"This can't be happening." Dempsey muttered.
He shifted slightly against a sleeping Richtofen.
"This seriously cannot be happening again."
A mishap had come in the night. Sometime around 2am, a break-in was commenced at the Veteran's home. The burglars found the four zombie slayers and their son and stuffed them into a coat closet. This all had happened within a matter of seconds and no one could remember anything. Neither Richtofen nor Nikolai had felt themselves being kidnapped and because of that, the two were still asleep. Takeo had just awoken and attempted to move, but couldn't feel his arms.
Dempsey sighed as he was stuffed between his worse enemy, Edward Richtofen and his best friend, Takeo Masaki.
"What happened?" the Samurai wondered, attempting to raise a hand and scratch his head.
"Don't even bother trying, Tak. We're stuck," Tank said. "And somebody's out there bagging all of our stuff."
"We need to find a way out. And soon." Takeo muttered, trying to squeeze himself away from Nikolai who was hogging nearly all of the space and snoring extremely loud.
"Tell me about it. Sauerkraut and Vodka haven't stopped snoring since we've gotten in here. I woke up as soon as the door shut." the American whispered, attempting to lean away from the Nazi's sleepy, slurred, German gibberish.
"Oh, ja... Show me more..." the Doctor smiled in his sleep, leaning his head against the wall to his right.
"And Richtofen's been doing nothing but talking in his sleep this whole time." Dempsey growled, severely tempted to smack the Nazi to his right.
"Daddy?" Milz called in from the dark, his yellow eyes breaking the blackness.
"Yes?" Dempsey and Takeo called back in unison.
"Are we gonna get out soon?" the zombie questioned, leaning against the door. He had room to move, but his fathers were stuck against the wall.
"I hope so. I'm sick of Ed's annoying talking." Tank replied.
"Zhat's so gut... bleed for me. Bleed everyvhere... Show me your arteries, your lungs, your heart!" the man sighed blissfully, before silencing again.
"Where is Nikolai?"
"About time you woke up, Nik. We're in a coat closet." the blond sighed.
"Is just like dark closet with nice lady, sobering and puking Takeo." the Russian remembered, earning himself a sideways glare by the Japanese for the last part.
"Please, don't remind me." Dempsey whined as Richtofen began to talk again.
"Good little zombies... eat everyone... everyzhing..." he muttered. "Here, eat Dempsey."
The last straw. The Marine jerked himself over towards the sleeping German and fed him a painful head-butt. He woke up with a yelp and growled angrily from having to have been awaken from such a lovely dream.
"We're in another fucking closet! Get us out of here like last time!" Tank yelled.
Milz stiffened up and listened as the shuffling from beyond the closet door stopped. Silence passed and eventually, the shuffling continued. The German yawned and leaned his head back against the wall to his right.
"I've known ve vere in here zhe whole time." Richtofen admitted, closing his eyes.
"What?!" the other three wailed in unison.
Edward's snicker could be heard in the dark.
"Why haven't you done anything, you dishonorable man?" Takeo questioned.
"Nikolai is in need of late night vodka!" the Soviet whispered in anguish.
"Vake me up in 10 minutes." the Doctor yawned. "Ve'll discuss an escape plan zhen."
"No, we're talking now!" Tank snarled, sending the man another head-butt. "Nobody's stealing my Xbox One and walking off to see another day!"
"If only... I could reach my scalpel..." Richtofen grumbled. "Fine zhen. I have an idea, but you all must be villing to listen to me like last time. But zhen again, I vouldn't have a problem if you all rotted avay."
"Just tell us the damn plan!" Dempsey squirmed, trying to get his arms free so that he could choke the Nazi.
And so he did, with a couple of insane insults in the middle. None of his plans seemed as if they were gonna work, as none of them could move their arms to touch the closet door knob and Milz was too short to reach it. There was no teleporter to leave through and ramming the door down was clearly out of the question. Soon, the four gave up and thought for a couple minutes. They listened beyond the doors as trash bags were opened and more things were threw into them. Milz was terrified that they'd gotten a hold on his Teddy.
"Oh god. Really?!" The blond whined.
"Vhat a vunderbar smell." the German whispered sarcastically. "Gut job, Nikolai!"
"How'd you know it was me?!" the Russian responded from the other side of the closet.
"I have mein reasons..."
"We must exit quickly if we are to live!" Takeo blurted, his nose unable to take the horrible smell that Nikolai just spurted from his rear end.
"Ya know, zhere are a couple of tunnels leading to my room behind zhe vall paper." Edward wondered, looking towards the cieling.
"Why didn't you say that before?!" his three roommates responded.
"I vanted us to bond! But, not zhe vay zhat Nikolai zhought ve should." the Nazi admitted.
"I couldn't hold it." Nikolai muttered.
"Let's get through these tunnels and show these assholes whose boss." the American growled. "But two of us is gonna have to stay here with Milz."
"Ve could pull straws."
"No, not again! Nikolai always loses!" the drunk squirmed.
"How are we gonna pull straws if we can't move our hands?" the Japanese questioned.
"Psst! Milly!" Edward called towards the bright yellow dots of the dark.
"Hai?" the baby replied in Japanese.
"Can you reach into Daddy's pocket and get zhe straws for him?"
"Um..." Milz muttered, looking around in the dark. He could see perfectly, but everything was highlighted yellow.
Dempsey let out a small snicker, which then turned into an all-out laugh.
"Not my pocket, kid! His!" he laughed.
"Dear me!" the Doctor gasped. "I didn't know you vere ticklish!"
"Don't get any ideas." Tank snapped.
The zombified toddler reached into Richtofen's left pajama pocket and found the four straws. He then pulled them for the four.
"German daddy gets longest straw." he announced.
"You rig these SO hard." the Marine pointed out in the dark.
"Nein, I'm just lucky." the Doctor dismissed.
"Nikky gets shortest straw." Milz said, earning a groan from Nikolai. "Chichi gets short straw."
"Who's Chichi?" Dempsey questioned.
"Me." Takeo said, realizing that he was stuck to go through the tunnels with Nikolai.
"That means that I'm stuck with Richtofen?!" the American whined.
"Zhis is going to be fun..." the German smirked.
After tons of shuffling, squirming and cursing, the men were able to get their arms free and move to different corners of the closet. Takeo peeled the wallpaper back and a questioned popped into his head.
"How did these get here?"
"You'd be surprised vhat boredom can do to you." Edward spoke out, then peeked over at Dempsey who was stuck in a corner with him.
"Please hurry up and leave so I can stop feeling his hot breath all over my neck." the blond snarled.
"It's not too bad." the Doctor said, attempting to lighten the mood. "In fact, zhere should be a light switch somevhere. If I'm not mistaken, it should be right about... here."
The Marine stiffened up.
"Let go! That's not a light switch and you did that on purpose, you fuck!"
Richtofen laughed perversely into the darkness as Takeo and Nikolai took their leave. The two sat down and Milz laid down near the door with a yawn.
"Now I have time to kick your ass." Dempsey threatened, his eyes fully adjusted to the dark now.
"Let me remind you..." the Nazi began, pulling a scalpel from his pocket. "I haven't taken my pills in 8 hours."