Warnings: Angst, violence, language, adventure, lemons, AU, fantasy, angst again.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who is sticking with this! I appreciate your patience with me for not updating this as frequently as some of my other work.

Lost Dreams

Chapter Fourteen

The morning of Duo's twentieth birthday was dim and gray. Fresh snow had fallen the previous night and the entire city of Antioch appeared to be coated in white.

Hellas, Duo had discovered when he returned to Antioch, loved the snow. The dog was quickly growing into her huge paws and perhaps the most carefree moments Duo had spent in his entire life were when he walked with her through the frozen orchards and threw snowballs for her to fetch.

He also appreciated the time alone to think.

Life had certainly taken unexpected turns for Duo over the last year.

He had thought he would never return to Antioch, yet here he was.

He had thought he would never see Solo again, yet he had, and now he and his brother could barely stand to be in the same room with each other.

He had thought he would never have friends, yet Wufei and Meilin, even as new parents completely absorbed in their daughter's life, were his friends.

He had never thought he would fall in love, yet he had.

He had never thought he would live to be twenty, yet here he was. The Mysians hadn't succeeded in killing him yet, and Duo was more determined than ever to thwart their plans.

Of course, having Solo determined to thwart his plans for thwarting the Mysians plans was far from helpful.

A very small part of Duo understood Solo's obsession with keeping him safe and out of harm's way, but a much larger part of him was tired of being treated like a child who had to depend on everyone around him.

Duo wasn't a child – in fact, he had never really had a childhood – and he certainly didn't deserve to be treated like one.

It had taken several weeks for Solo not to balk outright whenever Duo had suggestions for the spring campaigns, but things had improved to the point that Solo now let Duo finish speaking before jumping in to say how wrong his plans were.

Even Carl had started to trust Duo's ideas, so it was beyond frustrating for Duo whenever Solo started to shake his head and lean forward to say "no, no, that will never work."

Quatre was the only one who seemed able to get through Solo's antagonism and convince him that Duo's ideas had merit, and Duo very much appreciated the other man's friendship and constant presence at the meetings.

Duo just wished that he could see a clear path out of this mess. Things had been simpler, before, when he had just been a rebel – he had had a cause and he had had allies, but he hadn't had obligations or an overbearing brother or a desperate urge for human contact. He had existed merely to exact revenge on the Mysians for all those who couldn't.

But that time was over now. Now he had to be a prince of Thera. It was ironic that Duo felt trapped and imprisoned when, in Solo and Gregory's minds, he was finally free.

As Duo continued his walk around the palace grounds he followed Hellas towards the distant pastures where, months ago now, he had first kissed Trowa while the other man tried to teach him how to shoot an arrow.

The same target was still strapped to a fencepost, but a different Sentinel stood in the snow now.

Duo leaned against the fence and Hellas obediently sat down by his feet and the two of them watched Ralph shoot arrow after arrow into the target.

While Ralph wasn't anywhere near as mesmerizing to watch as Trowa, Duo still found himself fascinated by the precision of Ralph's arrows and the smooth way he drew the bow back repeatedly.

"Want to give it a try?"

Ralph's voice startled Duo.

"Ah, no thanks. I'm pretty hopeless."

Ralph turned and regarded him with amusement.

"You hopeless? All you've ever done is prove to people that you aren't hopeless."

Duo shook his head in disagreement.

"No, I'm really not very good. Trowa tried to teach me, before, and… "

"Come here," Ralph interrupted with a shake of his head. "Trowa is many things… but he isn't the only one who can teach you how to shoot."

There was an underlying tone of jealousy to Ralph's words, and Duo was reminded of the time when Ralph had tried to proposition him.

He shook his head again, ready to say no, but Ralph's next words made him change his mind.

"The Hellas games are coming up – Trowa's never missed them. Don't you want to show him you don't need him?"

Duo didn't, actually, want to show him that. But he did want to see Trowa and he did need to keep up this façade of being devastated after Trowa's seeming betrayal.

"Okay, but I warned you," he cautioned Ralph.

"I'll take my chances."

Two hours later, and Duo had finally landed an arrow in the target, unaided by Ralph, and with his eyes open.

"I did it," he said, still unconvinced that he had finally managed the feat after so many failed attempts.

Ralph chuckled.

"You did. Now see if you can do it again."

Duo frowned at that but when Ralph gave him a challenging look he drew another arrow and settled it along the bow before pulling back the bowstring.

As soon as he loosed the arrow he knew it would hit the target – and sure it enough, it was just inches from the center – and Duo gave a delighted laugh.

Ralph grinned at him before walking over and giving his shoulder a squeeze.

"Well done," he said, leaning close so that his words were a puff of warmth against Duo's neck.

"I'm not sure if a Prince of Thera has ever demonstrated such skill with a bow before," a voice said from behind Duo.

He turned to see that an audience had accumulated and he felt embarrassed that he had been too focused on learning how to shoot to even realize people had approached.

Solo, Quatre, Heero, and Alex were gathered on the other side of the fence.

Duo met Solo's gaze, wondering if he would follow up his comment with some jab at Trowa.

"Nonsense," Quatre said. "Your father competed in the archery event at a few Hellas games, when he was just a prince."

Duo smirked.

"Good. I'll be following family tradition."

Solo scowled.

"How?"

"By competing in the archery event at the Hellas games – and the fencing event."

"No, you won't," Solo assured him.

"Yes, I will."

"You are the future king!"

"And once upon a time, our father was the future king and he competed. The Hellas games are neutral, aren't they? So there's nothing to worry about."

"Our father never killed the Mysian High Inquisitor! Our father was never an infamous rebel who spent years attacking the Mysians!"

"So I'm not quite following in his footsteps." Duo shrugged.

"You are behaving like a spoiled, selfish child," Solo growled.

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"Isn't that how princes are supposed to behave?" he challenged.

Solo opened his mouth to continue the fight, but Quatre cleared his throat.

"Actually, we were looking for you to see if you wanted to go sledding."

Duo frowned in confusion.

"Sledding?"

"You've never been sledding?" The question came from Alex, who spoke infrequently enough that the sound of his voice surprised Duo.

"Ah… no."

"Then that settles it. You have to try it. We probably won't get too many more heavy snows this winter, so this might be one of your last chances this year."

Duo looked over at Solo, still furious, and shook his head.

"No. I'm kind of cold, actually and I think –"

"Go," Solo ordered. "Enjoy yourself. I'll take your dog back to the palace."

He turned to go, giving a sharp whistle that had Hellas jumping up and running after him.

Heero started to follow, but Solo waved a hand.

"Stay with them. Make sure no one gets hurt. If I leave the palace I'll find another escort."

Uncharacteristically, Heero didn't bother to argue with the prince.

Duo handed the bow and quiver of arrows to Alex.

"What the hell is this sledding think?" he asked the Sentinel.

"Some idiotic sport the Therans invented," Ralph muttered. "You find a hill covered in snow or ice and you strap yourself to a sled – usually it's wooden or steel, most of the times they use old shields actually – and you throw yourself down the hill."

"That sounds idiotic," Duo agreed.

"It is – and dangerous. Be careful."

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"Afraid all of your hard work will be for naught if I end up dead in a sledding accident?"

Ralph gave Duo a somber nod.

"There are precious few Therans who can use a bow – I'd hate for that number to diminish further."

Duo chuckled and Ralph nudged his shoulder.

"Go on – you're a Theran, so you're probably dumb enough to think it will be fun."

"Come with us?"

"No. Sentinels do not strap ourselves to flimsy little things and fly down mountains." Ralph injected enough disdain in his voice that it was clear Duo wouldn't be able to convince him. "But happy birthday, Prince of Thera."

"Thanks."

Duo joined Quatre, Alex, and Heero on the other side of the fence and fell in step with Quatre as the blonde started to walk away from the pasture.

He couldn't resist looking back at Heero and he was confused to see an angry expression on his face.

"So, you and Ralph… that looked… nice," Quatre said.

Duo turned to him.

"Um, yes, it was. Now I'm not a complete embarrassment when I pick up a bow. I'll probably never be able to shoot it well, though."

Quatre shrugged.

"The important thing is that you are moving on. You were really enjoying yourself with him. That's good."

Duo suddenly understood the look on Heero's face.

Quatre led them on a hike up a steep, snow covered hill just outside the city gates, to the north. On their way they had stopped by the armory and collected a few old, dented shields.

"There's an old story about the Therans – or about the people who became the Therans," Quatre explained as they hiked the hill, shields strapped to their backs. "When they first arrived in these lands barbarians controlled them. The Therans fought them for years, driving them here, to Antioch, where the barbarians had a stronghold in the mountains that was almost impossible to get to. If you went in from below it was a natural bottleneck and the barbarians could slaughter any force, and from above…well, there was no passage in the mountains to march an army through. Anyway, the man leading the Theran army came up with the plan to attack by climbing the mountains, surrounding the barbarians, and diving down on them. He was the very first Theran to come up with sledding – he had all his men strap themselves to their shields and sled down. They defeated the barbarians and Antioch and Thera were founded."

Duo had to arch an eyebrow at the story.

"It happened a very long time ago," Alex added helpfully.

"You might be curious to know – that man, who led the armies? His name was Duo. He was the first king of the Therans," Quatre said.

They had reached the top of the hill and Quatre gestured towards the frozen expanse below them. Duo hadn't realized how high up they were, and he seemed to remember this hill having a lot of rocks.

"What – so just because I'm named after him I should be a natural at this?"

Quatre shrugged one shoulder.

"No, but I'd never have taken you for a coward."

Duo rolled his eyes at the other man's obvious baiting.

Quatre chuckled.

"You'll be fine. It's fun. I'll show you."

The blonde hefted his shield, wrapping his wrists around the straps on either side, and started to run towards the slope of the hill and then dove on the sled.

Duo watched in amazement as he sped downwards, seconds later arriving at the foot of the hill with a triumphant shout.

"Huh."

Heero arched an eyebrow at his continued reluctance and Duo sighed.

"Fine. I'll do the stupid Theran sledding thing."

He followed Quatre's example and took a running head start before throwing himself down the hill.

The impact of the sled on the snow was hard, knocking the wind out of his lungs, but the sensation of hurtling down the hill so fast was amazing, and Duo found himself smiling at the feel of the wind biting into his face. Maybe, he had to admit, this was kind of fun.

There was a sudden scrape of metal against rock, and the sled careened into the air. Duo held on for dear life as white and gray flashed by beneath him.

All too soon, the ground rushed up and Duo landed painfully against the freezing, solid white ground. The breath was knocked out of him, and he struggled to draw air into his lungs.

As he lay there on the snow, trying to breathe, all of the joy and lightness he had felt only moments ago seemed to recede, replaced by the darkness he had felt growing stronger every day.

"Duo! Duo!"

Heero's face suddenly appeared above his, worry knit into his brow and concern in his dark blue eyes.

"Are you hurt? Can you feel your legs? Duo, tell me where it hurts."

He knew it wasn't really what Heero was referring to, but since Heero was the only one who understood, and since he never had a chance to speak with the man, Duo moved one hand over his heart.

"Here," he said quietly.

Heero's expression softened, and he reached out to lay his hand over Duo's before catching himself and drawing back.

"Duo."

It was amazing just how much emotion and meaning Heero put into his name.

"I'm fine," Duo assured him and sat up to demonstrate. "Nothing I can't recover from."

He stood up and Heero joined him. The others were making their way down the hill and would join them in seconds.

"By the way, you're wrong. I'm not moving on – not with Ralph, not with anyone. I want you and I want Trowa. I'm not going to settle for anyone else."

Duo hoped he managed to convey his determination with his words and his eyes. The scowl Heero favored him with seemed to indicate that the Captain understand just how much he meant to Duo.

"Whatever my Prince wishes," Heero said, the right corner of his lips tipping up just slightly. Duo grinned in response.

"Duo!" Quatre shouted as he neared. "Duo! Are you okay?"

Duo rolled his eyes.

"Yes. I'm fine. Captain Yuy was here to make sure I didn't come to any harm," he added and gave Heero a significant look.

The rest of the day was filled with celebrations – sumptuous banquets and an array of courtiers, nobility, and the upper crust of Theran society giving Duo piles of gifts.

He barely remembered his birthdays from before his kidnapping, but he was nearly positive he had enjoyed them more than he was currently enjoying this one.

As a child at the Temple of the God of Death, the priests had given a small gift to every child at the orphanage on Duo's birthday. He had always enjoyed that - it was like some big, secret game that everyone get to win.

Later, when he had been on his own, he hadn't bothered to celebrate his birthday - it was, after all, merely the passing of another year.

He found himself wondering if things would have been different, this year, if Trowa were still here. Would he, Heero, and Trowa be together?

Duo's musings were interrupted by a string of well wishers as the courtiers started to take their leave of the party.

He still had no idea who most of the courtiers were – and he knew that was mostly his own fault. He tended to avoid their company most of the time – and he could count on one hand the people present who he considered to be his friends.

Wufei, Meilin, and their daughter Lijuan made an appearance at the evening meal to wish Duo a happy birthday. Meilin presented Duo with an ancient bronze dagger that had been in her family for generations, while Wufei held Lijuan with so much caution and affection it was clear that he was completely smitten with the child, despite the fact that she was a girl.

Meilin promised to continue their morning training sessions as soon as the snow started to melt, joking that Lijuan would attend so that she could start learning to be a warrior. Not surprisingly, Wufei had balked at the idea and insisted that she stay in the archives, with him.

Watching them leave, arguing about Lijuan's future, was the highlight of Duo's night.

As soon as he could he escaped the great hall and the celebrating courtiers.

He was well on his way to his quarters when Alex intercepted him.

"I'm not sneaking around," Duo complained. "I'm just going to my rooms."

"The King wishes to see you," Alex said.

Duo groaned. So far he had managed to avoid Gregory for most of the day. Every time his father had looked at him across the room today his eyes had been filled with regret and guilt, and Duo was in a dark enough place on his own that he didn't want to make Gregory feel worse about anything.

Reluctantly, Duo followed Alex to the Winter Garden, where Gregory waited for him, wandering the garden paths and admiring the blooming flowers.

Alex bowed and left them alone.

Part of Duo actually wished the guard would stay.

"Well, my son what present can I give you that you haven't already received?" Gregory asked after a few moments of silence between them.

"I want Heero Yuy back," Duo said without any preamble. He had a hard enough time finding anything to talk about with Gregory as it was, he didn't' think small talk would really help matters.

Gregory leaned back in his seat and stroked his beard.

"Why?"

"I trust him. He's the only one I trust in this entire kingdom now. I'm not saying that I think Alex or Trant are going to stab me in the back, but Heero… knows me. He's seen me at my worst."

"That's the only reason you want him? Because you've known him longer than Trant or Alex?"

"It has nothing to do with length of time – but I should point out that yes, I've known him since I was a baby, before I was kidnapped. This is more than that. This is…" Duo struggled to put into his words just how he felt about Heero.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with your lust for him, would it?" Gregory arched an eyebrow.

"No," Duo answered immediately and angrily. He was so tired of the Theran view that everything had to be about sex. "This has nothing to do with my feelings for Heero. This has everything to do with the fact that Heero helped me bury the butchered bodies of the free workers who had given me shelter and who I had sworn to protect. This has everything to do with the fact that Heero knows how many men I've killed, and why. He knows what I'm afraid of and he sure as hell knows what makes me angry. I trust him and damn it all, I'm tired of being a prisoner here! First I'm kidnapped by Mysian mercenaries and held captive, then I was trapped in the Mysian dungeons and tortured for months and now – now I'm home and I'm still completely powerless to do anything! I don't give a damn about what Solo wants or what he thinks is best for me. I didn't fight him when he exiled Trowa and I'll regret that until the day I die. But I'm fighting now. He may be the elder son and he may be the leader of the Theran army but I'm your heir. I'm the future king of Thera and I've witnessed the cruelty of the Mysians first hand. I –" Duo ripped open his shirt and displayed the tattoo that had been carved into his flesh years ago. "I am reminded everyday of how powerless I am. Every time I see this I remember and I am done running away from the past. I'm going to the Hellas games, and in the spring I'm going on campaign. I don't give a damn if I have to raise my own army to do it – I'm going to fight the Mysians and I'm going to protect the free workers and the citizens of Thera."

Gregory had gone very pale at the sight of Duo's chest, and it took him a moment to recover enough to respond to Duo's tirade.

Finally, he rose to his feet and, before Duo could react, embraced him. It reminded Duo of that first day of his return, when Gregory had instantly recognized Duo despite the fifteen years that had passed.

Gregory pulled back, but kept his hands on Duo's arms and looked him in the eyes.

"What a king you will make," he decided.

Confused, Duo could only stand and frown as Gregory fully released him and sat back down.

"It has been three hundred years since a crown prince fought in the Theran army," Gregory started. "Three hundred years ago a crown prince was killed in battle and the line of inheritance was broken for the first time since the first king of Thera passed the crown to his youngest son."

Duo started to speak, but Gregory held up a hand.

"For the last fifteen years I have prayed for your safe return. Yet now that I have you back, safe and… imprisoned, you want to put yourself in harm's way. I know what happened in South Pass."

"I'm sure Solo –"

"Carl told me his own version of the events. Recent events and events from nearly a year ago."

Duo swallowed hard at the look in Gregory's eyes.

"My father loved his crown and hated his kingdom. He loved the wealth and power that came with his birthright, yet he had no respect or love for the people who sweated and bled for him. The people of Thera were happy to see his rule end, but his enemies were not. Under my father Thera grew weak and our allies started to drift. When I came to the throne I knew that I had to preserve the future of Thera. I had to protect our people, and my family. I decided that raising the heirs of all the kingdoms of Hellas together, here, would prevent the conflicts of my childhood and strengthen Thera and the bonds between our allies." Gregory sighed. "That plan cost many lives, the fall of a kingdom, and the abduction of my son. I know that nearly everyone questions my decision to go down that path – they question many other decisions I have made. But never once have I questioned it myself. I am the king of Thera and the decisions I make must be for the best of all. I cannot put my doubts or my personal feelings into my duties. I must, at all times, be above my needs and desires. I must be willing to die for my people – and I must be willing to sacrifice some of my people for the good of all."

Gregory's eyes narrowed.

"You are like me, Duo. You know that your decisions can have negative consequences and you know that sacrifices must be made and you have the strength to put aside your doubts and fight for what needs to happen."

"But," Gregory added after a pause. "You are twenty years old. You have much to learn and more to experience. Still, I do not want you to learn the lessons that isolation and anger have to teach. If you want Heero Yuy back on your security detail then you shall him."

Duo waited for the warnings to avoid any romantic entanglements.

"You aren't the first crown prince to become involved with the Captain of his guard and I doubt you will be the last," Gregory mused. "My only concern is the specter of Trowa Barton. He and Heero were inseparable, but now that Trowa is lost to us…"

"Heero remains loyal to Thera," Duo pointed out.

Gregory nodded in agreement.

"And loyal to you," he added. "Very well. As for the Hellas games…I competed in them, there is no reason for my son not to as well."

While part of Duo felt triumphant about getting his way, another part of him knew that Gregory's warning about Trowa was a fair one.

Which meant that Duo had to find a way to get him back.

TBC