SM owns everything Twilight. This plot is mine.

. . . . . . . . . .

Last night hadn't been one of the good ones. Every night it got harder and harder to let Edward leave. At least when I was with him I knew his safety couldn't be used against me.

But even having him, there were four other people that meant to world to me, out there, exposed. I'd been foolish to let them all get close. When it was only Em and Rose that I could move. I couldn't move them all, so I couldn't protect them all.

I knew with certainty that someday, I would need to. The slight reprieve I'd had from the nightmares was no more. I was lucky if I could sleep ten minutes without Victor ripping one of them away from me.

Walking into the tattoo parlour came with its own type of relief. That familiar hum in the background and the low music.

This must be what normal people are supposed to feel when they walk into a spa. I scoffed.

Then smiled brightly.

"Hey James."

"Hey, Angel," he said with a wink and a large grin. "What are you here for?"

"Just a few feathers, you?"

"You leave those bandages on, don't fuck with my work," Rory scolded, then smiled brightly. "Hey Angel, just give me a couple minutes, 'kay?"

I nodded, and James quickly pulled back my attention. "He was just doing a touch-up on an old piece." He looked me over, and though I thought he was cool, and I loved his work, I didn't appreciate the attention. "You wouldn't know anything about that now though, would you? How old are you?"

Rory laughed. "Don't even bother, I've known her for two years and I'm pretty sure that I don't even know her real name." He raised a challenging eyebrow at me. "Am I wrong?"

I smiled. "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

He just rolled his eyes at me.

"So, I heard you're doing a show in the area in December."

James smiled brightly. "Yes, we're looking forward to it. Are you coming?"

"Unfortunately not, you sold out in minutes. Besides, it's on my friend's birthday." It felt weird calling Edward my friend, but I'm used to being stuck with having to say things that I don't enjoy.

He pursed his lips, looking deep in thought for a long moment before he smiled.

"Your friend, huh?"

Shit, "Yes."

He laughed. "Anyone I might know?"

Double shit. Well… okay, he knew nothing about me, nothing besides the fact that I had tattoo. Was there really any harm in telling him I was friends with Edward Cullen?

Rory would shit himself. I looked over warily, but he was busy on the phone.

I told him, and the first thing he did was look over at Rory warily. "He obviously doesn't know."

"Nope."

"Holy shit though, how… You know him?"

Oh my God, James was totally trying not to fangirl over my boyfriend.

I was always careful though. "Not exactly. I'm friends with his sister, and they're close, so I've only hung out with him a couple times."

"No way. Wow. Do you think, well, could you maybe get me an autograph?"

"I doubt he'd mind, he's a huge fan," I baited. Metallica tickets would be an awesome birthday present, and if I stood any chance of getting any it was through this man right here.

"No shit," he said, looking pretty damn proud.

I could see the clogs turning in his eyes.

"Look, we always reserve a couple boxes for family and friends, I could hook you up with one if you want? I have two left and they each seat about ten people."

I gave him a bright smile. "Really? That would be amazing, James! Thank you so much, and I can pay you back for them, just name the price." Maybe if I had been one of those girly girls, I would have jumped on him with a grateful hug, but I wasn't. And I had no desire to touch him what-so-ever.

"Pff, don't worry about it, but…"

"But what?"

"But do you think the guys and I could like… meet him?"

"Done," I said. "He'd love that. Why don't you guys just come up afterwards and say hi? We can hang around."

James looked even more excited than I was. I thought about it, and if I met them there I could surprise Edward myself. No one would ever know I was with him. There'd be no pictures. We worked out all the details and exchanged contact info before Rory dragged me into his office, and got me set up before he evened out my feathers on my right side.

. . . . .

My days were busy as ever. Our first Monday back at work Jasper had practically pounced on me, and we spent our entire lunch brainstorming. He decided to stick for something simple, but a little bit more creative than just dropping down on one knee for desert. We ruled out hiding it in some sort of food, because chances were he'd end up lending it to Emmett accidentally for seven hours or so. When he had thought of doing little Thanksgiving gifts to put on everyone's plate, I was honest and said it sounded a little too conspicuous, and then I suggested the party crackers. It's what we ended up settling on in the end, and then the next couple days we'd spent our lunches trying to disassemble and reassemble them so he'd be able to get his ring box into one of them and still have it work properly.

The only thing I'd said no to him for was when he asked me to hunt down the Doctor's number. I knew I could have done it easily, I'd broke into the system at the hospital he worked at before to destroy records of myself but… it felt like I was crossing a line. I fucked up enough with Edward already; I didn't want to snoop around his family. It was hard to explain to Jasper, and he didn't really get it until I asked him why he didn't just steal Alice's phone and look for it himself. He seemed to get it after that, and felt guilty for asking, but I didn't hold it against him.

Aside from that, I was working extra hours training Jacob still. He was doing really well in the courses I'd set him up with.

I wasn't getting to spend nearly as much time as I wanted with Edward, and the urge to leave both of my jobs permanently was looking more appealing every day.

My habits were hard ones to let go of though. There was a sense of comfort that came with my routine. I filled my time because staying active, keeping busy, was the only way to deal with the fact that I was never actually able to do enough. I was never good enough to actually save anyone.

I was good at my jobs though, and it was nice being good at something. And I needed the distractions, without them the ominous feeling that seemed to stalk me every minute of the day would slowly drive me mad.

Even if working at this Library was boring as hell, I knew that I was an extremely valuable employee. I wasn't good at taking no for an answer, and I was resourceful and organized. I procured a lot of valuable pieces for them.

One of my newest acquisitions coming over from a collector in Washington was almost a week late, and my concern grew with each passing day. No e-mails, calls, nothing. I went down to the main desk to check if there had been any messages about it, and then the mail room. I went back up to my office, went through the call list, and dialed the company's help number. I was on hold for a while, and when they did put me through I could tell the woman who answered hated her job before she finished her greeting. I tried to explain what I was inquiring about, and she kept interrupting me, and it took a lot of restraint not to yell at her to shut up and let me speak. I sighed in relief when she gave me the number for the department that kept track of shipments.

The man that answered was much easier to talk to, friendly even, and quickly asked me for the tracking number. I sighed in relief when he told me there had been a problem with the truck, but that the book was okay, being stored carefully during repair, and would arrive in five days.

I smiled in relief as I hung up, turning back to my desk, then froze.

There was Edward, looking me over with an expression that filled me with that deliciously addictive nervousness. I may have seen him last night, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't missed him. I smiled brightly.

"Hey Hollywood, what are you doing here?" He just stared at me, not looking very well, and I quickly grew worried. "Edward? Are you okay?" I walked over to check if he was sick or something, stopping when he finally spoke.

"I need you to take those glasses off."

I looked at him in confusion. "What? Why?"

"Because I can barely fucking think looking at you right now."

Oh. I grinned, and laughed, trying to hide my nerves. I took them off, and quickly looked around the room. It was deserted, but someone could walk in at any moment. I always wore these glasses in this building, they were just a prop, but a good one. It was amazing how much a little piece of plastic and glass could change an image. Just to stay on the safe side, I swapped them for my sunglasses. I sat down on the edge of my desk as I looked back up at Edward.

God, he was so handsome. He looked every part of a movie star today, in his designer jeans, a white button-down, and a black vest. His hair perfectly chaotic. I really wanted to touch it. He never put product in it, and it was so soft. I loved his hair.

Okay, stop ogling and say something.

"So, to what do I owe this surprise?" I asked with a smile. It was impossible not to smile.

"I just wanted to surprise you, and I was curious about where you work. I hope you don't mind?" He sounded a little nervous. As if I would mind, I always wanted to see him, and this job was dreadfully boring.

"Not at all, it's a very pleasant surprise," I assured him. The urge to touch him was staggering, but I knew I couldn't. Talking to him like this I could explain away with by him just being curious about the library, but touching him? I couldn't.

I looked down at my watch, hating that last hour more than usual. I didn't want to let him go. "I still have another hour, but you're welcome to stick around if you'd like?" I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"I'd like that," he said with a smile, and I melted a little. God, the way he looked at me made it hard to think. "So… Bree?" He asked curiously.

Ah… this was probably something I should have spoken to him about. "Yeah, I guess we've never really talked about her, have we?" He made it so easy for me to only be me around him that it was easy to forget that I wasn't able to be myself around anyone else. I looked around the deserted room, but still didn't feel safe discussing it here. I didn't want him to think I was purposely trying to hide it, and assured him that I'd tell him after work.

"Would you like me to show you around?" I asked curiously. I didn't know if he was really interested in this sort of stuff or not, hell, I worked here and I didn't find it interesting. He agreed happily though, and I gave him the tour that John usually gave to students who came in with their history classes. He hung onto my every word though, making it hard to think while he watched me with that smile.

"This is one of the newer pieces that I'd acquired," I told him at the end.

"What's the point of the glass cases? Just to stop people from touching them?" He asked curiously.

"Yes, we get a lot of students on field trips. The paper is so delicate that just the oil from your fingers can damage it. The cases also control the humidity though, and prevents theft. This book is almost three-hundred years old."

"Neat. How do you find these sorts of things?"

"Old collectors that have no one to leave them to when they pass, or people merely looking to get it off of their hands. Other, smaller historical societies and museums. Some are just on loan, others belong to this library specifically. That's what most of my job here is, hunting artifacts online." He was inspecting it closely, and I smiled. "Would you like to hold it?"

His eyes grew wide. "Really?"

"Sure," I said with a smile, walking back over to my desk, grabbing my keys and two pairs of gloves before I went back over. I gave him one pair, slipping on the others, and unlocked the case before gently picking it up. "Just don't hold it too close to your face, the humidity from your breath can damage it." I'd seen how Edward read, and I'm pretty sure he needed reading glasses.

I didn't often think about his age, because he didn't seem like he was seven years older than me. I think it bothered Emmett a little, but Edward never made me feel like a child. He'd always treated me as his equal.

He was so gentle with it as he carefully looked through the pages. Despite his stature though, Edward was a gentle person. The side I knew of him was anyways; he was so completely different than the man I had met that night in the club a few months ago.

I don't know if I'd ever be able to really believe it was me that he wanted. It didn't make any sense, so I always had that little voice in the back of my head, telling me that this was only temporary. But almost everything in my life was temporary. This place was different, I hadn't had this much since Forks, and to lose everything again? I didn't think I could do it this time.

I was still distracted by my thoughts, because I needed some sort of plan, as we walked to my truck. I knew that I would need one. I couldn't leave, and he was going to find me eventually. I didn't know how he did it, who was giving him his information. Someone high in the system. I may be good with computers, but getting into an FBI database was beyond my skill set. I had too many people he could use against me.

I was a little quiet, but Edward seemed like he was good with quiet. He was always smiling, and his grin was contagious. I could feel his eyes on me too, but he was a driving hazard and I tried to concentrate on the road. I'd forgotten about our previous conversation, and he brought her back up pretty quickly.

"So what, you have like, an alter ego for each one of your jobs?"

"I guess, it makes it harder for people to recognize me in different places. If someone that knew me from the club saw me at the library they wouldn't recognize me right away." I had Jasper as a witness for that. It was more than just wearing a costume or styling my hair a certain type of way. I talked differently, thought differently, and interacted differently.

It had been the only thing that ever worked, being Bree Tanner. Victor couldn't find Bella Swan because she didn't exist anymore.

Except with Edward.

"It's a shame, you should dress like this more often."

His voice was low and smooth, and I felt my face burn. I wasn't sure if it was from how much I liked how his words made me feel, or if it was from his gaze burning into my skin. I wanted to touch him so badly, but I was driving a stick in rush hour traffic.

"So, Bree Tanner?"

It was always weird talking about this stuff, and I didn't like putting my fucked up life on Edward. He had to know though, and I wanted to tell him everything. He was easier to talk to than anyone in the world, including Emmett, but it was still hard. I had to rip off the Band-Aid, give him the facts.

"It's the false identity I go by now. Emmett kept his first name this time, but we changed both of my names. We keep the same last name though, just to make things easier if one of us were to end up in the hospital."

"So your real name is Bella, right?"

I grinned. "Yeah. Well, it's Isabella, but everyone always called me Bella. Our real last name is Swan." I hated even saying my full name. It had nothing but bad memories, because only one person has ever insisted on it.

"Is it hard, having to use a fake name?"

"Yes and no. I've had this name for almost three years now, so I'm used to it. I rarely even give out my fake name though, just to stay on the safe side. I've been doing that since I was fourteen though, it's only the last name that bothers me." It was like letting go of the last piece we had of dad. I'd taken our name away from my brother as well, and then Rose. I hated that she was Rosalie Tanner because of me.

We were stopped at another red light when I realized I'd been driving to my grocery store. My eyes flickered over to Edward quickly. I hadn't even asked him what he'd wanted to do, I'd just been driving and felt like shit. I didn't know if it would bother him, possibly getting spotted walking around with someone like me. We didn't go out in public together, that was a given. I'd never hung out with him before, dressed in one of my work disguises. He was dressed for a fucking magazine shoot. There would be pictures if someone recognized him.

I wasn't complaining about his look, though it did make it a bit harder not to touch him.

"Uhm, I have to stop at the grocery store to pick up stuff for tomorrow… do you want me to drop you off first?"

He looked at me in confusion. "Why?"

"It's just… you look especially Edward-Cullen-like today. In case you didn't want any pictures of you walking around a grocery store with a woman." I fidgeted uneasily. I didn't like him seeing just how much he intimidated me.

"You think I'd be embarrassed to be seen with you?"

I chose not to answer that, I'd already given him enough.

"Bella, I feel like the luckiest man in the fucking world to have you as my girlfriend. The only reason I'm not shouting your name from the rooftops is for your own safety. I thought you knew that?"

Jesus, he could hit me so hard with those words. That he could say something like that after all the shit I've put him though was hard to believe. Edward didn't lie to me. He was a great actor, in a role. Not when he was being himself, around me. It was difficult to doubt his words.

He opened the glove box, and handed me my pair of giant sunglasses. It was a gentle, encouraging push, and I smiled as I took them.

Edward had a small grin on his face as he pushed my shopping cart, leaning against it lazily as I got everything I needed for dinner tomorrow. Potatoes, carrots, a turnip, apples, and cranberries. A bunch of different types of bread, cheeses, fruit. Some stuff for mixing drinks. People seemed too hurried to do much more than check him out, and it was relaxing. It was nice, getting to do something so normal with him.

"Do you have any Thanksgiving favourites?" I asked as I stopped last to hand Steve my receipt for the Turkey he put aside for me. They only got so many fresh ones, and I always ordered one. It made all the difference, and he even brined and stuffed them too. I liked making my own stuffing, but the spices he used in his flavoured the meant wonderfully.

"Turkey. All I want is turkey," he said hungrily, making me smile.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, you're in for quite a treat then." He came back out with my turkey, and handed it to me over the counter. I misjudged the weight of it, and lost my balance when he let go. It happened too fast and I braced myself mentally for the impact of my ass with the floor. Instead, it was Edward that I fell into as he shot forward, catching me.

It felt like the moment his glasses clattered on the floor a fluorescent sign went off over his head. He steadied me, taking the turkey and setting it in the basket when the sound of a camera-phone's shutter went off.

"Nice catch, Cullen!" Some guy said. He looked about my age, and Edward didn't hesitate as I stood there, frozen. "She's-" He interrupted the guy by snatching his phone. "Hey!"

He dropped the phone on the ground and stepped on it before taking out his wallet. He handed a few bills over to the shell-shocked guy casually, before walking back over to me.

"Go wait in the truck, okay?" He said softly, but firmly, turning the cart around and pulling me along. "I don't want them getting a shot of your face."

He gave me a gentle push, and I complied, me going to the doors and him to the cash. I sat in my truck, watching for anyone that might have followed. It was only Edward that came out fifteen minutes later though. He quickly loaded up my stuff into the bed, closed the tailgate, and put the shopping cart away before sliding into the cabin.

"Edward, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"Hey," he cut in gently, immediately wrapping his arm around me, his hand rubbing soothing up and down my back. "That wasn't your fault, I should be apologizing to you. The pictures don't exist anymore, so no harm done, right?" I looked up at him worriedly, searching for some sort of irritation for leaving him in there, of the shit we had to do because of my situation. He only looked concerned though. It was an amazing feeling; how important he made me feel.

I loved him so much, I knew I couldn't deny it anymore. And even though he'd never said the words again, or ever directly to me, I knew he did when he looked at me like that.

It hurt.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it was just weird… usually I'm the one that gets to break things," I said with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood and making him laugh. It made me feel uneasy, I wasn't used to freezing, to not taking control of a situation. I hadn't been observing my surroundings properly. I screwed up.

Fucking turkey.

"I hesitated. I felt… off, being in that situation while being in these clothes. I kind of forgot for a moment, you know? It was nice getting to do something so normal with you." I stared out the windshield, forcing the moisture not to well in my eyes. We couldn't have this, and that little glimpse of normalcy with him had felt so good. I hated that I kept him from having something like that too. "I'm sorry that you can't have a normal relationship with me Edward."

His answer was immediate.

"I wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world. Do I wish I could hold your hand and kiss you in public? Yeah, but if I could then you'd probably never be able to pry me off of you, and I'm clingy enough as it is." I laughed, because I didn't think he was clingy. He was patient, considerate, and affectionate, and he was my happy place. I'd rather be with him than anywhere else in the world. "But Bella, I love what we have. This connection. I'm happy, I just hate seeing you sad. I wish there was more I could do for you."

"You do so much more for me than you could ever know," I told him quietly, then started up the truck. I don't think he could ever truly understand what it was like for me, being with him. How different he was than anyone I'd ever met. I was more comfortable being myself around him than I was Emmett or Rose.

"Can I come over? I don't want you attempting to lift that dinosaur again," he asked teasingly, and I smiled as I nodded, taking any excuse I could get to have him over. I was a little distracted though. I always took roundabout ways going home, it was a habit, and there was a blue Toyota that seemed to be taking the same route. It was odd, and made me suspicious.

So I kept watching.

I tensed when it ran a red light, and seeing an opening, I hit the gas to get into the space and took a sharp turn. Edward's head collided with the window sharply.

"Shit, sorry, are you okay?" I asked worriedly, pulling off my glasses and looking at him while still trying to keep an eye on the road. Shit, they got the turn too.

"Yeah, what was that?"

I sighed in relief. "Someone's following us."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, they've stayed three cars behind us since the grocery store and just ran a red light."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay, I got this," I assured him. This wasn't his fault, and it was bound to happen eventually. I had protocols for this sort of thing. I shot him a smirk. "Brace yourself, cowboy."

He listened, and grabbed the door before I took a quick right turn, switched lanes, then took an immediate left. This was fun, I just had to pray that a cop didn't see me.

"Let me guess, defensive driving course?" He asked in amusement.

"No, just a lot of GTA."

"Is that a joke?"

I smiled. "Nope. There's a red garage door opener in my glove box, can you take it out?" He clicked it open and found it easily. "Hit it after I take the next right."

I pulled around the corner of Jasper's building and pulled into the parking garage. Easy. Jasper rarely drove, he preferred taking the bus, and had no problem with me getting a car under his name and parking it in his spot a year ago. I even had the next spot for my truck. I told him he could use the car any time, but I could swap any time without worry as well. He also had a spare key for my truck.

It didn't even matter; I knew he was going to Alice's after work.

"Where are we?"

"Jasper's building."

"What are we doing here?" He sounded a little irritated, but I wasn't sure why. Either way, he was trying to cover it, so I didn't call him out on it. I gave him a small smile.

"He's out today, I'm just going to switch cars with him. If they're out there waiting, they'll be looking for my truck." I grabbed my other remote door openers and the locked gun case disguised as an owner's manual from my glovebox before getting out, and dug for my spare set of keys for the Mazda in my purse. I popped the trunk, and Edward quickly assisted me in transferring the groceries. I locked my baby up, and gave her a good-bye-pat before sliding into the Mazda. The tinted windows would definitely do the trick if they still followed us somehow.

And Edward looked like he was actually having fun, which had me enjoying it as well. When we pulled out, sure enough, the car was there. And it was the guy from the grocery store with a friend.

"What's their problem?" He hissed angrily, but I thought it was kind of obvious. It's like he didn't even know how big of a deal he was.

"You smashed their phone. They probably think you have something to hide. Secrets are valuable."

He nodded, but still looked irritated as hell. I decided to just give him a couple of minutes to cool down.

I switched cars with Emmett and Rose all the time too. Yes, I'll admit, I'm kind of paranoid. But it's better to be safe than sorry. It just highlighted the fact that Edward didn't drive. He was the only person who I knew that didn't own a car, and it wasn't like he couldn't afford one. But he never drove, ever. Never even seemed like he wanted to.

I couldn't contain my curiosity, and seemed to surprise him with my question.

"Why don't you own a car?"

"Oh… I just don't like driving."

"Why don't you like driving?" He tensed at that, going rigid, and I immediately regretted prying. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that."

He looked over at me, meeting my eyes, and he relaxed again. "No, it's okay… I was in an accident when I was a kid. My grandma had gotten me a BMW for my sixteenth Birthday. First time I ever drove. We were coming back from the dealership, and the tires skidded on the ice before catching on the side of the road. My Grandma didn't make it, and I've never really felt the desire to drive again."

My stomach was in knots. I knew how useless it was, having someone tell you they were sorry that you lost someone, but I didn't know what else to do. The thought that he had someone he loved die right next to him… I knew how that felt. I'd never forget seeing dad bleed out on the hallway floor next to me. I reached over, and took his hand, needing to touch him. He met my eyes.

"I'm really sorry that happened to you."

"It was a long time ago. I'm always going to feel bad about what happened to her, but it was an accident. There's nothing that can be done about it," he assured me easily. Even though he looked like he meant it, I couldn't stifle the guilt. My throat was tight as I drove home, not releasing his hand. I couldn't believe I'd pulled that stunt with him in the truck with me, knowing he'd been through something like that. I didn't blame him for not wanting to drive; he never judged me for not liking to be driven. I got it. And even though he didn't seem to hold the same fears that I did for my vice, I hated that I may have made him relive something like that.

I should have asked sooner.

My hand felt cold when I parked, missing the heat from his. He carried the giant bird for me up to the apartment, and I was fidgeting, resisting the urge to just pounce on him. I wanted to touch him so badly I couldn't breathe. Without his proximity the guilt was suffocating.

I didn't even think when he closed the door. As soon as it clicked I dropped my bags, and he dropped my turkey in surprise when I pulled his face to mine, kissing him fiercely.

It was impossible to think of anything else when I was kissing Edward.

He wouldn't let me.

His hand knotted tightly in my hair, his other arm snaking around my waist and pulling me against him tightly. And just like before… I wasn't scared. I didn't have an ounce of fear in me when Edward held me, kissed me like this. I only wanted more, to never let him go, to drown on the high that came with his touch. I loved the urgency in his lips, the tightness of his hold, the feel of his strong shoulders under my hands.

Everything he did; every word, touch, and look, made me feel important. Like he needed me for more than an obligation. He just wanted me, and it was the most amazing feeling in the world.

His hands tightened on my waist, hard enough to bruise as he lifted me up. It hurt on my still-healing tattoo but was more than worth the pain. My back hit the door with so much force that it knocked the breath out of me, and I gasped against his lips and he pinned me against it with his body. It felt good though, I might have moaned before my hands slipped into his soft hair, gripping tightly. The low sound he made in the back of his throat made a shiver roll through my body, and it settled, and coiled tightly in my abdomen. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, and gasped when he released my lips suddenly, breathing just as heavily as he rested his forehead on my shoulder.

He just held me there like that, like I weighed nothing at all. It made me grin. It was kind of funny, now that it didn't scare me anymore. I combed my fingers back through his hair, trying to enjoy the peacefulness of the moment and not let my guilt consume me again. It was hard. I couldn't hold back my giggle when he hummed against my neck. It had felt so weird though, the vibration almost tickling the inside of my throat.

"Are you okay?" I just asked, needing to get it over with.

"Yeah, I just need a second to regroup," he mumbled against my neck, and as his meaning kicked in I laughed nervously, not knowing quite what to make of that and not wanting to even touch the subject.

"I meant about what happened in the truck," I said gently, and he leaned back, looking at me in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

My throat tightened again. "I never would have pulled that stunt if I had known what you'd gone through Edward. I'm so sorry."

"Wha- oh." He'd looked surprised for a second, before giving me a soft smile. "It really didn't bother me Bella. It's sad to think about what happened, but I really am okay. I moved on from that a long time ago, I don't have PTSD or anything like that. I'm not afraid of cars, I just don't have any desire to own one." He lifted one hand to my face, still holding me there like he seemed to have forgotten that I wasn't touching the ground. His fingers trailed lightly down from my temple, along my jaw, down to my chin. "It was kind of fun actually. I felt like I was on set."

His voice was teasing. I was good at reading Edward, and he seemed like he really meant that. I relaxed a little bit, grinning when he leaned in, kissing my nose, and set me down gently on my feet.

I wasn't sure if that was weird or not.

I started picking up my scattered groceries. It always felt weird being home without Zeus here. I quickly unloaded my groceries, and turned to find Edward, waiting patiently and pursing his lips as he held my turkey.

"Where do you want this thing?"

"Oh, up on the roof." I was going to need at least thirteen hours to smoke that thing.

"What?" He asked in confusion. I grinned.

"My smoker is up on the roof. Let's go." I grabbed a knife and some gloves before I walked back over to the door opening it for him, and he looked around curiously.

"Where's Zeus?"

"Oh, he's with his uncle today. Emmett was going hiking with Garrett and they took him with them." I'd been so busy lately, he needed some good exercise.

"Oh, I bet he's loving that," he said with a smile, and I nodded before we went up to the roof.

This was the hard part.

I set up my smoker next to the table, which Edward set the turkey on, and I opened it up before fitting it in the brace. I showed Edward how it locked into place, and he slipped on some gloves before carefully maneuvering it into place. I locked it up, and moved my camera to face it so that I could check on it from downstairs.

Hmm. If I got a bunch of these, I could probably do it as a service to the building. Take orders and then order my turkey's in advance…

But there I was, thinking too far ahead again. Making plans when I knew I shouldn't be.

I shouldn't be doing any of this. I was having five people over for dinner, in my home, tomorrow night.

It was impossible to ignore the fact that I'd put them in danger. All of them. They were my family, and they were all liabilities, weaknesses, responsibilities now. Collateral.

I couldn't have any more collateral damage. Worse than staying would be leaving them though. There was no one in the world that could protect them from Victor.

I was my only choice, because I wouldn't leave them vulnerable.

Too exhausted to cook, I ordered a couple pizzas, knowing Edward could eat one by himself. I let him browse through my Netflix as I watched the monitor, and waited until the pizza guy came before going down on my own to get it.

I tried to relax as Edward pulled me into his side, holding me close as we watched House of Cards. My mind was elsewhere, trying to find some way to watch all of them. Not just watch, but to guard. Hiring private investigators to tail them would be easy. They were a dime a dozen in a city this big.

But a PI wouldn't take the shot if it came up.

Hiring five hit met? Not so easy. Possible, but not easy. And then there was the fact that if I had someone following Edward they would learn about our relationship. That could be a valuable piece of info.

I couldn't trust Edward to just anyone. But I already knew who I would ask. He was the only one. And he would be able to help me. And I could talk to Paul.

It was doable. It felt relieving to have some sort of plan. I could have all of them watched by two people. That's ten people aside from myself watching out for Victor. They would not be reprimanded for killing him if they were caught.

I could, and I would, keep them safe when the time came.

I relaxed against Edward, finally being able to think outside of my worry. His arm slipped from around my shoulder to wrap around my waist, and he pulled me into his lap.

It was awkward sitting on his lap at first. I was worried I was too heavy, but he seemed very comfortable. Both of his arms were secure around me, his chin resting on my shoulder as he continued to watch the TV like it was nothing.

It was one of the many things that I loved about him. He knew how weird this was for me, and I knew he could feel my tension at first, but he always treated me like I was normal anyways. His confidence in me was encouraging, and as I let myself relax in his arms, the contact was almost euphoric. I didn't know if I'd ever get used to it, but I loved it. I loved when he touched me. Held me.

I felt safer here than I did anywhere else.

The words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to give them to him so badly. He'd given me so much, I wanted to give him something back. I loved him so much that it made it hard to breathe.

I turned in his lap, and he looked at me curiously. The words stuck in my throat though. I'd told people I loved them before. Dad, Em, Rose. Angela. But it was something completely different with Edward. I hated that the words stuck in my throat, that they were so hard to force out. They wouldn't move.

So I moved, doing the only thing I could. I leaned in, forcing myself not to think about it as I met his lips with mine.

I could feel his surprise at first, but it lasted only a second. He was smiling as he kissed me, his hold tightening. I loved his firm grip, how it made me feel like he didn't want to let go of me. He shivered as my hands moved up his chest, his neck, and my fingers tangled in his hair. I was in a bit of an awkward position though, and I turned in his lap. I steadied myself with his shoulders as I straddled him, and I wouldn't have been surprised if I had bruises from his grip on my hips. I didn't care, it was more than worth it to feel his entire body flush against mine. I couldn't think of anything else.

A few men had made the mistake of slapping or grabbing my butt before, and I had never been able to imagine enjoying being touched like that. Edward's hands moved down my thighs tightly, pulling me against him as they moved back up, cupping my butt. And even though I liked it, I still started to panic. I don't even know why. My heart was hammering though and my stomach was in knots and it was getting harder to breathe. I tried to force it down, but I think Edward had noticed it even before I had. His hold when from a strong pull to a gentle push, releasing me from his strong grip. I stayed where I was despite my panic, guilt and embarrassment, but he kept me on his lap as well. His gentle hold turned coaxing, and without a word he had me resting my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me protectively as I tried to calm down, his thumb soothingly rubbing the back of my neck.

He knew that I was freaking out, and wasn't making a big deal about it. He didn't ask or push at all. He just held me, and I fought against the tears that wanted to well in my eyes. I let myself cling to him tightly though, fairly certain that he wouldn't mind, and he didn't.

He had never once tried to pressure me into doing anything. He never went farther than kissing me, and giving me a few squeezes. Never even hinted at it. At the same time though, I felt like he wanted me. Every look, every touch and kiss screamed it, but he never did. I loved him so damn much.

He left not long after, and as my door shut behind him I couldn't breathe anymore.

I grabbed a joint out of my nightstand, and rushed up to my roof with a strong drink. I was a little calmer fifteen minutes later, and sluggishly made my way back down to drop into my computer chair.

I drummed my fingers against the dark wood of my desk, stopping to pour another drink before getting back to it. I must have stared at the screen of articles for thirty minutes before going into action. I had to. I needed to be prepared, I couldn't sleep knowing any of them were vulnerable. I made lists. Many, many lists. I scrolled the internet, checked references, and narrowed down my options to the best of the best. I only had two people who were capable of taking a life. I needed at least three.

I also did a lot of banking. Hours of transferring accounts, pooling funds. It was odd seeing so much money in one account after emptying and combining most of my scattered assets. It would make things easier when the time came though.

. . . . . . . . . .

Hey guys, its been a while eh? I can't exactly apologize, my life have been a shit storm for too long now. This is a fun hobby when I have the time, and I don't want to abandon it just because of the few of you that take the time to review. The truth is though, I don't get many reviews for this story, and it really sucks investing so much time in something that I know I won't get much feedback on. It's kind of the point of posting. Bella's story is getting really fun to write at this point though, and I'd like to keep going with it, but I can't give you an update schedule.

Until next time, and as always, reviews are much appreciated! Take care,
-Kitty