Warnings: Angst, violence, language, adventure, lemons, AU, fantasy, angst again.
A/N: My apologies for the very obvious Harry Potter quote… but I just had to!
Lost Dreams
Chapter Nine
After wandering around Antioch for a few hours, Trowa found himself at Maeve's Tavern in the early afternoon. It was mostly abandoned, save for a handful of poets who scribbled furiously on parchment, obviously hard at work writing their next masterpiece.
After the barmaid plunked a tankard of beer in front of him, Trowa was left blissfully alone and he tried to sort through his thoughts.
He should have known. In retrospect, he should have known that Duo was attracted to him. Anticipating that Duo would act on that attraction, however, was something that Trowa never would have deemed possible. And he should have just left it at that first kiss – made some joke about it and walked away.
But he hadn't been able to. Duo had looked stricken after the kiss, as though all of his faith had been crushed, and Trowa had needed to show him that it could be better. And it had been, much, much better.
That second kiss had been full of fire, and passion, and the exhilarating excitement of exploration.
In retrospect he should have known that he was attracted to Duo. He should have known that kissing him once – twice really, but the first really didn't count in Trowa's mind – would only make him want to kiss the prince more.
Of course he had done an excellent job of convincing Duo that he had no interest in him, whatsoever. He only wished that he could do half as good a job convincing himself.
It had been a mistake to share his bed last night. When Trowa had woken early in the morning he had discovered that both Duo and the puppy, Hellas, had shifted over to his side of the bed. The puppy had tangled herself in his feet, and Duo had apparently decided that Trowa's chest made a better pillow than the overstuffed, silk covered, feather pillows already on his bed.
Attempting to teach Duo how to shoot a bow had been pure torture – partly because Duo truly showed no aptitude with the weapon, and partly because having his lithe body pressed against Trowa's had completely wrecked Trowa's concentration and his objectivity.
He blamed the entire situation on Duo – it was his fault for being so damned irresistible. It was beyond comprehension that the boy had survived all that he had, and it wasn't fair to Trowa, to be presented with this broken and yet inexplicably amazing man.
Trowa bashed his head against the table a few times. He could not believe this was happening to him. His life was perfect as it was – he had his position with the Sentinels, he had Heero. He did not need to get involved with Duo, and he certainly didn't want to get attached to him.
Duo had been nothing but trouble for Trowa from the start, and he failed to see how indulging in a physical attraction to him would make their tangled relationship any less troublesome.
Except, if he was honest with himself, Trowa had to admit that it wasn't a mere physical attraction. He enjoyed Duo's company and he wanted the man for far more than a romp on a cold winter night.
As he finished off his beer the poets started to rouse themselves from their corner, clearly preparing to share their genius with the rest of the tavern.
Ordinarily Trowa would have remained to hear them, but he was in no mood for ribald poetry today.
When he returned to the palace he sought out Ralph, hoping the man would fence with him. He needed physical activity to take his mind off of Duo.
As though the gods were trying to punish him, Trowa found Ralph with Duo and the two men dueling under the supervision of Meilin. They were using real blades, and it looked as though neither man were holding back during the fight.
Trowa frowned. He and Heero sparred with real blades – as did he and Ralph, but they had practiced together for years and knew exactly how the other moved. It was dangerous for Duo and Ralph to be doing it, and Trowa planted himself out of their sight, intent on watching over the duel until it ended.
Duo had definitely improved in his swordsmanship. He had always been quick, and he was learning how to use his speed and slight frame to his advantage, easily ducking under most of Ralph's attacks and able to move around him and force Ralph to constantly be on the defensive and anticipate an attack from any direction.
It was clear that Meilin was proud of her pupil's progress – she was beaming as she watched Duo parry several lunges from Ralph before disarming him and resting his blade against the other man's throat.
"Well done!" She exclaimed.
Duo grinned at her and then dropped his blade and helped Ralph back up to his feet.
"Thanks. I needed that," Duo told the other man.
Ralph looked a little abashed. "I could have done without it, but I suppose I'm happy to help." He grinned. "You could soothe my bruised ego by stopping over at the tavern with us tonight."
Duo frowned.
"Us?"
Ralph scratched the side of his neck where Duo had rested his sword.
"Well, me, really."
Duo's eyes widened, and it would have been comical, watching him realize that Ralph was expressing interest in him, if Trowa wasn't battling his OWN interest in the prince.
"Oh, er, well… I'm pretty sure Heero'd have my head if I went off drinking so soon after the assassination attempt." Duo frantically looked at Meilin, as though for help.
"You did promise to have dinner with Wufei and me tonight, in any case," she pointed out.
"Right! Right. I, um, I completely forgot about that." He turned back to Ralph. "Sorry."
"Some other time? Maybe when it's safer and you are free to pursue your own… interests."
Duo flushed but nodded.
Ralph was smirking as he walked away, and Trowa ruthlessly suppressed his jealousy.
"What the hell was that about?" Duo muttered to Meilin after Ralph was gone.
"That would be someone trying to get in your pants, you moron."
"I caught that part, thanks. I'm just – what a crazy day." Duo shook his head.
Meilin arched an eyebrow.
"How so?"
Duo hung his head.
"It's nothing. I just – anyway, I'm sorry that I missed our session this morning. I appreciate you meeting me now, though."
"Of course. Wufei is busy trying to solve the mystery of how dog hairs found their way into the pages of a few of his precious books, so I had some free time."
"Yeah…" Duo flushed again. "I hope he figures it out."
"Mm. Me too." The amused look in her eyes made it clear that she knew exactly how the hairs had gotten into the books.
As the two of them walked off Trowa contemplated catching up to them and trying to talk to Duo. But it was clear that he at least, had been able to put aside the events of the morning, and Trowa was loathe to bring up the undoubtedly sensitive subject.
"Trowa."
He turned to see Heero approaching and he felt a sense of relief. Heero's ability to look at any situation with cold, distant logic was something that Trowa had always valued. Perhaps he would be able to help Trowa get over this needless infatuation.
"Enjoy your guard duty last night?" Trowa teased him.
"I'm sure not nearly as much as you enjoyed your new sleeping quarters," Heero growled.
Trowa shrugged. "Temporary, until you realize that standing outside of his room isn't going to keep the assassins away."
Heero started to argue, but Trowa continued over him.
"It's pointless for you to guard him at night. They won't try that again, not yet anyway. They'll try a new tactic first, and having you out of the rotation while he's active during the day isn't the best way to protect him."
"He's most vulnerable while he's asleep."
Trowa couldn't argue that, especially since he had seen Duo asleep. He had looked like the boy he was, young and peaceful, and none of the darkness of his waking thoughts had clouded his brow. It had definitely been a mistake to share his bed.
Trowa sighed.
"Something happened with Duo this morning," Trowa said.
"In his bed?"
"No, no, this was after. I tried to teach him – it doesn't matter. I kissed him."
Heero's face went blank.
"He kissed me first – terrible kiss, I mean, truly pathetic. So I kissed him to show – damn it to hell, Heero, I can't get him out of my head."
"I see."
Trowa frowned.
"That's not… much of a response."
"Are you asking my permission? To pursue him? You don't need it. We agreed, when we started this, that if we weren't – you've been with other men before."
"You haven't," Trowa pointed out, and it was a bitter point between them.
When he and Heero had first starting their relationship the Theran had made it clear to Trowa that he didn't expect him to stop seeing the other men he had been involved with over the years. The fact that Heero wasn't involved with anyone else, and had never expressed interest in anyone other than Trowa made him feel incredibly guilty. Three years ago Trowa's only real relationship, outside of his with Heero, had ended, and he hadn't been with another man since.
"I don't -" Heero caught himself and shrugged. "I've only ever wanted you."
"And I'm the selfish, greedy bastard who wants more."
Heero scowled at him.
"I've never said that, and I've certainly never believed it."
"And yet it bothers you that I kissed Duo."
Heero was silent for a few minutes.
"I've dedicated my life to protecting the royal family. I regard Solo as not only my prince and a great man, but a true friend. Yet when the two of you were together – every night that you were in his bed and not mine – I hated him."
"You never said."
Heero shrugged. "Would it have mattered? I know what I am, and who you are –"
"No. Don't you dare say that it had anything to do with –"
"Didn't it? I never begrudged you the chance to be with him because you deserved it! The life you were born into –"
"Is not my life now, and I don't deserve him or – that's bullshit, Heero."
"Is it? Duo is a prince, the future King of Thera. He's better than me, just like Solo, and you were –"
Trowa grabbed Heero's face and kissed him, a furious, open mouthed kiss that he poured his frustration into. Heero responded instantly, backing Trowa up into the wall and kissing him back just as forcefully until a need for oxygen forced them apart.
They were both breathing heavily, and Trowa was tempted to just end the argument now and take Heero to bed – a proven method for making both of them forget their anger with each other.
"No one is better than you, Heero. You are the best man I've ever known, and you're so damned noble that it drives me insane. I never would have left you for Solo. Even if Quatre hadn't come along and forced an end to us – I never felt about him like I do you. I love you, and you know that. Of all the things I've lost in my life, losing you would be the hardest. I'm not – it's nothing, this attraction to Duo. I –"
"I want him, too," Heero interrupted, his words little more than a growl.
"Wh – what?"
"You aren't the only one of us attracted to him. He's infuriating and annoying and I'd happily strangle him if he wasn't my future king, but none of that changes the fact that I want him." Heero shook his head and stepped back from Trowa. "You are the only man I've had a relationship with, and I've never been interested in sharing anyone else's bed, and I don't know why he's different, but I look at him and I want him. So how's that for my damned nobility?"
"So you're mad at me because you're… jealous that he kissed me and not you?"
"No. Yes. I'm mad at you because of all the things I'VE lost, losing you would be the hardest, and I don't want to lose you to anyone, but I can't see how I won't lose you to him because he's irresistible. And yes, I'm mad because he didn't kiss me. Because I was too cowardly to kiss him."
"Huh."
Heero glared at him.
"No, I'm sorry, this just… well, this wasn't really how I pictured this conversation going with you." Trowa sighed. "In any case, it doesn't matter – for me – I went and botched things up. He's convinced that I hate him or something, so… you should swoop in, at least one of us should get what we want," he finished bitterly.
"He isn't interested in me. He's interested in you," Heero pointed out. "And I can't blame him."
"For the love of – Heero, I am nothing special. You are the only one who sees any value in me as something other than a pathetic king without a kingdom. And if he isn't interested in you then I can certainly blame him. And you are the one always talking about following your damned emotions, so why don't you take your own advice?"
"He is my prince. I can't just – and you are more than a king without a kingdom and you know that."
Trowa groaned and ran a hand through his hair.
"This is a ridiculous fight. Can we just go inside where it's warm and forget any of this ever happened?"
Heero hesitated and then shrugged.
"Hard to believe that a few weeks ago we hated the bastard and now we want him in our bed." Heero shook his head and started to walk back to the castle. Trowa fell into step beside him.
"He's nothing like Solo," Trowa felt the need to say. "I'm not trying to replace–"
"I know," Heero interrupted him. "He isn't anything like Solo – and that's why I…panicked."
"In any case, how do you feel about going back to your quarters and continuing what we started earlier?" Trowa suggested.
Heero arched an eyebrow.
"I should –" he caught himself on a yawn and Trowa shook his head.
"Pathetic. When's the last time you even slept?"
Heero frowned.
"I'm fine."
"Really? Because you just yawned at the prospect of sex, with me."
Heero rolled his eyes.
"I'm sorry to bruise your fragile ego."
"Come on, I'm tucking you in."
"I'm not –"
"Yes, you are." Trowa gave him a gentle shove back in the direction of the castle.
"I need to check in with Alex and Trant first, inspect the guard shifts, and –"
"Fine. I'm coming with you and you're going to bed as soon as possible."
Heero glared, but Trowa matched it with one of his own, and the Theran captain sighed in defeat.
"Very well."
It was time for the evening meal when Trowa finally convinced Heero to rest for a few hours before he took over guarding Duo for the night.
Trowa decided to stop by the kitchens and grab something to eat.
On his way there, however, he was intercepted by an irate Quatre.
"Trowa," the blonde greeted him through gritted teeth.
He arched an eyebrow, amused and intrigued to see Quatre so angry. The blonde man was normally unflappable, and it took a lot to stir his temper – a good thing for anyone involved in a relationship with someone as volatile as Solo.
"Quatre," Trowa greeted him. "How are you on this fine evening?"
"Oh, I'm delightful. How are you? I missed you at the evening meal."
Trowa shrugged. "Heero and I had other things scheduled."
Quatre's eyes narrowed.
"I see."
"And now I was on my way to the kitchens, to find something to eat…" Trowa started to walk past him, but Quatre fell into step beside him.
"I never understood you and Solo," Quatre said. "I honestly don't know what he saw in you."
Trowa fought to keep his face neutral to the blonde man's words. When Quatre had first arrived in Thera, years ago, and Solo had first laid eyes on him, Trowa had KNOWN that the prince would leave him. Considering that his own relationship with Solo was less of a romantic one and more of a very complicated and intimate friendship, Trowa hadn't begrudged him the chance to be with someone he actually might fall in love with. It didn't mean, however, that TROWA fell for Quatre's blue eyes or his charm. Yes, the exotic blonde prince was amazingly kind, witty, and a decent fighter – but Trowa, and Heero, had known Solo since childhood, and all three men had suffered grave losses in their youth. It was clear that Quatre came from a very different world than theirs, and that he fit so easily into Solo's like constantly irked Trowa.
He had long suspected that Quatre was as wary of him as he was of the blonde, but both cared too much for Solo to ever make an issue of it. Apparently until now.
"I see," Trowa said, repeating Quatre's earlier words.
"You're a complete idiot, for one thing, and –"
"Am I?" Trowa couldn't help but be amused by the blonde's avenue for attack.
"Yes! Duo is a wonderful –"
"I thought we were talking about Solo."
Quatre glared.
"He was a segue."
"Oh."
"The real issue is Duo. I have no idea why, but he's crazy about you. Heero, I understand, but why he cares about you is completely beyond me."
"Wait, wait. What?" Trowa stopped walking and turned to the shorter man. "What about Heero?"
"I said I can understand why he's interested in Heero. What I don't understand is the attraction to you. Sure, you're nice to look at, but you're an idiot and have the emotional range of a teaspoon."
"I do not," Trowa immediately protested, but his mind had latched on to the information that Duo was attracted to both he and Heero. He never would have thought –
"… aren't even listening to me, are you?"
He shook himself and focused back on Quatre.
"No, I wasn't."
Quatre glared.
"I said that you've destroyed his self-confidence. Would it have been so hard to just… try to be a human being for a few minutes and tell him you enjoyed kissing him?"
Trowa scowled.
"I didn't mean to -"
"Well, you did. Bad enough that he wants to be with you two, who couldn't communicate your feelings to save your life, but then –"
"Heero and I communicate just fine. Simply because we don't do it in front of others doesn't mean we don't communicate."
"Perhaps you do communicate with each other, but what about the rest of the world?"
Trowa frowned.
"What about the rest of the world? It isn't anyone else's business how we feel about each other."
"What about how you feel about – by the Gods, Trowa, you lost your entire kingdom and you never talk about it! Heero doesn't talk about his father or -"
"What could that possibly have to do with Duo?" Trowa fought down the insistent urge to walk away from this conversation. Discussing Ios was never easy for him, and he did avoid it – for perfectly legitimate reasons. He also felt that by even suggesting that Heero should go around discussing his father Quatre was insulting the other man.
"I'm saying –"
"Let me through!"
Both men turned, startled by the loud, female voice echoing down the corridors.
Without speaking, they turned and headed towards the voice. Both men had spent enough time involved in palace intrigues to know when to shelve an argument.
They discovered the source of the voice near the Great Hall's entrance. It was a blood stained Hilde Schiebecker, and several guards were restraining her and seemed to be in the process of hauling her away.
"Wait." Quatre called out to them, and the guards stopped. "What's going on here?"
"Says she needs to see the King, but –"
"Who are you?" Quatre interrupted the guard who had spoken up and his blue gaze was far from friendly as he glared at the man.
"Val Trist, sir. The Captain gave orders that no one unfamiliar be allowed in past this point during –"
"She's the daughter of the Duke of Antioch," Trowa growled. "How can you not know her?"
"I, uh, well I've just returned from my service, you see, and just got promoted to the guard last week and this is my first –"
"Oh, fine," Quatre interrupted him. "Let her go – you do recognize me, don't you? And him?" He jerked a thumb in Trowa's direction.
"Yes, of course. I – "
"Thank you. Now let her go."
Val nodded and his men released Hilde. She stormed past them with a raised chin.
"You're covered in blood," Trowa informed her when she reached him.
"Thank you, Trowa. Without your keen observational skills I doubt any of us could survive."
He smirked at her tone. Her expression, tense, drawn, and pale, relaxed just a bit and she bumped shoulders with him.
"I need to see the King, immediately."
"About the blood on your clothes," Trowa suggested.
"Yes," she growled.
"What –" Quatre started to ask.
"The South Pass is under attack."
"There have been reports of Mysian raids," Trowa agreed.
"No, attack – as in the Mysian First Army is currently laying siege to the fort. The settlers have had to abandon their homes, everyone is in the fort."
Trowa swore.
"Your brother?"
"Still alive. He sent Gus to tell the king, but he's – the Mysians spotted him, as he tried to ride away. He was in a bad way and he just barely made it to the city gates before he died. I –"
"His blood?" Trowa assumed.
Hilde nodded.
"I'm sorry. Gus was a good man."
"He was a boy. Barely twenty and –" she stopped and shook her head. "I need to speak to the King."
Quatre led them towards the royal quarters, and Trowa fell into step beside Hilde.
"Your brother is a smart man. He can hold his own." He had known Hilde and her older brother, Carl, from their childhood. As children of the Duke, they had been raised more or less at court, and Trowa counted Carl among his few close acquaintances. He had always had a soft spot for Hilde, who was simply too much her father's daughter to be happy with a settled, urban life as the Lady of Antioch.
Hilde nodded, but he could see the worry in her eyes.
Quatre led them to the Winter Gardens, where the King, Solo, Duo, and a few courtiers were gathered. They looked to be in the middle of a card game, and Trowa rolled his eyes. The King had few vices, but an addiction to card games was one of his worst. He was surprised to see Duo seated to the king's left, apparently enjoying the game.
Trowa stepped in front of Hilde, trying to hide her bloodied clothing from the courtiers sight. It wouldn't do to have wild rumors spreading through the castle.
"Ah!" The King boomed when he noticed them. "Join us, Hilde, Trowa, Quatre!"
"Your Majesty, there is a matter of personal interest we wished to discuss," Quatre said.
The King frowned and then sighed.
"There always is. Very well, shall we continue our game another time?"
The courtiers instantly obeyed the dismissal, and abandoned the game and bowed their way out of the gardens.
Duo stood uneasily, clearly unsure what he should do.
Trowa asked one of the Royal Guards, standing unobtrusively to one side, to fetch Heero from his quarters. He knew the Theran would want to be involved in this discussion.
"Very well, what is it?" The King asked once the gardens were empty.
Trowa stepped aside and allowed Hilde to approach him. Gregory's eyes widened at the sight of her.
"It's not my blood!" She instantly assured him.
"Then who –" Solo started.
"A messenger," she interrupted him. "From the South Pass."
Gregory's face turned very serious.
"Go on."
She drew in a deep breath.
"The South Pass is under attack. The settlers have retreated to the fort and there are under siege. My brother – he thinks he can hold them off for another one day, two at best."
Solo scowled.
"We couldn't get an army there in that amount of time. Not in this weather. It would take four – maybe even five days!"
She nodded in agreement.
"He knows. He –" she stopped when Heero entered.
His hair was a mess and he looked as though he had literally rolled out of bed and sprinted to the gardens. He was buttoning his uniform as he approached and hastily ran a hand through his hair when Trowa nodded towards it.
"Excuse my interruption," Heero said as he came to stand beside Trowa.
Hilde turned back to Gregory.
"He thinks any engagement with the Mysians would put our forces at a disadvantage. They will surely have taken the fort by the time reinforcements arrive, and he doubts the Mysians will linger in any case. Their army will be gone by the time ours even arrives."
"Damn Treize," the King muttered and rubbed his temples. He sighed and looked to Solo. "We can send the army to the Eastern Ridge, disrupt their own settlements? Or would the Southern Sea be a more visible target?"
Before Solo could respond, Duo jumped in.
"What about the settlers?"
Hilde frowned.
"I'm sorry?"
"I'm asking what happens to the settlers? To the Therans under siege?"
"The Mysians will kill or enslave them as they always do," Solo said.
"And that's – we're just letting that happen?"
His question was met with silence.
Duo's jaw dropped and he looked over at Trowa, as if asking the Sentinel to help him.
"Duo," Gregory finally began, "this is the way that wars go. We will avenge their deaths by –"
"By killing their settlers on the Southern Sea or the Eastern Ridge! How is that –"
"We won't kill them, we aren't barbarians," Solo interrupted.
"You'll burn their homes, take their livestock, and kick them off their fields. Won't you? It isn't as immediate as executing or enslaving them, but it's killing them all the same." He shook his head. "We can't simply let them die!"
"Our army cannot reach them in time!" Solo shouted in frustration. "We have no choice! Our only option is to move before the Mysians fortify those two locations."
"No, our only option is to help the settlers in the South Pass," Duo argued. "Those free workers swore an oath to honor obey their king and in return we do nothing for them?" He shook his head and started to walk from the room.
"Where are you going?" Solo demanded.
"To the South Pass," Duo called over his shoulder.
"For the love of – you are not going there!" Solo caught Duo's arm and forced his younger brother to look at him. "You are one man. You are the future king of Thera, you cannot –"
"I can and I will. I may only be one man, but it's my duty to help them! I can't simply sit here and – no. I am going."
Trowa sighed. The look on the prince's face was identical to the one he had worn when burying the bodies of the rebels, when Trowa and Heero had come across him weeks ago. It was the look of a man who was, in fact, physically incapable of fulfilling the task he set himself and yet committing himself to doing it anyway.
He looked over at Heero and saw that he was scowling, clearly recognizing the look as well.
"Duo, you will only arrive in time to bury their bodies," the King said, his deep voice placating.
It was the exact wrong thing to say, and Trowa jumped into the discussion before Duo had time to respond.
"The Sentinels have traveled that distance in a day. Even with these snows, if we leave now, we can –"
"You aren't seriously –" Solo interrupted him.
Duo, however, was smirking at him.
"Six men? Against the Mysian army?" Gregory scoffed.
"Eight," Duo corrected.
Trowa looked over at Heero, who looked close to having an aneurysm.
"Ten," Heero growled. "Alex and I will be going."
"I'd like to go as well," Quatre spoke up.
Trowa frowned.
"This isn't some lark –" he started to argue
"I know that and you know that I'm useful," Quatre snapped.
It was true, the blonde man, while not a proponent of violence, was an excellent warrior and Trowa knew that he advised Solo on military strategy.
Trowa sighed.
"The more we have travelling the slower it will be," he pointed out.
"Yet twelve of us could make a difference, whereas one wouldn't," Solo pointed out.
Trowa arched an eyebrow.
"If Duo gets to go, I do as well. I'm not letting my little brother just waltz into an enemy attack."
"This is madness," Gregory growled. "Both of my sons cannot attack the Mysian army!"
"Solo should stay," Duo argued. "If I die, you lose one son, but if he dies you lose the one man who knows how to rule this kingdom. It doesn't matter that I'm the youngest, Solo –"
"If anyone should stay it should be you," Solo interrupted. "You belong here. And you'll learn to rule if you'd just remember who you are."
"I'm not staying, and if I have to do this on my own I will, but I will do it," Duo threatened.
"I'm coming too," Hilde suddenly jumped in. "I can fight, and I – it's my brother out there."
Trowa looked at Gregory, and the King looked torn between cursing them all to hell and simply washing his hands of them.
"Very well," he said at last. He glared at Heero. "If either of my sons comes to harm, I will spend the rest of my life desecrating the bones of your ancestors," he warned.
Heero bowed his head. "I will protect them," he assured Gregory.
"We leave in two hours," Trowa said to the room at large. "Meet at the Royal Stables."
Up Next: Some fighting, some talking, and maybe more!
-0-
Some facts about this fantasy world:
There isn't actually any magic. It's really just kind of a medieval-ish place, with a small pantheon of gods. The gods will be explained more as we go, but they don't really interfere with life – it's a lot like our own contemporary religions.
Thera and Mysia are ancient Greek cities/islands/states and I'm definitely stealing a bit from Greek mythology as I craft this.
As for technology: again, very medieval, except that I gave them running water – because, let's be honest – running water is AWESOME and truly necessary to even think about the Gundam boys being super hot and having lots of sex.