A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.
A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).
Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...
Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.
This Time
Part 1: Chapter 4
Spring 2003
Valentine's Day ambushed Trowa.
He had completely forgotten what day it was until his morning class, History of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. One of the girls in the class walked in and placed a large, red heart full of chocolates on Professor Sweet's desk. It set off a wave of laughter and speculative gossip and Sweet passed the box around, insisting that everyone have a chocolate while he lectured them on the historical nature of the holiday.
Trowa had never dated anyone before Ralph, and he had never even thought about what he should do on Valentine's Day.
As soon as class ended he called him.
"Happy Valentine's Day," he said, wincing at how rushed he sounded.
"Happy Valentine's Day to you too," Ralph sounded amused.
Trowa tried to rack his brain for what to do. Ralph was the type who actually liked romantic gestures - and Trowa had completely forgotten about the most romantic day of the year.
"So I was thinking, you should come by later."
"Really? Me too." Ralph clearly knew that Trowa had forgotten what day it was.
"Candlelight dinner - I was going to roast some ribeyes," Trowa improvised, assembling a grocery list in his head, "get some wine," the grocery store clerks almost never carded, "lock Duo out for the night..."
"Sounds perfect," Ralph said and Trowa let out a sigh of relief.
"I'll see you at seven thirty?"
"See you then. Love you."
"I love you too," Trowa hung up the phone and had to smile.
Maybe he had had a rocky start, but he felt confident that he could turn this into an amazingly romantic event after all.
As soon as his classes were done for the day he went to the grocery store, grabbing rib eye steaks, asparagus, gold potatoes, a decently priced bottle of Zinfandel, candles, and on impulse, a bouquet of roses.
He made a marinade from the wine and the stock of fresh garlic, rosemary and thyme that he kept in the fridge on Catharine's orders. He put the steaks in the marinade and showered.
It was six-thirty when he finished shaving and someone knocked on the door to the apartment.
Trowa adjusted the towel around his waist and opened the door.
"You're early but - you're not Ralph."
A stranger stood on the other side of the door.
"Ah, no. I'm Greg."
Greg was about Trowa's height, with dark, wavy hair, dark eyes, a handsome face and really white teeth shown off to perfection by his smile.
"Greg..."
"Greg Stevens. I'm here for my date. With Duo."
Trowa blinked.
"Duo Maxwell?"
"Is there another?" Greg's smiled widened. "I think I'm a few minutes early - he said he'd be here by seven."
"Yeah, you're about half an hour early."
"Sorry, I thought the walk over would take longer."
"I'm sorry, you said you're going on a date with Duo? On Valentine's Day?"
"Yeah - who are you?"
"I'm Trowa. His roommate."
"Right! Yeah, he says you're pretty awesome."
Trowa nodded.
"Uh, would it be possible for me to wait for him?"
Trowa stepped away from the door and allowed Greg inside.
The dark haired man briefly looked around the living room and then sat down on the couch.
"How long have you been dating Duo?" Trowa had to ask.
"Oh we're not - we're not really dating. We met last summer and we've seen each other kind of off and on since then. I'm a chemistry major."
Trowa had no idea why that last part was important. He also didn't understand how Greg's teeth could be that white. They were almost blinding.
"I mean, I think he's finally ready for us to make this a thing, though."
"Really? You think Duo is ready to be in a relationship?"
"Yeah - I mean, he said he wanted to go out tonight and it's Valentine's Day... that's kind of a big deal."
Trowa shook his head.
"Maybe he forgot what day it is."
"Nope. I called him last night and asked if he had any plans for Valentine's Day and he said no... so yeah, he knows what day it is."
"Huh."
"Do you need to get dressed or anything?" Greg gestured to Trowa's towel.
Trowa had about twelve more questions he wanted to ask Greg, but it was getting close to seven and he needed to start cooking.
He walked out of the room, not caring that Greg probably thought he was an asshole. Trowa was convinced that Greg was an asshole.
By the time he had dressed and started boiling the potatoes he was fuming.
When Duo walked in the door at seven Trowa dragged him away from greeting Greg and marched him into the kitchen.
"Who is that?" he demanded.
"That's Greg," Duo said, looking confused.
"Your boyfriend?"
Duo snorted.
"No. You know me - I don't do boyfriends."
"Really? Then why does he seem to think this is the first step in you starting a real relationship with him?"
Duo sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"No."
"Yes."
Duo groaned.
"But things were going so well..."
"You've really been hooking up with him all this time and you never said anything?"
"Do you tell me every time you have sex with Ralph?" Duo snapped and then looked sheepish. "Sorry - I didn't mean that. I'm just... ugh, this was not what I wanted."
Trowa arched an eyebrow.
"Not everyone is content with one night stands," he had to point out. "You shouldn't lead him on if you're not interested in more."
"Thanks," Duo said and left the kitchen.
Trowa listened to Duo tell Greg he had to change, and then a few minutes later the two of them left the apartment.
Ralph showed up soon after, carrying a bouquet of roses and a stuffed teddy bear.
The evening that should have gone perfectly instead went merely okay - Trowa over cooked the steaks just enough so that he could taste the difference but Ralph still insisted they were delicious. The wine was too bitter and they switched to the beer Duo kept stocked in the back of the fridge. The post-dinner sex was great, at least, but Trowa was unable to fall asleep afterwards.
He left Ralph in the bed and went into the living room to play Halo.
It was almost two in the morning when Duo opened the door and threw his keys across the room.
The impact of the keys with the floor startled Trowa and Duo noticed him.
"Shit. Sorry. I didn't think you would be up."
Even in the dim glow from the television screen Trowa could tell that Duo had had a rough night.
"Not the best date ever?" he hazarded.
Duo kicked the door shut and walked into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with a shot glass and a bottle of tequila.
"God bless Hilde's tits and her fake I.D.," Duo muttered as he poured a shot. He saluted the air and then downed the shot with a grimace.
"What happened?"
"Nothing," Duo took another shot.
"Greg turned out to be a tool."
Duo snorted.
"Greg is an amazing guy. The perfect guy."
"No he's not," even though Trowa had spent all of ten minutes with him, he was convinced that Greg was anything but perfect.
"He's a genius," Duo said.
"He's a chemistry major - that's like the roadmap to becoming an evil scientist. You don't need that in your life."
"He thinks I'm a genius."
"You are," Trowa pointed out.
"He's funny."
"Not as funny as you are," Trowa was certain of this. Few people were as funny as Duo.
"He loves Star Wars."
"Lots of people love Star Wars - even I think it's okay."
Duo gave him a look.
"He thought I was great."
"Again - you are great. What did you two even have in common?"
"Lots of things," Duo grumbled. He poured himself another shot.
"Look, if he was so great then why didn't you want to be in a relationship with him?"
"Because I'm in -" Duo stopped himself and drank the shot. "Because I'm a fucking moron," he finished.
"Duo."
"Trowa. Fucking hell. Trowa. I am so fucked in the head."
"No, you aren't."
Duo looked over at him and shook his head.
"I am. I'm going to be alone forever and you know what - I -"
"Hey."
They looked up at the sound of Ralph's voice.
"Hey," Trowa said to his sleep-tousled boyfriend.
"It's two in the morning - why are you up?"
"Couldn't sleep," Trowa confessed. "And Duo just got home."
Ralph shook his head.
"I still can't believe you went on a date on Valentine's Day. I'm impressed."
Duo looked like he was about to say something, but then he just nodded and took another shot of tequila.
"Go easy on that stuff," Trowa counseled.
"Come back to bed," Ralph said, a thread of crankiness in his voice that made Trowa smile.
He passed Duo the xbox controller.
"Duo. If you don't want to end up alone then stop screwing around with people. There's someone out there for you."
"You're forgetting the fact that I don't believe in that soul mate crap," Duo muttered as Trowa went back to his room.
-o-
If Valentine's Day had been an ambush, midterms were a full-frontal assault.
Trowa always panicked about midterms and final exams, but this semester he was actually taking mostly history classes and the fear of failure motivated him to go without sleep the entire week of midterms so that he could edit his papers and cram for tests.
He doubted Duo was in better shape - he felt like he hadn't seen his roommate in weeks and he suspected that Duo had smuggled a sleeping bag into the art studio just so he could work longer. He knew that Duo was just as panicked as he was - this year Duo had to pass his juries in order to be accepted into the BFA Studio Art program - and, just as for Trowa, failure was not an option for Duo.
Somehow Trowa made it through the week and on Friday afternoon he collapsed on his apartment couch, too exhausted to make it to his room.
It felt like he had just closed his eyes when the apartment door banged open and Hilde entered, arms laden with grocery bags.
"Why are you here?" Trowa asked, his voice muffled by the couch cushion he was clutching.
"I'm here because midterms are over and I've got an hour and a half to get this place ready for the party."
"What party?" Trowa turned over so that he could see her better.
"The midterm party we talked about last week..."
Trowa gave her a blank look. He had no idea what she was talking about.
"Remember? I told you Duo said it was okay if you said it was okay and you made me promise to let you make cheese dip and it would be okay?"
Trowa frowned and struggled to recall this conversation.
"No - you forced me to agree to make the cheese dip. I tried to say no but you told me Duo really wanted a party."
Hilde smiled broadly.
"See, now you remember."
"Cancel it. I'm too tired." He rolled back over and pulled the throw blanket down to cover himself.
Hilde jerked it off.
"No way. Everyone's already said they were coming. Get up. You need to shower and change and then make the cheese dip."
"I'm tired," Trowa said again, knowing he sounded like a three year old but not caring.
"Ohhh," Hilde made a sympathetic face. "Don't worry. You'll get plenty of rest tomorrow while you're sleeping off your hangover."
"What do you mean, everyone's coming? Is Ralph coming?"
"Trowa. Sweetie. Ralph went home yesterday - after his last midterm. Do you really not remember?"
Trowa closed his eyes, feeling like an idiot. Now that she mentioned it, Trowa did remember Ralph tracking him down at the library yesterday and kissing him goodbye.
"Jesus. Duo was right - you really do turn into a zombie during exams."
"I haven't slept in a week," Trowa argued.
"Well, drink a Red Bull and suck it up. You can sleep when you're in a nursing home. Now get up."
Trowa got up from the couch and glared down at her.
"Shower. Change. Cheese dip."
"Red Bull," he said.
Hilde dug around in a grocery bag and handed him a can.
"Go."
He reluctantly followed her instructions, downing the disgusting energy drink as quickly as possible.
Through sheer willpower Trowa managed to stay awake long enough to shower and change into clean clothes. He downed another Red Bull before he started to make the cheese dip and when Hilde approached him with a vacuum cleaner he felt strong enough to tell her no.
"This is my apartment," he pointed out.
"Exactly. Which is why you need to vacuum before you have guests over."
Trowa opened his mouth to argue.
"I need to go get the pizza and grab some more liquor. Don't fall asleep while I'm gone."
When Hilde did return, Trowa had vacuumed the carpet, scrubbed the bathroom and even dusted the bookshelf crammed with his and Duo's eclectic collection of novels. As soon as Hilde walked in and smiled Trowa demanded a drink.
"Absolutely," she agreed. "You've definitely earned it."
He was on his third drink of whatever cocktail she made - it tasted like poison - by the time people started to arrive.
By nine, Kurt, Mags, Alice, and Alex - Hilde's new boyfriend - were all well into their cups and had devoured most of the pizza.
By ten, Trowa realized that Duo wasn't there and started to worry.
At ten-thirty he decided to call Duo.
"Hello?" Duo sounded exhausted.
"It's me - Trowa."
"Yeah, I know. I've got your number programmed into my phone."
Trowa snorted a laugh.
"Of course you do!"
Duo sighed.
"You're drunk, aren't you?"
"I might be asleep," Trowa said, suddenly wishing he was.
"Besides -" Trowa continued before Duo could speak. "This is your party. You should be here."
"It's not my party - it's Hilde's party. She just conned me into saying she could use the apartment."
"Well, I'm here."
"And you sound like you're having a great time."
"I am," Trowa decided. "But not you."
"What? I'm not allowed to have a good time?"
"Not unless you're home. Why aren't you home?"
Duo sighed again.
"I'm working at the studio. I -"
"Nope. You're coming home. Right now. I'll save you two pieces of pizza."
"I don't want any, I'm not hungry."
"Good," Trowa said after looking over the pizza boxes. "It's all gone. But there's still liquor."
"You sure you haven't finished that off too?"
"I don't think so," Trowa answered honestly. "Besides, I'm switching to beer."
"No - don't do that."
"Yes. Hilde's drinks taste awful."
"Not as awful as you're going to feel if you switch to beer."
"Can't be. It must be better."
"Trowa -"
"Duo. Come home."
"Yeah, sure, I'll try to finish up here soon. Just, do me a favor."
Trowa hesitated.
"Maybe."
Duo laughed.
"Okay, at least you're still kind of functioning. If you were completely smashed you wouldn't have hesitated. Promise me that as soon as we're done talking you will take your phone and go hide it in your room."
"Why? I might not find it."
"Exactly."
"What if there's an emergency?"
"Then use someone else's phone. It not even eleven and you're drunk dialing me - I don't want you to do anything stupid in a few hours and start calling people you shouldn't."
"Like Quatre." Trowa sighed at the thought. He wondered what Quatre was doing.
"Trowa - don't go there. Hang up the phone and go hide it."
"No." Trowa imagined that Quatre was likely on a date. With a girl.
"Fine. I'm coming home. Do not call him."
Duo hung up and Trowa stared at the phone. He suddenly, desperately wanted to call Quatre.
"What's up?" Alex had abandoned the others, gathered around the xbox trying to kill each other on Halo, and come to find him.
"Nothing. I'm out of drink," Trowa said and held up his empty cup mournfully.
Alex laughed.
"Then we'd better get you another before Hilde sees. She swore to kill anyone with an empty cup."
"How did you two meet, anyway?" Trowa asked as they walked to the kitchen.
"Duo set us up - he's in my Calculus class."
"You're the Math major Duo set Hilde up with!"
Alex grinned.
"Yeah... that's me..."
Trowa had no idea how long he and Alex talked - it felt like hours - but then suddenly Duo was there.
"You're home," Trowa told him.
"Yep," Duo agreed. He was scowling and Trowa had to scowl back at him.
"And you're frowning."
"And you're a silly drunk," Duo concluded.
"You're not even drunk," Trowa pointed out.
"That's also true."
Hilde threw her arms around Duo.
"You made it! I thought you said you were too busy?"
"Change of plans," Duo said and rubbed his forehead. "Any chance you left me something to drink?"
"Just beer - which is perfect!" Hilde's eyes grew round. "We can play Kings!"
Trowa had never played Kings, and it wasn't long before he vowed he would never play again.
The rules changed constantly, and Trowa couldn't remember to take his little man off his glass before drinking and as a result soon accumulated enough penalties that Duo agreed to split them with him.
All he could make out was that a lot of drinking was involved, and the longer the game went on, the more Trowa felt like just sinking into the bean bag chair Hilde had dragged out of the closet and going to sleep.
Trowa couldn't even tell who was winning the game - but when Duo sat back and cracked his knuckles, a maniacal grin on his face, he assumed that it had finally ended.
"Okay, suckers. Each of you owes me one secret. Starting with... Alice!"
Everyone focused on the red headed French major. She bit her lip as she considered.
"I had a crush on Professor Ramar."
"Ew!" Hilde giggled. "You did not!"
Alice, blushing, nodded.
"Kurt," Duo said.
The history major sighed and then looked guiltily at Mags.
"When we first met I told you I'd read The Doomsday Book. I lied. I only made it through the first half."
Mags stared at him for a moment, wide eyed and silent.
"Oh my God, me too!" She said and started to laugh.
"You lied to me?" Kurt sounded outraged.
"You lied to me!" She snapped.
"Okay, okay," Duo jumped in, "but right now you owe me a secret, Mags."
She sighed.
"I'm planning on having sex with Kurt inside Versailles when we go to Europe this summer."
Trowa winced.
"I didn't need to know that - Ralph and I are going with you!"
"Not into the room where we're going to have sex," Mags pointed out. She looked over at Kurt. "Unless we want to be historically accurate and have an orgy?"
Kurt looked like he was considering the possibility and Trowa started to shake his head in the negative.
"Alright - Hilde, secret time."
She arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms.
"If I'm going to tell a secret I think you should too," she told Duo.
"No, I won the hand - which means I don't have to."
"I won the last hand - and I only made people empty their cups."
"Well, if you win again you can make me tell a secret," Duo bit out.
"But -"
"I hate Greg Stevens," Trowa interrupted their argument.
Duo turned to stare at him.
"Who the hell is Greg Stevens?" Kurt asked.
"Duo's boyfriend," Trowa told him.
Hilde started to giggle and had to cover her mouth with both hands to control herself.
"Duo has a boyfriend?" Mags turned to him.
"You can't have a boyfriend. You're Mr. One Night Stand Man." Alice insisted.
"That's really catchy," Kurt told her.
"Thanks - it's even got a song. You know that Mr. Sandman, Send Me A Dream song? Same tune - Mr. One Night Stand Man, come home with me. Mr. One Night Stand Man, come sleep with me. Mr. -"
"That doesn't really fit," Mags interrupted.
"Well, it doesn't matter now," Alice said bitterly, "he's got a boyfriend."
"I do not have a boyfriend," Duo said in a strained voice.
"Then who the hell is Greg Stevens?" Kurt asked again.
"A jerk," Trowa told him.
"He is not a - why the fuck am I doing this to myself?" Duo buried his head in his hands and shook his head.
"You hate him too - don't you?" Trowa asked Hilde. "It's the teeth, am I right?"
Hilde actually fell on the floor, she was laughing so hard.
Duo looked ready to explode.
"I'm afraid of rabbits," Alex suddenly shouted.
Everyone turned to look at him.
"It was my turn to tell a secret," he tried to explain.
Hilde crawled back upright and wiped at her eyes.
"Okay, and it's my turn to deal," she said.
"It's not over yet?" Trowa asked in disbelief.
Hilde shook her head, as did Kurt and Mags.
"Kings doesn't end until someone passes out or vomits," Alice said.
"Why?" Trowa asked in horror. "Those are terrible ways to end a game."
"Only if you're the one who passes out or vomits."
"Or moves out," Duo muttered darkly, but he accepted his cards from Hilde.
"You need to drink more," Hilde told him with a bright smile.
Duo glared at her but did as instructed.
Soon enough, Trowa was once again deep in penalties and completely lost.
He lifted his cup to take a sip and Hilde pounced.
"Ah - ha!" She shouted and Trowa panicked, dropped his beer, but then managed to catch it before it could spill on the carpet.
"What?" He demanded, heart racing.
"You let your little man drown - again!"
"I'm sorry." He gave Duo, who had once again agreed to split his penalties, an apologetic look.
Duo just shrugged and leaned back in his chair.
"Fine. What is it this time? Want a secret? Want me to run around the apartment naked? What?"
"Nothing so drastic as that - just a kiss."
Duo arched an eyebrow.
"In front of your boyfriend?"
"Not me. Trowa. You two are sharing the penalties - you can share the kiss."
"No way in hell," Duo said, his voice furious.
"Duo, it's just a kiss."
"No one else has had to do anything physical," Duo argued.
"Except me - I had to walk across the room on my hands," Kurt pointed out.
Duo sighed in defeat.
"Come on, it's the rule – and besides, both of you are gay. This isn't even that big of a deal!" Hilde insisted with a drunken, girlish giggle.
Duo rolled his eyes.
"Hil, you are such a pervert. Seriously, you just want to watch two hot guys make out. Admit it."
Trowa looked over at Duo, mildly surprised to hear him say two hot guys. He hadn't realized Duo thought he was hot. Then again, maybe he was just being polite. Then again, when was Duo ever polite?
"I admit it. Now, kiss him. With tongue."
"Hilde," Duo protested. "He's my roommate - and he's dating someone."
"Then maybe this will teach both of you not to let your little man drown next time you play Kings," she responded with an arched eyebrow. "Besides, I'm not telling you to ravish him. Just kiss him senseless."
Duo gave Trowa an apologetic look and shrugged.
Trowa debated between whether or not he should move closer to Duo, but before he could make up his mind, the braided man rose from his seat and joined Trowa on the beanbag, planting his knees on either side of Trowa's hips and leaning his body over Trowa's.
"Sorry about this," Duo said, softly enough that Trowa doubted anyone else heard, and then his lips covered Trowa's.
He tried to hold himself completely still, aware of the eyes on them and the entertainment value this held for everyone else, desperate not to humiliate himself. But then Duo's tongue traced the part between his upper and lower lips and Trowa found himself responding almost without conscious thought, angling his jaw and leaning forward as he opened his mouth and tasted Duo.
Trowa wasn't sure if it was the amount of alcohol he had had, but Duo's mouth seemed impossibly hot and his tongue electric as it swept over Trowa's and sent a shockwave through his entire body.
Duo started to pull away, and Trowa found himself leaning even farther forward, reluctant to break contact, until someone gave a delighted laugh.
It brought Trowa crashing back to reality and he sat back with a scowl.
"Oh my God," Alice muttered, "that was so hot. Please, please do it again."
Duo's eyes were hard to read, but they searched Trowa's face, looking for some sign of his reaction to the kiss. Trowa forced himself to give Duo a hard, neutral look in return.
Duo looked away and smiled at Alice.
"Of course it was hot. I was involved," he pointed out.
Alex shook his head.
"Dude, I'm not even gay and that was…" he trailed off uncomfortably.
Hilde laughed and perched on his lap. She gave him a quick, hard kiss.
"Oh, baby, it's okay. I like to fantasize about them together, too." She looked over and winked at Duo. "Maybe tonight, when we get home…" the rest of her thought was lost as she leaned over to whisper into Alex's ear.
Trowa didn't know if Hilde was joking or not, but the thought of her picturing he and Duo together was unnerving. And now he was picturing him and Duo together, which went beyond unnerving and into the territory of disturbing.
Except, it wasn't disturbing in the way that Trowa had thought it would be. He had honestly never considered the possibility of kissing Duo. Yes, he had admired his body, he had even had a handful of dreams, over the last two years, that featured him sleeping Duo. But those had been dreams – he hadn't had much control over them. He had never thought about Duo while masturbating, never fantasized about him in any context other than occasionally punching him when he was at his most annoying.
But now…
Now, Trowa knew what it felt like to have Duo's warm body pressed against his own. He knew what it felt like to have Duo's tongue caress his own. He knew how soft Duo's lips were.
By the time the party broke up two hours later, Alex was practically carrying Hilde out while Alice, Kurt, and Mags were almost as bad off.
When Duo closed the door on the five of them, Trowa could still hear Kurt and Mags singing Henry VIII's "Green Groweth the Holly."
"Man, those kids can drink," Duo said as he turned back to Trowa and surveyed the damage to their living room.
There were enough empty bottles that Trowa couldn't even begin to count them. He nodded in agreement.
"How much have you had?" Duo was smiling at him, and it seemed completely natural for Trowa to smile back.
Duo laughed.
"You are so wasted."
"I'm okay," Trowa insisted, even though he was sure he had never, ever had anywhere near this much beer or liquor before. He honestly didn't even know how many he had had.
"Yeah, you just smiled at me, and I can count on one hand the number of times you've done that before. You're drunk."
"You kissed me," Trowa felt the need to point out.
"Yeah, sorry about that." Duo scratched the back of his neck, that same self-conscious gesture Trowa saw occasionally whenever Duo felt particularly vulnerable about something.
Trowa shrugged.
"At least everyone else enjoyed it."
Duo's face froze and his smile disappeared. He nodded.
"Yeah. At least everyone else did."
-o-
Trowa woke up the next day to a pounding headache and the sound of his cell phone ringing.
It took him awhile to find it - somehow it had found it's way to underneath the teddy bear on his windowsill.
"Hello?"
"You sound like death warmed over."
It was Ralph and he sounded amused.
"I'm dying," Trowa told him.
Ralph laughed and Trowa had to hold the phone away from his head.
"So I'm guessing you had fun at Hilde's party last night."
"I don't know - all I know is that I'm dying now. And why are you calling me so early in the morning? It's Spring Break. Sleep in."
"Trowa, it's one in the afternoon."
He groaned.
"No it isn't."
"Yes, it is. And you're probably dehydrated. Get up, start some coffee, and have a few glasses of water. And some toast."
"No food," Trowa whined.
"Yes, food. And water. I promise you will feel better."
"How do you know?"
"Because I'm in a fraternity. We have keg parties every night."
"No you don't."
"Every other night," Ralph corrected himself.
"Fine. I'm getting up."
"Good. I just wanted to call you before I got on the plane."
"Have fun in Canada," Trowa said and had to laugh.
"You really think it's that funny that I'm spending Spring Break in Canada?"
"Yes. It's Spring Break - you're supposed to go somewhere with heat and sun and water. Not ice."
"Yeah, well, I promised my Mom I would visit her since we're going to be spending the summer in Europe."
Trowa remembered what Mags had said last night.
"In case I forget - we need to make sure we stay away from Mags and Kurt when we visit Versailles."
"Why?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know."
"Okay. Get up and get some liquids."
"Yes, master," Trowa said, but he hung up and crawled out of bed.
He debated putting on clothes, but the effort seemed to great and he walked out of his room in just his boxers.
The apartment was a mess, and Duo, already dressed, was muttering to himself and trying to clean it up.
"Morning sunshine," Duo said when he spotted Trowa.
Trowa waved and then felt like an idiot.
"I need liquids," he said.
Duo nodded.
"Coffee's fresh and I put some Advil on the counter for you. Take two and drink three glasses of water before you go near the coffee."
"Food?"
"No, you'll probably get sick. Wait a little while and then I'll make you some toast."
Trowa's stomach revolted at the mention of food again and he managed to nod and swallow down his bile.
He followed Duo's instructions, gulping down the water and Advil before going near the coffee. He decided to forego his usual addition of milk and had the coffee black.
Trowa walked back out into the living room, cradling the steaming cup and praying that he would either pass out or instantly recover.
"Hilde's a nightmare," Trowa muttered as he surveyed the wreckage again.
"Tell me about it," Duo muttered darkly.
Trowa frowned.
"You can just leave it - I'll clean it up later. If I don't die first."
"You're not going to die," Duo said. "Just sit down and drink your coffee."
"You're really pissed about this." Trowa had rarely seen Duo angry - this went beyond his rants last year about football players and shower privacy - and right now Duo was practically seething as he shoved bottles and trash into a bag.
"I'm not - " Duo sighed and started to put the bottles into the bag with more care. "I'm not pissed at you," he said. "I just really wasn't in the mood for a party last night. Which Hilde knew."
"That's why she didn't make you come." Trowa sighed. "I did."
"No, you didn't make me do anything. I didn't want you to do anything stupid. It's not -"
"I'm sorry," Trowa said.
"It's fine," Duo said. "Besides, now how I know ridiculous you are when you're drunk off your ass - that was definitely something I'm glad I was here for. I could have done without all of the other shit, that's all."
As Duo talked Trowa couldn't help but focus on his mouth.
Which made him think about their kiss.
-o-
By the time Spring Break ended, Trowa was a wreck.
He had decided to stay and work in the library over the vacation, since Ralph was off in Canada, and Duo had driven down to Florida to spend time with Gemma.
The alone time should have given Trowa the chance to get his head on straight and forget about how amazing kissing Duo had been.
Instead, it only made it worse.
It had only been a week, but it was more than enough time for Trowa to fantasize about kissing Duo, touching Duo and sleeping with Duo.
He started thinking about Duo when he masturbated in the shower in the mornings. He tried to catch himself - tried to think of Ralph instead - but he couldn't help but picture Duo and wonder what it would feel like to have Duo touching him.
Trowa tried to convince himself that he just missed Ralph. Midterms always made Trowa crazy, and he hadn't really spent any time with his boyfriend for two weeks - now three. They had barely had time to kiss, let alone anything that required naked time. He was just horny.
When Ralph came by the apartment on Sunday before classes started, Trowa practically jumped him at the door.
He kissed Ralph with desperation and Ralph,though clearly taken aback, quickly responded with enthusiasm.
"I missed you too," Ralph said with a smile and started to maneuver them towards Trowa's room.
But Trowa had to stop him.
"I kissed Duo."
Ralph froze.
"When?"
"That stupid party - we were playing Kings, and I'm not really sure how or why but Hilde made Duo kiss me."
Ralph's shoulders relaxed.
"Trowa, it's Kings - and it's Hilde. It's not a big deal."
Trowa couldn't help but scowl.
"It's a huge deal. I cheated on you."
"It was a drinking game - but I appreciate the honesty. But it's not..." Ralph trailed off as he analyzed Trowa's face. "But it is a big deal," he concluded.
Trowa nodded.
"Because you finally realized that you want to be with him."
"What?" That had never entered Trowa's mind.
"No," he said. "But I can't help the fact that kissing him - it felt like more than just a drinking game. It felt like me cheating on you. And I can't stop thinking about it - and you - you should be with someone who can't stop thinking about you."
Ralph nodded.
"And there's no way I can compete with Duo." He sighed and then smiled sadly. "I don't know why I ever tricked myself into thinking you could ignore him forever."
"Ralph - it's not like that. I -"
"Trowa. It is like that." Ralph kissed him again. "I'm just going to grab my stuff."
"Ralph -"
"Trowa."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too."
-o-
It took Trowa a while to accept what Ralph had said.
He did want to be with Duo. Not just in a physical sense - although there was no denying that yes, he really wanted to be with Duo that way - but picturing them together... it somehow made perfect sense.
The only trouble with this realization was the fact that Duo was avoiding him. Either Duo had completely rearranged his schedule so that he was only at the apartment when Trowa was out, or he really had moved into the art studio.
By the middle of April, Trowa could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Duo for longer than five minutes in their apartment.
They hardly ever talked - Duo seemed to be in a rush to get in and out and barely managed to say hello, let alone anything more than that.
It reminded Trowa of their first semester, freshmen year, when he had avoided Duo like the plague.
One night before final exams started, Trowa camped out in front of the art studio, determined to wait for Duo and finally talk to him.
He waited for hours and Duo never showed up.
But Hilde did.
"What are you doing here?" She asked him.
"Waiting for Duo."
"He's not here."
"Thanks. I noticed that one myself."
"Then why are you still here?"
"I'm waiting for him."
She sighed.
"He's not coming here tonight."
"He's back at the apartment?"
"No," Hilde sighed again and walked past him into the room.
Trowa followed her and sat down on the tabletop beside her. He watched her spread out a collection of fabric and paper scraps and pull out an x-acto knife.
"Why are you so desperate to see him?" Hilde eventually asked.
She was shredding the scraps with a cool precision that was mesmerizing.
"He's been avoiding me since Spring Break."
She snorted.
"Trowa, he's been avoiding you since Valentine's Day."
He started to argue, but suddenly realized she was right.
"He has," he agreed.
"So why do you need to see him? Is he not keeping the apartment clean or buying toilet paper or -"
"I miss him," Trowa interrupted her. "I haven't talked to him in months."
"Uh huh."
She continued to shred, not even bothering to look up at him.
"You know where he is and you're not going to tell me."
"Nope. Have you tried calling him?"
"Not tonight, but I've called him a few times."
"And?"
"He never answers."
"Do you leave messages?"
"No - what am I going to say?"
"Maybe that you miss him?" She suggested.
Trowa sighed.
"Because that doesn't sound pathetic," he muttered.
Hilde looked up at that.
"Really? Really? You are worried about sounding pathetic to Duo?"
He frowned.
"What does that even mean?"
"Nothing - forget it. He's not here. He's stressed because we have juries coming up next week and he's in this dark place where he thinks he's going to fail and forget how to speak French and spend his life as a total loser."
"He's not -"
"I know. I'm working on it."
She went back to her work, and Trowa decided that Hilde wasn't going to help him. He got up to leave.
"By the way, how was that kiss?"
He stopped and turned back, but she was completely focused on her work.
"Why?"
"I'm just curious. What did it feel like?"
"You know what it feels like to kiss Duo," he pointed out.
"I know what it feels like when Duo kisses me," she argued. "I don't know if it's the same. Was it kind of playful - like he was teasing you?"
"No," Trowa said. "It was intense and incredible and -"
Hilde had stopped and was looking at him again.
"So it was good," she concluded.
"I broke up with Ralph," he said.
Hilde's jaw dropped.
"So it was really good."
"Yes," he bit out. "It was really, really good. I can't stop thinking about it. Or him."
"But you're not going to leave him a message."
"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, Duo, it's me. Remember that time we kissed - I broke up with Ralph because kissing him was never anywhere near as amazing. Call me back.'"
"Or you could try 'hey, Duo, it's me, the oblivious asshole you live with. I finally realized I'm an idiot - call me back because I love you too.'"
Trowa stared at her.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on." She stabbed the knife into the table top and crossed her arms. "Why do you think I made him kiss you in the first place?"
"Because you've got a filthy mind?"
"Because he's been in love with you since day one and he was never going to make a move on his own! I've listened to him talk about you for two years and you've ignored him, all this time!"
"He is not - holy shit."
Trowa thought back over the last two years.
He shook his head.
"No. Why would he set me up with Ralph?"
"Because you were hung up on what's his face - Quatre and -"
"He told you about that?"
"Trowa, he tells me about everything." She gave him a patronizing look. "You were miserable and he wanted you to be happy and since you clearly had zero interest in him, he set you up with Ralph."
"But he never tried to -"
"Never tried to break you up? No, he's not like that. He wants you to be happy because he's stupidly in love with you."
"I'm such an idiot," Trowa said and buried his face in his hands.
"No argument there," Hilde muttered darkly.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"Because I'm not a twelve year old, passing notes to my girlfriends at lunch break," Hilde snapped. "And I shouldn't be telling you anything now but I'm stressed as hell about my juries and I'm tired of seeing my best friend - who is an amazing person - alone and miserable because you are an idiot."
"What happened with Greg Stevens? Duo came home on Valentine's Day a complete mess."
She sighed and shook her head.
"Nothing - just Duo sabotaging himself. For the record, I don't hate Greg - yes, his teeth are way too white - but he made Duo happy."
"Then what happened?"
"You happened, you stupid asshole. Greg wanted to date him - not just fool around - and Duo was actually, finally thinking about moving on and then you laid into him about leading people on and he freaked out and told Greg that he wasn't in a good place and that Greg should just move on." Hilde glared at him. "Which is what I've tried to tell Duo he needs to do."
"I didn't know!" Trowa protested.
"Come on! How could you not know? And then - then you actually told him to stop screwing around with people! You told him that - "
"Oh shit. That's what he was going to say. He was going to say he was in love with me."
"And now you're finally with the program."
Trowa pulled out his phone and started to call Duo.
"What are you doing?" Hilde asked.
"I'm calling him. I need to talk to him about this."
"Oh no. Hang up right now."
The look in Hilde's eyes suggested that she was contemplated physical violence, so Trowa did as instructed.
"Leave him alone."
"But you just -"
"No. I wanted you to call him when I thought you just missed your roommate and your friend - because that's what he is. He's your friend."
"He's my best friend," Trowa corrected.
"Mine too, and right now he really, really doesn't need to deal with fixing you again."
"Fixing me?"
"Trowa. Come on. If you call him and tell him that you broke up with Ralph and you can't stop thinking about your kiss, what is Duo going to do?"
Trowa sighed.
"He's going to try to fix things between me and Ralph. But -"
"But nothing. He's got juries. He's got shit on his mind and he does not need this."
"But if he's miserable because he thinks I don't care, then -"
"No," she interrupted him again. "You telling him you finally know he exists is not going to fix things overnight. Trowa, he's been in love with you for two years. You've just realized you want to be with him. Not to mention you just got out of a relationship with Ralph. If you really want to be with Duo then stay away from him."
"That makes absolutely no sense."
Hilde pulled the x-acto out of the table and approached him with it.
"He is my best friend and I've watched you hurt him for two years - and I know you didn't mean to - but Duo isn't interested in some kind of roommate's with benefits deal. He doesn't want to be your rebound and he doesn't want to be the guy you hook up with when you're drunk. And he doesn't deserve any of that, either. If you want to be with him then give him space and take the time to think about this shit. Don't be some idiot guy who jumps into something and ruins a friendship because you're horny."
"This isn't because I'm -"
"I will kill you with this x-acto knife," Hilde promised. "Let him finish his work and take the summer to figure yourself out. Then why don't you fix your friendship with him before you try to jump into bed with him."
The thought of being murdered with the tiny blade was equally horrifying and embarrassing.
"Fine," he agreed, not because of his fear of death at her hands, but because she was right.
"Good. Now leave me alone so I don't fail my juries."
Trowa backed away from her.
"And he's in one of the graduate studios, upstairs. He traded a few favors or something and he's been hiding out up there because he's pissed at me for making him kiss you in the first place."
Trowa nodded.
"Apparently I'm not the only one who needs to fix things," he had to say.
"Out."
-o-
TBC
P.S. This is likely the last of the daily updates. From here on out it will be a few days between updates. But you can still expect a steady flow. Don't worry - I'm not going anywhere!