before that. He was actually speechless - probably for the first and only time in his life - and then he bolted. Didn't come back to the room all night or the next day until I brought him dinner and we talked."
"No wonder you question your decision to live with him - why do you, again?"
But the story of Mike reminded Trowa of that night, talking to Duo in the art studio, admitting to thinking he had a soulmate and admitting that that same soulmate had abandoned him.
He remembered that not even a week later Duo had started trying to set him up with Ralph - an amazing guy who wanted to be in a relationship and wasn't just looking for a one night stand.
"Probably because he's one of the best friends I've ever had," Trowa said.
Not only had Duo never taunted him about Quatre or soulmates - but he had actually found Trowa a guy who made him think that he could be happy with someone else.
"Really?"
Trowa rolled over and looked Ralph in the eyes.
"Sure. He set me up with you."
Ralph smiled, a slow expression that lit up his entire face. It was an irresistible smile - much like Duo's - and such a sincerely happy expression that it was impossible not to smile back at him.
"You're going to be a great politician," Trowa decided.
Ralph snorted.
"Not according to Congressman Weiner."
"I'm sorry - who?"
"Weiner - Anthony Weiner. I told you I was doing an internship for my Congressional representative."
"You didn't tell me you would be working for Congressman Dick."
Ralph rolled his eyes.
"Thanks, Duo."
"You said he didn't like you."
"I don't know - he said I was too naive if I thought gay marriage would ever be legalized in this country."
"I agree that you're naive - but this country is built upon a revolutionary spirit. We change things for the better all the time."
"Speaking about changing things - want to change the topic back to getting naked and making up for lost time?"
"I don't know, talking about your boss this summer makes me -"
Ralph kissed him again, forestalling further comment, and the rest of the afternoon was spent remembering how good it felt to be together.
-o-
"So, do you remember last year for my birthday when I made you go to dinner with Gemma and it was a total disaster?"
Duo had ambushed him in the library, somehow discovering the spot Trowa hid in deep in the stacks when he wanted to hunker down and focus on his papers.
"How did you find me here?" Trowa demanded when Duo suddenly sat down beside him.
"Spies. I pay them well and in return they feed me trivial information."
Trowa glared at him.
"Or," Duo said as pulled a granola bar and a bottle of Dr. Pepper out of his backpack, "your boyfriend asked me to bring you sustenance because he's convinced you're going to starve to death studying for your midterms and he had a fraternity meeting to go to and couldn't make it himself."
"Thanks," Trowa said, touched by Ralph's thoughtfulness. He accepted the contraband items from Duo and couldn't help but look around before opening the drink and taking a deep sip.
"Anyway, back to me for a minute here."
Trowa sighed.
"Yes. I remember the Disaster Dinner."
"Is that what we're calling it?"
"Yeah - there was a vote - didn't you get the memo?"
Duo smiled.
"Anyway, I was wondering if -"
"Wait, that was your birthday?"
Duo nodded.
"Yeah, that's why Gemma was in town."
"I didn't know."
Duo shrugged.
"Not a big deal - trust me. Anyway, this year Gemma got me tickets to a new show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and front row seats to see Metamorphoses on Broadway over Fall Break."
"Sounds like fun."
"Yeah - I'm planning on it. So, she got me two tickets."
"Hilde will have a great time with you - I promise not to let the apartment burn down while you're gone."
"Actually, Hilde has plans already."
Trowa waited for Duo to continue.
"So, I was wondering... feel like spending Fall Break in the city with me? Maybe you can visit your old haunts - look up friends... see some kick ass artwork and an amazing play... hang out with me..."
Trowa's first instinct was to say no - he was always cautious when Duo sprung new things on him, but he reflected on the fact that Duo was actually a good roommate and a better friend - he had even mellowed, just a little, over the past year.
"Wait - is Gemma going to be there?"
Duo smirked.
"Nah, she's in Marseilles until November. I'll take that as a yes?"
Trowa nodded.
"Yeah, sure - it sounds like fun."
"Great, there's just one thing."
Trowa sighed.
"What?"
"You've got to admit the truth. You saw Attack of the Clones, didn't you?"
"Go away," Trowa commanded.
Duo grinned again and got back to his feet.
"I'm going to get the truth out of you - one way or another. You will give in."
Trowa refused to fall for the bait.
"... to the dark side, dude. The dark side."
"Leave me alone."
"Alright, I'm going, I'm going. Listen - Ralph wanted me to tell you not to freak out too much about your French Lit exam - you're going to ace it."
Duo left him in peace, and Trowa settled back against the shelves of books, caffeinated, happy to have Ralph as a boyfriend, and finally able to admit to himself that he valued Duo as a friend.
-o-
The train ride to New York City was uneventful. Duo apparently slept like a baby on trains and was out the minute the train left the station, only waking up when they arrived at Grand Central Station hours later.
Duo led the way out of the station, shouldering his way through the crowd with a natural ease that made Trowa curious. As they walked down Vanderbilt Avenue, Trowa had to ask.
"Remember when I told you I was from New York and you never said where you were from?"
Duo nodded.
"Yeah - you never asked. Remember, you're not interested in my personal life."
"Right. You're not from the city."
"Nope," Duo agreed.
"But you're plowing through these people like you've been doing it all of your life."
"Well, at some point I was pushed in a stroller, so it wasn't really me plowing through people."
"So..."
"So we used to spend Christmas in the city when I was a kid."
"You hate the cold," Trowa said, remembering his conversation with Gemma back in January.
"Which is why I don't spend Christmas here anymore. Thank God Gemma has a house in Miami."
"Where are you from?"
"California - and put a pause on your interrogation while we check in, will ya?"
Duo had come to a halt in front of an Art Deco facade that Trowa easily recognized.
"We're staying at the Waldorf Astoria?"
Duo smiled at him.
"Not up to your high standards?"
"No, it's great," Trowa said, feeling like an idiot. It was hard to remember that Duo had money - he didn't act like the trust fund kids Trowa had known in the past. Duo had furnished their apartment with furniture from Goodwill and his car was used. If Trowa had never met Gemma he would have just assumed Duo was from a middle-class background.
He followed Duo through the sumptuous lobby to the front desk and waited, feeling ridiculous and out of place, while Duo checked them in.
A porter took their bags and led them towards the elevator.
"Hope you don't mind sharing a bed - it is a king, though."
Trowa glared at Duo but his roommate smirked.
"Kidding."
The room turned out to be a small suite - Duo's words - and not only were they not sharing beds, they weren't even sharing a bedroom.
"This is the nicest hotel room I've ever been in," Trowa confessed once the porter was gone.
"It's not bad," Duo agreed. "Gemma went all out."
Trowa arched an eyebrow.
"Did she know you were bringing me?"
Duo grinned.
"What? Trowa - Gemma loves you!"
Trowa snorted.
"She has a funny way of showing it."
Duo shrugged, turning the gesture into a stretch.
"Ugh, I hate sitting in one place for that long. I'm going to shower and then hit the town. Here's your room key," Duo handed him a thin plastic card.
"What did you have planned?" Trowa asked.
"Dunno yet. I mean - I'm dragging you with me to the museum tomorrow and to the show tomorrow night, but... that's the only solid plans I've made. I assume you're going to meet up with some of your friends and hang out?"
Trowa frowned. He remembered Duo mentioning that during his sales pitch.
"No. There's no one here I want to spend time with."
"Really? What about your soul mate - Quatre something? You don't want to reconnect with him?"
Trowa gave him a look.
Duo held up his hands in supplication.
"Just asking. I'm not saying you should hook up with him, but I figure if you think he's your soul mate then maybe you might want to see how he's doing with the whole being straight thing."
"He's at Princeton. Their fall break is next week."
Duo sighed.
"Dude, I was just messing with you - you actually checked to see when his fall break was?"
"Yes."
"You get that he's not worth your time, right?"
Trowa glared.
Duo sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him.
"Come on. Sit down and tell me that I'm wrong and that you're miserable with Ralph and all you ever think about is Quatre."
Trowa scowled.
"No, I'm not miserable with Ralph. Ralph is great."
"But..." Duo drawled.
Trowa gave in and sat down beside Duo.
"But, yes, I do think about Quatre. Not all the time, but..."
"But enough that you feel like you're cheating on Ralph."
"No. Maybe," Trowa conceded.
"Two things - one, you're nineteen and two, you're nineteen! You really think that you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with one person - Quatre or Ralph? You really think that you aren't going to graduate college and go off to Yale and fall for some totally hot law student? Then you're going to break up with him and probably meet five more guys -at least - before you find someone you actually want to be with."
"I know you think I'm an idiot for believing in -"
"No," Duo cut him off. "I don't think you're an idiot for wanting to believe in true love or whatever. But you don't, not really. Because if you did you'd be alone and miserable, pining after Quatre and stalking him in his dorm room or something. And you're not doing that."
"No," Trowa agreed. Over the past two years he had thought about contacting Quatre, had even started to call him a handful of times before hanging up, remembering Quatre asking him to forget about him.
"So why is this bothering you now?" Duo asked, interrupting his thoughts. "Is it because you're back in New York or... has this been going on for a while now?"
"How is it possible you know me this well?"
"Well, I'm a genius - plus I've got those spies I told you about."
Trowa sighed.
"Last week Ralph told me that he loved me."
Duo nodded.
"Which I think you probably saw coming, based on the fact that he loves you..."
Trowa frowned.
"I didn't think he would say it."
"But he did - and I'm guessing you didn't say it back?"
"No. It was - we were having sex, so he probably didn't even mean to say it."
"Yeah, he meant it."
Trowa looked over at him.
"Trust me on this," Duo said, an unreadable expression on his face. "He meant it."
"So now I have to say it to him."
"Only if you feel the same way."
Trowa frowned.
"And you think I don't?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"I don't know," Trowa said.
"Okay, Ralph said he loved you and now you've started thinking about Quatre again... because you did love Quatre and you think telling Ralph you love him means you're giving up on Quatre?"
"Partially," Trowa agreed. "But it's different - I don't feel the same about Ralph. It's not like it was with Quatre."
"Was Quatre like the boyfriend you had before him?"
Trowa shook his head.
"I didn't have a boyfriend before Quatre - he was my first."
Duo groaned.
"Oh, this is so much worse than I thought!"
Trowa glared at him.
"Look," Duo sat up straighter and angled his body towards Duo. "What you had with Quatre was - I'm guessing - amazing. But that was then. Ralph isn't Quatre and that's honestly, probably a really good thing. Quatre's the one who did what his father told him to do and decided to become straight. Ralph is the one who makes sure you don't freak out during midterms and tolerates your crazy roommate and loves you. They're different people, so of course it feels different."
Trowa shook his head.
"I know that, but it's just not - it's not as much. With Quatre - all I wanted was to be with him. I didn't care about anything else. With Ralph - I don't know, sometimes I prioritize over him. I shouldn't be able to do that, not if I really loved him, right?"
"Or you've got a life and you know that putting one person at the center of it isn't a good idea."
Trowa sighed.
"But maybe you really don't love him as much as you loved Quatre. Maybe Ralph isn't your soul mate. Maybe you guys were just a thing for a few months and you're done with him. Do you ever think about breaking up with him?"
"No," Trowa answered instantly. The idea of not being with Ralph was...
"So you do love him," Duo decided.
"I really don't know," Trowa said after taking a moment to consider it. "I know that I don't feel about him the same way as I felt about Quatre, but I do really like him. I guess I just don't have much basis for comparison."
"Well, you should talk to him about it. Tell him about Quatre. Tell him that you really, really, really like him but you're scared."
"I'm not -"
"Yes, you are."
Duo held his gaze and Trowa was forced to nod in agreement.
"But if you don't talk to him, it's going to come back and bite you in the ass."
"You realize that taking advice from you about my love life is like taking advice from Satan about selling girl scout cookies."
Duo grinned.
"I'm going to see the compliment you buried in that sentence and ignore the insult. Think about it this way - have I ever steered you in the wrong direction?"
"You mean like that time you told me to try the sweet potato casserole at the caf and I was in the infirmary for two days with food poisoning?"
"One, when I tried it, it was delicious - it's not my fault they ran out and had to make a new batch that was somehow contaminated with salmonella. And two -"
"Or do you mean like the time that you told me I should take an acting class for my art requirement because it would be an easy A and instead I spent last semester working my ass off to memorize monologues and understand the inner thoughts of an ice cream cone?"
"Still easier than music appreciation, which is what you tried to take instead."
Trowa gave him a look.
"You don't have to take my advice, but you know, I've got your back."
"Yeah, I know."
"Great! Now that we've solved all of your personal problems, I'm going to shower - try to think of an awesome restaurant we can go to, will ya?"
-O-
"Okay, the Avedon gallery should be... right up here."
The morning had passed surprisingly quickly. Duo had woken him up at eight - an obscene time considering that it was fall break and that they had been out until almost two the night before.
Trowa had taken them to an Ethiopian restaurant he remembered going to once with Catharine and Duo had fallen in love with the food - and with their waiter, who happened to be in a band that was playing at a club that night. One thing led to another and Trowa and Duo found themselves suffocating in an underground club while Duo quickly fell out of love with the waiter - he was a terrible guitarist and the music was some combination of death metal and folk music that was just weird.
But the look on Duo's face when he ripped the comforter off Trowa's bed and told him to get a move on was deadly serious, so Trowa got up, showered and dressed, all the while cursing Duo and wanting to climb back into the ridiculously comfortable bed and cuddle with the amazingly soft pillows.
Duo ushered him out of the room and the hotel, stopping only to procure bagels and coffee when Trowa refused to budge without morning caffeine, and then propelled them through Manhattan to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
The next few hours were some of the best Trowa had ever spent with Duo.
His roommate's passion for art was overwhelming, but it also brought out the best in Duo. He showed Trowa all of his favorite paintings and explained the history of the art, the artist and even the paint and composition of the pieces. He spoke about the works as though they were old friends, and Trowa could understand why Duo wanted to go to school for art history and for art conservation and preservation - he truly lived and breathed this stuff.
After eating lunch in the cafe at the museum, Duo led them upstairs to the showcase gallery.
They walked into a huge room of black and white photographs. Trowa recognized many as famous actors, politicians and singers, but as he and Duo walked the length of the room, Trowa found himself drawn to the people he didn't know - to the expressions on their faces and the way each photograph seemed to reveal the secrets of its subject.
Duo jerked his thumb towards a photograph of Liam Neeson, shirtless and wearing only a pair of jeans riding low on his hips.
"Look, it's Qui-Gon. Your favorite character from Phantom Menace."
Trowa rolled his eyes.
"Sorry, second favorite - I keep forgetting you're obsessed with Ewan McGregor."
"I am not obsessed," Trowa muttered, but Duo was already off, moving in another direction.
Trowa allowed himself to admire the photograph of Liam Neeson for a moment before moving on - he didn't want Duo to catch him staring or he would never hear the end of it.
"And that... that's my mom."
Duo had come to a stop in front of a photograph of a strikingly beautiful woman. Her wide, pale eyes stared out at them with an intensity that made it hard for Trowa to look away.
He could see the resemblance to Duo - not just her eyes, but her wide lips and even the tilt of her smile.
"She's beautiful," Trowa said.
"She was," Duo agreed.
They had never really spoken about their families and Trowa had always assumed that Duo's parents were still alive. He realized now that that had been stupid of him.
Duo continued to stare at the photograph and Trowa couldn't decide if he should leave or stay.
"We used to have a copy of this, but after she died... I don't know what ever happened to it."
Duo shrugged and turned away, walking towards the opposite end of the gallery and not looking back.
Trowa, on the other hand, couldn't resist looking back once more at the photograph before they left.
That night they saw Metamorphoses and aside from leaving the theatre with wet hair, Trowa had to concede that it was one of the most incredible experiences of his life.
He caught Duo sniffing back tears as they left the theatre and couldn't resist the urge to rib him about it.
"You? Crying? Could it be that you actually do believe in love?"
Duo snorted derisively.
"Please. Love? Nah - I do believe in the power of some seriously powerful writing, though. Jeez, that thing felt like it came right from the soul, didn't it?"
Trowa had to nod in agreement. There had been more than one time during the play that he had teared up, but if Duo hadn't noticed then he wasn't about to tell him.
"Hey, I know this great custard place a few blocks from here - want to grab some before we head back to the hotel?"
"Sure."
They walked through the crowd leaving the theatre and the Saturday evening traffic and Trowa couldn't help but admit something.
"I've had a really good time. I really appreciate you asking me to come with you."
Duo smiled.
"Yeah, me too. I appreciate you not blowing me off because you were half-way convinced Gemma would pop out from under your bed and murder you in your sleep."
"Well now that you've confirmed it I'm completely convinced," Trowa muttered and Duo chuckled.
"She's really not that bad - she just likes to look out for me. Kind of like your sister is about you, I imagine."
"My sister doesn't have years of experience like your grandmother," Trowa pointed out.
"Give her time - just think what she'll do to Ralph the first time you bring him home for the holidays. She'll probably sit him down in the kitchen and chop up a bunch of stuff and glare at him the whole time..." Duo trailed off, a serene expression on his face. "Man, I'd love to be there for that."
Trowa rolled his eyes, but he had to smile at the mental image. Having been on Catharine's bad side more than once, he could only imagine the grilling she would give Ralph.
If he ever brought Ralph home.
-o-
Trowa came home from classes one afternoon a week after the end of fall break and found Duo sitting on the couch, staring at the XBOX home screen, a scowl on his face and a controller held loosely in his hands.
He had to do a double take - he had never seen Duo look this upset, and he was convinced that it was some trick of the lighting.
"Duo?" he asked cautiously.
His roommate looked over at him.
"Trowa?" he replied in the same tone.
"Are you...okay?"
Duo sighed.
"I'm fine. Ich fühle mich verdammt erstaunlich."
Trowa frowned.
"I don't speak German - neither do you."
"Apparently I might as well start. I got a B on my French midterm."
"You got a B on a French test? Did you sleep through part of it?"
"No. You know I'm taking Business French this semester, right?"
"I know. I remember you trying to convince me I would need that more than French literature - and you're still wrong, I'm not wasting my time."
Duo sighed.
"Well maybe I should have taken it with you. Professor Breindel is ancient - have you ever met her?"
Trowa shook his head in the negative.
"She survived the Holocaust - she was only three or four when the war ended, but her family was sent to one of the concentration camps and she remembers - as in hears in her dreams - the voices of the Nazi officers."
Trowa had no idea what this had to do with Duo's grade in the class.
"She especially remembers the voice of the officer who beat her mother to death. Because this officer spoke perfect French - practically fluent - but he had a German accent."
"I'm sorry she had to go through that, but what does it have to do with you?"
Duo regarded him with shadowed eyes.
"Do you know why everyone always falls all over themselves to have me help them study for their French classes?"
"Because you are practically fluent."
Duo smiled crookedly.
"I'm not practically fluent. I am fluent. I've been speaking French as long as I've spoken English - first learning from just my mom, and then at school. The best school, with the best teachers. Except, apparently, my French teacher - who was from Alsace-Lorraine and was bilingual. He spoke German and French. And now, it turns out, I speak perfect French with just enough of a German accent to sound like a freaking Nazi."
"You don't -"
"I do. She handed back our midterms today and on the conversational portion her notes said that I sounded like a Nazi and that if I ever wanted a native French speaker to trust me I needed to get rid of my accent immediately. But I can't even tell it's there! I've listened to myself and I've listened to native speakers and it's not - I'm not good enough to fix it."
The expression on Duo's face made it clear that he thought he was a complete failure and Trowa struggled to keep a straight face.
"Wow. Is this the first time you've ever admitted defeat?"
Duo glared at him.
"No, I'm serious. I don't think I've ever heard you say you weren't amazing at something."
"Fine. I suck. I dropped the class."
"Duo - it was one B. You could have pulled it up."
"No, you didn't see her face when she handed me the midterm. I would have been lucky to get an A-."
"One A- isn't -"
"An A- in French, when I'm applying to the Sorbonne for graduate school makes me look like an idiot. Every class is conducted in French - preference is given to French students - and my chances of getting into the program are already impossible. Throw in that grade and there's no way in hell."
"I didn't realize you wanted to go to graduate school in Paris."
"It's one of the best programs in the world. I can get my Master of Science and Technology in preservation and conservation and work on my doctorate in art history at the same time. Not to mention the Louvre is right there..." Duo scrubbed his face with his hands. "But if I sound like a Nazi I'll never get in."
"Duo, you do not sound like a Nazi. And you don't look like one either. This is one professor. You're going to be fine. You didn't even need that class anyway - you're taking fifteen hours without it."
Duo sighed.
"It's not that simple. I -"
"Duo. It is that simple. You are going to get into the Sorbonne. You're going to get your MST and your PhD and you're going to be the best conservator the Louvre has ever seen. Simple as that."
Duo looked over at him and shook his head.
"Since when do you give me pep talks?"
"Since you forgot how awesome you were. Now move over. I'm in the mood to play Halo - you can join me and together -"
"We can rule the galaxy," Duo muttered, but he was smiling, and Trowa congratulated himself.
They were still on the couch, racing through the most difficult setting of the co-op campaign when Ralph came by that night, arms loaded with Chinese food.
He took one look at the two of them on the couch, engrossed in the video game, and sighed.
"I don't get it. You are two of the smartest people I know - I just don't understand your obsession with this game."
"That's because you have no soul," Duo offered after swerving their Warthog so that it ran over a Grunt.
Ralph rolled his eyes and started to unpack the Chinese food on the dining room table.
It took another ten minutes for them to finish the level, and by that time Ralph had started to eat and the smell of the Chinese food distracted Trowa so much that he died twice, forcing them to restart the level.
But it was worth it. Duo let out a triumphant laugh and saved the game.
"Damn - that was our best time yet!"
Ralph looked over at them, chopsticks poised over a box of steamed rice.
"Wait - you're replaying the game just to see how fast you can make it through the levels?"
Duo nodded.
"Yeah. We've already beaten it on every difficulty level... this keeps it interesting."
"You could just play a new game," Ralph suggested as he handed Trowa the box of lo mein.
"What new game? There is no game but Halo," Duo assured him.
He turned to Trowa and scratched the back of his neck.
"Thanks, Tro. I, ah, I really appreciate you know... you."
Trowa saw Duo's cheeks actually start to turn red.
"Yeah, well, I appreciate you know... you, too," he said and Duo smiled.
"Right. Okay, I need to get over to the studio. You two kids have fun."
"What was that all about?" Ralph asked once they were alone.
Trowa shrugged.
"Nothing."
"Nothing? Duo actually blushed just now - I didn't think he was capable of blushing. Tell me what happened."
Trowa felt a spurt of irritation. Something about Ralph's tone irked him and he felt the need to protect Duo.
"Nothing - he just didn't think he could complete the level by himself."
Ralph frowned.
"Did you just lie to me?"
Trowa sighed.
"It's personal and - it's nothing. It doesn't matter. He needed help and I helped him."
"Huh."
Trowa set down his food.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You can't just say 'huh' like that and it be nothing. So what?"
Ralph also set down his food and the expression on his face was troubled.
"Things have just seemed different, ever since you went to New York with Duo."
"No they haven't."
"Yes, they have. You used to - I don't know, you used to always be annoyed with him and now you defend him and lie for him."
"I don't -"
"You do. I know he's your roommate and your friend but... something's changed. Something happened on that trip."
"Are you implying that I cheated on you? With Duo?"
Ralph was silent and Trowa felt his jaw drop open.
"You seriously think that I would do that to you?"
"No," Ralph admitted. "But I don't know where I stand with you anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the fact that I told you I loved you and you... you're just pretending it didn't happen."
Trowa felt like laughing. Duo had been right. Again.
"This isn't funny," Ralph said, a note of hurt in his voice.
"No, I know." Trowa got up and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, buying himself some time.
When he came back out he sat down across the table from Ralph and looked at him.
"I haven't been pretending it didn't happen. I just haven't known what to do about it."
Ralph arched an eyebrow.
"The way I see it, you either say it back or you tell me that you want to see other people," Ralph said.
Trowa sighed.
"But I don't want to see other people and I don't - I've only ever been with one other person, besides you. I've only ever told one person I loved him and I really, really thought he was the only person I would ever say that to. But then..." Trowa drew in a breath. "Then his father caught us together and told him that he would disown him unless he stopped being gay. So he... stopped being gay. He told me to forget about him and he walked away from me."
Trowa didn't add the details - that he had been in a hospital bed, physically unable to go after Quatre, or that Zaid Winner had tried to bribe Trowa and Catharine into leaving the country.
"So I'm scared - because I really, really loved him and when things ended... it took me a long time to even think about wanting to be with someone else. I think I love you - it's different than what I had with Quatre, but just thinking about you makes me smile and the thought of breaking up with you makes me start to panic."
Ralph set down his food and got up from the table. He cradled Trowa's face in his hands and kissed him.
"Anyone who would walk away from you - who would walk away from themselves - that's not someone who deserves you."
"His family -"
"I'm not saying it would have been easy for him to do the right thing, but I did it. Hell, even Duo's grandmother knows he's gay and do you think that went over well with her?"
Trowa had to smirk at that.
"I get it. I get that you're scared - I am too. I fooled around with guys in high school and I sort of dated someone freshman year before I met you but I never... I never really pictured myself with any of those guys. Not like I see myself with you. Maybe this is too gay or whatever - but I love you and I want you to meet my family and I want you to understand just how amazing you are and how lucky I am to be with you."
Trowa swallowed hard.
"You aren't the only lucky one."
Ralph smirked.
"But I'm the luckiest."
"I don't think this is a competition."
"So..."
Trowa arched an eyebrow at the change of tone in Ralph's voice.
"So..."
"Any chance you want to come to my sister's wedding in three weeks?"
Trowa blinked.
"Really?"
"Absolutely. I want them to meet you - they know I'm gay and they've accepted it. They actually want to meet my boyfriend."
Trowa hesitated.
"Plus you'll get to see me in a tux. And trust me - that's a sight you want to see. I look good in a tux."
"Do I have to wear one?"
-o-
Trowa used some of his savings to rent a tuxedo for the upcoming wedding, and during his fitting the tailor remarked on how handsome he would look on the dance floor.
Which made Trowa realize he would look like a moron on the dance floor. He had no idea how to dance - at least not the kind of dancing he expected at an upscale Park Slope wedding.
It took him almost two hours, and earned him funny looks from the librarians, but Trowa tracked down a few books in the university library about dancing. One of them, a step by step illustrated guide, he decided was his best bet to becoming a competent dancer in time for the wedding.
He borrowed a CD of classical music from Mags and waited until one afternoon when he knew Duo would be in the art studio and tried to learn.
He propped the book open on the page illustrating the steps for the waltz and turned on the stereo system.
Trowa tried to walk through the steps, his arms out as if embracing an invisible partner.
"Whatcha doing?"
Trowa turned at the sound of Duo's voice and instantly dropped his arms back down to his sides.
Duo was grinning at him, clearly amused at having caught Trowa acting like an idiot.
"Nothing," Trowa growled and reached for the open book on the coffee table.
Duo beat him to it, however, and looked at the pages.
"Teaching yourself how to dance... are you going to a wedding or something?"
"Yes," Trowa admitted.
Duo set the book down and crossed his arms.
"Who's the lucky girl and why wasn't I invited?"
"Ralph's sister - who you've never met, which is why you weren't invited."
Duo's eyebrows rose.
"He's taking you as his date?"
"No, I'm the groom. I met Hannah this summer and fell madly in love with her."
Duo rolled his eyes.
"You keep being sarcastic and I'm not going to teach you how to waltz."
"You know how to waltz?"
"I know many things - how to waltz is just one of them."
There was an expression on Duo's face that Trowa didn't trust.
"What's the catch?"
"I'll help you," Duo said and set down his backpack. "But you've got to admit that you saw Attack of the Clones."
"No, I don't. I didn't. I would never do that to myself."
"Uh huh," Duo agreed dubiously, clearly not believing him.
"Besides, you are the Star Wars nerd - not me."
"Yet you are the one went to the Halloween party dressed up like Han Solo."
"Because Ralph looks more like Luke Skywalker."
"Right..."
Trowa rolled his eyes.
"If you're just going to give me crap about Star Wars I can -"
"Oh, chill out. And come here." Duo held out his arms and Trowa, feeling like an idiot, reluctantly stepped closer.
"Do you know if Ralph likes to lead?"
"I doubt we'll be dancing together - this is just so I don't embarrass myself if I dance with someone else," Trowa pointed out.
"You never know, you might get lucky. In any case, I'll teach you how to lead." Duo put his left hand on Trowa's shoulder and held out his right hand. "Come on - put your right hand on the middle of my back and hold my right with your left."
Trowa followed his directions and drew in a deep breath.
To his surprise, the smirk was gone from Duo's face. He appeared to be taking this seriously, and Trowa appreciated it.
Duo nodded along to the music for a few seconds.
"Okay, good. Here we go - one step to your right, other foot, now back and left and other foot and forward and - other foot. There you go. It's simple. Just a box."
"There isn't more to it?" Trowa looked at the book again.
"Yeah, if you want to get really fancy - but this is your basic waltz step. It's a box step. Really simple. Let's master this and then you can try something else if you want."
"Okay," Trowa agreed.
Duo gave their joined hands a squeeze.
"You've got this. Let's go again."
Trowa nodded and looked down at his feet.
"Nope - eyes up here," Duo commanded.
Trowa sighed and lifted his gaze to Duo's eyes.
"Just listen to the music and count with me - one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four."
Trowa fixed his gaze on Duo's mouth, listening to him count off the steps.
Duo suddenly faltered in his counting.
"Um, just look at my eyes - or over my head or something," Duo said, a strange note to his voice. "It's just... weird having you look at my mouth."
"Sorry," Trowa apologized and averted his gaze to the top of Duo's head.
He was amazed at how comfortable he felt dancing with Duo, and even more amazed when, less than half an hour later, he was spinning Duo around their living room with ease. He felt daring and finished by dipping Duo backwards.
"I think I can do this," he concluded, still balancing Duo's weight.
"Yeah, you're a pro," Duo said and forced them back upright. He freed himself from Trowa's grasp and ran his hands over his clothes. "You're going to knock them dead."
"Thanks for the help."
"No problem. Any time. I, ah, I need to get back to the studio."
Duo started to leave the apartment, but then turned around.
"Yeah?" Trowa felt giddy with relief - he could picture himself dancing in the rented tuxedo and not making a fool of himself.
"Nothing," Duo said and shook his head. "Nothing. I just hope you have a great time. Ralph's a lucky guy."
-o-
TBC